Last Day

Thank you all so much for your reviews! It totally makes me want to crank out more chapters! I know, my chapters can be short, it's a habit I'm trying to break. I just feel like I ramble otherwise. This chapter won't be too long because I wanted to get something posted and have a lot of work coming up and not sure how soon my next one comes out. Hopefully soon, and longer. Also, I have an idea for what's in store, and just as a teaser to keep you all interested, I have part of a lemon already written that will be coming up SOON. And Possession is an excellent fanfic, definitely one of my favorites! You all should read it if you haven't already. Wheezambu, if you're reading this, you rock my microfiber socks off! ;) Also, I'm going to begin experimenting with points of view in several ways so be warned. It's all got a purpose in my head and with symbolism later on and hopefully it's not confusing, and it's not just me using poor use of grammar. hehe

Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profit off of writing this. My only profit is the wonderful mind candy of the reviews people so graciously give!

***

“Kagome, are you alright?”

I turn towards my best friend, my sister, as she places her hand on my shoulder as we walk through the forest. After breakfast we had begun our journey once more, and as the sun swelters and our walk grows longer, I continue to push myself. I grow tired so easily anymore, but my determination makes up for it. I smile at her, trying to reassure her that I’m not the weak link. “I’m fine, Sango. I’m just tired.”

“As fatigued as you have been the past few weeks, my dear Kagome, one might believe you are with child,” Miroku teased. His smile grew and his eyes twinkled mischievously as Inuyasha visibly stiffened in front of us and unable to help himself, the monk grasps my hands within his own in a very Kouga-esque motion. “As inappropriate as its timing is, I must admit that I am most thrilled that you have finally consented to bear my child.”

The prod had its desired effects and Inuyasha twirled around, his eyes flashing in anger and…fear? A swirl of red is all I see as Inuyasha pushes himself between the two of us as if defending my honor. “She’s not fucking pregnant! You didn’t lay a hand on her, and you’d better not think about it or you won’t have to worry about Sango getting to you!”

I clutch at his haori, my hands holding onto his arms and he visibly calms and lightly leans into my near-embrace. Resting my cheek against his back has two effects: I can hear his heart quicken while his muscles visibly stiffen at the contact. Miroku regularly baits him in an attempt to force the hanyou into admitting his true feelings. But pushing one so stubborn only makes him angry and resentful of being mocked. My body begins to shake in laughter as I clutch to his back, knowing our companions are trying to hide their own laughter at the look Inuyasha undoubtedly is throwing at them. With a “keh” he steps out of my reach, but not without giving one last glance at me, our eyes locking as he lightly touches his arm where I had been grasping, a light smile in the corner of his lips. “We’ll make camp here for the night.”

Silently I watch as he begins to gather wood for a fire. He knows I am watching and glances up at me as he bends over for another log, his bangs casting shadows across his tan face as he searches my eyes. I wonder if Kikyo, despite her cold clay body, could feel the heat in his eyes when she looked upon him. Perhaps that was why she had been so desperate to keep his affections forever hers. Inuyasha never spoke of her anymore, and we never brought her up. After she disappeared into Naraku’s miasma and Inuyasha ran off to find her only to realize it was me Naraku sought, he had vowed never to leave my side again. And he hadn’t. Even with the occasional word of an undead miko in our travels, he never blinked. He simply walked ahead. His eyes at those times say it all “Never again.”

Unnecessarily concentrating on the arrangement of logs as he stacks them against one another, I bend beside him, our hands brushing as I help. Purposely I run my fingers along his hand before I grasp it within mine, our fingers interlocking. Surprised, his eyes dart up to mine and at that moment all that matters is that he doesn’t pull away.

We’re studying one another, testing one another and we both know it. His intensity startles me and I know Miroku’s words still plague his mind. This time my mouth is too dry to swallow. At times when confronted by the thought of me with another he retreats into himself, and other times he becomes bold. I wonder if he’ll ever become bold enough to be the one to reach for me first, if he’ll ever decide to capture the mouth he seems so interested in watching. Even now his amber eyes drift down to my lips. His breathing is becoming unsteady, little pants that whisper and caress my face as I lean closer to him, my dark eyes drooping as I watch him through lowered lashes. His hand tightens around mine as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, debating what to do, his eyes searching mine with an almost frightening desperation. How I’ve longed to tug on that sultry lip with my teeth as I explore his mouth. With his free hand he timidly reaches up to push his fingers past my ear and settle his palm on the back of my neck. ‘Please kiss me,’ I silently beg and my heart seems to slow in anticipation though it still pounds almost painfully within my breast.

Instead of his warmth upon my skin, there is the coolness of sudden air as his touch leaves me and he stands. I cannot blame him for his uncertainty, I never do, but as I stare up at him with longing evident in my eyes, I also know no one can hurt me as much as he can. Without needing words, he knows. He knows my heart belongs to him alone, though at times he needs reassurance of the matter. Never has he claimed me, never has he confessed if he loves me, and the yearning for him to do so is as painful as any battle wound.

My head drops to the fire as he quickly walks away into the woods. My vision blurs as I fight the moist warmth gathering in their corners. Sometimes I wonder what frightens him more…the love I feel for him, or the love he feels for me.

I know my friends surround me, I can feel their presence. Ever are they concerned with my fragile emotional well-being and it only serves to remind me once more how weak I have always been. What would they do if they knew of my newest limitation, my weak human flaw? Send me to the village? Spend so much time worrying over my health during a battle that they get themselves injured? They need me to find the jewel and I won’t be their distraction. I will be stronger for that, for them, like they have always been for me. Lightly I rub my chest as if it will relieve the pressure I feel building. Closing my eyes, I take a steadying breath before smiling up at them. “I’ll get the ramen,” I say brightly, knowing it doesn’t fool them. But for now it’ll be Inuyasha on their thoughts and not my constant exhaustion, my “cold.” It’s a welcome miracle with Shippou begins to beg for pocky and sweets, his childish grin chasing away the dark thoughts plaguing my mind.

***Inuyasha's POV***

I ran from her. I can face any demon with effortless fear, but one longing look from her shining brown eyes sends me running like a coward. And I am terrified, terrified that I won’t be able to control myself, that I’ll lose myself in the passionate thoughts which have consumed me for nearly two and a half years. Kagome, don’t you realize how much I love you? Do you have to look at me with such pain reflecting in those gorgeous eyes when I can’t handle it any longer?

Without regret I would die for her. Without a thought I need her like air. And with full honesty, it terrifies me. If she left me or rejected me I don’t know what I would do. It’s better not to know, not to take the chance, isn’t it?

Yet I know she loves me and it only makes it harder. As much as she protests it, she deserves much better than a pathetic hanyou. Even if she doesn’t view me as one, the world does. I have nothing to offer her. A tree near a broken well, a reminder of how my weakness against Naraku took her forever from her family. With a growl the tree I have been clutching to snaps within my grasp, chunks of it clattering to the forest floor to decay. Her family would never even know that she was safe, that I’ll protect her from this world and everything within it.

I miss them. I would sit with her mother for hours while Kagome was at school, discussing what life was like growing up as a halfbreed, what my mother smelled like, even her death. She had died of heartbreak, unable to withstand the separation from her mate and unable to bear the burden of watching her son’s torment. I don’t blame her, I never have. Until Kagome came into my life I wanted nothing more than to die along with her; to finally end it all. All I wanted was to forget, to lose my memories and the humanity that plagued me with painful emotions and weakness. In Kagome’s world, I once again had a mother who loved me, who never thought I wasn’t good enough. Then there was Souta, a brother who had idolized me instead of trying to kill me, who would run around the house imitating my attacks and laughing as I learned how to play his video games. I even miss that old demented bastard, and he on numerous occasions tried to purify me with his ridiculous sutras. If this is how I feel, how must Kagome feel?

And that also worries me. She never cried, she never yelled. And now she acts as if it had never happened, as if I had nothing to be ashamed of. Lately she has been distant, staring off into space. And her scent has changed, though only subtly. She thinks I don’t notice how she lags behind the group, how even simple walks have begun to wear her down. But she won’t confide in me, and there’s nothing I can do to help her. And amidst all my conflicted feelings, that thought terrifies me the most. What if something is wrong and there’s nothing I can do to save her?

When had my vow to protect her become so all-consuming? When had I ceased to be Inuyasha and my life become so entangled within hers that I am no longer a separate entity? I’m Kagome’s, and I have been for years. Even my idiot half-brother knows she is my strength, the reason I fight. I would do anything for her. And I know deep within my soul that if anything should happen to her, I would die. I can’t exist without her. I’m nothing.

Night has fallen as I return to camp, my ears pricked and listening for any intruders. I pause at the edge of camp as Kagome’s voice drifts to my ears and I crouch behind the shrubs, my golden eyes peering as her lithe form as it stretches over top of her sleeping bag. Her skirt falls to her waist as she bends one leg to prop it lazily across a log and my eyes slowly travel her figure, my throat growing dry. Those little skirts have always driven me mad and I bet all the ramen in the world that she knows it.

“I can’t do that Miroku. Even if he won’t show his emotions, I know he cares about me. To force him to admit it would be wrong, how can I trust it’s honest if done in such a way?” I feel my one eyebrow rise at her comment. Who the hell were they talking about?

“You already know he cares about you, Kagome,” Sango intercedes from her own perch across Kirara. “He’s just being stubborn, and an ultimatum would be exactly what he needs to pull his arrogant head out of his ass.”

Arrogant? Stubborn? They better not try to convince Kagome to give in to Koga! That fucking mangy wolf has been after her for years. I’ll fucking kill him. I’ll kill him if he ever tries to steal her away from me.

“I love him, and part of me loves him because he’s so stubborn and pig-headed.” She holds up her slender arms as if to stave off further commentary by her friends. “Don’t get me wrong, I want him to come to me, but of his own will not because he feels forced.”

My chest tightens painfully and I feel as if the world has disappeared beneath my feet. It’s like Kikyo sucking me into Hell all over again, only this time it was Kagome who brings me to my knees. Slowly I sink to the ground, desolate, feeling broken. After all these years, how can she love Koga? Suddenly it’s like everything has changed. I thought it was me she loved, her eyes have always said so. But perhaps I waited too long, perhaps I hid my feelings for her too well and she gave up on me. Now she will move on to someone who isn’t a halfbreed, to someone who will care for her and give her whatever her heart desires. I should be happy, shouldn’t I? Yet I can’t shake the bile rising in my throat and I shakily stumble to my feet before my legs begin to pump. I run, I run from the clearing, I run from the voices, I run from her.

***

“I have to admit it’s admirable how loyal you remain to Inuyasha,” Miroku chuckles as he settles himself conspicuously closer to Sango’s prostate from. With a warning glare, he shrinks back, but only slightly. In another minute he’ll slowly try to scoot closer to her once again. He does it every night, and tonight particularly it makes me smile.

I’ve never known how to explain my love for Inuyasha. Even now as I attempt to, it seems odd and I know it doesn’t do the emotion justice. Words simply can’t explain feeling. “I know he’s confused. For so long he loved Kikyo with all his heart. As resentful as I was at times, I could never hold it against him. If he just gave up on her so easily I don’t think I would have looked at him the same. He’s loyal and he would sacrifice everything for those he cares about.” My eyes settle on the stars twinkling above the tree tops, watching as the smoke from our fire twirl about the air before it disappears into the sky. “I want him happy, even then. I would have let him go to Kikyo and leave me forever if I knew it was what he really wanted. It would have broken my heart, but I would have let him go.”

Sango turns to stare at me, thoughtful contemplation screwing up her feminine features. “What about now?”

It’s a question I don’t want to think about. It only makes the future that more real, and the future is something I have been desperately trying to forget. After all, I have to give him up, don’t I? Death doesn’t leave any options. “What if…something happens?” I gently approach the subject, my eyes flickering to their faces to gauge their reactions. My hand reflexively rests atop a slumbering Shippou, my fingers brushing through his soft, unruly hair. “This has always been a dangerous world. Any moment…” I don’t need to finish, they know my meaning. Any moment any one of us could die. “Do you think it’s better never to know how someone feels about you, or would you want to know even if they’re taken from you afterwards?”

My question startles them both. They aren’t used to me thinking so pessimistically. “Kagome, we will always protect you,” Sango protests vehemently.

I raise my hand dismissively. “Sango, sometimes things happen and it’s no one’s fault. I’m just saying ‘what if’ not that it’s happening tomorrow.” Though it very well may.

As my eyes travel once more to the sky, I hear the crinkle of leaves as Miroku slowly moves over to me. With perfect seriousness, he takes my hands in his own. “I would rather know I had love, even if it is only a short while, than to wonder my entire life at what might have been. It might seem an overused sentiment but that is only because of its truth.”

Slowly my eyes slide to his, tears glistening in their corners. But I will not cry, not for myself…never for myself. I don’t answer him, but the look in my eyes is enough. He smiles at my gratitude and pats my head like a caring brother before returning to his own sleeping bag. Yet again I know my sleep will be restless and I glance at the trees for any sign of Inuyasha. But there is no telltale red, no characteristic grunt as he pretends to ignore our conversations. Odd…he is always there by the time we sleep. The last time he left camp at night for so long was when Kikyo was around. I swallow the lump that suddenly forms in my throat as I turn onto my side in an attempt to get comfortable. The only night I have slept peacefully in months was last night in Inuyasha’s arms. I want to think it strange, but I know in my heart it’s not. It’s the only thing that has ever been right.

***

The morning was tense, unnecessarily so. Inuyasha didn’t make his appearance until camp had been torn down and breakfast eaten. Even then, he has avoided me at every turn. His golden eyes don’t even glance in my direction, no clever quip about my overburdened backpack as I heft it on my shoulder. I frown and I know my feelings are obvious. Surely holding my hand yesterday wasn’t that horrible? I thought…. Rubbing my hands over my tired eyes does little to make me feel better. As predicted, my sleep was agitated at best and painful at worst. But it doesn’t matter and we’re on our journey again.

Now my attention solely rests on the ground before me and I count the twigs we pass to occupy my mind from other thoughts. 73….74…. What could possibly be making Inuyasha act this way? He hasn’t been this distant since last he had snuck away with Kikyo in the night and his guilt made him unable to look at me…but that had been over two years ago. 87…88, or was that 89? My sigh nearly rumbles as it turns into a frustrated growl. I can’t even count. I fill my air with lungs in a deep breath. Already I feel the wear of the day and we’ve only been walking a few hours.

Inuyasha stops in front of me and I plow into his back, having not noticed. He glances at me, a frown on his face before he kneels slightly before me. His message is clear: get on. I feel the thrill of excitement tightening my stomach. I haven’t ridden on Inuyasha’s back since the times my budding hormones first began to develop. At the time it was a double-edged sword…on one hand I needn’t worry about the effect his nearness would have on me, but on the other hand it was my favorite past-time, my excuse to hold him without worry he would pull away. Sango hefts my backpack onto her shoulder with ease while I climb onto Inuyasha’s sturdy back, and easily he lifts me, his hands clasped behind my knees and my arms around his neck as he begins to walk once more.

The light jostling doesn’t lull me into sleep as I had thought it might. Rather it makes me more aware of my surroundings than before, my surroundings being the hanyou. Each step rubs my core against him and I stifle a moan at the steady pressure. Biting my lip I decide to become daring, after all, I have waited three years and might not have another. Slowly I rub my center against his back, just once. I know he can smell my arousal and at the action he stops, his breath hitching in his throat. Glancing over his shoulder, I see him swallow with difficulty as he begins to walk again and I clutch him harder, my thighs tight about his waist.

His hands are tight on my legs and it’s not only my imagination that I feel them sliding up my thighs, movements so slow I would feel as if I imagined them if not for the pleasure ricocheting within my stomach. His hands knead the delicate flesh, his eyes straight ahead on our companions’ figures as they walk before us, chatting away. My breathing is unsteady, nervous, as his hands slowly work against the soft skin, a gentle and hesitating caress. Lightly a finger runs across the lace of my panties between us and I bury my face into his neck as I gasp silently at the spasm it sends through me. The bundle of nerves there are painfully aware and it’s a feeling I wouldn’t trade at the moment for all the jewel shards in Japan.

My hand reaches up to tangle in his silken silver mane, brushing back past his shoulder to reveal his neck. My face rests in that hollow, my breaths lightly panting against his skin. This close I can hear his own unsteady breathing and at my reaction his hands reflexively tighten on my thighs. One hand slides once more just a bit higher and those glorious fingers evenly rub against those nerves once more, this time not just the barest of contacts. He can feel my arousal as well now, the wetness of it evident as it moistens the thin material. His breathing is becoming more labored now, and I feel his trembling mixing with that of my own body. Boldly a claw reaches beneath the barrier and flicks across my core, feeling the heat and desire without something in his way and this time I cannot stifle the moan as it gasps from my lips.

“Kagome, are you alright?” Sango asks stopping and turning to face us. Red-faced I nod quickly and with an odd look, they continue. Inuyasha’s hands now clutch behind my knees and I would think it all a dream…except for how tightly he holds me against him now. My first real genuine smiles softly tugs at my lips and I bury my face in his neck, my arms still draping across his shoulders as I allow my eyes to drift shut.

***
In 23 hours
They'll be
Laying flowers
On my life
It's over tonight
I'm not messing
No, I need your blessing
And your promise
To live free
Please do it for me