A Blind Heart

Authors Note:

First let me apologize for dropping off the face of the earth. Well to be honest the creativity just wasn’t flowing. I felt it better to place the story on hiatus than to type up some fluff that didn’t do a damn thing for the story line. So for those of you who waited patiently, thanks!

Also my beta is on vacation so this chapter is posted without the benefit of her awesome editing!

~oOo~

His side:

I sat there looking up at the stars…much has happened to our pack since we began our training. InuYasha and I have grown close, or as close as we will ever be. Gone is the resentment and bitterness towards each other. Some of that is due to the influence of his mate; the other part was his relationship with the pack. Dare I say that even his bonding with father has changed him for the better? Maybe because he finally found his place in this world he no longer had to fight over every little thing.

I for one will acknowledge that my Kagome has made me a better Taiyoukai, a loving mate and a happy pack mate. This journey that we all undertook served not only to train us as the defenders of Earth but it also put us on the road to self-knowledge. Oh to be sure each of us knew ourselves, yet as with all creatures there are always hidden wells to be plumbed.

For instance, who knew that my brother had a tender side? Who would have said that my miko had a temper to rival the heat and fury of Mt. Fuji when it exploded? Did anyone predict that the young fool Koga would be so busy trying to keep his mate happy he forget to be loud and cocky?

Yes a lot has changed in this past year. We have learned several new fighting techniques and styles. We have mastered all sorts of magical skills and spells designed to take down our enemy. So imaging our surprise when we found out the purpose of the “Spell of Longing” the spell that precipitated all this, the spell that we had almost completely forgotten about! To be fair much has happened since it was originally cast….

Flashback….

Ryûjin the Dragon Kami was lecturing us today on spells and magic. “Today we will begin our discussion with the Spell of Longing. It is my understanding that the original taichi and Sesshoumaru were all victims of it. This spell is insidiuos and pervasive due to its very nature. Subtle as a caress it builds upon wants and desires that were already present in it’s victim. It can be likened to an assassins dagger deep in the night, hard to detect and harder to defend yourself from”.

At this point Miroku spoke up. “But Sensei Ryûjin the spell did not cause a lot of damage. From your tone it would seem that this is a major spell yet we all escaped virtually unscathed” his facial expression baffled.

Ryûjin face looked astonished and amused “Ah you think so young one? I want you all to gather around the scrying mirror, witness and feel what Naraku’s true intentions were….”

As before we witnessed the evil hanyou and the dark miko casting their spell. This time there was no interference from the Kami’s. I watched in horror as Inu Yasha mated with Kikyo, and how the betrayal of her love drove my Kagome to kill the undead Miko. Her cerulean eyes were normally full of happiness now they were just dead. This last defection had killed something inside her. Determination lined her face as she stood. If she could not have the Hanyou’s love then neither could Kikyo. She readied her bow and shot her through the heart. As she slowly turned to dust Inu Yasha in his grief over his mate mortally wounded Kagome.

Kagome looked up at her murderer with love and sorrow filled eyes. She knew that it was his Inu nature that caused him to strike out at her. Yet with her dying breath the only thing she could think about was a wish that he would hold her in his arms as she passed into the next world. As her blood flowed so did Inu Yasha’s tears. He had lost much this day, his mate and the sister of his heart. In his horror and despair he did not bother to fight his youkai for possession of his body. So began his downward spiral into madness.

Koga, having smelled the blood of the one he loved dearly came to investigate. Upon seeing his love lying there mortally wounded he snapped. His world had been torn asunder and he would punish the one responsible. Koga fought with the might of the wronged and betrayed, yet in the end he was no match for Inu Yasha who by this time had fully lost himself to the rages of his demon side. As the ookami drew his last few breaths he tried to crawl to Kagome, determined to be with her in death as he could not be there in life.

It was into this macabre scene that the lovebirds Sango and Miroku stumbled upon. Horrified by the carnage they did not notice that their friend was no longer there. In his stead was a blood-crazed killer who did not distinguish friend from foe. Also to join this already tragic play was the Princess Ayame looking for her mate to be. Her first appalled gasp at seeing the male she loved holding the onna Kagome in his arms, as he lay there dying was also her last. Inu Yasha cut her down with no forewarning or remorse. It was at this point that it truly dawned on the demon slayer and the monk that they would have to fight their friend and that it would indeed be a fight to the death.

Although they fought with great valor and for the honor of their fallen friends they too remained no match for Inu Yasha. And so with great reluctance the monk opened up his wind tunnel, only to find out to his horror that this was the day it would consume him. Screaming to his love to run away, he fell to his knees. So many things were left unsaid, too many futures cut short.

It was just as his life was extinguished that the monk realized that his love had not fled. Determined not to survive and have to mourn the loss of her new family she succumbed to wind tunnel. Kirara her loyal companion decided that she could bear no other mistress and today, this moment would be her time to go. It was just as the final implosion occurred that our Sensei stopped the mirror. Dear Kami! I who never felt fear in that instant had such a coldness leaching over me. Seconds, moments just an increment of time was the difference between now and what could have happened.

Sensei Ryûjin looked at us all, “do you see NOW why this spell is one of the worst spells that a dark miko can cast? It takes the darkness inside you and brings it to life. Driven mad by your deepest longings and desires an individual can lose all sense of self. Did not the normally gentle and loving Kagome decide that she would rather kill her rival for Inu Yasha’s affections rather than let them live in peace? Let us also recollect the tragic demise of Koga and Ayame who death served no purpose to anyone other than Naraku. Last but not least the demon slayer and the monk who hearts and spirits were crushed by the actions of their friend.

Gakuto, never underestimate the power of even the tiniest of spells. Even a tiny grain of sand if placed in the wrong spot can change the course of a life. Sometimes it is that which seems the most harmless is what can strike an individual down before they have had time to mount an attack…we will now study the counter curse for this spell…”

But horrified by the future that we had narrowly and unknowingly escaped Kagome took off at a run. Sango too was overwrought by the thought of another loss. Kikyo looked numb as if she could not bear to feel. Ayame was slowly backing away, although she had his love the pain of being turned down for Kagome was still fresh enough in her mind that it hurt.

We males just stood there looking at the scrying glass and then each other. “It would seem that we have all underestimated Naraku’s skills at machinations and manipulations. Sensei I would like to thank you for showing us this future. We had grown complacent and sure of our skills. This was a reminder that we must be ever vigilant if we hope to successfully defend Earth. Yasha go talk to your mate, she cannot be allowed to shut off her emotions. Miroku, comfort your mate and remind her that all of her pack is here and that in the future she will have her gutei back. Koga go reassure your mate of your affections to her. Remind her that although you were a baka that she completes you now and you are joined forever, in this life and the next. I must go and offer my mate a shoulder to cry on”.

With that I took off to find my mate. It made me crazy, me the Taiyoukai know for his control of his feelings just crazy to feel my mate in distress. I could feel the waves of despair and anger coming off of her. Add to that the deep abiding sadness she felt and well you get the point. I found her under a Sakura tree staring off into nothingness. I stood there by the base of the tree tongue-tied wondering what is the right thing to say in a situation like this. I was startled when she spoke.

“There but for the grace of Kami was our fate. I would have never known how it felt to be your mate. Inu Yasha would never feel the peace of being loved and accepted. Sango and Miroku would have never finished their courtship dance. Ayame and Koga would have never found their hearts desire, and for what? It was all for a vile hanyou with delusions of grandeur wanting to rule the world, a man once known as Onigumo”.

“Yes, it could have turned out like that my kitten, but take heart in knowing that it did not. Yes the Kami’s interfered, but I believe that he failed for a far greater reason. Naraku underestimated the power of love. He did not think that this Sesshoumaru had a part to play in his tragic tale of woes. He did not factor into his equations that the feelings that I felt for left no room for doubt or disloyalties. He could not predict that the love you felt for Inu Yasha was so strong that even in the face of defeat you as his friend took joy in his happiness. Nor could the vile hanyou predict that the Slayer and the Monk had longed danced around each other and that taking that last step would make them stronger not weaker.

All he knows is lies and despair, so how could he understand feeling of love and happiness? He is a male who is utterly alone. Even with all his creations he stands alone. No one can love the monstrosity that he has created. That my love is the true tragedy of Naraku the hanyou a one hundred demons. Had Onigumo really loved Kikyo then he would have wanted her happiness. Instead he determined if he could not have then no one would. Mourn not for a incident that did not come to pass. Instead rejoice with the knowledge that from the beginning we were able to escape his trap and will now be the instruments of his destruction”.

And while this by no means took away all of her grief it lightened her load. “Come we must return to Sensei, our lesson is by no means over”.

End flashback

Yes it has been a long journey. From the trials that we were initially subjected to, to the lessons of our dominant element it had been a long and convoluted ride. We had learned to control the very elements; we had studied for ours various fighting and warring disciplines. Then add sword and other weapon techniques and well you got the picture. Each of us was an accomplished and deadly warrior, whose powers were unparalleled by any on earth.

I, for one will admit that I loved when we had to stage mock battles. Sparring with my otousan and my brother was invigorating. The unbridled joy I felt in pitting myself against opponents who would give no quarter was unmatched by any other such recollection of this Sesshoumaru. It was not about besting either of them; indeed it was about knowing that in that moment my fighting was at its purest. No hate to cloud the judgment, no envy to slow my strokes, no fear to imbalance my stance. Instead there was happiness that provided clear and concise decisions, admiration that hastened my strokes and exhilaration that sharpened my form. If there was a winner I do not remember, instead I lose myself to the memory of the fight itself.

Did I mention that I also had to spar with my mate? Kami she looked like a vindictive goddess, her body shod in armor and sword blazing. What my mate lacked in strength she made up for in speed and determination. There were some obvious flaws in her fighting that we corrected. I did not expect my gentle Miko to enjoy swordplay and yet she did with an abandon that I would have never predicted. Fierce and beautiful, she was like an iron fist in a silk glove. To underestimate her would be at your peril.

This Sesshoumaru also forgot to tell you about the time they all decided to gang up on me. Feh as if! The Great Daiyoukai trained me in every type of battle scenario known to youkai. Ten on one was not a hardship. Or so I thought. Never before did I extend myself as I did that day. Inu Yasha and Kikyo moved like a synchronized shadows of each other. Miroku and Sango moved as if each was merely an extension of the other with one finishing the other’s attack. Midoriko and Sen moved like polar opposites with each move complementing the other. As for Kagome and my otousan, well they moved like a well-choreographed dance. Weaving in and out of striking distance to draw blood before moving away. Koga and Ayame battled using a tsuiwonasu technique known to the ookami clan, each an opposite mirror of the other.

Parrying, moving and fighting with all my will I grew tired. However I would not be defeated not like this. The first to fall were Midoriko and Sen, followed shortly by Koga and Ayame. Eyes narrowed I contemplated my next move. I had to get my mate and otousan out of the fight next. It is hard to fight against one who has taught you almost everything you know. Notice I said almost, unlike most others I continued to learn after his death. I was never satisfied with my level of knowledge; so fierce was my quest for ultimate power. After my mate and father fell I concentrated on the remaining four. Inu Yasha and the demon slayer were the real threats here. Of the four they had the most experience in fighting and had the will to match their skill.

Quickly reviewing and dismissing many different tactics I finally settled on one. This move would either win me the fight or cost me it. But at this point in a battle that had dragged for hours it was necessary. I readied myself into the proper stance. This move was not so much about power as it was about timing. In the art of war timing counts for just as much as skill. My moment was now. Waiting as they all four rushed me in their zeal to end the match I waited until the last possible second to dodge their attack. Indeed it cost me a few strands of hair that day. It did however win the fight…

I also enjoyed the casting of spells…. although I will admit to hating it when my mate made me into a puppy. The others found it hysterical. I did not pout or get angry oh no dear Kami I got even. I turned her into a kitten and proceeded to chase her around till she got stuck in a tree. And just like any cat that got corned she introduced me to her claws. It was a weird form of foreplay. I will not go into details about what I did when I got my mate later that evening, but suffice to say I reminded her whose bitch she was.

As I sit here contemplating the future I cannot help feeling that some greater force that those we have met is deciding our destiny. I can only at this point pray to Kami for fate to be merciful and for all of us to survive this ordeal….

~oOo~

Her side:

I sat there looking up at the stars and wondered for the umpteenth time about the future. Soon our last days of training here in the heavens would come to an end. In next to no time our campaign against the ultimate evil would start. We were prepared as we could be. Eight levels of training, learning, absorbing knowledge all came down to the final battle.

Along the way the group has had its ups and downs. There was the fight between Yasha and Taisho for dominance of the pack. But it pales in comparison to the reuniting of Yasha with Izayoi. Yes he was on tentatively good terms with his otousan and aniki, but his heart held room for three important women. How do I know this? He told me one night after seeing his mother; it was a night for strange truths. His first love was his mother, a sad but loving woman who protected and loved him. His second love was Kikyo the Shikon Miko whom he lost to death. His third and most important love was I, Kagome. The women who taught him that it is all right to be a hanyou. A woman whose friendship and devotion never wavered in all the years we knew each other.

Yasha said that before me, he didn’t think he deserved to be loved. That maybe he hadn’t been a good enough son and that’s why his okaasan died. He felt that maybe if he trusted Kikyo enough their love would not have had a tragic ending. But I stood by him even when he hurt me. My belief in him helped him grow stronger. In that moment when he confessed to me that I truly was the sister of his heart, I cried. Tears of joy that the one I loved finally found peace and could talk about such things. I thought of all he said as I remembered his reunion with his mother.

Flashback

We had arrived at the gate of Heaven. Here we would each be allowed to speak to one dead person from our lives. Yasha of course chose his mother Izayoi, Maru picked his mother, Sango her father, Miroku his father, Koga his grandsire, Ayame her mother and me? Well I of course wanted to see my otousan. We were led to a bridge and told to make our selves comfortable, but were warned not to under any circumstances cross the bridge. This was the famous Watarima Kassatsujizai, on the other side it led to the Umarekawari Kairou. If you fell off the bridge into the water you would be carried straight down to Abijigoku, failure to cross the bridge meant your soul was not worthy of Tenchi.

So we waited with patience and excitement. First to cross the bridge was Michiru, the look on Maru’s face was priceless. Such tenderness on a face that was normally void of emotion. I stood back not wanting to interfere with their first few moments together. I wished feverishly that I could draw so that I could capture these moments with our loved ones. These were moments that we would never experience again, so you can imagine my surprise when a tiny musubinokami popped in with a scrolls and ink in a sack he held in his right hand.

“Konichiwa, don’t mind me oh my name is Ichigei I am here to paint portrait of each you with your loved ones. Now where did my damn quills go?” And with that the little guy began to pat himself down with his left hand. I politely cleared my throat and told him there were in his right hand. “Yes, Yes I knew that!” he pouted “no consideration for their elders these days.” Elder? He looked like he was about 10 years old. Not that I would say it out loud.

I turned back to Maru and his mother and saw that in my time of inattentiveness that Izayoi who looked radiant at being reunited with her son had joined us. Maru was talking to his mother in a low voice. Out of respect I did not attempt to listen to the conversation. I was just happy to see the affectionate reunion. As they walked off together he glanced up at me and I gave him a smile as well as a shooing motion for him to go and enjoy himself.

Izayoi in the meanwhile had not let go of her son. She looked over to Maru and his mother, her smile held happiness rather than bitterness. Inu Yasha looked, for the entire world like a small child whose entire happiness lay with the woman in his embrace. It was just too cute to see her play with his elf ears in amazement. I wondered if she missed his puppy dog-ears.

Takahiro who was Sango’s father held her tenderly as he looked upon his oldest child. I could make out the word Kohaku as she sobbed in his embrace. I hoped that he would help her release her grief and guilt over the fate of her brother. After all the blame lay at the feet of the vile hanyou Naraku. And we all knew he would feel no guilt over this fact, instead he would be filled with a wicked glee.

Noburo who was Miroku’s father was something to behold in his monk’s finery. It was amazing how a fully-grown man could look so childlike and peaceful as he embraced his otousan. And yet you could see where the monk got his mischievous streak from, his father had that same naughty twinkle in his eyes. Automatically I made a choice to be careful when greeting him later.

There was Daichi the grandsire of Koga who looked regal and commanding, in contrast to Koga who was often loud and brash as a youthful leader. Oi but it was funny to watch him smack his grandson in the back of the head! Seems he had been watching him for the last few years and did not appreciate him running out on his promise to Ayame. To see Koga sprawled on the ground looking like Yasha after one of my sits was very comical.

Kirei, Ayame’s mother was so graceful and beautiful she truly lived up to her name. You could see where Ayame got her looks from; indeed they looked more like sisters that mother and daughter. Green eyes meet green eyes as they looked deeply at each other. Unbridled joy and sadness rose up in me seeing them together. After all a girl no matter how old always need her mother. More so when embarking on a new phase of your life and you are unsure of yourself.

I wondered whom Kikyo would choose to see. To my surprise an elderly Miko came out from the mist of the bridge. Chiryo was the Miko who trained both Kikyo and Kaede. I knew without asking that Kikyo had considered her a mother figure, as a matter of fact she was the only one who raised the sisters never allowing them to be split up. A single mother in the Sengoku-Jidai period, truly a magnificent thing!

And last but not least my otousan Jiriki. I knew that face and yet it came as a complete shock to see him. It was like time had blurred the sharpness of his features, leaving me with a vague remembrance of him. The smell of his cologne, the feel of his arms as I sat in his lap, the sound of his voice and yet none of those things really added up to him.

So there we sat for a while each of reacquainting ourselves with our loved ones. Finally we all drifted into a large circle that we could speak. We found out what the dead did while they waited for a reincarnation. So it was a startling revelation to find out that Izayoi was waiting for Takemaru to join her in heaven before reincarnating. You can imagine how well this went over with the Taisho males. Just in case you didn’t guess not well at all! But hey you love whom you love and eventually everyone gets over it!

Michiru hinted how much she wanted grand-pups. Um hello recently mated!!!! Would like some time to just ourselves. Takahiro told Sango to not worry if she couldn’t save Kohaku, that he would be reunited with his family, and to make plenty of grandchildren for him to watch over. Noburo drew several Sutras’ for Miroku and told him to study them. Daichi gave Koga a jufu that had been in ookami tribe for eons. Kirei had no tokens or gifts to give us, but gave Ayame words of encouragement. Chiryo gave both Kikyo and I a new inori to bless our sacred arrows. And my father Jiriki offered a blessing.

You can imagine the heaviness in our hearts when it was time to leave. Eight adults and yet in that moment we clung to our loved ones like children when you think there is a bakemono in the closet. It was tearful, painful and yet the happiest thing that had happened to us so far. Reluctantly we withdrew from the bridge. Looking back, one last glance before they disappeared. The day of our return to Sengoku-Jidai was quickly approaching.

~oOo~

In an unknown realm:

Shimmering pictures of the group play on a clay wall background.

“It has begun, the wheels of fate are turning”
“Much hinges on their success.”

“All our hope lies with them.”

“May the Kami’s guide them, and may destiny and luck be their allies”

~oOo~

Glossary

Tsuiwonasu – twin
Gakuto – student
Gutei – younger brother
Otousan – father
Aniki – older brother
Okaasan – mother
Watarima Kassatsujizai – Loosely translated – Bridge of Life or Death
Umarekawari Kairou - Hallway of Reincarnation
Abijigoku - the Avici hell, the eighth and most painful of the eight hells in Buddhism
Tenchi – Heaven
Tenshi – angel
Musubinokami - Cupid
Ichigei – art or talent
Sengoku – Sengoku Jidai
Jufu – talisman or charm
Inori – prayer
Bakemono - monster