The Lucky Ones
Chapter Twenty-Nine
xmlns:st1="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"
xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40">
The Lucky Ones
By Terri Botta
Disclaimer: I don’t own
Inuyasha. Sole copyright belongs to Viz and Rumiko Takashi. I’m poor so don’t
sue.
Rating: R for later chapters.
Pairing: Inuyasha/Kagome,
Miroku/Sango
Summary: Sometimes Fate hands
you a gift you never thought you’d ever get, and it’s up to you to accept it
for what it is.
Feedback to:
tci100@psu.edu
Website: http://www.wordsmiths.net/Botta
*******
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The good
thing about winter was that it always ended. Eight weeks after the first cold
snap, the snow melted and the temperatures crept higher, opening the roads and
making life much more pleasant; especially for Inuyasha who had insisted that
Kaede spend the coldest of the winter nights with them in the den. By virtue of
it being underground, the den was alwaysteadteady 12° C with very little
variation. So even when the temperatures outside were below freezing, the
interior of the den was warm, and could be made very cozy and comfortable with
the addition of a small fire.
Inuyasha
had fretted over the old miko’s health and welfare in the cold, and he had
practically forced her to stay with them in the den at night. After the first
two nights of sleeping in the warmth and deceptive comfort of the underground
shelter, Kaede no longer argued when Inuyasha came to get her. The soft bed and
cozy space did wonders for easing the ache in her bones and joints, and
Inuyasha half expected her to ask for a den of her own.
With the
coming of Spring, Kagome saw the renewed restlessness come
to her beloved. It telegraphed itself into his impatience and wanderlust… and
other lusts. The normal bio-rhythms of the mating season hit her adult hanyou
like a sledgehammer and she bore the brunt of his raging libido. There were
days when he didn’t let her leave the den for anything other than a bathroom
break, and every time she thought he’d reached the peak of his sexual
endurance, he surprised her by proving her wrong. She only hoped that he would
calm down once the summer arrived, otherwise no shard hunts would ever be
completed because she’d be too tired to stand up let alone travel anywhere.
Other than
getting pounced on by an amorous hanyou what seemed like every five minutes,
but what was probably more like every few hours, her life was going well. Yukio
was seventeen months old and he had been with them for fifteen of those months.
He was talking even more and fully mobile now; able to run, climb and jump
which he did as much as possible- usually with one of them chasing after him
and screaming his name. He idolized his father and adored his mother, and
almost everyone was wrapped around his little clawed finger with few
exceptions. He had almost free run of the little village and could be seen
exercising his wandering, independent soul all around town, as was evidenced by
the number of times Inuyasha had had to pluck him off a hut roof or snatch him
away from a charging bull.
Both
parents were hard pressed to keep up with him, and Inuyasha actually ventured
to suggest leashing him or fitting him with his own set of prayer beads that
would transport him back to his mother instead of subduing him the way his
father’s binding beads did. He lasted on the leash all of half a day, and
Kagome was afraid to try the beads because she worried the transport spell
wouldn’t take obstacles into account, and accidentally slam her son into a hut
or tree or other solid object as it yanked him back to her.
The
of the leash or the binding beads, however, worked wonders to improve Yukio’s
behavior. The leash was a humiliation worse than a spanking and he would do
anything to avoid being tethered. Seeing his indignant rage and resentment at
being controlled, Kagome seriously considered freeing Inuyasha from his
bindings. It seemed horribly unfair to her for Inuyasha to have them, and be
bound by the subduing spell when she refused to do the same to her son. He
really didn’t need them anymore and she wanted to prove to him that she trusted
him implicitly. She could think of no better way to prove her faith, love and
trust in him than to remove the beads she thought he hated and resented so
much. She left them on, however, at the adult hanyou’s request.
Upon
speaking with Inuyasha about his beads, he’d actually expressed distress at her
suggestion that she take them off. He’d clutched them in his hands and looked
at her as if she’d just threatened to steal his most prized possession. It was
then that she realized that for Inuyasha, the beads symbolized his connection
to her and he had no desire to be rid of them. He had argued that she had used
the beads to save him more than once, and that the subduing spell worked
wonders when his temper got the better of him and he really needed to sit and
think things through a little more thoroughly. He recognized that he was still
a little too hot-headed and often acted before he should. Having the beads to
bring him down when he went haring off was a comfort more than a curse.
He had also
made the case that the beads could be used to protect her should he transform
into his youkai form and go berserk. She didn’t bother to remind him that when
he was in his youkai form, the spell didn’t work because he simply couldn’t
hear her over the rush of the demon blood in his ears. In fact, after the first
time he lost control of his youkai blood, she’d never used the subduing spell
to bring him down again.
Regardless
of his reasons, it was painfully obvious that he did not want to be free of the
beads, so she left them. What she did do, though, was vow never to abuse them
or use them to punish him undeservedly. It amazed her how much his disposition
had improved now that they were so intimate and close. It was as if having her
to love and be with brought out a side of Inuyasha that he had never shown
before. While still irritating, abrasive and often reckless, much of his
hurtful behavior had stopped and she found herself not needing to subdue him in
order to get her point across. In fact, she rarely sat him more than a couple
of times a month nowadays for minor infractions. His mouth, however, was still
a problem, although she was considering it a lost cause. Besides Yukio was
already imitating his father’s bad habit of saying whatever was on his mind, in
whatever language came to mind.
In truth,
Yukio was too much like his father for Kagome’s liking, and for all that
Inuyasha was not the boy’s biological sire, he was really proving to her that,
while nature certainly shaped personality to some extent, nurture was the driving
force in child development. Her son was proud, stubborn and obstinate as hell,
but also sweet, happy and very affectionate. Because his life was safe, secure
and loving, he wasn’t developing the tough defense mechanisms Inuyasha had
created in order to survive the hardships he had had to endure. In many ways Kagome
saw in Yukio what Inuyasha could have been if Izayoi
or his father had lived to raise him, and it made her somewhat sad, but
Inuyasha always shoved her pitying thoughts away when she spoke of them, saying
that he was fine and to be glad Yukio was so lucky to have them. It didn’t stop
her from wishing Inuyasha’s life had been different, though, and she promised
to make his life as lucky as Yukio’s from now on.
“Okaa-san,
Otan,”an,” Yukio said, popping his head back into the den.
Inuyasha
was the first to rouse from the rumpled bed and he blinked at his son as Kagome
rolled over.
“Eh? Pup
what are you doing out there?”
“Yukio
baby, did you leave the den while we were sleeping?” Kagome asked.
“Yukio go
outside,” he said simply, using his term for going out to relieve himself, and
hopped down into the bedcovers to join them.
Inuyasha
rubbed his son’s ears and gave him a proud smile. “Good pup.”
Yukio
beamed back, then sniffed and sniffed again, his little nscrescrewing up. “
Kagome just
giggled. “I guess it is a little ripe in here. We should open the door and let
the den air out.
Inuyasha
sniffed. “Smells fine in here to me. Smells like us
and…” He gave her a wicked leer. “… all the fun we’re having.”
Kagome
groaned. “In the meantime, no one wants to watch our little bundle of
irrepressible energy and he’s bored to tears.”
“
She raised
one eyebrow, “This from Mr. I-Don’t-Care-if-I’m-Human-and-Powerless-I’m-Going-Out-To-Fight-Anyway.
You’re one to talk about learning patience.”
“Funny, you
weren’t complaining about my ability to wait a couple of hours ago,” he
commented, giving her a smug wink.
She threw a
pillow at him. “Hentai. Anyway, I don’t blame him for
not wanting to stay cooped up in here with us. Besides, I need to go out
myself.”
Inuyasha
rolled to his back and put his hands under his head. “Humph, I guess I’ll let
you.”
“Let me,
huh? Oh thank you for giving me permission to go outside, oh exalted one,” she
said dourly.
“What
part?”
“The
‘exalted one’ bit. Say that.”
Since he
was already lying down, the beads didn’t take him far, but they did flip him
over onto his face.
because you want me to sit you. I
know I promised not to abuse the beads, but that was just too blatant to
ignore.’
Yukio
giggled. “Otou-san go splat.”
Inuyasha
just growled but that only made Yukio giggle more. Kagome gathered up some
clothes and slipped into them, then turned to the toddler.
“Baby
Yukio
clapped his hands and reached for her. “Okaa! Okaa!
Yukio come!”
“Okay, get
on my back then.”
He didn’t
need to be told twice and hopped right up onto her back, holding onto her
shoulder. She took him out of the den and first went to their latrine, then
down to the stream.
“Okaa-san
needs to wash. Yukio want a bath too?” she asked when they arrived at their
bathing spot.
Yukio
immediately jumped down, his eyes wide.
“No! Cold!
Cold! Cold!”
She laughed
as she disrobed and slid into the water. “This from a baby
that ran around barefoot in the snow this winter.”
Yukio
looked around. “Snow? Where snow? No snow,” he replied
with disappointment.
Kagome
snickered and dunked her head under the water as Yukio sat cross-legged on the
stream bank. He looked just like a miniature version of Inuyasha, complete with
hands folded into the sleeves of his blue haori. Inuyasha kept saying he’d have
to have fire rat clothes made for the boy, but he needed to find a nest of the
youkai rats first, then he needed to find someone who knew how to turn the
hides into clothing. Inuyasha’s father had commissioned the clothes he wore and
he had been presented with the haori, kimono and hakama for his birthday one
year. The clothing had been with him ever since and had adjusted to fit him as
he grew because they were linked to his youki and practically indestructible.
Considering
how hard hanyou children were on their clothing, fire rat and youkai made
garments were probably the only clothes that would last more than a few weeks,
but since fire rats were rare and youkai tailors even rarer, having a set of
the protective clothes made for Yukio was probably going to be no small task.
Kagome had no doubts, however that somehow Inuyasha would see it done, and
Yukio would have his own set of blazing red clothes before too long. Then he
would look exactly like his father.
She kept
her head under the water for longer than Yukio was comfortable with and she
smiled to herself when she saw him peering worriedly down into the pool.
With a
burst of speed, she leaped up and splashed him.
Yukio
screamed then started laughing even as he got wet. Kagome grabbed him and held
him over the water.
“Oh no, I’m
gonna drop you! Oh you’re so heavy!” she teased.
“No! No!
No!” he yelled, but he was still laughing.
She
threatened to drop him a few times, always catching him at the last second. His
squeals of delight filled the surrounding forest and she laughed with him.
“What is
and looked a little peeved about it. “I heard screaming and I thought there was
trouble. Instead I find a wet human and an almost wet pup.”
his father.
Kagome
grinned and tossed Yukio over to Inuyasha. “Catch the pup!”
The adult
hanyou snatched him up easily and swung him around, eliciting more squeals of
delight from the hanyou toddler.
“I swear
pup, are you sure your father wasn’t part bird-youkai? You just love the wind
in your ears.”
Kagome
smiled and finished her bath as Inuyasha tossed Yukio into the air repeatedly.
When she was finished, she dressed and made to head for the village.
going?” Inuyasha demanded.
“Down to
see how Kaede and our friends are doing. You remember them, right?”
“Bah!
They’re fine. Nothing smells wrong. Let’s go back to the den.”
“I’d rather
walk and stretch my legs a bit… and if you make one comment about other ways I
can stretch my legs I
He gave a
little whine that told her that was
saying, and she had to suppress a smile.
“Besides,
our son is well and truly awake now, and you know I don’t do anything in front
of him.”
“
followed her down to the village, grumbling under his breath all the way.
leaping onto Inuyasha’s nose as they entered Kaede’s
hut. The flea servant had arrived at the beginning of spring after safe travel
from Toutousai’s forge was possible. He’d come to
confirm the rumors of Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha and Tenseiga for the youkai sword
smith and had stayed. Both Inuyasha and Kagome figured he would stick around
until there was trouble then disappear again.
Yukio did
the honors and slapped the flea-youkai off his father. “Go ‘way,
with an exasperated sigh.
want, Myouga-jiji?” Inuyasha groused.
herself.
just been a while since we have seen you,” the flea youkai replied, hopping up
onto Kagome’s shoulder.
Inuyasha
snorted. “It hasn’t been that long.”
“No one in
the village has seen you for two days.”
Inuyasha
grinned. “Well, I’ve been busy, Jiji. Why? Is there
trouble coming? You gonna run away again?”
where she and Miroku were sitting with two of the village men.
greeted.
Kagome
could see her lover trying to put a name to his face and coming up blank.
“
He gave a
grunt of acknowledgement. “Asaki.”
“The other
is Taro,” she supplied again.
“Taro,” he
repeated, nodding to the other man.
The first
man, Asaki, approached and smiled at Yukio. “And
Yukio-sama grows bigger every day.”
Yukio
sniffed at him, mumbling in inu-youkai,
:Pack-male.:
“I swear he
has grown so much while we were on our journey and we were only gone three
weeks. He is the size of my Yumi when she was two
summers old.”
Inuyasha
gave a small smile of paternal pride. “Hanyou pups grow fast.”
“So I am
told. My Masumi told me he was chasing the oxen.”
Inuyasha
rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. But he won’t do
that anymore. We’ve threatened to leash him if he tries that again,” he
replied, glaring at Yukio.
Yukio’s
eyes opened wide and he flattened his ears as he put his fist in his mouth.
Kagome
moved to take her son because it looked like the men had come to talk to
Inuyasha. He reached for her, eager to get away from a possible leashing.
“No leash
Yukio,” he whined as she cuddled him to her shoulder.
“No leash if
you’re good,” she reassured him, rubbing his ears.
Yukio
sighed and snuggled against her. “Ears…” he breathed.
“
Yukio
looked at her head, his hand coming up to touch her ear. “Okaa-san ears funny.”
He reached up and touched his own ears. “Yukio ears like Otou-san ears.”
She giggled
and nuzzled him. “That just makes your and Otou-san’s
ears special.”
“You should
learn to mind your manners, Yukio-sama!”
toddler looked at him.
Yukio
watched the flea-youkai bounce a few times then snatched him between two
fingers the way he’d seen his father do and squished him. Myouga
let out a little squeak and fell to the hut floor. Kagome tried very hard not
laugh and gave her son a glare.
“
definitely your son...” Myouga whimpered, collapsing
on his back.
Yukio
cringed.
“You
apologize to Myouga-jiichan this instant.”
Yukio
peered down at the floor. “Yukio sorry, Jiji.”
up.
“I’m glad
you joined us, Inuyasha. I was about to send someone looking for you,” Miroku
commented, drawing her attention away from her son.
yourself, eh bouzu?” Inuyasha replied with a glint in
his eyes.
Miroku gave
him a knowing look and motioned for them to sit.
“These men
have just returned from Kōtsuke,” he told them
seriously.
she sat down with Yukio in her lap.
Inuyasha demanded, sitting down next to her.
“They bring
some interesting news with them of their travels.”
Both men
nodded vigorously as they sat down as well. “There is a terrible beast that
hunts the trade roads. Many samurai have been sent to kill it, but none have
returned alive. The daimyos are combining their
resources to wage war upon the monster,” Taro said.
twitching with interest.
den at least…’ she mused.
Miroku
nodded. “That is my belief, but there is more. Asaki,
tell Inuyasha the rest.”
“One of the
daimyos sent a messenger to the holy
of
in Shi Nano. There is word of a shrine maiden of
great spiritual power who can be found there, and the daimyo wishes to enlist
her help in slaying the beast,” Asaki said.
she thought, her blood suddenly growing cold. ‘Could it be Kikyou?’
She looked
at Inuyasha but his face had gone unreadable.
“Did you
see this miko?” Inuyasha asked carefully.
Both men
shook their heads. “The daimyo had only just sent messengers once the mountain
passes opened up and they had yet to return,” Taro replied.
“
Kagome’s
heart sank even further into her stomach. ‘We’re
going. Well, of course we are. Inuyasha won’t pass up a shard hunt…’
“Yes, along
the trade road,” Taro confirmed.
“We know
that you and Kagome-sama seek to gather all of the
Shikon shards, Inuyasha-sama, so we came here
immediately to tell you this news,” Asaki added.
Inuyasha
nodded. “We’ll leave in the morning.”
But if it is Kikyou and we run into
her, what will we do? What will Inuyasha do? Kikyou’s been gone for over a
year.’
“Okaa’s
okay baby,” she comforted.
The village
men stood and bowed. “We must go greet our families and prepare the goods we
traded for. We brought back fabric, paper, and some metal for smelting,” Taro
said.
“We may
even have traded for some candy,” Asaki added,
winking at Yukio and smiling as his little ears perked up at the word ‘candy.’
“I don’t
know. Only good pups who know their manners should have candy,” she answered,
giving Yukio a hard look.
“You
promise?”
He nodded
vigorously and she smiled. “Okay.”
Yukio
grinned and hugged her.
“Come to
our hut this evening. We’ll probably have it unpacked by then,”
She nodded.
“Thank you.”
With a
final bow, both men left and Miroku turned to Inuyasha. “You are thinking the
Inuyasha
gave her a little worried glance then nodded. “Yeah.”
“That is
Kaede-saspanspan> and my belief as well.”
“Inuyasha,
what do you intend to do if this miko is Kikyou-
Kagome
winced. ‘Ah, so
straightforward. I know you’re
concerned about me but trying to pin him down like that will only make things
worse.’
“I don’t
know,” he replied just as bluntly.
“Well, at
least you’re being honest about it,” Miroku said. “Do you want me to come with
you?”
Inuyasha
shook his head. “No. You stay here with Sango and… your pup.”
His voice
had faltered before he’d said ‘your pup’ and the hesitation was
not lost on her.
“I will
accompany Inuyasha-sama. I do not like to leave his
side,” Myouga added sagely.
Both Kagome
and Inuyasha gave him incredulous looks.
“Is that
so?” Inuyasha commented.
“willwill
take Kirara with you too. I am assuming Kagome-sama
and Yukio will be going as well?” Miroku said.
“Yes,” she
replied before Inuyasha had a chance to answer. ‘If you think you’re leaving us behind, Inuyasha, you’ve got another
thing coming.’
Miroku
nodded. “I thought as much. Are you certain you don’t want me to come along?”
“Your place
is with your family, monk. Stay where you belong,” Inuyasha answered a little
roughly.
Will you stay where you belong?’
concern.
Yukio,
picking up on the change in mood in the room, started to fret.
She shushed
him and bounced him lightly on her knee. “It’s fine,
baby. Okaa’s fine.”
Her son
looked at her, then at his father and then back to her again. He blinked and
raised one eyebrow, an expression that was highly amusing on a child his age,
but she had to hold in her laughter because she knew he was being serious.
“Okaa-san
sad,”saidsaid simply, chewing on one fist.
None of the
adults in the hut had any answer or comfort for him, and when he looked to his
father, Inuyasha looked away which made him even more upset.
placate him.
Kagome
petted his hair and ears. “I know, baby. We know you’ve been good. We’re not
upset with you.”
Yukio
whined and burrowed his face into her chest. She wrapped arms around him and
pulled him close.
“We love
you, baby.”
“Do you
wish to leave him here us us for the evening?” Miroku offered.
“No,”
Inuyasha answered immediately. “The pup stays with us.”
There was
something in his voice, in the timbre of his words that told her he was just as
upset as she was.
Inuyasha
nodded. “He wouldn’t want to stay with you right now anyway, and you’d have to
seal him to make him. I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
him away from us would only traumatize him and make him think we’re rejecting
him from the pack,’ she thought in agreement.
“I agree,”
Miroku spoke before she could say anything.
Inuyasha
abruptly stood, his hands hanging limply at his sides. “I want to go back to
the den.”
She stood
up with him, holding Yukio close. “I should probably go through the well and
get supplies for our trip.”
He nodded.
“Later.”
His voice
brooked no argument so she gave none.
wants to talk. Knowing him, he’ll want both.’
“I will let
Sango and Shippou know of your plans. Kirara will join you as always, but I
suspect Shippou will want to come along as well,” the monk said.
“He watches
the pup for us,” Inuyasha confirmed.
will come to our huforefore you leave?”
Inuyasha
nodded. “Yeah. We’ll come in the morning.”
“I will be
there too,” Myouga said.
Miroku
looked at them, a small smile gracing his lips. “We will leave you alone until
then. I am sure you have a lot of… plans and preparations to make.”
The very
fact that he didn’t rise to take Miroku’s bait was
proof that Inuyasha wasn’t in the best of moods. He merely nodded, then put one
hand under her elbow and urged her out of the hut. She barely had time to say
good-bye to Kaede before he was practically pushing her through the doorway.
“I’ll see
you later Kaede-obaachan,” she assured the old
Kaede
clucked and chuckled. “Of course, child. I’ll have a
traveling medicine bundle ready for you.”
“Thank
you!” she called as Inuyasha gripped her arm a little tighter and gave her a
light pull.
Inuyasha
was silent as they walked back to the den and she was afraid to speak. The look
on his face was one of grim determination and deep thought; two expressions
that marred his handsome features and made the cold settle even more into her
gut. Poor Yukio was so rattled that he’d transformed into “Velcro Baby” and dug
his little claws into her shirt, refusing to be dislodged even after they had
reached the safety and comfort of the den. It wasn’t until he had been soothed,
coddled and placated that he finally stopped whimpering and clinging, and let
go.
Inuyasha
gathered them both to him, his arm around her shoulder as he tucked his son
against his chest, and held them close. His tight embrace wasn’t what she was
expecting, and she couldn’t even begin to guess what was going on inside his
head. She wanted to ask him what he was thinking and to offer what little
comfort she could, but his silence made her worried and she feared his reaction
should she say the wrong thing.
and have us stay overnight there?” she asked finally.
“No,” he
answered softly. “I’ll… I’ll go with you, but I want to come back and spend the
night here in the den.”
They fell
silent again and Inuyasha tucked his face into her hair, breathing in and out
slowly. Kagome knew him well enough to know that he was getting his feelings
under control, and preparing to close himself off the way he always did when
presented with an emotional challenge. She didn’t want him to pull away from
her and leave her feeling abandoned. She was worried enough about the
possibility that Kikyou wouldn’t release Inuyasha from his promise that the
last thing she wanted was for him to shut her out.
“What do
you want to do?” she asked, her voice loud in the
silence.
“I don’t
know. I… I just want to be with you and the pup right now. No
one else.”
“Okay.”
She
snuggled close and petted her son’s hair. He was tucked against his father’s
chest, his little head nestled under Inuyasha’s chin, and he was doing his best
to stay quiet and still. He knew his parents were unhappd did didn’t know what
to do, so he opted to do what his instincts were telling him and make himself
as unnoticeable as possible.
“He’s
upset,” she said, hoping to use Yukio as a way of keeping Inuyasha from
shutting them out.
“I know.
Pup doesn’t understand.”
she thought sadly.
They stayed
that way until Yukio fell asleep. Then Kagome put him carefully in his bed so
as not to wake him and turned her attention to comforting her adult hanyou.
Normally she didn’t initiate sex unless her libido was increased because of her
heat cycle, and she usually didn’t have to even then because he initiated
lovemaking almost every night. But now he seemed shy and uncertain, and she
thought he might be feeling insecure. Kikyou always managed to drive a wedge
between them, and he might think asking for attention under the current
circumstances would get him refused.
Her
suspicions were confirmed when he relaxed and sighed with relief as she kissed
him, and wrapped his arms around her.
“Kagome…”
he breathed and the desperation in his voice told her everything she needed to
know. He was scared and worried, and he needed her to be the strong one because
he didn’t know what was going to happen any more than she did.
Their
lovemaking was slow and gentle, almost reverent, and he took her with such love
and tenderness that she thought he was trying to tell her how much he loved her
before he had to say goodbye. She cried afterwards and he licked her tears
away, whining softly in a way that she had never heard him do before. Yukio
woke up and wanted cuddling so they snuggled with him under the covers, curling
around each other and drawing solace from the warmth and physical contact.
Later they
all went to her time and did the shopping. It was one of the few times the
carriage Mama had bought came in handy, even though Yukio didn’t like it and
preferred to ride on one of his parents’ shoulders. They put him in it anyway
and wheeled him down the streets of
looking very much like a normal mother and father
taking their young one out for walk. Well… as normal as two silver-haired,
golden-eyed boys dressed in hakamas and
Passer-bys
always stopped to see the baby and Yukio always scowled at them if Inuyasha’s
glares didn’t scare them off to begin with. Kagome didn’t like to encourage the
anti-social behavior, but Inuyasha explained that it had less to do with Yukio
not liking people and much more to do with the strange scent. Strangers weren’t
pack and therefore could not be trusted, so Yukio didn’t want them near him.
A trip to
the grocery store, two cartons of ramen and three bags of food later, they
returned to the shrine. Mama insisted on having them stay for dinner and Kagome
didn’t feel she could say no, especially since the journey to
past dark before they got back to the den. Yukio was zapped out even before
they returned and not even the trip through the well woke him up. They settled
him into his bed and turned to each other once again.
Few words
were spoken, as if neither of them knew what to say, or worse, everything that
could be said had already been said and there was no point in breaking the
peace between them. Kagome was painfully aware of his position, just as he was
aware of hers, but he had made his commitment to keep his promise to Kikyou if
she demanded it of him and he had no intention of breaking it. Inuyasha had
nothing but the clothes on his back, Tessaiga, and his word, and he was above
all things an honorable man. One wouldn’t think it of him with his crass ways
and harsh mouth, but he took his responsibilities and integrity very seriously,
and she would never ask him to compromise himself on something that was so very
important to him.
It seemed
funny to her that he valued his word above his hanyou nature. He’d been willing
to give up all his power, long life and strength to become human for Kikyou,
but he would not give up his honor. She, of course, would never dream of
telling him that to his face, but if there was anything she was slightly bitter
about, it was the fact that he was willing to give up so much for a woman who
she believed had never truly loved him, and yet he refused to deny her the
claim she had placed upon him.
Kikyou said
Inuyasha’s life was hers because she had died for him. Kagome felt badly about
that, but she had started to believe Sango and Kaede’s
words that Inuyasha had paid his debt to Kikyou with Naraku’s death and that
Inuyasha was now free. She wished Inuyasha believed it too, but it was obvious
that he did not. Still, he maintained that he would do all he could to stay
with her and Yukio, intent on keeping his promise to Kikyou after Kagome had
lived out her short human lifetime. There was a huge kink in that Grand Master
Plan that she never bothered to point out, and it seemed it was the elephant in
the living room (or den as the case may be) that he absolutely refused to
acknowledge: the lives and needs of the family they planned to have.
If he went
to Hell with Kikyou or went off with her wherever, who would be left to be
there for their children? If she was dead and Inuyasha was gone with his former
lover, there would be no one to guide and care for their family. Even if she
lived to be 100 years old, from what Inuyasha had told her, their children
would be barely out of childhood when she died. Inuyasha insisted that he
wanted pups and she was more than willing to provide, but if he had plans to
abandon her babies to go running off with the clay pot after she was dead and
buried, she needed to make it very clear to him that there would
pups if that was truly his intent. It was bad enough that Yukio would
lose both parents, but she wasn’t about to doom any other children to that fate
if she could help it.
She was
really hoping, since the one who knew Kikyou the best was Inuyasha, that he was
right about Kikyou’s change of h. Ho. However, she wasn’t holding her breath
because not even Kaede believed Kikyou had done that much of an about-face. The
old miko maintained that her sister was dead, and
that the person who now bore her sister’s face was nothing more than a pale
imitation fueled by hatred and dead souls. It was true that the undead
Kagome had healed her of Naraku’s miasma, and she wanted to believe that she
had helped to comfort and ease Kikyou’s wounded heart, but that seemed like
such a huge task for someone as small as she and she couldn’t bring herself belibelieve it.
What she
should be doing, she knew, was preparing for the worste nee needed to be ready
to deal with the consequences of Kikyou deing ing that Inuyasha go with her.
She half expected the miko to say her year away was a
favor to Inuyasha in trade for having to leave his second love.
eternity. Good trade.’
She had to
be ready to be there for Yukio, to comfort him when his father did not return,
and be able to raise him as best she could without another hanyou around to
help her. There was so much she still didn’t know about hanyou development and
growth. She had no idea what expect or how to handle situations she knew would
be unique to him- like learning to use his hanyou powers, learning to use his
senses, learning to hunt... so much she wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to
help him with, not to mention that she would die well before he reached
maturity.
When I die, where will he go? Who will help him? Who will love him? Who can I
trust to take care of him after I’m gone?’
The grief
threatened to overwhelm her because she knew there was a possibility that she
would lose Inuyasha to Kikyou once the undead miko
found out about Yukio and the fact that she and Inuyasha were now lovers.
him from her, and she’ll take him. But I didn’t! I didn’t do it on purpose. I
just love him so much and it just happened; everything just happened. But she
won’t see it that way. She’s always seen me as a threat. Now her fears will be
confirmed and she’ll make him keep his promise. How? How will I do this? How
can I tell my baby that his father-the father he idolizes- isn’t coming back?
How do I live with this? How can I bear his loss?’
Tears
threatened again and she tried valiantly to hold them back because she knew
both her hanyous would wake at the scent of the salt on her skin. She sniffed
and Inuyasha proved to her that he wasn’t as asleep as she thought he was by
pulling her closer to his body and nuzzling into her throat.
“You... you
have to tell me everything you know about hanyou children. I need... I need to
know for Yukio. I need to be able to be a good mother to him...” she begged
him, her hands gripping his and threading their fingers together.
one could ask for a better mother than you, Kagome,” he whispered, sucking on
her earlobe because he knew it soothed her.
“But...
you’ll be gone and I won’t know what to do...” There, she’d said it. He would
be gone and she would have to raise their baby alone.
He
stiffened and pressed his lips against her flesh, and she could feel the slight
tremor running through his body at her words.
“We... we
don’t know that,” he replied softly.
“But we do.
We know we’re going where Kikyou might be. If she sees you and demands that you
go with her...”
He placed a
hand over her mouth gently. “Don’t speak of such things. Not here, not now.”
She bit
back a sob and turned her head abruptly. “If I don’t now,
then when? Before she drags you to Hell? It will be too late then,” she
hissed trying to keep her voice down so Yukio wouldn’t wake up.
“I told you
before that I don’t think Kikyou wants to die anymore. Besides
the Shikon no Tama isn’t complete yet.”
“But what
if you’re wrong? What if she does? What if she just wants to take you away with
her once she finds out about us and Yukio? She’s always seen me as a threat.
You know she has. Once she sees us and the baby, she’ll know. You know she’ll
know. We won’t be able to hide it from her! She’ll take you away from us,” she
interrupted breathlessly, a little desperately.
“I won’t
let that happen. I promise you that there will be time for us...”
“You can’t
make that promise!” she rasped. “If Kikyou demands your life, you’ll go. You
know you will. You won’t break your word to her so any promises you make to me
are empty.”
It came out
harsher than she’d wanted, but the words were still true. And they still hurt.
“Stop it.
Don’t... don’t be angry...”
“How can I
not be angry? You won’t face the truth. Tomorrow or the next day or the next...
they could be our last days together and then you’ll be gone, and you’ll
abandon me, Yukio and our life to go with her, and all the promises you made me
to protect me and Yukio will be nothing.”
He tensed
and gripped her tightly. “That isn’t true.”
“What will
you do then? What will you do if she demands your life?”
“I will ask
for more time. Time at least to raise our pup out of his
infancy.”
“And if she
says no. What then?”
“I... I
don’t know.”
“You don’t
know. None of us knows.”
She lost
her battle with her tears and started to cry. Her tears, as always, distressed
Inuyasha and he cuddled her, trying to comfort.
“Don’t cry,
Kagome. Please don’t cry.”
Inuyasha; you and Yukio. To lose you to Kikyou now after all we’ve shared...
Please don’t ask me not to cry. I’m not that brave.’
“I’m not
that brave,” was all she said.
trust me. I won’t break my word.”
“But how
can you possibly keep it?”
“I don’t
know, but I’ll find a way. I promise you. I will find a way.”
She shook
her head and gave in to her grief, weeping openly and he gathered her into his
arms as he sat up, holding her and rocking her as she cried. She was making him
feel helpless and she knew it, but there was nothing she could do. She wouldn’t
tell him that they had made a mistake in letting their relationship go as far
as it did. She wouldn’t tell him that she would probably regret her choice for
the rest of her life. She wouldn’t beg him to forget Kikyou and choose her
because she was alive and they had a family. And because she wouldn’t do any of
those things, and she was unable to voice her sorrow, she could do nothing
cry and feel the helplessness of it all.
Yukio woke
and crawled to them, whimpering and broadcasting his distress at his mother’s
tears. Neither could tell him why Okaa-san was crying, or offer him anything
more than a tearful hug. The stress and upset finally got to Inuyasha, and he
stood abruptly and left the den. Kagome wrapped her arms around her son and
drew him close, sniffling and trying to get herself under control. In the
distance she heard the tell-tale crash of a tree falling and knew that her
adult hanyou had resorted to his unique form of cutting firewood in order to
deal with the emotions raging inside of him.
Left alone
in the den, a strange calm settled over her and she stilled.
thought, looking around the space she had come to think of as her ‘home’ in the
Sengoku Jidai. ‘This
is what it will be like without him here. I wonder how long it will take for
his scent to fade.’
“Okaa-a-a-a,”
Yukio whined, reaching for her face to touch the wetness on her cheeks.
She leaned
down and kissed his cheek, cuddling him. “It’s alright, my baby. Okaa is here
and she won’t leave you.”
He snuffled
against her chest, his little hands clutching at her shirt.
“I love
you, my baby. I love you, Yukio.”
know that no one will ever take you away from me, and I’ll do the best I can no
matter what happens.’
Hugging
Yukio tightly and burying her face in his silver hair, she rocked him and
hummed soothingly under her breath, all the while cursing Fate who gave her
everything she ever wanted and now threatened to take it all away.