A Blind Heart

Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less.

- Will Moss -

Chapter 25

Love is not blind

Kags POV

After our rest, we met with Kimi for another meeting. This will be the last week we spend in the House of Jade. Prior to our leaving, each of us are to be tested. It was a test of strength in mind, body, and spirit. It will bring us to our breaking point, and then push us beyond even that. Sesshomaru wondered out loud what kind of test this would be. The only information they saw fit to bequeath us was that the males and females would be tested separately. It was a measure of our skills that each group had managed to combine attacks. Now, the heavens wanted proof that we could fight our inner demons, and win. I glanced over at Sango, Kikyo and Ayame wondering what was going through their minds.

Kimi smiled at him and said that it wasn’t that kind of test. I thought to myself ‘Whatever’, and rolled my eyes. Each person was allowed to bring one weapon of choice. Did twin katana count as one or two weapons? I asked the other females to follow me to the music room so we could speak. “We don’t know what kind of test this will be, so I will just say to trust your heart. Trust in the love, devotion and hai, even the training that we have been given! The fate of the world depends on us … and somebody has to keep our males in line!” With that said we heard the guys roaring. Such Neanderthals! Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised to find that there had been some chest-thumping going on. I was kind of shocked that Maru was involved in it though, I mean, team player or motivator was not his normal role.

We wondered out loud what kind of test we would undertake. Instinctively I knew that they would be painful physically, mentally and emotionally. After all, to test a hero you had to make sure they were strong of mind, body and spirit. I gasped as I felt my link to Maru sever. Kikyo, Sango, and oddly enough Ayame did the same. “Ano, has everybody else felt their link dissolve?” They all nodded. “I guess this is a part of the test. We have to do our test alone, completely alone. Just remember, the big lugs may not be linked with us mentally, but they are in our hearts and soul, and no one, not even Kami-Sama can take that away. Lock that knowledge deep within yourself and take it with you to your test.” We all nodded. What else could we do?

So here we sit drinking tea in the garden waiting for the inevitable to come, praying that we have the strength to pass the test, knowing what hinges on our performance….


Kikyo POV

One minute I was drinking tea with my friends, and the next I was in a long hallway of a moldy, decrepit castle. Even before I could sense my surroundings, I was chilled to the bone. My body was once again mortal. I touched my neck and felt no mating mark. Why would the Kami’s do this to me? If this was my test, then my task to was to survive. My miko powers were much stronger than before. A scan of myself let me know that my complete soul was housed in my body. I sank to my knees, questions about Kagome fluttering through my head. How did I get our soul, as it was neither hers nor mine, but ours.

Despite all that, I could only concentrate on the here and now. Evil lived here; indeed it had permeated the very walls. I shivered, and pulled the top of my haori closer, the problem was this kind of cold you could feel in your very bones. I stood up, no need in being vulnerable on the floor. I had a choice, go forward or backwards, since there was a door located on each end of the hallway. I chose to go in the direction I was facing. I figured either door was a bad decision. Once I reached the door and opened it, I knew my first instinct about the choice of doors was correct!

The door opened to a large chamber, with light coming from torches along the wall. As soon as I stepped into the chamber, the door slammed shut and predictably locked itself. Okay so now I am stuck in a room with no way out. I looked down to find myself stepping in a small river of black. It was oily in nature, and glowed with different colors within. Did I mention it felt evil as all hell? I began to chant and put up a sacred barrier, when the river moved away from me. Shapes, female shapes began to form from the ooze. When it stopped, there were over 300 females in the room. Ladies of all shapes and sizes, different ages, indeed the only thing they had in common was the eerie emptiness of their eyes.

I was immediately leery. Why so many females, especially females I did not know? “Kikyo-Sama do you not recognize us? Do you not know intimately the souls of all the young women that you stole?” I did not know what was freakier, the fact that they all spoke as one voice, or that they all turned to look at me like some sick game of synchronicity. “Kikyo-Sama, tell us, do you not miss us? We who fueled your life, your emotions and your powers? You damned us to hell Kikyo-Sama. We, who lived such exemplary lives, we cannot reincarnate thanks to you Dark Miko.” They spoke angrily, and began crowding around me.

My heart pounded, whether in anger or fear, I knew not. “Damare, I never meant to damn anyone! I did not ask to be brought to life in such a fashion. Once I lived and knew Inu Yasha was alive, how could I return to the dead? Yes, I had some hatred in my heart, but I never used our power for evil! Leave me in peace!” Fear and panic rose to coat my throat with a metallic taste. My sins of the past had caught up with me. I tried to connect with Yasha using my mating mark, only to be greeted by a wall of silence. Note to self baka, there is no mating mark, you are on your own! Now with 300 hundred angry spirits after me, one would think that would be the biggest scare factor, but not being mated sent me into a tailspin.

I prayed to Kami that he was all right, and would come rescue me. I then turned my energies to dealing with the situation at hand. “Come Kikyo it is time to face your fate. Or will you try to escape this, as you tried to escape death?” The haunting melodic voices had now become hisses. Fuck, what should I do, more to the point what could I do? And just like that my survival instincts snapped in. I reached behind my back and proceeded to notch an arrow into my bow. Persistent dead bitches, I would purify their souls so they could proceed to heaven!

Fingers wagging accompanied the chorus of “No, no, no Lady Kikyo. We will not retire our position just like that. If you purify us, you will also kill our gift to you.” The sea of women parted. It was as if in slow motion, the first small revealing of the red hakama and haori. The sea of angry spirits had been hiding my itoshi! After a small and short panic attack, I looked at my love that was still prone on the floor.

He lay on the floor as if dead. His soul, which should have been hovering around his body for three days, was gone. I closed my eyes and sent my miko power out flaring, looking for his soul, and found it in the most unexpected place. That’s right, these akuryou’s had stolen Yasha’s soul. How is that for the ultimate irony? I finally lived, and now my reason for living was dead. Anger, pure and hot anger that burned hotter than the sun, flared within me, and my anger burned away the fear. With the fear gone, calmness overtook me. There was no doubt left. I would avenge my one true love.

“Ladies, now is that any way to treat our esteemed guest?” With the voice of Naraku added, the situation had officially gone from bad to worst. Then I made the newbie mistake, I asked myself what else could go wrong, ask and ye shall be answered. “Speechless my love, you could at least acknowledge the effort that went into hosting this party for you. After all, you are the guest of honor. You see anata, rather than fight the affection and desire Onigumo’s heart feels for you, I have decided to grant you the honor of becoming my mate. Our pups will inherit the world that we have wrought, and together we shall rule this planet. Ah, I see that gratitude had rendered you incapable of forming words.” Yikes! Delusions of grandeur anyone?

“I would rather die than become your mate!” I hissed. There! Let that vile hanyou take that! Instead of the anger and attack I expected, laughter boomed throughout the chamber. Always happy to amuse somebody! “Anata, you speak as if you have a choice. You see if you refuse me, I will destroy Inu Yasha’s body and soul, ensuring he will never reincarnate. You will spend eternity without him. Clever is it not, my form of torture? Will you save your one great and tragic love, or sacrifice him for your happiness? Either way, you will suffer greatly, which pleases me. So what will it be? The past or the future. Which will you choose?” Kami! I wanted to smack that smug grin off his face. I looked at Yasha’s body. I knew without a doubt he had fought tooth and nail to avoid capture.

Door number one or two; if they were my only choices, then I was damned. Could I choose a door number three? There was no third choice for me all. So all I could do was sink down to my knees and scream soundlessly. I could not sacrifice Inu Yasha for my happiness. Realistically though, I couldn’t be Naraku’s mate either. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, either way I lost. I looked up at Naraku and gave my answer. “Save him, and I will mate with you. But you must give him back his complete soul, and let him leave unharmed. Swear on your life to this, and I will be yours. Betray that in anyway, and the deal is off. Understood?” He reached out and stroked my cheek. And then he pulled me up so he could embrace me in his arms. I could not suppress my shudder of revulsion.

I did not see what Naraku did but the ladies disappeared and I could hear my love take his first breath. Tears were pouring down my eyes. Damn how was I going to say goodbye? Better yet how could I spend eternity with the vile hanyou? I watched as my itoshi opened his eyes and watched them zero in on me. I knew the picture that Naraku and I made. I was standing in front of Naraku and his arms were around me in a sign of possession. “Kikyo what is going on? Why are you with Naraku? Talk to me!” He yelled. I opened my mouth to speak, but Naraku dug his claws into my hips. Guess he wanted to be the official spokes person.

“Inu Yasha, you’re just in time to congratulate Kikyo and myself on our upcoming mating. It seems that I have finally convinced the lovely Kikyo to accept my suit. Your pathetic love for her will cease, and any hope you had of a future together has been crushed. Together Kikyo and I shall rule over humanity and youkai alike.” I could sense the smugness of the bastard, as clearly as I could see the hurt in Yasha’s golden eyes. I tried to convey my true feelings for him with my eyes as I spoke. “Inu Yasha, please live a long and fruitful life, something that may not have been accomplished if decisions had been different. Know whatever you felt for me was returned with all sincerity.”

Damn it wasn’t like I swore undying love, and yet Naraku still dug his claws in until I bled. Baka! I saw realization dawn in Yasha’s eyes. “Very well Kikyo, I wish you great joy in the choice you have made. Naraku, I presume I am free to go?” I was rather impressed that he hadn’t attacked Naraku yet. After all, my puppy was not known for his patience. He was jump in, hit first, than ask questions later. Many a time my Yasha had jumped out of the pan and into the fire. Yet here he was, behaving admirably.

You’d think that we would have been prepared for the double cross. You might even say to yourself, hello didn’t she see it coming? Sadly I did not. After all that spawn of hell certainly never promised me. Before I could scream, dozens of tentacles flew from Naraku and pierced Inu Yasha. As he lay there on the ground with his life’s blood running out of him, the ladies rematerialized and bore him to hell.

“Come now koi, you would have thought of the half-breed for the rest of your life if he had lived. I have done you a favor by killing him. Or would you prefer that I let the ladies take pieces of your soul?” Tiny small white orbs began to rise from my body, dancing on the air before my eyes. Oh Kami, I thought in agony, was this what Kagome felt when her soul was torn in half? How had she survived it? A hand stroked my face. “Kikyo, so proud, so noble. I hate to do this to you love, but you must be taught a lesson in obedience. I cannot have a willful and defiant mate. I am going to return your soul, and we will have no more of your undesirable behavior, are we clear?” Self-righteous bastard! I nodded my acceptance. After all I needed my soul!

Oh yes, he was right, he had done me a favor. You see while my love lived I would always be torn. Now, there was no hesitation about my mission. The threat to my soul had also tipped the scale. Obviously, the hanyou forgot one of the most important lessons in dealing with the enemy. One who has nothing to lose, is thereby the most dangerous of all. There are no repercussions for that person. So I walked over to Naraku, traced his lips, and brought him in for a kiss, one last kiss before he dies. Would you believe he actually looked happy! As my lips sealed with his, I pulled up every ounce of purification power I had. By the time he realized his error in holding me, it was too late. Nothing, not the tentacles that pierced me, nor the claws that dug into me would make me relinquish my hold on him. This chamber would witness the end of my battle with Naraku, and would also be our tomb.

Just as the pain became excruciating, we pulled our lips from each other and threw our heads back to scream. He screamed, “Damn you Kikyo!” I screamed “Inu Yasha!” As I thought of my love, I knew there was no concern as to where he was, as long as we were reunited. Naraku began to deteriorate. “Why Kikyo? I loved you, was it not enough? Why couldn’t you spare one ounce of affection for me?” He asked. I looked at him. Even in death he had to give a soliloquy. “You don’t know how to love Naraku, you treat everyone like possessions. Had you truly loved me, you would have wished for my happiness. May the Kami’s have mercy on your soul.” As the world faded to black, I could see a misty impression of my love waiting with his arms open….

I woke up screaming in the garden held in Inu Yasha’s warm embrace. I knew that Taisho-Sama and Sesshomaru-Sama were sitting close by. I could not speak. I clung to Yasha as if he was the last solid thing in my world. Now normally hysterical and youkai are not two words associated with each other, but in this instant they were. I knew my lesson had been a harsh and painful one. I had much to atone for. Indeed, now I knew things about me that had never seen the light of day before. I may not have been as evil as I thought I was, but I was no longer the pure priestess that I was before my death. Who knew if there was a cosmic scale to balance good and wicked deeds?

I was inundated with feelings. I was so grateful that I was alive, in love, and given a chance at redemption. At the same time, I had to watch for the evil that we all have. It lurks beneath the surface, waiting for something to release it. “Itoshi, why are you trembling so, please talk to me Kikyo.” Yasha asked worried. I shook my head. I was still too unsteady to speak, my death and sacrifice too new to view it with a detached demeanor. I felt more arms surround Yasha and me. Soft comforting growling filled the air. Tears came to my eyes as I realized my new family was attempting to console me and bring me a measure of peace.

I had learned that true love never really dies, and that evil must be fought regardless of the cost. My lesson was painful and all that more precious. If I had not believed the test to be a real experience, then my sacrifice would have been in vain. Another thing I was taught, always go forward. While the past should not be ignored, you should not mire yourself in yesterday. Today and tomorrow had to be met boldly, in order to change the world, you have to help shape the world.

I closed my eyes and whispered, “Thank you Kami-Sama”…………….

Sango’s POV

Wow! From a tea party to my village, that was some work the Kami’s did. I looked around and felt the inevitable sadness at the loss of my village. I closed my eyes to offer a quick prayer. Imagine how startled I was to see my otousan standing in front of me with a frown on his face. “Sango, where have you been? Kohoku has been looking all over for you. You are late to give him his lesson.” Tears welled up in my eyes. What could I say? My father, whom I had spent the last 5 years mourning, now stood before me hale and healthy. “I, I … gomen otousan for my tardiness.” With that I bowed. I could hear him sigh. It seems like I spent half my childhood hearing that sigh when I disappointed him.

“Come daughter, we have to prepare for tonight. A local prince has hired us to exterminate some lower level youkai that have been troubling his kingdom.” I wanted to scream to the heavens. Why did I have to relive this hell again? “Hue-hue can we please not take this job? I sense great evil, and do not think this prince is what he seems.” I could see the anger in his face, along with the displeasure. Did he think me some flighty female given to the vapors? Had I not proven my worth with job after job completed?

“Silence! You dishonor the code of our village by showing fear! If you do not wish to battle, simply say so. Do not make up ill omens as a reason! Go home Sango, and prepare Kohaku’s and my provisions for the trip. You may stay behind.” Damn him! I would not be ignored or treated like a gently reared lady. “Otousan, when have I ever turned from a mission? When have I ever failed to make my kill? Do you dishonor all the hard work and training that I have gone through to become a Taijiya? I have sacrificed a lot to become your second in command, and don’t you dare belittle that! I have merely heard rumors of an ambitious hanyou who is looking for the Shikon-no-Tama. Is it wrong to be cautious?”

His silence and glare told me loud and clear he was not happy with my insolence. Well fuck it nothing ventured; nothing gained! “I will go prepare provisions for the three of us, we will be ready to depart within the hour.” And with that, I stomped away. Seems like the only ones who accepted me for me was Kirara and Kohaku. I had never needed my father’s approval, but I sure would have liked it. My mind was mercifully blank as I gathered what we need for the trip. Before I knew it we were on the road on our way to meet the prince of a province that I had never heard of. It seemed like we traveled forever, but in reality it was a week of travel set at a grueling pace. Never let it be said that demon slayers were slackers.

Our little party of eight arrived at the gate to a grand house. Yet, I could not shake the feeling that the manor and its serene setting covered up something far more evil and insidious. Something we may not all survive. While we waited for the gates to open, I began to get flashes in my head. Flashes of a monk, dressed in robes with prayer beads on his right hand. Dark brown hair in small tail, and the most beautiful purple eyes known to man set in a face of an angel. Kami what the hell was this? Was this some sort of dark magic being preformed on me? And yet my soul knew this man. It knew that I lived, loved and would die for him. Did I have a name for him? No. The word hentai did come to mind. I smiled at that thought.

Only to blink and find Kohaku tugging on my sleeve, trying to get my attention and looking anxious at my lack of response. I smiled at him and shrugged, after all I couldn’t exactly explain my lapse of attention, now could I? I hiked my Hiraikotsu further up my back, and marched throygh the gate with the rest of the slayer clan. I am not a superstitious girl, but I could feel death stalking us from all around. Nothing pure lived here. I almost shuddered. We would have to worry about the enemies on two fronts, the youkai and the demons from within. I could see the loss of self in the people’s eyes, soon they would be mindless and serve the master of evil.

Either scenario could get you killed, but which was worse, the enemy you knew and seen, or the one you didn’t? It was never good to fight on two fronts, and even harder when those you fought knew you intimately. History, like it or not, was repeating itself. That one thought, that small whisper in my brain, brought me to a complete standstill. I had, to my knowledge never been here before. This was the first time in this province for the Taijiya. Way too confusing. Better to put this in the back of my mind and concentrate on the now. Too much thinking could be the difference between life and death on a battlefield.

The prince in all his dark glory came out to meet us. As he settled himself on silk pillows he seemed to preen. ‘See me, want me, serve me’ was what his body language said. We bowed before him and my otousan went to accept payment and shake hands to seal the deal. Once we were given permission to stand straight, I kept my eyes down instead of looking him dead in the face. I heard him chuckle and found myself desperately wishing we had a miko or a monk on our team. We were not prepared for the evil spirit that sat before us, masquerading as a prince. Movement flashed in the corner of my eye.

I turned to see the team facing off against each other. Battle axes, katana, scythes all flew, their aim straight and true. In slow motion I turned to block my father’s sword. Begging would not be an option for me. The soulless eyes let me know nobody was home. Father or not, I would not go down like this! This would not be an easy win for me as this was no mindless youkai. No, this was a seasoned warrior who had trained only the best of the best. My heart ached, I would have to kill my father. There was no other way. He did not know the meaning of quit, and would not stop until he stood over my broken body.

I prayed to the Kami’s for forgiveness. You see, at the moment when my otousan turned on me, something inside me clicked. This was a moment of awareness. I would not go gently into the good night, indeed I would fight tooth and nail to survive and slay the demon that had set us slayers upon each other. It’s amazing that while in the heat of the battle, you savor each move, each thrust and each blow. In hindsight it was a quick, fierce battle in which neither side gave an inch. My feet had been swept from under me, and I lay on the ground trying to trip father up so I could stand. Stay on the ground and you’re as good as dead. Before I could kick his knee out of joint, I was covered in a spray of blood.

In horror, I looked up from the scythe piercing his heart, to the chain held in Kohaku’s hand. Looking at his eyes I knew this was not an act of kindness. Nay, he was caught up in a spell of bloodlust. His slaughter would not stop until he ran out of victims. The only way to save him was to kill the person who cast this spell! Easier said than done. Not only was I trying to block my brother’s attacks, but I was also attempting to annihilate the fake prince. After several tense minutes of battling, I was finally able to knock my little brother out. But my lack of attention to this prince cost me. A tentacle pierced me in the back making me scream out in agony.

“Really little warrior, did you think that you would triumph over me? Oh dear me, how rude. I have yet to introduce myself. My name is Naraku, and I will soon rule over Japan. I am the one who set your group against each other. I am the one who caused all these deaths. And you want to know why? Because, I could.” This was delivered with a smug look on his face. I vowed right then and there that I would not lose. I could not die before avenging my clan. Naraku gestured and I saw, trapped in a bubble of miasma, was the very monk I had dreamt about. That he was real was a shock. I couldn’t begin to guess what nefarious plans were in store for us.

“Sango perhaps you don’t recognize your one true love? His name is Miroku. It’s a pity that you can’t remember him, however, I am here to offer you a proposition. Do you choose to save the love of your life, the father to your future children, or an already corrupted brother? The choice is yours, but make it quickly. I am not known for my patience.”

Standing there bleeding, I knew my decision. I could not let this evil being named Naraku continue to live. His kind of cruelty and poison would only spread. I looked at the two males who meant so much to me. My brother, I hoped his death, and the fact that he was under Naraku’s control would guarantee his place in heaven. The monk, the other piece of my heart, well I hoped he could forgive me for putting the needs of the many before the needs of the few. Hopefully in the next lifetime we would be happy and together.

I walked closer to Naraku and looked at him. Waiting in silence for him to speak, knowing he would break the silence. “Well demon slayer, what is your decision?” he drawled out. Quickly throwing my Hiraikotsu as hard as I could, I screamed “Neither!” and jumped up behind the wicked one, holding onto him for dear life. I knew I had signed my death warrant, and only prayed that the Kami understood my choices. The giant boomerang began its decent down. It was wicked sharp and could cleave a person or demon in two. The sound of it slicing the air became closer.

The impact of it threw us both to the ground. Naraku was completed bisected by my weapon. Although, I had escaped with just an abdominal wound, it proved to be a fatal one. I smiled with satisfaction knowing I had rid the world of a great evil. The anxious faces of Miroku and my brother were the last things I saw before my world faded to black. Slowly I became aware of my surroundings. I was back in the House of Jade. Miroku was sitting beside me meditating. We were both on the ground by the water garden and my body was on fire. Pain in every part of my body an after effect of my battle, I rolled onto my hands and knees and attempted to get up. I was shaky and my world was shaky.

In those last minutes I sacrificed everything for the greater good. Family, love and future were set aside to ensure the right thing was done. I hadn’t been positive but I held. Even with doubt in my heart I held. So many warriors worry that they will fall in battle. My worry had always been that I would freeze up or make wrong choices. This test while horrible had taught me real lessons. I learned that even in loss there is gain. By giving up all I held dear I was rewarded with the knowledge that I helped shape a better future. The ones I left behind would know I died for a cause, a reason. I had died selflessly and that it the best a warrior can hope for.

I also learned that the best we can do, the best any of us can do is fight for what we believe in. When the world around you falls apart; you must look to within for your strength and courage. Courage was not the absence of fear, rather it was the person who felt fear and yet still carried on. It was the doubt that you felt but did not let it stop you. It was years of training that came down to minutes. It was a lifetime of knowledge that you had to shuffle through in seconds. It was all that and more…

Before I could push up and try to stand arms came around me. If I was deaf dumb and blind I would know those arms. I leaned back and let my tears flow down my face, cleansing my soul of my harrowing experience. I wondered what his trial had been like and if what did he sacrifice? What was his lesson? Was all of this really worth it?

And like an answer to my unspoken question I remembered……………….

“The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” (Quote is by Charles Dubois)

READ & REVIEW ^~^ (You know the deal by now)

AN: Somehow this story took on a life of its own. It went from a couple of chapters to a saga! We have a few more levels of training to survive. Two more official mating ceremony’s to dream up, a long battle with two of the most evil bad asses to ever live, and a happily ever after with a nice long prologue. So I guess I am just apologizing in advance if this goes to some crazy number of chapters like over 40, 50 or more!

Also: Gomen Ne! Work has been a real bear and the chapter was not flowing as it should have. Much love to Phoenix Wolf for her excellent betaing!

Next chapter will be Ayame & Kagome’s trial.


Preview:
Kags:
Why do you fight so hard, why suffer when you are unloved. You are a copy, not an original. Who would choose second best?

Ayame:
Koga how could you do this to me? I thought you loved me?