Masquerade

Author’s Note:

Dear News Stations Across the World (i.e. Fox, NBC, etc.),

I’m sick of your shit.

Love,
Me.

Chapter Twenty-Four – Give Me One Good Reason



Sesshoumaru wasn’t amused.

He rarely was, true, but his normal indifference was entirely unlike this present mood. This present feeling was… it was-…

It was a clawing, angry, apathetic, angry awareness that made him completely un-amused. And irrational.

You can’t be angry and apathetic. His proper side amended, poking the politically correct side of his brain helpfully. Sesshoumaru shut his eyes. If he was politically correct he wouldn’t have licked- had contact with a human priestess. (Except technically, he didn’t need to add the “human” part in that last sentence because there were no “demon” priestesses alive. It was impossible.) Sesshoumaru’s eyes opened. Now he had a headache.

Once more, the light-hearted giggles of Kagome reached his ears, accompanied by the gruffer voice of ‘Kouga-kun’ as he spouted another pointless “joke”. Sesshoumaru snorted and narrowed his eyes at the road ahead of him. He could be funny. If he wanted to, anyway. He just never wanted to be. It was pointless. And frivolous. He didn’t do anything that didn’t serve him a purpose.

You licked the priestess. That damned section piped up again. What purpose did that serve?

Sesshoumaru blinked. It was a good question. What was he hoping to gain from the priestess? A romp in the sheets? If that were the case then he wouldn’t be wasting all this time with her… getting to know her. His brow furrowed. Did he- No! The horror. Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened, his eyebrows rising to hide behind the disproportioned curtain of his bangs. He- he cared. About her, her feelings, her thoughts, her emotions, her worries and fears, her hopes and dreams. No! And now she had corrupted him to make him sound like those horrible plays the geisha put on and-

Gasp.

He fucking cared. He fucking cared about Kagome.

Damn her! I’ll kill her!

Except no, he wouldn’t. Because he cared.

I thought we passed this. The politically correct bastard taunted happily. You care for her.

Sesshoumaru twitched violently.

Dammit! I’ll kill her!

“Kouga-kun! You really shouldn’t say such things about him, he really isn’t that bad.” Kagome said sweetly, yanking Sesshoumaru’s thoughts back over from the continental divide.

Who? What?

“So he’s hard to get to know and kind of… cruel on the outside… but, really, he’s okay once you break down the barriers.”

They’re talking about me?

“But Kagome-chan, the guy’s an asshole of the highest rank. He’s a fucking bitch.”

“Sometimes, I suppose…”

Kagome, you traitor!

“But- but he’s all right, sometimes, too. You just don’t know him like I do, Kouga-kun.”

“Have you ever… you know, had-… it with him?”

“No! Never! I never will, ever…”

What?

“I mean… maybe I would have a few years ago… but, now… he’s just too different.”

She preferred I, Sesshoumaru, when I was trying to kill her?

“So… Kagome-chan… does that mean I have a chance now?”

No! No, it doesn’t! She doesn’t need fleas.

“I don’t know, Kouga-kun-… maybe?”

That- that- that-

“Kagome, I really want you to be my mate…”

You stupid, irrational, stupid, wolfish-

“What’cha thinkin’ about?”

Sesshoumaru turned cold eyes to the demoness next to him, inwardly shrieking. “Nothing of importance.”

Hatsuho giggled and slapped his arm. “Of course it’s of importance to me!”

Obviously Kagome has not told this abomination we are related. Sesshoumaru looked back at the laughing wolf and priestess, a malicious thought entering his head. I should not. But he liked doing things he shouldn’t. He saved Jaken’s little tribe, didn’t he? (Though it was unintentional… but that was hardly the point.) So… time for step one.

“Hatsuho.”

“Yes?” She said, her eyelashes fluttering.

“I cannot have any sort of a relationship with you.” Because you disgust me. And, oh, yes, gross.

“Why not?” She asked, looking crestfallen.

“I have an intended.” Sesshoumaru intoned calmly, appearing completely serious.

Hatsuho gasped. “Who?”

“The priestess.”

Hatsuho blinked. Hatsuho breathed. Hatsuho died.

Sesshoumaru watched her fall forward, only moving to take one step to the right so she hit the ground solidly. Sesshoumaru’s nose twitched and he looked up to the shocked faces of his companions.

“What did you tell her?” Leiko growled, running to Hatsuho’s prone form.

Sesshoumaru blinked slowly, his head tilting to the side. “There was a… bug, on her… head. I suggested she get it off with the… ground.”

Leiko patted Hatsuho’s pale face with her palm, whispering for her to get up. Masao rolled his eyes and sauntered over to them, slinging Hatsuho over his shoulder. “She’ll be fine. Let’s keep moving.”

Next to Sesshoumaru, Kagome finally gave in.

She bent over and clutched her stomach, her merry giggles floating over the group and bringing Masao and Leiko to a stop.

“Is there something funny, priestess?” Leiko asked with narrowed eyes.

Kagome straightened and attempted to keep her mouth in a straight line. “Sesshoumaru-sama,” more giggles, “get the bug off,” another round of tittering, “with the ground?”

Sesshoumaru cleared his throat and sidestepped everyone before traveling once more down the trail. “We are leaving now.”

Kouga grinned and threw an arm over Kagome’s shoulders. “It was funny.” He whispered, grinning against the side of her head.

Kagome nodded and regained her composure, ran a hand over the baggy material of her hakama, straightened the tie at the back of her head, and squared her shoulders. It was a little odd with Kouga’s muscular appendage draped over them, but she managed.

Yes, Kagome had reached a decision.

It didn’t matter what level of praise-worthy, time-stopping, age-defying, drool-inducing hotness Sesshoumaru reached. Kagome was a priestess. After the Shikon jewel is destroyed she’ll settle down with a nice human man. Maybe the caretaker of the village inn from the last village? He was nice, and he had a good income. True, he didn’t have the six-pack of the gods – Kagome’s eyes strayed to Sesshoumaru’s back – but he had a nice… um, pair of shoes! Yes. He had very nice material possessions and he was a very nice person and when Kagome was done being the nice little priestess she could settle down with the nice little caretaker and they’ll have a nice relationship in the nice little town and-

Kagome groaned and un-slung Kouga’s arm. The nice big plan of nice niceness was pissing her off. In all actuality, Kagome was tired of being nice. She wanted to be free and passionate. And if Sesshoumaru was willing to tag along on her passion, well-

Who was she to complain?

She slapped a hand over her face. Really, she had to stop doing that. Imagining various ways to get freaky with the demon lord. Was. Not. Healthy.

Because it was certainly messing with her mental stability.

In the last few minutes she’d pictured jumping Sesshoumaru – in front of everyone – at least twice. We all know a sane Kagome would have never, ever dreamed up such things. Why, a sane Kagome would be thinking about flowers and bunnies and worrying over the Shikon and maybe counting how much pocky she was going to devour if she ever got home.

I like bunnies. Kagome concentrated on the image of a fluffy little tail and wide golden eyes and a pale little nose and an adorable little crescent moon-

“Dammit! He isn’t adorable!”

Oh, look Kagome. You’ve discovered a smashing new shade of red and solved world peace.

You can wake up now.

No more nightmares, please.

Kagome opened one eye. Nope, everyone was still gaping at her. She took a deep breath and pinched herself. Nu-uh. She clicked her heels together three times. Nothing.

“Kagome-san, are you okay?” Masao ventured hesitantly, shifting Hatsuho on his shoulder.

“Yes, Masao-kun. I’m fine. Just dying from embarrassment is all.”

Leiko and Masao nodded with an “oh” and began walking again. Kouga shrugged followed after them, his tail swinging lazily. Kagome’s head fell and she kicked a rock.

Your smoothness is to be envied. She told herself bitterly. Booted feet appeared in her vision and she groaned again. And to add the icing to the cake, we bring you “Putdowns-R-Us!”

“Kagome.” Oh, he used your name. That’s new. She rolled her eyes and looked up at him, trying to ignore the perceptiveness in his eyes. It was like he could read her fucking mind.

“Yes?” Oh he who deserves no sex. Ever.

“What were you think of?” He questioned dully.

“I was thinking of you in a giant bunny suit!” Sounded slightly odd. So instead, she settled with-

“Kouga. I was thinking of Kouga-kun and his, um, tail. Which is- which is actually, um, sexy. Yeah. His tail should be adorable but it’s, you know… Yeah.”

The clouds darkened around her. No, that was just his eyes. They’d narrowed and darkened and Kagome could’ve sworn one of his eyebrows twitched.

Huh.

“He is a flea-infested animal and has the sex-drive of a rock.” Sesshoumaru bit out.

Kagome blinked and looked around. Did he just-…

Sesshoumaru had just put down Kouga. Why? Well, Sesshoumaru was “Putdowns-R-Us”, but still. That usually didn’t happen unless you insulted Sesshoumaru first. The second reason could be that Sesshoumaru was jealous of Kouga’s tail. But he had the big pelt-whip thing and Kagome was sure it was a lot softer than Kouga’s tail. Maybe. So the last reason was…

…

He didn’t want Kagome to think of Kouga in anyway that might be taken suggestively?

…

Perhaps. There was only one way to test this theory.

“But, Sesshoumaru-sama, I don’t have any sex-drive. I don’t even have a sex-life. So, we could teach each other! Kouga-kun and I.”

Oh. Look. Sesshoumaru has a really dark blood vessel in his temple. Kagome, distracted by the throbbing of said vessel, missed the green poison fleetingly dripping from his claws.

“You wish to have a sex-life, miko.” Yes, stretch the priestess part. It will remind her of what she is and what she can’t do. Like the wolf, for instance.

Kagome grew devious. “Well, maybe. But I’d like to live up to European standards and enjoy sex.”

She was from the twenty-first century. You all saw it coming.

An idea bled inside Sesshoumaru’s head. He bent down until their noses were brushing and balanced her chin on a single claw. “Would you now?”

Here lies Higurashi Kagome, beloved daughter and respected priestess. Her cause of death still remains uncertain, but we can be sure it was a happy passing, full of joy and… other… less moral… stuff…

Yes. That was what her gravestone would read. After dear old Buddha decided he had enough fun making her turn gooey and unsatisfied.

“I-I would.” Someone else said that. It hadn’t been Kagome. Kagome has no motor-skills when Sesshoumaru touches her.

His lips curled into a hidden smirk. “Admitting is the first step.” And there was contact no more.

Kagome stared at his back, forcibly struck with how repetitive this entire situation was.

Step 1) Sesshoumaru gains Kagome’s attention by either, A) saying something odd, B) instigating physical contact or, C) all of the above.

Step 2) Sesshoumaru says something completely unexpected and/or sexual

Step 3) Kagome is rendered motionless/speechless/insanely aroused

Step 4) Sesshoumaru walks away smugly and Kagome slowly regains feeling in her body… and brain

No more!

Kagome scowled and stomped ahead until she was situated directly before Sesshoumaru, hands on her hips, determination in every breath.

… Now what?

One of Sesshoumaru’s brows rose.

Kagome killed a puppy in her head.

“I know you pride yourself on your ability to raise one eyebrow independently of the other, but now is not the time!” There, that was a good start. Now keep going. “I’m tired of you doing that! Saying all those things you don’t mean and- and- and making me all arou- angry!”

Sesshoumaru blinked.

Kagome’s determination plummeted.

“Are you done?”

“Yeah.” There’s that blush again.

Sesshoumaru nodded and took a step towards her. “I don’t believe you would appreciate it if I were to act on my previous promises at this moment. Perhaps later, when we are in a more… ideal situation.”

“Really? Because we’re going to be- WAIT, no!” Think of the negative, Kagome. The negative.

Sesshoumaru tried to hid his grin, he really did. “And why not?”

Negative! “Um… you’re, I- we… old! You’re much too old for me! And, um, immortal!”

“Is that your only excuse?”

…

Apparently. Kagome sighed and titled her head back, her eyes focused blankly on the wide expanse of sky. “You win. Are you happy? I’m broken and unholy and impure and going to get shagged (hopefully).” She closed her eyes once, then looked straight at Sesshoumaru once more.

“Shagged?”

“Like a rabbit.” And this time, it was she who walked away.

Leaving Sesshoumaru immensely confused.

“No.”

“Miko, it is the only mode of transportation we have.”

“Don’t you mean me? I’m the only one going on that thing! Remember?”

Sesshoumaru almost smiled. “How could I have forgotten?”

Kagome studied the shoebox in which she was to travel to Okinawa. That thing had to carry her over miles and miles of choppy, pirate-infested waters. It was going to take at least a week to get to Okinawa, but his royal freak-show was going to arrive there in a couple hours. Maybe sooner if he felt like trying.

“Sesshoumaru-sama, Kagome-san.”

Kagome’s eyes turned to meet a tall human male. Darkly tanned skin, deep, piercing green eyes – an anomaly in Japanese people – and a quirky smile.

“Then again, I can’t complain about the scenery.”

Sesshoumaru scowled at the handsome human.

“Who are you?” Kagome asked politely

“Dreadfully sorry, priestess-san.” He bowed deeply. Kagome blushed prettily. Sesshoumaru’s mood plunged. “I am the captain of the ship you will be traveling on, priestess-san.”

“Oh! My name is Kagome, it’s pleasure to meet you.” She bowed lightly in return and offered him an unrestrained smile, trying to make up for Sesshoumaru’s haughty anger.

The captain’s light blush didn’t go unnoticed. “So it will just be you, Kagome-san?”

Kagome opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by-

“No. I, Sesshoumaru, will be with the priestess.”

The young man’s face paled. “You two are together?”

Kagome stuttered. “No- no-!”

“Yes. We are.” Sesshoumaru’s hand wrapped around her elbow, drawing her closer to his looming form while still merrily continuing to glower at the human male and his libido.

The man bowed once more and scurried off, disappearing behind a pile of net.

Kagome gaped, looking between where the human had vanished and Sesshoumaru’s face. “What was that?”

Sesshoumaru stiffened but didn’t relinquish his grip. “I was under the impression you did not want to travel on the ship alone.”

“I didn’t! But- but the captain and the eyes and-”

Sesshoumaru started walking toward the ship, ignoring her useless prattling. He’d regretted his decision the moment he’d made it, what with the smell of salt and sweaty, dirty humans singeing his nostrils and making his throat sore, but it was necessary to keep the priestess away from other less trustworthy males. He needed her purity for the destruction of the Shikon jewel.

Yes. That one will do.

Excuses seemed to be piling up around Sesshoumaru’s conscience. It wasn’t pleasant.

But necessary.

Sesshoumaru: If you say you hate me one more time I’m leaving you with the smelly human.

Kagome: Okay!

Sesshoumaru: I meant the other smelly human.

Kagome: … Crap.

I read this really cool fanfiction the other day. It was awesome.

Until I got to the lemon.

Then I hated it and wanted to kill people. I swear, one more "and then he entered her womanhood with his engorged member" and I WILL start hunting people down.

Also, if I read another story where Kagome is a miko/demon I'm going to write my own where she purifies herself from the inside out and dies alone cluctching the tianted Shikon. At the very end, it will read-

EAT THAT!

Stupid. Drones.