A Love That Never Was

Author’s note: I’m so sorry it took me so long to update guys. I got home from vacation and the plumbing in my apartment had decided to explode. It’s still not totally fixed, a bunch of pipes are gonna have to be replaced, so until it’s done, updates might be kind sporadic. I’m gonna get as much done as I can while I have the time. Thank you all for your reviews and for being so patient.

Disclaimer: Don’t own him still, but I’ve got some really crappy pipes!


Kat closed her eyes, trying to slow the rush of images pouring into her mind. But closing her eyes made them rush faster and stronger. She opened them again and was greeted by Sesshoumaru’s face staring worriedly at her. He did not look like the youkai she remembered, but it was still him. She cautiously reached out with her rediscovered miko abilities. He had some kind of glamour about him. She blinked as she remembered her power hitting him and the glamour shredding like a piece of old cloth. The tears continued to slide down her cheeks and her gaze turned to the jewel that lay in her cupped hands.

“Shikon No Tama,” she whispered in awe. She brought it closer to her and examined it carefully. It seemed to almost fit into her hand and the cool surface instantly warmed in her hand, as though approving of her touch. Sesshoumaru placed his hand on her shoulder.

Don’t say anything,” she cut him off as he tried to speak. She pulled away from his hand and stood up.

“You are Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands. You hate humans! What the hell are you doing dating me?” Shock and pain was quickly being replaced by anger. She embraced the anger; it was so much easier to feel that than everything else that coming at her. HE tried to speak, but she cut him off again.

“You tried to kill me so many times. Do you remember that Western Lord?” she asked, slipping back to her old way of referring to him without even noticing. “I remember. God, help me I remember everything. Inuyasha, Sango, Miroko, and…” her voice trailed off and she began to cry harder.

“Shippo. My little Shippo. Me and everyone I loved. You blackmailed me into amusing you by threateni8ng them even more. You screamed at me one all my family was killed that I had taken your Goddamned kill from you!” She was shouting now. She turned all of her fear and pain into anger and focused it on this man standing before her. Her life was a lie. Or was the lie what she remembered now? If it had never happened, how could it be real? Oh God I’m losing my mind. She felt hysteria threatening to overwhelm her.

“Do you even know what I’m talking about? Are my words making any sense to you or does it just sound like nonsense to you? Answer me!” she screamed. He raised his head and allowed the glamour to slip away. He stood up, looking cold as he always had.

“Yes. I know what you’re talking about.” Kat felt like she had been hit with a bucket of cold water.

“After you made your wish, I was transported back to my own lands. When I woke up, it was in the past. About seventy years before the events of that evening. It took me quite some time to fully realize the…repercussions of your wish.” Kat said back down, trying to absorb everything. Her life wasn’t her life. Her life was actually some little Japanese girl named Kagome. But Kagome was her. Even know she could the faces of a family that she had never known. She could hear Inuyasha growling, at her. Oh Inuyasha! Her dearest friend. And Sango, her sister. Miroku, her brother. And Shippo.

“Oh my baby,” she whispered remembering the visions Lady Midoriko had shown her. She began to cry again. The Kami have taken a special interest in you child. They have all ready made plans for you, whispered Lady Midoriko in her memory. Oh God. Her life was not her own. The Kami were running it. Everything that she had was not truly hers. It was just a reward. She felt Sesshoumaru come nearer and he placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Katherine,” he began, but she cut him off with an angry shriek.

“Do not call me that!” she screamed. “Don’t call me that name. It isn’t even my name! My whole life is a lie! None of this is real. My talent, my family, my friends, my whole life is a lie. It all just been handed to me as a reward for a wish I made? She made? I don’t even fucking know? All I know is that nothing is mine. I’m not a talented writer. I’m just some brat that handed a career by the Gods. How much of my life is mine?”

She jumped up, clutching the Shikon No Tama so strongly she could feel it cutting into her palm. Her braided hair fell in front of her face. Red hair, not black. She wrapped her arms around herself, terrified of the thoughts going through her head.

“I’m not real. I’m just a replacement. That’s all I am. Kagome’s replacement.” SHE felt something warm slide down her hand. She looked down and realized she had held the jewel so tightly, she had cut her hand. She relaxed her grip, but continued to hold the jewel. A voice floated through her head.

Mama, you smell good. Really baby, what do I smell like? Cherry blossoms and lotus flowers.

I’m thinking of how sweet you smell. And what do I smell like? Cherry blossoms. And lotus.

He knew. Sesshoumaru knew. He had too. She turned on him, her eyes blazing with fury.

“Did you know? This whole time have you known who I am or was or whatever the terminology is I don’t care? Did you know? When you met me did you know?” She was shrieking now and she didn’t care.

“Yes,” he said softly. “I recognized your scent instantly.” She covered her face as her breath left her body. It was like she had been punched in the stomach. She had known what he was going to say, but she had still been praying that she was wrong.

“You knew who I was this whole time? Oh God.” She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling cold from the inside out.

“What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of a game have you been playing with me?” she yelled furiously.

“I have played no games, miko,” he growled, his eyes beginning to bleed to red. The two of them stood up and glared at each other. Kat knew that she should be scared, but she so angry that she couldn’t even begin to think about it. This was the Sesshoumaru she remembered, arrogant and cold.

“Bullshit,” she told him. “It’s always games with you. Humans aren’t good enough for anything other then slaughter and games. You played them with me for months! Harass the stupid little human. Tell her how weak she is. Tell her that she is stupid. And now you find me and play the goddamn dating game with me? What is this? An experiment to see how many different ways and lives and you mess with me? Oh God, and I believed everything you said to me. I must have given you so much to laugh at!”

“I have done nothing-“ She cut him off again. Her temper rose even higher and she felt her miko abilities shoot to the surface. She could see the pink glow begin to surround her and she welcomed it. Her body no longer fought against it and the power filled her.

“Don’t you dare tell me that you have done nothing! You knew who I was! But you couldn’t let me alone. And now I know that my whole life has been a lie. Especially you! Get out of my house!” she screamed. He didn’t move and readied a ball of energy to throw at him.

“GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!” she screamed. He looked at her for a moment and then walked out the door. She collapsed on the floor sobbing, her energy leaving her as quickly as it had come.

Her life wasn’t real. None of it was real. It was all a lie that the kami had created for her. And him. Oh him! Had he discovered who she was and decided he wanted to play with her again? She cried harder, not knowing what to do. A sharp pain in her hand distracted her for a moment. She looked down, seeing the Shikon No Tama still clutched in her hand.

The damned jewel. This was the source of everything that was happening to her. Why did it have to reappear? Why did it have to be hers?

“I hate you,” she whispered softly. She stood up, the tears still pouring down her cheeks.

“I HATE YOU!” she screamed, pulling her arm back to throw it against the wall. As she started to release, she felt a wave of dizziness overcome her and the world went black.