Shampoo Shopping
The pet store manager was attending to a customer when two silver-haired young men walked in and headed for the grooming-products aisle. He had never seen them before. However, this area was popular with holidaymakers, so most of the people who patronised the shops around here weren't regulars.
While helping the first customer, an elderly lady, get several packs of bird feed down from the top shelf, he could hear the two men in the other aisle.
One was saying snappishly: "I thought
you'd packed the shampoo."
"No, I distinctly remember saying that I would pack the
snacks, because I did not want you to eat them all long before we arrived at our destination," returned a deeper voice.
"Maybe we can do without the shampoo. It's only for the weekend."
"Ordinarily, a weekend without shampoo would not be a problem – but the sea air here makes everything feel tacky."
"I don't see the brand we use..."
"Maybe they don't carry it."
"Why would any shop not carry 'Sparkling Bright'?" went the impatient voice. "It's mild, unscented, and has no artificial chemicals in it."
By this time, the manager was keying in the bird-feed purchase, and he could still hear the two men discussing various shampoos down the aisle.
"Here's a tester bottle for this one, which says 'organic'," proposed the deeper-voiced one.
A moment's silence, during which the other male presumably sniffed the contents of the tester bottle, was followed by an explosive: "Eeeewwww! 'Organic' my ass! There are at least eight totally artificial ingredients in there. And it stinks!"
"What about this? It has proper organic certification on it."
Another moment of silence and another sniff, followed by a disbelieving: "
Lavender? You're kidding, right?"
"Just because
you don't like a scent..."
"
This one smells decent."
"We tried it before, and it tangled everything up, don't you remember?" the deeper voice asked.
"Oh yeah..."
"That one, then?"
"That one tastes disgusting," came the snappish voice.
"If you would stop drinking the shower water, you wouldn't swallow the shampoo," said the other sensibly. "How about this?"
"Yuck."
"Hmm, it is rather vile."
The manager, done with the bird lady, peered round the end of the aisle. The two silver-haired customers were still sniffing one shampoo after the other, and rejecting each one for some peculiar reason or other that seemed to have nothing to do with what their pooches might require.
"Hi," he greeted them. "Can I help you with anything?"
Two silver heads whipped around, and two pairs of golden eyes pierced him keenly, before the shorter, more muscular male wearing a baseball cap asked: "Do you have 'Sparkling Bright' shampoo here?"
"No, we don't carry that range, I'm afraid. Could I recommend an alternative?"
"Not really. We've sniffed almost all of them and we don't like any of them."
"So it's the scents that you find objectionable?"
"It's also the effect some of them have on hair," said the taller man. "Tangling and snagging are very unpleasant, so is frizzing."
"Right," the manager said as he scrutinised the shelves, although as far as he knew, the shampoos they stocked didn't tangle or frizz dog hair. "
This one is formulated to detangle, and it is supposed to be scentless."
"No, we've tried that before," the taller male replied, glancing at his companion. "It leaves an odd film on each strand."
"What about this one with no artificial preservatives or additives?"
"It has the consistency of glue," said the taller one.
"We appreciate your trying to help, but we'll just take our time going through the tester bottles and follow our noses," the cap-wearing one sighed.
"Sure. I'll be right over there – just holler if you need any assistance, okay?" the manager said pleasantly.
He returned to the counter, but could not help listening to their conversation, for the shop was not that big, and every sound was quite clear.
"Ugh. This one always used to leave gooey bits trapped under our claws – I mean
nails – so it's out."
A sniff was followed by a disapproving grunt: "This smells worse than Naraku's miasma."
"Phew! Don't stick
that right under my nose!"
"This says 'Rose Garden'."
"Why would any self-respecting dog want to smell like a rose garden? The soil under the roses, maybe. Look – here's a dry shampoo. Maybe it'll do for the weekend."
"Not for dealing with sea air. And don't forget the fuss you created the last time you inhaled dry shampoo," the deeper voice said.
"I wouldn't have inhaled it if you hadn't tossed it in my face," the other went in response.
"I was aiming for your ears."
"Then you have really shitty aim."
"Here's a brand we've used before. It wasn't wonderful, but neither was it bad."
"You sure have a crappy memory. I didn't mind using it all that much, but
you said you didn't like the way it smelt on my hair after it dried."
"Only because it hid your natural scent too much, and you know how much I like that."
"Oh, sure. And also because it hid the natural scent of your own hair from yourself, and we know how much you like
that."
"Yes, yes, of course. You think me an egomaniac. What about this other one, then? It's also something we've used before."
"It turned my hair green."
"Maybe because you rolled in the grass before it dried."
"It was winter. The grass was
brown. And I was rolling in it only because you pushed me into the snow."
The manager could no longer resist peering round into the aisle again, a little more cautiously this time, and saying: "Erm... you guys
do know that those shampoos are for
dogs, right?"
Once again, he was pierced by two pairs of sharp golden eyes. The men stared at him in silence for a moment, before they both answered: "Yes, we know."
"Cos it sounds like you've been using them on yourselves," he risked a further comment.
"What's wrong with sharing shampoo with dogs?" the shorter customer asked.
The manager shrugged: "Well, if it floats your boat, I've nothing to say – it just seems like an expensive alternative to human shampoo."
"It works fine on both us and the dogs," replied the taller male.
"Really? Maybe I should try it some time. What sort of dogs do you have, anyway?"
"Japanese Spitzes," came the flat reply from both the customers in unison, like a rehearsed answer.
"And I take it they're as picky about their shampoo as you two are."
"Really picky."
"So you've got to please both them
and yourselves. Well... I do have something which may meet all your requirements, except in one department – but why don't you just sniff it first?" the manager said as he picked out a bottle from the shelf. "It's made from rice extracts, and supposed to be very gentle, with no artificial colouring or chemicals."
He unscrewed the pump-dispenser top and offered the bottle to them to sniff.
"That's not too bad," said the shorter male.
"It smells inoffensive," agreed the taller.
"Yes. The only thing is..." the store manager said hesitantly. "It's a cat shampoo."
The two sets of golden eyes stared at him. The rounder pair blinked once. The narrower pair just stared.
"
Cat shampoo," the owner of the narrower pair repeated stiffly.
"It's really safe to use on dogs, though, as it's unmedicated, and cats are more sensitive to or could even be poisoned by some things that don't affect dogs, so it won't do any harm."
The two customers looked at the bottle, and at the manager, then said to him: "Give us a moment, please."
They walked away from the counter and held a whispered discussion which, of course, was fairly easy to overhear.
"The last time I accidentally applied a cat grooming product, Kirara tried to mount me."
"Pure coincidence. Besides, Kirara's not with us this weekend."
"That's true. How long do you think it'll take to wear off, just to be safe?"
"I'm not sure. But we shouldn't visit her for at least a week after that."
"
No one hears about this, okay?" the shorter one with the bigger eyes snapped. "We'll be the laughing stocks of the canine world if this gets out."
"Of course."
They walked back up to the counter, and the taller of the two said: "Very well, we'll take it."
Following his instincts with this oddly doggish pair, the manager pointed out a box full of bacon-flavoured chew treats that was sitting right there on the counter, and suggested: "How about some of these for your Spitzes? They're a brand-new product, and going at a special price of three for five dollars now."
"Looks yummy," the shorter one in the baseball cap said, a hungry look in his golden eyes.
"Give us three of those then," said the other indulgently.
They paid up and left the shop. The manager wandered over to the store entrance and stood there watching them curiously as they headed for a sleek, black Lexus. Their voices carried back on the breeze as they walked.
"What shall we do with the remainder of the shampoo after this weekend?"
"Rebottle it and give it to Jaken as a wash. Maybe Kirara will try mounting
him."
A snicker floated over from the car park, dissipating as the men got into the car and slammed the doors. The sunlight was reflecting off the windshield of the Lexus, so the manager didn't have a great view, but he could see the shorter male removing and readjusting his baseball cap while the other started the engine – and he could almost swear that he saw a perfect pair of dog ears springing up from his hair before the cap went down over them again. He shook his head and stared, but the car was already pulling out.
No, he thought as he walked back into the shop.
Surely it was just a trick of the light. Then again...
