What the Darkness Brings

PART I: The Consequence of Recovery
Chapter 19: Rest and Relaxation… Sort of

She had to admit, it was kind of strange.

Kagome rubbed her arm gently, staring at the youkai lord who, in an obvious display of pleasure, was assisting his ward in removing burrs from her kimono. With TWO hands. It was a monumental moment for the royal daiyoukai. He had both his arms, and he was willingly, without provocation, aiding someone other than himself. She honestly didn’t think he would have helped the little girl had he not gained his arm back. It was absolutely adorable.

Stifling a giggle, she watched as Sesshou-Maru gently brushed away another prickly bit of plant from Rins clothing without even expressing his displeasure. He wasn’t the type to help someone so blithely, and now he was only told of his giddiness at again having his arm. Kagome didn’t think that she had ever had so much joy from doing someone a favor.

Nor so much sadness either. That she had done her task meant Sesshou-Maru and she no longer had a deal. He had no reason to stay anymore and, therefore, would leave soon with adorable little Rin and his annoying little vassal. She wouldn’t be seeing him very much anymore and when they did meet it wouldn’t be on friendly terms. Not with the youkai lord yearning for the Tetsuseiga so badly. In fact, she was surprised the demon did not try now to take the sword.

But instead, Sesshou-Maru had reattached his arm, set her broken arm with some help from Nezumi, and sat down by the fire silently.

Well, she never said the daiyoukai was predictable. In fact, he was anything but.

Shaking her head and turning from Sesshou-Maru just as he patted his ecstatic wards head with his returned hand, she smiled at Miroku. Reclining against the largest tree in the clearing, the monk was freshly cleaned, fed, and all around cared for. He still looked severely tired and strained, but to Kagome he looked one hundred and ten percent better that he had for the past few days. “How are you feeling?”

The monk sighed, but smiled wryly. “The exact same from when you asked me five minutes ago, Lady Kagome. Thank you.”

She blushed, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just…”

Miroku reached out and patted her shoulder. “I know.”

Her lips pursed nervously, and she looked at him from the corner of her eye, “And… and you still can’t…”

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in a rare display of irritation, “No, Kagome-sama. I can’t sense my holy energy anymore.”

“Oh.”

She looked down as her hand twisted in the fabric of her hakamas, not liking that she annoyed one of her good friends. Especially one she felt she wronged so badly. So he would have died if she hadn’t purified the curse from his palm, but if she hadn’t been so powerful (according to Sesshou-Maru) then his holy abilities wouldn’t have been taken away. Kagome felt her eyes tear up for about the hundredth time since she’d found they had confirmed his er, spiritual impotency.

Clearing her throat to try to force away the tears, Kagome stood from her place next to Miroku, deciding to see if Sesshou-Maru wanted any company. She didn’t think she could face any other of her little group right now.

The daiyoukai looked down at her, an eyebrow raised. She gave him a watery smile, “Hi, how are you doing.”

He cracked the knuckles of his reattached arm. They both watched, Sesshou-Maru with pleasure and Kagome with a sort of awed caution, as an acidic green glow gathered around the razor-like claws. “Remarkably well, miko.”

Kagome smiled nervously, “Eh heh. Th-that’s good.”

The glow diminished, and he rested his hand on his knee. “Indeed.”

They fell silent, and Kagome couldn’t help but feel rather awkward. She came over here to avoid crying in front of Miroku, but maybe she should have chosen her next being to converse with better. She just didn’t know what to say to him now that it wasn’t guaranteed that he wouldn’t kill her for a minuscule slight against his person. What was she supposed to say? ‘Thanks for taking care of my back.’? ‘What are you still hanging around for?’ ‘Is Jaken gay?’? ‘Have you decided when you’re going to test out your arm on Inu-Yasha?’

None were really appropriate for conversation at this point. Well, at least for her. She was sure Sesshou-Maru wouldn’t mind the last topic in the least.

Pulling a stray hair behind her ear, Kagome just looked at the ground, trying desperately to think of anything to relieve the – most likely one sided – tension. There was the painful topic of the weather, of course. No conversation ever survived that intact, and Sesshou-Maru would most likely not comment. He would instead mock her until she decided to leave. Then she could ask about what he had been doing, but he would only look at her like she was an idiot and tell her that his affairs were none of her concern. Not that it stopped her before… but he could kill her for being nosy now. She liked her head on her shoulders! Talking about fighting would lead to dismembering, of course Sesshou-Maru’s effort to make her leave. The only safe topic, really, was Rin.

Casting her eyes to the girl, who was conveniently getting into burrs again, Kagome just watched for a moment. From the time she’d spent with the little girl, she’d come to realize that Rin, for some inexplicable reason, idolized the daiyoukai. Well, sure, there was the fact that Sesshou-Maru saved her life, and, in fact, had brought her out of death. Apparently he also cared for her, provided clothing, food, and all she needed. To Rin, Sesshou-Maru kept all the scary things way (though since he was the scariest thing out there it wasn’t saying much), and he was the one who kept her safe from harm. Really, Kagome couldn’t find fault with the little girl hero worshiping him.

A frown touched her lips at the thought. Why didn’t she find fault with an impressionable little girl looking up to a sadistic, human hating daiyoukai? The demon had more than likely killed hundreds of thousands of humans in his lifetime, and would no doubt continue to do so. His distain for human kind or any other being who decided to ‘act foolishly’ was less than admirable, and so was his need to kill everyone who didn’t answer a question to his liking. Little Rin was going to grow up exposed to that? How would she view her own species after the demon lord was through with her?

And yet, even then, Kagome couldn’t help but understand why Rin adored the demon. He was intelligent, far more so than most all of those living in this era. He was true to his word, honorable. Never once in the entire situation had he mentioned reigning in on his part of the deal. He might have voiced the question of why he had decided so, but never did he take it back. He could be gentle when he wanted to, especially when he was dealing with the injured. She could distinctly remember how gentle he was as he’d massaged her spine.

Kagome blanched, a bit of a blush spreading across her cheeks. Exactly why could she remember the way that felt so distinctly? She’d gotten a massage before, a spa day with her and her mother, gifted to both of them for the day after a particularly sad St. Valentines day. That massage, while it felt very good, had faded from her mind almost immediately after she and her mother had left the spa. It had been unmemorable, and the masseuse had been to school for the vocation!

So why were Sesshou-Maru’s ministrations so fresh in her mind?

Humming a bit, Kagome stared into the fire, a little frown of concentration on her lips. Well, it could be because, hey, daiyoukai! Really attractive one at that, and he’d given her several really good massages that eased the ache in her back. Not to mention he had been her sworn enemy before this whole fiasco. Maybe the irony of it all was getting to her. Or, perhaps it was all the stress coming back around to mess with her mind.

But none of it fit, because, while he may not be a very strong demon, Nezumi was attractive, and he’d also done the same task just as many times as his master. Yet his touch was as forgettable as the nameless masseuse. As for the irony of her enemy helping her, she really, honestly hadn’t thought of him in that context since he’d began her therapy. She just couldn’t think of someone who willfully aided her as someone who was not some sort of friend or ally. And the stressed option? Well, Sesshou-Maru had already borne the brunt of that.

So, why? Why was she so focused on him? It wasn’t like she liked him… No, that would be impossible! She really didn’t like him like that!

Did she?

Warily, Kagome snuck a peek at Sesshou-Maru out of the corner of her eye, surreptitiously looking him over. Did she like the demon lord in a way that was more than friendly? Was that why she could remember almost every conversation they’d had near perfectly? Why she remembered all his attempts at jokes, or the small half-smiles and smirks he gave her? Why, most of the time, she felt so relaxed even when his deadly, poisonous claws touched her flesh? Why she remembered his touch?

Yes. She believed that was why.

Her blush brightened, and quickly she looked away from the male sitting next to her, almost horrified. How could she like Sesshou-Maru? Her best friend’s hated half-brother! The youkai who scorned the very thing Inu-Yasha was, who never gave the acceptance the younger wanted so badly. How? What kind of person was she?

Mentally, Kagome shook off the accusing questions and the horror. No, she would hold those questions off until she knew exactly how much she liked her recently-former doctor. There was no use in beating herself up if it was only a tiny crush. So, taking a deep breath, she began the frightening undertaking of understanding her feelings.

She only had two examples of ‘love’ and ‘like’ to compare it with. Both were slightly embarrassing when she thought back on them, but she had felt something for them at one time or another. Now, Hojou, and she rolled her eyes at the thought, was only a mild crush, and she had liked him because, well, he had been idealistic for her at that point in her life. Kind and achingly sweet, there had been no one else who could match him. In her time. Soon after meeting Inu-Yasha, after experiencing the… heroics of the hanyou, her ideal male had changed drastically.

Inu-Yasha… Inu-Yasha had been something she loved, but could never have and it made her ache for him so much more. He was abrasive and crude, impolite and argumentative, but he could also be very sweet and protective, and so very attentive. It wasn’t hard to love Inu-Yasha. He was a wounded soul. Scorned and hated by all, desperate to carve himself a place in the world. Kagome hadn’t been able to resist wanting to help him by being the one to love him, by being the one to finally accept him completely. But he had never been able to love her back, and her love had turned into that of a siblings.

So, in comparing the two feelings, how did she feel about Sesshou-Maru?

It wasn’t any stronger than she had felt for Inu-Yasha, though it was definitely stronger than her ‘ideal’ crush on Hojou. But… that was all she could figure out. It just felt too… different.

Shaking her head, Kagome again stared into the fire. No. Stronger or weaker, different or the same, it didn’t matter. She would do nothing about her feelings. It wasn’t right to Inu-Yasha. Her loyalty was with him.

And him alone.

---IA---

A.N. I like putzing around on Google, just typing out my name and some various information to see what turns up. I wrote down ‘I Agree’ ‘What the Darkness Brings’ and ‘fanfiction,’ just for the hell of it, I mean it’s fun for me to see that it’s posted. And hey, I was nominated for an Award for Best Overall Fanfic in 2007 on A Single Spark……

How in the seven layers of Hell did I miss that? And WHY? My work isn’t even that good… in my opinion that is… and most of it is unedited… (seriously need to get on that… or have someone else do it…)… *Sigh* Well, a belated thank you to whomever nominated ‘What the Darkness Brings.’ I’m truly honored you feel its good enough.

Happy New Years Eve and New Year. My resolution is to write more for you guys!

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