Such Sweet Sin

A/N: This is a vague sequel to my incest taboo week (iyhed week 37) fic, 'And Inside, She Was Willing to Sin'. Written for week 40 - hate to love you at iyhedonism.

WARNINGS: INCEST! A vague-ish SPOILER as to the ending of the manga.

How I loathe this feeling, this twisted desire in my heart, this forsaken need to go to you, to succumb to it. Leave his side, my dear husband and go to you. It is a pull I cannot quell, an ache that can't be ignored. And I try to, try so hard and I cannot.

It's why you stay away, even after you were resurrected, your memory having come back to you in a rush, before. Remembering every caress, kiss and joining of our bodies and souls. I saw it in your eyes, you were disgusted with me. I was too, with myself. And yet could not go back, turn my back to it, be the siblings only that we should be. I could not so easily discard my sick affection for you.

I married, trying to quell these feelings inside me, it was no way that a sister should feel. It made me shudder in my newly made husband's arms to imagine he was you and try and discard, dispel that image. That his arms were your younger one's, his deep breathy voice yours as it whispered affection into my ear as he filled my body with his seed. Made me reach the height of passion, regardless, for his skill won my body over. I stayed away. I was the loving, dutiful wife, carrying his children under my heart like I was meant to, longing to be reunited with you, as twisted and wrong as the thought was.

I knew my dear husband was doing more than his share in keeping our hanyou friend's broken heart from shattering completely and his mind sinking into madness. I saw them, kissing, caressing, changing words I'd not believed would ever be uttered between them. Words that should have been mine by default, words that had been mine. Seemed I was not the only one in an unhappy marriage. His real affection was for his friend, I now saw. And let it go on, for who was I to judge? His goal was met, his heirs born.

I wanted to seek out my dearest brother, after I was unburdened with my precious twins, the happy fruit of my union with the monk. My dear husband was overjoyed and whispered such sweet things into my ears as I lay in his arms, spent but not satisfied, yet I did not heed him, not all of his words. But I shared the joy with him, my family line would continue safely, the blood of the taijiya continue. Happy for my family yet craving for such an illicit connection with the one I should not.

However, the pull was too great when you came to visit, soon after. A sunny afternoon as your presence graced our home, the house I shared with my family, long last. And you were family too. My husband was away with the hanyou, sharing with him what he now rarely shared with me. And I looked at you, my dearest brother, my beloved, as you bent over my children to look at them, and I wanted you.

I drew you to me and kissed you, shushing your protests with my wicked hands, gripping, caressing. I couldn't bear to have seen you and not share this. I hoped with all my will that you'd find that spark, that lust of our past days together, our forbidden love.

I made you take me in my marital bed, slow and sweet and apprehensive. Your disgust was easily waylaid, my body yours to take, willing. I whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you caressed me with shaking hands, repeated how right it was. And we did it willingly, knowing what a wrong it was, clinging to each other as the passion washed over us, your seed in me warmer than my dear husbands ever was. Your body against mine more arousing with it's boyish softness than his, your hands and your fit something to savour.

You look at me, laying before you on the sparse futon, bare and sweaty. My body a feast for your eyes which cannot stay away. Our past and our present mix and mingle, this the first time we broke the taboo since your true self returned. You say you don't regret it. And yet you do, I know it. In the deepest recesses of my soul, I do too. Still I can't stop this, not any more. I want this. Crave your body so familiar and soft with your youth, oh, what a man you shall be in a few years time. More handsome than my dear husband, I can tell.

I stretch, my body shifting, bouncing before your very eyes, breathe deep and smile to you, exposed for you. I hold out my hand and take you in again. You're so sweet and slow, caring for me. Making me feel truly and utterly wanted. As your passion fills me I shudder, for my mind goes blank. It forgets the wrong of our actions, the taboo of our sin at last. The shame and self-loathing.

It forgets the hate in my love for you. In my desire for you, my sweet brother. And I care not. For it's too sweet a sin.