Forsaken Memories

Chapter Two…

Kagome opened her eyes and looked around her. She was sitting on the forest floor again. Sunshine was pouring through the treetops and a light breeze, carrying the scents of the forest, was ruffling through the leaves and stirring the grass at her feet. She was, once more, dressed entirely in white; the kimono almost seeming to glow with its own light amid the dark browns and greens of the forest surrounding her.

Even though she didn’t want to, Kagome found herself standing, brushing off the imaginary specks of dirt that may have collected upon her pristine kimono. Her feet began carrying her forward, deeper into the forest where the trees grew closer together and the sunlight penetrated the foliage less. Her steps faltered as she neared the first clearing she always came to before coming to him, but her feet would not stop. Even though this was her dream, Kagome was as much a pawn of it as the surroundings were.

She breached the clearing, where the sunlight fell almost fully upon the ground, illuminating the sight before her. The birds were there, as they always were. Sparrows. It was always sparrows. Some were flitting from bush to bush to ground, doing the things most birds did. Their eyes would, every brief moment, glance her way expectedly. Kagome never knew what those birds wanted of her, but she had never focused much on them either. It was the other half of the sparrows that always garnered her attention. Laying on the ground, the right sides of them almost completely gone, the remaining half of the sparrows were flapping their left wings madly, turning their small bodies in circles. Even though there should have been blood and the birds should have been dead, they were still alive and the blood was nowhere.

Her body shaking with fright, Kagome skirted around the birds. Even though the sight of the half eviscerated birds should be the reason she was afraid, they had never bothered her overly much. It was what lay ahead that bothered her, what scared her. It was who was doing this to the birds that frightened Kagome more.

The closer she grew to her final destination, the denser the trees around her grew and the less the sunlight penetrated. The air became cooler even though the breeze had ceased long ago. Wishing she could stop, wishing she could close her eyes and turn away, Kagome continued onward. Finally she reached the end of the trail, which opened up into another clearing even larger than the one before. Though the sunlight could pour freely into this one, as well, it seemed to shy away, barely illuminating the scene before her.
Kagome stopped at the edge of the clearing, as she always did. Her hands fell obediently to her sides, hands uncurling from the clenched fists she’d had them in. There was never any resistance to be offered in this place. Her eyes looked directly at the being in front of her.

The man in black.

He stood in the center of the clearing, dressed entirely in black robes that hid his body from her view. All she could see of his face were his golden eyes staring at her from the darkness of the hood. They seemed to glow, like a cat’s eyes reflecting the light, and were cold. So very cold and unfeeling. And all around the man in black there was an oppressive feeling, as if he were controlling all that neared him, pushing his aura upon it and dominating all.

The man in black shifted slightly before her and Kagome could feel his eyes roving over her body. Whether he was pleased by her appearance or not, she had never known. The man in black gave nothing away unless it suited his purposes.

Slowly, almost as if he feared she would run away, his hand raised up. The sleeves of his robes pulled away, revealing to Kagome the long, tapered fingers tipped with delicate looking but sharp claws. His flesh was pale, as if never kissed by the sun, but looked smooth and young. His fingers moved, beckoning her forward.
And, as always, Kagome shook her head no.

Her denial of his request had never seemed to phase the man in black. In the years she’d had this dream, he had never once lashed out against her. The aura surrounding him flared slightly this time, though. “Kagome,” he said, his voice deep and resonating.
At the sound of her name, Kagome stilled. While the man in black had spoken to her, briefly, before in her dreams, he had never once said her name. Sometimes he had sounded sagely, giving her words of his supposed wisdom. Sometimes he had been mocking and cruel, sharpening his tongue on her. Sometimes he had been speaking, it seemed, more to himself. But this time…

He interrupted her reflections with a sharp, “Come.”

Always demanding. Always wanting. Never giving. The man in black.

Once more, Kagome shook her head no. The almost lethargic surrender she’d always felt was slowly melting away as her fright began to take over her again.

This time the man in black took a step towards her and Kagome froze once more, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. He moved again, his feet not even seeming to strike the ground as he walked towards her. “Why do you resist me?”

Kagome opened her mouth to answer, but the words seemed to be sucked from her vocal cords before she even had a chance to try and speak them. And then, in almost a flash, he was right in front of her. She gasped at his sudden movement, so fast she hadn’t been able to follow it with her eyes. She had to raise her face upwards to keep her eyes locked with his. Kagome hadn’t realized how tall he was before then, as she’d never been this close to him before.

The scent of him surrounded her, filled her. It wasn’t the scent of death, as she’d always supposed. No, it was something else. He smelled…male. Yes, male was the only word she could think to describe it. Virile and ruthless. Strong and capable of so much. Kagome found herself falling for that scent, wanting to rub her face into it and inhale it until the scent of him was all she knew. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind.
The man in black paused before her and then slowly raised his clawed hand once more. His palm came to rest on the side of her face and his eyes, those glowing orbs in the darkness of his hood, stared down at her as if they could see right through her, read her inner soul and own it.

His flesh against hers was not cold, as his aura projected. It was warm, almost so hot it felt capable of burning the skin from her body. Those deadly claws rested lightly against her cheek and Kagome found herself wondering if this was when he’d kill her in her dreams. She’s always sensed that the man in black carried her death with him. Was this when it would finally come? And how would her death in a dream affect her physical self?

The man in black leaned forward and stopped when his face was only inches from hers. Kagome could feel his warm breath ghosting across her lips, mingling with her own. “You have already died, Kagome,” he whispered. “You haven’t even noticed.”

Kagome knew these words. This meant she would be released from this nightmare soon. “You live,” he continued, almost lyrically.

His words were so caressing, it was almost like a lover speaking to her. If his speech was of anything else, Kagome would have thought him one. A dark lover, but a lover nonetheless. However, he spoke of her dying, of her death. He spoke of it casually without care for the fact that she was dead or already dead or soon-to-be dead. Those were not the thoughts and actions of a lover. At least, she prayed they were not the actions of her lover.

Suddenly a feeling of lightness enveloped her from within. A strength she hadn’t ever felt before rose within her. Her voice, her control over herself, returned with an almost blinding rush. “And yet, I’m already dead,” she finished for him, her voice even and sure as she stepped out of his grasp, away from his touch and the weight of his aura.
For a brief instance, she saw shock in those golden depths and then the dreamscape fell away…

*FM*

Kagome opened her eyes and realized she was smiling.

Her hand reached up and touched her face. He had touched her, in her dream. The man in black’s hand had laid across her cheek in the manner of a caress. His breath had grazed her lips. His scent had wrapped itself around her and taken control, being all she’d wanted to know and have. Why was she smiling? What great battle did her mind think she had won against the nightmare figure of her dreams?

If anything, he’d gained a greater foothold on her than any time before. But the look of surprise she’d glimpsed in his eyes at the end of the dream…

Sitting up, Kagome glanced over at her clock. There was still an hour’s worth of sleep to be had, if she wanted it, but she didn’t think she could. So she rose and went through the apartment turning off the lights she’d left on last night. A feeling of foolishness chased after her as she realized how childish her actions would seem to someone else; believing that leaving the lights on would keep the monsters in the closet, so to speak.

Leaving only one lamp on in the living room, one on in her bedroom, and the bathroom light on, Kagome made herself a cup of coffee. When it was ready, she wrapped herself up in her bathrobe and sat down on the couch in her living room to drink it.

When she was done with her coffee, Kagome carried herself to the bathroom and ran the shower. She stepped into the hot water, dunking her face under the spray, and couldn’t help but compare the heat of it to the heat of his hand. She closed her eyes, focusing on the sound and feel of the water.

Kagome tried to feel as if the water were washing everything away, but she knew it wasn’t true. They were connected, somehow. Too connected to let a mere washing in the shower erase his touch from her body, from her mind. Even though she was surrounded by the heat of the water, a shudder still raced through her at the thought of it.

*FM*

At the end of her work day, not wanting to go back to her apartment, Kagome went directly to the shrine. Being around her family had always been comforting. Her mother was the shining beacon of her life and had always offered just the right amount of caring and love and guidance. It almost seemed as if her mother had garnered a sixth sense when she’d had children and had always just known when her daughter had needed that extra push or when to back away.

Stopping at the base of the stairs, Kagome looked up the high climb. Reflecting upon the years she had climbed these stairs every day, Kagome thought of how she’d always looked at it as if she were climbing towards heaven, in her more poetic moments. With the sun shining down, making the torii at the top of the stairs look like a golden gateway, the idea of it filtered through her mind once more. But still, what she wouldn’t give for an escalator one of these days.

Pacing herself, Kagome began the long climb up. As she climbed, a niggling worry began building and tickling at the back the her mind. Something seemed off. Something seemed wrong. And the higher she climbed, the closer to home she drew, the more the sensation increased until Kagome was almost frantic to reach the top and see for herself that all was still well and she was just going insane. Not here, too, she thought to herself as she picked up speed.

Finally reaching the top, only slightly breathless, Kagome paused underneath the torii. Her eyes swept the grounds in front of her, coming to rest on Goshinboku, a light breeze rustling its shimenawa. The tree, standing tall and stately, had always been a watcher of her family, a protector through the ages. As a child, Kagome had found comfort in talking to Goshinboku, telling it all of her secrets and finding strength and resolve in its magnificence. Today, though, the charge in the air seemed centered around the sacred tree, giving it an almost evil presence. Still, there was nothing visible to her eyes that warranted the crawling sensations racing up and down her spine. Maybe it was all in her mind?

Giving the suddenly foreboding tree a wide berth and feeling all the more like a coward, Kagome hurried towards the house. She walked inside, taking her heels off at the doorway, and turned, expecting to be greeted by someone. The house was strangely quiet, almost as if no one was there. “Hello?” she called, listening as her voice reached the far corners of the house and rebounded back to her.

There was movement from above and Kagome looked up the stairs to see Souta poking his head over the railing. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Oh, it’s you,” Kagome snapped back, but playfully. “What a way to say hello to your sister. Where’s mom?”

“Helping Jiji clean,” Souta answered. “Are you here by yourself, Kagome?”

Kagome didn’t miss the way Souta’s head strained over the railing so he could see if anyone stood with her out of eyesight. Rolling her eyes at his obviousness, Kagome informed him that no, Ayumi was not with her at this time. After giving her a brotherly glare for her sarcastic answer to his “innocent” inquiry, Souta promptly disappeared back into his bedroom.

“Ah, young love,” Kagome mused aloud as she climbed the stairs to her bedroom.

Souta’s reply to her words was to shut the door to his room.

Laughing to herself, forgetting the feeling that had prickled her consciousness and sent her running for the house, Kagome went into her room. She hadn’t lived here in years, but her mother still left her room open and available to her. Glad for that and to be surrounded by what she knew was safe and secure, Kagome fished out a pair of jeans and a tee shirt to wear. From time to time, she still stayed at the shrine to periodically help out and she made sure she kept her drawers stocked with a selection of clothing for the work here.

Leaving her work clothes on her bed, Kagome grabbed a pair of old tennis shoes out of the closet. She went back below, slipping the shoes on before opening the door to the outside world once more. Almost apprehensively, she stepped outside, expecting to be assaulted by the strange feelings from before. Thankfully, whatever had bothered her seemed gone now. The air felt lighter and the sacred tree looked as it always had, a silent protector of the shrine.

Hearing her grandfather and mother talking in one of the back store rooms, Kagome headed that way. Her mother saw her first, a joyful surprise showing on her face. “Kagome!” she called. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Yes, I just wanted to come home for a bit.”

Kagome could tell her mother was about to say something else, but Jiji’s voice, sounding muffled, came from the back of the storage room, interrupting her. “Kagome, is that you? Good. You can help an old man out!”

Her mother gave her one of those smiles, the ones meant to say ‘have patience’, and stepped aside so Kagome could enter the store room.

The room smelled musty and, almost immediately, she was hit with thousands of tiny lightening bolts as the various items in the room seem to immediately wake with her entrance. Having never experienced this feeling before, Kagome stood in the middle of the room, stunned. Jiji, tired of waiting for her to come to him, poked his head out of the depth of the box he was in and looked at her. “Well, Kagome? Are you going to stand there talking to everything at once or are you going to come and help me?”

Confused and unsure, Kagome approached her grandfather, trying to ignore the lightening strikes still racing up her body. The closer she drew to her grandfather, the easier to came to be in the storage room.

Not sure what to say, Kagome said nothing at all.

*FM*

a./n: A shimenawa is a straw rope with white zigzag paper strips (gohei). It marks the boundary to something sacred and can be found on torii gates, around sacred trees and stones, etc.

I found a very interesting site that educated me greatly on Japanese Shinto shrines (which I am taking the liberty to call the shrine where Kagome grew up). The link would be: (take out the spaces please) http:// www. japan-guide. com/e/e2059. html

LC