Solace

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Solace

Chapter 2

My one desire
All I aspire
Is in your eyes
Forever to live…
-Shakira, “Eyes Like Yours”

As Kagura sailed nearer to Naraku’s hidden castle, she found that it was not Sango’s sweet kiss that filled her thoughts but Sango’s eyes. All that mattered in the world was reflected in those dark orbs. Rich, deep, strong, the color of earth: Sango’s eyes reflected her connection to a world of struggle and mortality. Yet it was also a world of love, friendship, and above all, freedom. And this was a world to which Kagura did not, could not belong. She cursed her eyes, red as the blood of those whose lives she had taken as Naraku’s slave and as the burning anger she harbored for Naraku. Without him, she would not exist at all, but perhaps that would be better. Each time Naraku’s crimson stare penetrated her heartless body, she knew herself for the empty vessel she was. But she could not wish for death. When he held out her heart in his powerful yet cowardly hand, she longed for life and for the impossibility of freedom. How could she reconcile such an unrelenting drive to live with such utter hopelessness?

There was no real answer, of course. Perhaps Naraku had bequeathed her some fragment of his own desperate desire for life and power when he brought her forth. Kanna did not suffer as she did: was she the luckier for it? Kagura could not wish for her elder sister’s blindness. Her obedience to Naraku was repulsive to her, though Kanna herself was not. Was an inability to rebel the same as peace? She did not think so.

Her short time with Sango had provided better answers. Here was an example of a life of freedom and power that did not depend upon the inferiority or destruction of others. Here was a soul that kept faith with the world despite a depth of suffering that would have destroyed most mortals. Yes, Sango knew misery. And misery was the literal core of Kagura’s own existence. The unworthy anguish of the human Onigumo had brought the terrible Naraku to life, and he, in turn, had created her. That both she and Sango shared an ability to survive the perverse torment that Naraku had brought them through his own selfishness gave her hope. In Sango’s eyes, Kagura found both inspiration and antidote to the poison that was Naraku, coursing through her veins.

Stepping lightly to earth, Kagura watched her feather shrink back to its original size. With a delicate and careful touch, she replaced it neatly into her hair. As she dallied, Naraku’s voice came snaking through the thick air between them. “You have taken too long to return to me, Kagura,” he menaced. “Hasten now, before I truly grow angry.”

Light of foot and heavy of spirit, Kagura ascended the steps. Moving inexorably forward, she found Naraku in his main chamber, in the guise of the handsome Lord Hitomi, reclining on a large mat. At his left was the container that held her heart. At his right was a neatly folded set of robes, the same as those worn by his cherished Miko Kikyo. They were a fetish for Naraku. Kagura took in the overfamiliar scenario, then feigned ignorance as to Naraku’s reason for summoning her. “I am here. What is it you want of me?” Forcing him to utter his depraved demands gave her precious little power, but she took what she could when Naraku made it possible.

“Put on the robes, Kagura, with haste. I have need of my Kikyo.”

Kagura strove to blank her mind. Her movements became dispassionate, automatic. They would go through these pointless motions again, as they had since he had first brought her into existence. Certainly, it could be much worse. Because the illusion that she was Kikyo was vital to his desires, Naraku would keep his body beautiful and mortal-seeming, and he would take her gently and reverently. All that need happen was that she remain passive and not let her open disdain surface in her actions or thoughts. She had managed such a feat numerous times and, if she were completely honest, even allowed herself the fleeting escape of bodily pleasure when she was able to concentrate solely on the beauty of the form Naraku took for these encounters.

Now, however, as she held out her priestess-robed arms in the expected manner for his fawning embrace, Kagura could see only the blood-red of his vainglorious hanyo eyes. As he murmured the name of his obsession and crushed his lips to hers, she shut her eyes tightly and chanted Sango’s name like a healing mantra.

~ ~ ~

It was not only Kagura who recited Sango’s name with hope in the darkness that night. Kagome came running towards Sango as she returned to the campsite, arms wide and smile wider. “Oh Sango-chan! You’re safe! I’m so relieved!” Shippo chimed in likewise. They had been so worried after seeing her fall from Kirara’s back. The dragon’s massive thigh had slammed into Kirara’s side as the Hiraikotsu lopped off its tail and Sango had been forced off balance. The rest of the details of their search for her came as warm reassurance of affection and concern, but in truth Sango heard few details. Her mind was still on Kagura, on the turmoil of feeling lost in the passionate embrace of an enemy turned sister.

When Kagome interpreted her distractedness as evidence of a head injury, Sango quickly assured her that she was well. Before the curious girl could ask where she had been, she blurted out a hasty explanation of wandering off and getting lost. She followed this up with a hope that the others would soon be back, though she wondered if she should go and find them. Kagome’s opinion was that Sango looked exhausted should rest. Shippo boasted that he would keep watch over her while she slept.

Soon, Sango knew, she would need the time and space to sort out her feelings. For now, she should simply cherish her safety and await her friends’ return. Inuyasha would scold her for her accident, Kirara would purr warmly at their reunion, and Miroku would smile affectionately upon her. Yet she could not keep these images at the forefront of her mind. Curling up beside the fire, she watched the flames leap as the red-orange embers transformed into Kagura’s passionate eyes.

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Note: Please forgive me for the cheesy Shakira epigraph! Gomen nasai! *bow* *bow* *bow* The song has been running through my head since I saw a YouTube video anime tribute to Bankotsu (yummy) and the Band of Seven that used the song as its soundtrack. The lyrics made me think of Kagura and how she might come to contrast her demonic eyes with Sango’s as reflections of their souls. Hope it works for you!