Pieces of Me

mmkay... So in order to update faster i have to make the chapters shorter. Also, with all these chapters, my story is no longer a one-shot! soo yeah..

Read, rate, review... You know the shit. :]

ON WITH THE STORY!!
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Shallow, burning, fragile, pain… just a few of the words to describe the condition I am in. My wind-battered ears can hear voices, voices whispering, and discoursing information about my condition. From the bits and pieces I have heard, Inuyasha had miraculously saved me from my death, and I have been out for a few weeks.

I don’t understand why they saved me. They didn’t need to. I am just a whore to them anyway. Who could want the company of one such as me? I feel so dirty, so disgusting; how can they even bear to look at me, let alone touch me? Why would they do this for me? The sudden urge to have these questions answered compelled me to move, but an immense amount of pain is preventing me from even lifting a finger. I groan, as best as I can with a parched throat.

This seemed to attract their attention, and they rush to my side.

“Kagome! Kagome! You are awake at last! We were so worried about you!” Sango exclaims as she grabs my hand.

Shippo jumps out from behind me, “Yeah, we thought you were a goner for sure!”

“It is not every day when you see a miko falling out of the sky,” Miroku stated, taking perfect advantage of the ass currently waving in the air.

Slap. “You hentai! Kagome is injured and all you can think about is grabbing my ass!”

I try to make sound come out of my mouth. “W-water please,” I rasp.

Shippo bounds over with a bucket and a ladle. He brings the ladle to my lips, and I drink deeply. It feels so good to be rehydrated. I look at my reflection in what little water is left only to see a significantly thinner face. I look so unhealthy; I guess that’s what happens when you are passed out for a few weeks. I sigh; now, for the moment of truth. I think I hear the drums beating now.

“How… how did I survive exactly?”I manage to say with some difficulty.

“I saw ya falling. At first I thought you were just a demon or something, and then I saw the bastard, Sesshoumaru, flying away. I ran over and managed to catch you. You were in bad shape though. Your clothes were burned and torn. I can’t believe you, Kagome! How could you fuck my brother? You must’ve known what the hell you were doing because we sure as hell didn’t!” He stares at me with those golden, amber eyes. They are so much like his brother’s, too close to resembling Sesshoumaru.

A tear escapes from my eye. No, I must not continue with that thought process. I have to seem strong.
Before they notice, I wipe my hand across my face and reply, “I-I don’t know what I was doing. I guess I thought he loved me. Boy, how wrong was I?” I pause and give my friends a half-hearted smile. “Now look at me! I am so thin, I don’t even know how I am going to keep my baby- My baby!” my hands, stiff from lack of nourishment fly to my stomach. Is my baby still with me?

“Calm down, child. Ye is very fortunate to know that ye still carries a child within,” Kaede said from a corner of the hut. “The child is strong, just like ye.”

The knot in my chest unravels in relief. I may hate the father, but I will still love and cherish the baby. My friends look at me with some unknown emotion in their eyes. Is it sadness? I guess they feel sorry for me. Heck! I feel sorry for myself. I have definitely fallen from grace.

“Kagome,” Sango gives my hand a squeeze “we just want you to know that we are going to support you in every decision you make. We will always be there for you just like you have always been there for us.” She gives me a reassuring smile, but that smile didn’t reach her eyes. However, her words were genuine and sincere.

“I am sorry. I am so sorry for doing this to you guys. I just wanted to be loved, loved like a lover would love. I-I never thought that I would be able to be the same with you guys after you found out about me and him. You just never treated me the same again after that. I guess it was my fault. Everything is my fault.” The tears I was holding back seep from the corners of my eyes and travel down my cheeks. Before I knew it, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Miroku reaches out and wipes away the trails with his calloused hands. “Kagome, that was our fault. We should have accepted you just like the way you always accept us. We had no right to make you feel like that. Please forgive us.”

I slowly turn up the corners of my mouth. I beam out them with radiance that would seem blinding. “I forgive you guys. But, it’s just too much.”

“What’s too much, Kags?” Inuyasha inquires.

“Everything. The sex, the fights, the baby, what happened over the last year and a half. Just, everything! I am so sick of my life I wish that I had ended it before it got too far! I wish that I had stopped him from taking everything from me! No, I am just being stupid and selfish, placing the blame on your half-brother and thoughts of suicide. I am glad Mama can’t see me now. If she did, she’ll see the prostitute I have become.” I start hyperventilating from my ramblings.

“No, Kagome!” Shippo gently shakes my shoulders, effectively shaking me from my stupor. “You can get through this, and we will help you.”

“Yes, Lady Kagome, do not fear. We will assist you in returning you to your former glory. All you need is time. Right, Inuyasha?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” he says waving it off. “Listen to yourself, Kagome! This is not the happy can’t-shoot-for-shit friend that we all know and love. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I guess we can postpone shard hunting for a while.”

“Really?” my eyes go wide. He reluctantly nods his head, and I leap up to give him the best bear hug my weak body allows. “Thank you so much!”

“Whoa! It’s nothing really! Jeeze!! You don’t need to attack me!” He blushes madly.

“I guess I need to get to work! Come on, Kagome, let’s go to the springs.” Sango pulls me off Inuyasha and hauls me out the opening of the hut.

I love my friends so much. I thank Kami because now I know I will be able to have this child.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I am outside taking in some fresh air. I get to be away from my friends, from the demons, from life. Here, it’s just me and the baby, who happens to be growing at an alarming rate. Though I love my friends like family, and they are doing everything in their power to help me, I can’t help but feel a little constricted and suffocated.

So that’s why I am here. I do this every night to ease my hyperactive brain and predict and plan for future events. It has helped me over the past several days to thoroughly sort through my thoughts. This special treatment of mine allows me to think with a clear head about life, recent events, and most of all Sesshoumaru.

In truth, I really shouldn’t be thinking about him, but I can’t help it. It’s like I am in rehab, and he is my drug. He is always there, inside my head, beckoning me to find him. Here in the village, I am supposed to be healing, and purging myself of the affliction. During the day, I constantly have to do stupid, useless chores to keep my mind off of him. For if I do think about him, I always end up breaking into a fit of tears. It only happens during the day, and I don’t know why.

As much as I deny it, and it pains me to say so, but I love still him. Oh Kami, I love him so much. It makes my heart clench to know that he isn’t here, holding me closely like a real lover should. I guess, Sesshoumaru really doesn’t want this. That’s why he hasn’t shown up.

No, he hasn’t shown up because I insulted his person and basically said to get the hell away from me. I admit it now that it is all my suffering has been done by my own hand. I always pressed the commitment issue. I always screamed at him. I always let him do those deliciously sinful things to my body. Hell, I even let myself shove my anger and hatred into his face. Kami, I am so fucking stupid.

The life in my belly kicks my ribs, warning me to take it easy. Shit, I am even causing the baby unrest. Thanks to me this child will become Emo. That’s it! I am a life ruiner. I messed up Sesshoumaru’s life, my friend’s lives, my family’s lives, the baby’s, and of course, mine! I am a fucked up freak.

I emit a loud sigh. Boy, I need to stop doing that. I might go suicidal or something.

But I want him to be here. I want his arms around me. Right at this moment, I don’t care about what happened. All I care about is this baby and him. I will hold my head high and be optimistic. I will look towards the future with my chin up. Even as the days grow longer, and time is running short, I will not let my doubts and fears keep me from my happiness!

You called her your Asian Princess
And promised to be her White Knight.
You told her that you loved her, that
You would rescue her from the Dragon's might.

She beheld you from her tower,
Her prison from all life's wounds.
You told her that you'd save her,
That your love for her was true.

She loved you in all your splendor,
She longed to be your Queen.
So she let you in her chambers
Before you became her King.

Now she gazes out the window
Holding a little Prince in her hands.
She wonders if the Knight will return
To fight the Dragon and be her Man.

The tower becomes taller, it seems
And the fortress grows by the day.
Her Knight had up and left,
Her worst fear and to her dismay.

She doesn't know if he'll ever come
Or if a different Knight will soon appear,
But she looks on at the horizon,
Her hope not giving way to fear.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I guess over two months have passed since that night I made the poem. In that time my friends have greatly mended our once-strained friendship and my wounds. They have even effectively erased the hope that Sesshoumaru will ever return. My friends have been so good to me, I wish I can do something more for them. They do try to make me forget about Sesshoumaru, but he is always successful in slithering into my thoughts every day. It hurts, but I am getting over it.

I look at my open-field surroundings and breathe. It feels good to have the life I once lost. I almost feel reborn. With Sango, Miroku, Kaede, Shippo, and Inuyasha, I can become all new. No more influence from Sesshoumaru. No more interference will happen. Only me, my friends, and my child will keep me complete.

What was that? It’s like a tingling against my skin. I can feel a change in the wind. I think it is a strong
aura. It’s so strong, and yet, it feels so familiar. Where is it coming from? Who is it?

Before I know it, Inuyasha and the others rush out of the hut and shove me behind them. “Who is it? Who is coming? Inuyasha?” He ignores me.

My persistence in discovering who it is causes his temper to flare. He turns his head to the side and yells, “Shut the hell up Kagome!”

I cease my jabbering when Inuyasha’s head whips back to the front and he speaks an unwanted name, “Sesshoumaru.”

My eyes widen, and I can hear the beating of my heart in my head. “Sesshoumaru,” I whisper under my breath. Even though I can’t see him, I know his eyes drifted towards my voice.

Oh Kami. I didn’t want to see him here. After all, I was just starting to really get over him. No, I don’t need this. Please, Kami, don’t let him take me away from my friends. If he wants me though, I’ll go. There’s no point in my friends getting injured; he’s just too strong.

“What the fuck do you want, Sesshoumaru?!? Why the hell are you here anyway? If you’re here for Kagome, just go and fuck a tree instead! She ain’t goin’ with you if I can help it!” He bellows across the open field to the steel figure in white. I gently push my friends aside, and stand as confident as I can before my ex-lover.

From a distance, I see his yellow eyes drift from my face to the swell of my stomach. An involuntary shudder temporarily wracks my body under his intense scrutiny. Unable to take it any longer I voice my question, “Why are you here Sesshoumaru?”

His eyes snap up to my face, but he doesn’t reply. What the hell is he doing here? GAHH!! Why won’t he answer me? I raise my hand and start wagging my finger. “Listen up, mister, if you have nothing to say to me, you need to go the hell away! We don’t need you here! Just leave me alone! You are not going to have this child; especially after what you have done to me! Just please, leave me in peace,” I end in a whisper.

Of course, Inuyasha always has something to say. “Yeah, asshole! You hear her. She doesn’t need you or want you. Now you can go back to that shithole you call a home!!”

Sesshoumaru stands like a strong, young tree, rooted to the ground, which is causing long forgotten feelings to rise in my chest. I have already been through this! I gave up my hope of him returning weeks ago! Why does he torture me? I bet he knows that just standing there is affecting me more than it should. I-I can’t think straight around him. I want him to leave, but I want him to sweep me up into a bone-crushing embrace and proclaim his love for me like so many times before. I want him to burn the clothes away from my body and fuck me until my eyes pop out! I want us to be a happy family! Is that so bad?

But I know that if I stay with him or if he keeps haunting me that all I’ll ever experience is constant pain. After all, we do go crazy. The arguing, the sex, and the leaving is too much for a 19 year-old to take!

FUCK! This is MADDENING! His very presence is causing me to go into hormonal overdrive! It’s too much. W-Way too m-much I-I….

I think I need to lie down…

“S-Sesshoumaru?” and my world goes black.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Hey, hey! I think she’s waking up!”

I give an enormous groan before I pull myself off the floor into a sitting position. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the light before I am able to tell who is in the room with me. Just the usual… as usual. Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kaede, Kirara, and Sesshoumaru are here with me.

Wait a tick.

Whoa. I look around again.

So my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me! He’s really here! He’s really- No, I am not supposed to be thinking like that, no matter how much it causes the baby to kick me in excitement. I am not supposed to like the father of the child anymore.

What am I getting myself into? I am burying myself deeper into this messed up life!

Crap. I think I am going to pass out again.

Before my body could sway another inch, Sesshoumaru scoops me up in his arms and takes off running.

“Hey, fucker, get Kagome back here! Shit.” Inuyasha’s crude language was the last thing I hear before we were out of ear shot. However, Sesshoumaru continues to deliver me to some unknown destination. Oh, what joy!

We arrive in a beautiful, peaceful meadow only seconds later. He gently sits me on the ground in front of a tree and takes a seat beside me, not even once glancing in my direction. I sigh. This is going to take a while.

“We need to discuss your current condition and the course of actions we are going to take.” His smooth, baritone voice sounds refreshing to my ears. But I would never let him know that.

“Uh… Sure. Where would you like to start, Milord?” I make sure to add a small bite to the formality. Hey, the bastard brought me all the way out here for no real reason!

He turns to face me with those beautiful makings, eyes, and hard, angular features. It takes my breath away just looking deep in the molten pools of lava. “I am allowing you to keep the pup. However, you will allow me the right to care for him when he comes to the appropriate age.” The statement made my blood boil.

“Are you saying that you are going to take my baby away from me?” I was beginning to get angry. How dare he?

“Yes, but only to train the pup,” he places a slight emphasis on ‘pup’ “to become the future heir to the Western lands. Do not fear. You will be able to see him when he is ready.” It was not a suggestion, it was a demand.

No fucking way. He is NOT going to deprive me of those years. What happens if he’ll raise my child to hate me? What happens if I am old and gray by the time he is ‘ready’ to come back to me? Well, Sesshoumaru can go to the seventh layer of hell for all I care. That egotistical bastard thinks he can make me grovel and bend to his will. Pfftt! Yeah, right.

“Cease at once, woman! You are beginning to hyperventilate, and that is not safe for the heir,” his sharp tone cut through my thoughts.

“That’s all I ever was and am to you! ‘Woman’! You can never call me by my name, can you? And all this child will ever be to you is an heir to follow in your footsteps. Guess what? I don’t want my baby to follow in your footsteps! This is the reason why we are never going to work out, Sesshoumaru! It is because you have no heart! I refuse to let my child end up like you.” I know I won’t be able to live if my child is to grow up exactly like his father. I would die from the heartbreak.

His eyes cut through my soul. After what seems like hours, he takes a deep breath and says, “I am sorry.”

“Sorry! Here I am, busting my ass off carrying our child, and all you have to say is- Wait. Did you just say ‘I’m sorry?’?” My eyes try to blink away the shock. Whoa, that is totally out of character. I didn’t even think it was possible for him to be able to stand my presence this long.

He exhales his annoyance. “Mik-Kagome, I do not take kindly to repeating myself often.” I roll my eyes at that. “Hai, I said I am sorry.” The apology sounded so sincere, it made my breath hitch in my throat. Is he trying to make this work? Is he trying to make us work?

“Wow. I mean wow.” Well that was unexpected. I look down, not being able to stand the intensity and fire burning in his amber orbs. I instead watch my thumbs twiddle themselves and buck up the courage to ask the new, important question nagging at my thoughts, “So… are you trying to fix our relationship?”

He doesn’t respond at first, but I could see him out of the corner of my eye draw in a deep, cleansing breath, preparing to answer me. “This Sesshoumaru is attempting to mend what was not there. I do want the pup’s mother to be a part of its life. I apologize if I have misled you into thinking that I wanted to take the pup away.”

I gulp at his new apology, and for once in a very long time, my mind is at peace with Sesshoumaru around. He wants me to be a part of our creation’s life. Sesshoumaru actually wants to have a relationship with me. Amazing. That makes me face him and give him my sunniest smile. I am so thrilled to know that I can have a life with this man-err…youkai.

“Thank you, Sesshoumaru. You have no idea how much that means to me. I am sorry too for all the trouble I’ve caused you.”

The sound of crickets and the cool night air fills my senses. Wow. I had no idea that we were out here for so long. “We better get going. It’s getting late, and I am getting a little tired.” He and I both stand up to leave, but before I could take another step, he pulls me hard against his chest and captures my lips in the most passionate kiss we’ve ever shared.

My hands dive into his hair as his push me further into his chest. Our lips sensually move as one, rough, yet gentle. Our tongues dance a slow, erotic dance. I moan against his mouth as an age old warmth is rekindled between my legs. We both part for breath and his hands move from my back to my clothes slowly undressing me as he the junction between my neck and shoulder. I moan from the exquisite feeling.

Through the fog in my brain the practical side is screaming at the top of its lungs, and I can’t help but listen. The practical side is completely right. I shouldn’t be doing this right now. We are not ready. He could have been putting up an act so that way he could sleep with me again. If he really wants the relationship to work, he needs to give it time. If Sesshoumaru really cares, he will let wait until we are both ready.

With great effort, I grasp his maroon-striped wrists to keep them from finishing the job. Sesshoumaru stands at full height and the sky-blue in my eyes clash with his yellow. His eyes contain a question, and I am going to answer. “We shouldn’t do this. If you really meant what you said earlier, then we should wait. It is not really in our best interests if we were to sleep together right now. It will only make things harder for us.” I give his wrists a gentle squeeze and let go to fix my clothes.

He sighs, “You are correct in this decision. I assure you it will not happen again until you deem yourself ready.”

“Great! Thanks for understanding. Listen, we should really be heading back now.” I turn away and start walking. Sesshoumaru grasps my hand, effectively stopping me.

“You are wrong,” he says.

“What?”

“You are wrong about yourself and the pup. You are more to me than just an onna, and the pup is more to me than an heir. Both of you mean so much more to me than that.”

“Oh.” His confession shocks me, but it makes my heart sore. I can feel the baby swimming around in happiness. I grin at him, and we both walk back to the village hand in hand.
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A/N- Maybe i will make this story have a happy ending. Not exactly sure because the story this is based on didn't have a happy ending. It's going to take a bit longer to put up the next chapter.. but what ever. You all will be ok. Please give me your thoughts on if i should or should not make this story have a happy ending.