Loneliness

Chapter Two

Her death was his fault. His lack of control that night ultimately killed her.

At least that was what he told himself, even if it was a lie. Blaming himself was easier than admitting that he had no control over the matter at all.

She died in childbirth.

~~~Flashback~~~

Shortly after the night they shared together, they realized she was with child, Sesshoumaru noticing a few days before she. He found himself surprisingly startled and unable to handle the discovery, so for simplicity’s sake, he waited for her to come to him with the news. That was how it was supposed to be done in any case, was it not?

He decided instead to take the opportunity to try to work through the many issues he had with this situation, particularly those regarding his feelings towards hanyous. He had briefly considered sending the infant away, but quickly dismissed the idea. That would certainly kill Rin, scarring her more deeply than any injury she had ever sustained from the wolves that had killed her so many years ago. He would simply have to do what any honorable man would do in this situation . . .

Just deal with it.

After several days of deliberation, he eventually came to the conclusion that he could probably live with a hanyou child if it were more like he or Rin and less like one particularly rash and stupid half-breed he knew.

The following months of Rin’s pregnancy passed uneventfully, though, at her request, they stayed a bit closer to Inuyasha’s village than he cared to be. She had developed a fondness for the strange miko who was in his brother’s company over the years and preferred to ask her questions about her “a woman’s problems.” This arrangement suited him since he was ill equipped to handle either the questions or the rampaging hormones, preferring that she sought the miko’s advice rather than his. For her sake, he would try not to kill the dim-witted, irrational loudmouth he had the immense displeasure of calling his brother.

The night Rin went into labor, Sesshoumaru knew something was wrong. Though he could not say why, a deep foreboding that only grew worse as the day progressed plagued him. The ominous fog that rolled into the village that night only served to darken the sense of dread he felt.

It all happened so suddenly. The young mother-to-be dropped to her knees, clutching her swollen belly, and screamed.

“Sesshoumaru!!!”

Without thinking, he gathered her into his arms and ran towards Inuyasha’s home. Inuyasha, having also heard the girl’s scream, rushed to help his brother carry her inside. Sesshoumaru never said a word, too consumed by the strange and overwhelming emotion that had invaded every part of his being.

Panic.

Never before had he felt so utterly helpless. He knew something was horribly wrong. There was blood; its foul stench invaded his senses, further blurring his already disheveled thoughts. Unsure of what to do, he stood outside in silence, praying to any god in heaven that cared to listen.

Please, do not take her from me. She is the only thing that has ever truly mattered to me.

For what seemed like an eternity, he waited. He vaguely noticed people rapidly entering and exiting the hut; however, he paid them little mind. He was too busy fighting to stay sane amidst the smell of Rin’s blood and tears and the sound of her agonized cries. He never even saw Inuyasha’s miko approach him until after she tapped his shoulder, startling him from his cluttered thoughts.

She was trembling, her pain reflected clearly in her eyes. No, this would not end well.

“Sesshoumaru, Rin . . . she’s . . . ,” she sobbed. “Just go to her.” He nodded and followed her inside.

The sight before him brought him to his knees. Rin, his sweet, exuberant Rin; one who had always shone brighter than the sun itself, lay on the futon, pale and lifeless, surrounded by the blood from what was most obviously the failed delivery of their child.

Has she already left me?

“Sesshoumaru-sama?” her sweet voice softly whispered.

“Rin . . .” Words escaped him. He simply moved closer and held onto her hand for dear life.

She slowly lifted his hand to her lips and gently kissed it. With her fingers laced between his, he opened his hand so he could cradle her face, his thumb delicately caressing her cheek. He carefully leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. She felt so cold . . .

“Rin will wait . . . ,” she said quietly, between wavering breaths, “. . . for you.” She drew one last breath before finally succumbing to the darkness of eternal sleep.

Sesshoumaru blankly stared at her lifeless form, his mind completely numb. Rin was gone. Their child was gone. Any illusions he had about ever living happily with his family were gone.

Gone . . . Forever . . . Stolen by the fates themselves.

Stolen . . . from me . . . A dark growl reverberated in his chest as his eyes bled to crimson.

NO ONE steals from me.

They will pay . . . all of them . . .

EVERYONE will pay!!

He rose suddenly and sprinted out of the hut. Once outside, he released his grief-enraged youki and transformed.

Sesshoumaru went mad.