Love after Loss

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews for the previous chapter; I am glad you guys think so highly of this story’s potential, and I can only hope that I will not disappoint in the chapters to come.

In this chapter, Kagome and Sesshoumaru sit down and talk over lunch for the first time in three years. Watch the interaction, and enjoy the evil tension!

Title: Love after Loss

Chapter Two: The Reason Behind


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The Lexus came to a halt in the carpark behind the restaurant they used to frequent before their divorce, before he exited on his side to walk over and open the door for her.

This was what he used to do in the past, but it also pained her to know that while he could carry out his little acts of gentlemanliness, other women out there most probably get to experience it as well.

That, was enough to make Kagome wish to cry again, but she knew better. She had a great request to make of him now, and she would just adhere safely to the side of her court. Crossing the line in any way would not be wise, not when Rin’s life is the issue.

As she exited the car, she bowed slightly to express her thanks, before following him to where the restaurant was. He nodded in return and slammed the door shut, before locking the car and walking ahead.

Unlike the past where he would hold her hand while they walked across the carpark, she could not help but notice the detached way he kept both his hands inside his pockets.

Kagome bit her lower lip, feeling the tension lingering between them assault her constantly like a raging tsunami. It was so hard to breathe freely around him, not to mention speaking. Back in the car earlier on, she felt she was going to pass out in the small enclosed area, for she feared that even a harsher breath taken would somewhat ruin something. Something else had changed too, and that was the form of speech he used with her. He had reverted to using the formal “desu-masu” form of Japanese speech, as if they were nothing more than acquaintances.

That, for yet another unknown reason, felt painful to her.

However, she once again reminded herself of her greater agenda. No matter how difficult it was for her to open her mouth, she would request Sesshoumaru to make a trip to the hospital with her to do a test to see if his HLA tissue type matches that of Rin’s. Because if it does, Rin would be granted a new lease of life.

She was only five. There was no reason as to why she should suffer in pain and die at such a tender age.

As they were shown to their table in the quaint traditional Japanese restaurant, Sesshoumaru and Kagome bowed their thanks to the waitress before taking their seats. For a moment, it was only the two of them facing each other with two cups of piping hot green tea in between on the table.

She did not know about him, but Kagome felt her chest constrict in what she thought was the greatest tension she ever experienced so far in the entire day. This was different from being in the car, where she could cast her gaze somewhere else. Right at that moment, she was facing him. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

He picked up his cup of tea first, before taking a graceful sip.

“Hmm.” He said softly. “Try the tea; it is of a good quality.”

Kagome could only hurriedly force a smile and nod in agreement, before picking up the cup in front of her as well.

Raising the cup to her lips, she could feel his eyes on her. He was watching her like he used to do, but this time round, it was not at all welcoming. In fact, it was downright unnerving. The strong, piercing gaze was sufficient to make her fumbling hands tip the cup higher involuntarily, and she took in more of the piping hot liquid than she could take.

The heat from the tea singed her tongue slightly as it slid down her throat, before she pulled away to cough, running the back of her hand across her lips, while her face turned cherry with the effort to hold back the oncoming coughs.

Her eyes squeezed shut tightly with the sheer embarrassment of the situation; Kagome could only gasp in shock when she felt a large, strong hand pat her somewhat awkwardly on her back.

He…he was patting her on the back?

Before her embarrassment-clouded mind could fathom anything more, Kagome heard his cool, collected voice.

“Are you alright?”

She opened her mouth to reply, only to cough twice again before weakly replying. “Yes, I am.”

He drew his hand back to himself and sat down again in his seat, while his eyes continued its gaze on her, making her feel as if she was under a spotlight.

“You don’t have to be nervous around me.”

Trust him to hit the bull’s eye every time. Sesshoumaru was rarely wrong in his judgment of things, and Kagome knew there was no use at all in denying what he observed to be true.

She nodded like how a young child would, before the waitress came over to take their orders for lunch. Flipping through the menu, which had now changed after three years, Kagome scanned the price listings for the cheapest set available.

Everything was so expensive here; even the cheapest could easily mean three regular meals elsewhere for her. Money was of utmost importance to her now that she had Rin’s medical bills to take care of, on top of the medical bills for her aged grandfather, household fees for her mother, her apartment rental and everything else.

Sometimes, she regretted refusing Sesshoumaru’s alimony for child support, but at other times, it made her proud of herself and her ability to stand on her own feet.

Before she could decide on her order, her ex-husband’s voice once again cut through her thoughts.

“She will have the toro sashimi set, and I’ll have the sake sashimi set. Along with that, we will have a yaki-anago ippon nigiri each, with a plate of ise ebi sashimi in the middle.”

Kagome could only inwardly gasp. It was an extravagant lunch, to say the least. This simple lunch could easily mean her going hungry for the next three days.

However, a little tingle spread throughout her heart when she recalled how he instantly ordered the toro nigiri set for her. That was her all-time favorite, the fatty abdominal cut of the bluefin tuna. It was the most prized sashimi ingredient, and it has been years since she last had it. The yaki-anago ippon nigiri, consisting of an entire grilled conger eel placed above a pressed ball of rice, was yet another extravagant cuisine, while the ise ebi, an expensive type of spiny lobster, was something she never had the opportunity to try.

The waitress repeated their orders and picked up the menus, before leaving with a customary bow.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Kagome spoke up. “Sesshoumaru, I-”

“Kagome. You don’t have to worry about the price. I’ll be paying for lunch.”

“A-Alright. Thanks.” She replied softly, keeping her eyes glued onto the cup of tea placed before her. Somehow, he could always read her thoughts like a book.

“So, how have you been?” He asked, as if he was talking about the weather.

Kagome did not know how to answer to his question.

“I’m fine.” That was all she could manage, but she knew it was a matter of seconds before he would use his own unique way to make her talk more.

An elegantly raised eyebrow was all it took to set her on a go-on-talking mode. Honestly, if she was a radio, he must be the remote control.

All it took was a single action from him to bring about more from her. That was partly the reason why they separated in the past. She felt as if she was a part of him; she was never Kagome herself, she was his.

“I’m currently working two jobs. One at Kinokuniya bookstore in the day, and another at Akihabara at night.” She answered dutifully, desperately praying inside that he would not question her more.

However, her prayers went unanswered.

“What job, exactly?” He went on.

She felt embarrassment creep up her being all over again, for she knew her current jobs were nothing compared to her high paying position at Taisho Holdings as the assistant general manager of the marketing department before her marriage to him. Somehow, she felt as if he would scorn at her state now, despite him not showing signs of it.

“I am working as a supervisor at the store at Kinokuniya…while at Akihabara, I…I give out flyers along the streets. There’s no specific company I am working for…it depends on what the agent assigns.”

“Aa.” He acknowledged her words, but did not emphasize more. She did not know if it was imaginary, but she felt shame at telling him about the state she was in. Both knew the reason behind it, for she had quit her job at his company shortly after their divorce. “And where are you and Rin living now?”

“We are living at Shitamachi currently.”

“That’s-”

“Yes. It is the downtown area. We have rented an apartment there.”

“No wonder I could not find you back at Shinagawa.”

Kagome chewed her lower lip. If she did not hear wrongly, she could have sworn she heard feelings of helplessness in his voice, something highly uncharacteristic of Sesshoumaru.

“I’m sorry.” She could not help but apologize. “I should have informed you but…”

‘But I could not forget you if I keep seeing you,’ she thought to herself. Biting the answer back, she let her sentence trail, and he, being gentlemanly, did not press her for any more reasons.

“It’s alright.” He cut in, taking another sip of his tea.

“I’ll give you the address later on.” She offered immediately. He nodded in agreement, before the food they ordered came.

The plates of delicacies were placed professionally in front of them, before they picked up their chopsticks and started out on lunch with a customary “ittadakimasu”.

Kagome picked up the toro sashimi and placed the entire piece of fatty tuna into her mouth, savoring the fresh fragrance of the fish oil for the first time since she was no longer Mrs. Taisho. Like many other tastes and fragrances, this one brought back countless memories for her, bringing forth a surge of nostalgia. Along with Sesshoumaru’s presence opposite her, it only served to somehow channel her back in time, to the times where they were still together.

He was eating ever so gracefully with poise, reminding her so strongly of how different their backgrounds were. She was the girl who grew up in a typical Japanese nuclear family at a traditional shrine, who had to work her way up the corporate ladder when she stepped into society. He, on the other hand, was born into an elite family, born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

They were as diverse as the sun and the moon, but for some reasons, an eclipse occurred. But as any unnatural phenomenon, things did not last. They parted due to their irreconcilable differences.

“So, what is it that you need to talk to me about?”

Picking up a piece of lobster sashimi, he proceeded to reach across the table and place it on her plate. As she watched his hand reach across, she said quietly, “It’s about Rin.”

“What about Rin?”

“Rin…she has been diagnosed with leukemia.”

The piece of sashimi slipped from his chopsticks to land on the table, as Sesshoumaru’s hand froze in mid-air. This had to be the first time she had ever seen him lose control of his chopsticks.

“What did you just say?” He said in a deadly quiet tone, his voice sounding as if it was engulfed by a layer of frost.

“Leukemia…Rin has leukemia.” She repeated herself softly, feeling the familiar ache behind her nose, a sign that her tears were coming any moment. “Or more precisely, acute myelogenous leukemia. It is a form of cancer that is rare in children.”

“Since when?” He asked, still unable to process the shocking news that came to him. It has been so long since he saw his little girl, and the moment he heard about her, he had to find out that Fate had dealt such a cruel blow to her.

It was enough to make him feel like hitting something.

“Since two months ago.” Kagome replied, placing her chopsticks down. Suddenly, the extravagant meal did not seem so enticing any more. “I started noticing red spots on her skin, and she has been complaining of constant pain in the bones. I thought it was chicken pox or something, but when I brought her to the clinic, the doctor suggested that I bring her to the hospital immediately.”

He kept deathly silent, and she could only lower her eyes to stare at the table again.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kagome went on in a soft tone. “This is why I came to look for you today. Rin has been placed on a chemotherapy treatment plan since slightly more than a month ago, but her body is not exactly responding well to it.”

A nod was all she needed to know that he was listening intently.

“The doctor told me that the best chances for survival will be a bone marrow transplant. However, no matter how hard I’ve searched, I cannot find any suitable match for her…” Kagome’s tears slipped down her cheeks as she recalled the disappointments she suffered over the months. “My own didn’t match hers, and now, you are her final hope…for she is our daughter.”

He did not make a sound, but his hand was clenched tightly into a fist, so tight that the knuckles were livid white.

“So, I beg of you, please make a trip to go down to the hospital with me to take the test.” Kagome continued, bowing as deeply as she could manage while sitting down.

“Will today evening be convenient?”

“You…you agree to go for the test?” She asked shakily, hardly believing how easily he agreed to it.

“I only regret that it could not be sooner, for I have work to see to in the late afternoon.”

“Thank you, Sesshoumaru. Thank you so much.” She smiled through her tears, and through the watery veil, she could see him nodding slightly. “Thank you so much for saving Rin…”

“She is my daughter too,” He replied. “It makes no sense to leave her in the lurch.”

Kagome fell silent for a moment, before saying in a much softer voice. “I am sorry, Sesshoumaru.”

“Why do you apologize?”

“I did not take good care for her…it must be my fault that she fell sick. Maybe it is because she hasn’t been eating good food with me…Could it be that she has eaten too much instant ramen or something? Or maybe because our living conditions are not good enough? Or maybe because I did not buy any vitamin pills for-”

“Kagome, calm down. It is not your fault.”

“No, no…it has to be somehow. There’s no other reason. My grandmother died of cancer as well, so it has to be my fault.”

“No one wished for this to happen. Stop blaming yourself.” He interrupted firmly. “If you wish to blame yourself, then you have to blame me too. I am Rin’s parent too.”

Kagome stopped in her rambling, and settled for crying soundlessly, except for an occasional sniffle. “I don’t want her to die…She is only five…”

“Our child will not die, Kagome. I will not allow that to happen.”


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To be continued…

A/N: Please review if you enjoyed this chapter and wish to read more!

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