My Humps

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Chapter 2:

Kagome was leaning forward, and staring up the towering Inu Lord who is still in possession of her precious shoe.

“Once an overbearing, egotistical asshole, always an overbearing, egotistical asshole.” Gritted Kagome. “I repeat. You gonna give me my shoe or do I have to draw flowers next to that adorable little crescent moon you have on your face!” She taunted pulling out her scarlet lipstick.

Sesshoumaru lifts an elegant eyebrow.

“Or better yet, why not a cow, a spoon, a dish and a cat? Since you're a dog already we have all the characters we need for hey diddle diddle!”

“Don't you dare insult MY Sesshou!” Screeched Kagura.

“Can it or I'll use your buff head for a feather duster!” Threatened Sango.

“Hah! So you've finally met your match eh, you frozen ass bastard!” bellowed Inuyasha entering the scene. Kouga followed closely, along with Ginta and Hakkaku. Kouga sniffs the air then narrows his eyes looking as if he is discerning something.

“I know that scent... Kkagome?” Asked Kouga, blinking repeatedly.

Kagome receding back to her place next to Sango blushes and smiles warmly.

“I knew it! You've come back to me Koi!” Kouga opens his arms dead set on hugging Kagome.

“You dare to and stuff my stilettos so far up your friggin ass, you'll be on a high fiber diet the rest of your mangy life, just so you could shit it out!” Retorted Ayame.

Kouga halts mid leap.

“Kagome it's really you.” Breathed Inuyasha. He scanned her alluring figure, hungrily devouring each curve.

“Watch it puppy. I don't have a mop to clean up after your drool. 'Some arrogant dog' could slip and smash their pompous ballerina ass on the floor.” Retorted Kagome narrowing her eyes towards the Taiyoukai who is still in possession of her shoe. “So? You gonna give me back my shoe or what?”

Everyone held their breaths as they observed the quarreling duo.

“This Sesshoumaru bows to no-one. The very sight of your pitiful display clearly illustrates the deplorable state that your race has succumbed to.”

Kagome's eyes flashed in a brilliant blue hue.

“What I and my race do are not subject to likes of your scrutiny! It's jerks like you that prolong this bitterness between our species! Had I been an Inu youkai I would've loved to take a biting chunk outta your royal ass!”

Kagura went on a dead faint, slumping soundly on the ground with no one to catch her. Kouga, Ginta and Hakakku stared biting their nails, while Inuyasha gaped in utter disbelief. Was this feisty female really the placid Kagome he had grown up with? A smirk makes it's way in his face. Not only was she mouth-wateringly gorgeous, but the chick had more balls than all the combined male youkai population in Japan, to speak down to Sesshoumaru like that.

“Oh Lord!” Groaned Ayame. Sango grinned slyly, an idea was quickly forming in her head.

Sesshoumaru's eyes bled crimson as his audible growl reverberated in the small confines of the gym hall foyer.

Kagome, elated at the angry response from the Inu Lord snatches the chair that Ayame had sat on and decides to goad the Taiyoukai's fury further. She steps up the chair as she resumes her staring contest with the Western Lord. This time eye to eye, ignoring the alarm bells going off simultaneously in her head.

“Stand down wench! You will profit nothing worth while from incurring my wrath, only a painful end to your pathetic existence.” He remarked raising a luminous green claw.

Inuyasha, fearing for his childhood friend whips out tetsusaiga. “Oh no you don't bastard!” Kouga, Ginta and Hakakku followed his lead.

“Scuse us your worshipfulness!” Bowed Sango hurriedly, while grabbing the protesting Kagome and smiling Ayame.

Watching their disappearing form into the shadowy corridor, Sesshoumaru reverts back to his calm demeanor.


“Bastard! You were only toying with her weren't you!” Accused Inuyasha. “I knew you were up to something. You would melted anyone else into a puddle of goo for less than what she said to you.”

“True, there has never been a time when this Sesshoumaru allowed an adversary to live after affronting my person, let alone a stubborn female ningen. However, the reasons as to why I had spared her shall remain my own.” He smirked walking away.

“Hey what do we do with feathers here?” Asked Kouga.

“This Sesshoumaru cares not, do with her as you please.” He replied drily not turning to look at them.

“He really is a bastard eh?” inquired Hakakku.

“Keh! Tell that to his ever loyal fanclub.” replied Inuyasha rolling his eyes.

“She has blossomed into quite the a woman do you not think so?” Asked Ginta dreamily.

“Yeah.” Smiled Inuyasha looking at where the trio had disappeared to.

“Yup! ... Too bad your hanyou ass is engaged to Kikyo.” Smirked Kouga.

“ Kusooooo!” Inuyasha's smile fell.

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“Hey where the hell are you taking us demon snatcher!”

“That's slayer you freakin nanny goat!”

“Psh! Slayer. Snatcher. Slapper, who freakin cares! I was enjoying the show back there, then you had to ruin my fun! I thought Kagome-chibi was about to bitch slap him.”

“Shut up!” Huffed Sango.

“Actually, I was going to strangle his canine butt with his own pelt, then strip him naked and dangle his bare ass for everyone to see!” Fumed Kagome. “And for the record I'm a grown woman now not a child.”

“Oh, that the males can clearly see! Did you see their faces when they saw you? All was great until the ookami dork opened his mouth.”

Sango pushes the two abruptly in a deserted spot near the side entrance.

“You both will get your revenge soon enough and you'll be helping me prove my theories!”

“Eh?” Gaped Kagome and Ayame.

She continues undeterred.

“I've been assigned by the YHCS as head of research, to launch a match making service for both youkai and humans! And I've decided to use the both of you as my test subjects!”

“YHCS?” Asked Kagome.

“Yea, it's short for Youkai and Human Co-operative Sphere. They're trying their hardest to integrate each species into a harmonious co-existance... Look Sango, I know were bumchums and all but we are not your stinking lab rats!”

“I'm sorry Sango, she's got a point, besides, I don't recall promising to stay longer than a month here in Tokyo. I have to leave in two weeks.”

“But Kagome, this is your chance to champion human rights for a just cause while exacting revenge on your worst enemy.”

“How pray tell do I champion human rights by getting set up with someone?”

“It's not just someone.. It's the Western Lord!”

“Ewwww! What the hell are you thinking Sango. He's sooo married to Izayoi. You divorce protagonist!” Yelled Ayame. “If they get separated do you realize the hanyou will end up more fucked up than he already is?”

“Not Sugimi dumb ass! His son Sesshoumaru! He'll be introduced as the new Lord in two weeks time. Sugimi asked me himself to set up Sesshoumaru with a match, it seems he's been quite the loner recently since he adopted a human girl named Rin. Right now Mr. High and Mighty says he doesn't see the need to view any prospective mates as he is caring for Rin, so Sugimi asked me to find someone to tantalize his taste buds a bit.”

“Hmmm.. Lead him on and dump his ass eh?” Smirked Ayame. “I like it!”

“So? The jerk must have a bazillion followers why pick me? You should have no trouble in finding someone that would fall to his feet at his every beck and call.”

“That's just it. I've searched all the data banks, every female youkai I've scanned are so obsessed with him it's ridiculous!”

“Then scan for a human.” Cut in Ayame.

Sango gave her a glare. “Every human female in the data base are all too petrified of him. You seem to be the only one able to spar with the ice prick!” Kagome remained silent as she pondered on Sango's words.

“What does this have to do with me though?” Asked Ayame.

“Kouga's father voiced out the same request. Says, and I quote, 'boy needs to be hod tied. His wild ways with females are disgracing our lineage'.”

“But we'll be recognized. As much as I want to boot that ookami's ass for thinking all females are just toys for his pleasure I don't want him to know it's me.” Snorted Ayame.

“She's right. The royal jackass would probably insult me then turn tails in the other direction. Besides, I'm a human remember? That would be like instant disqualification according to his pre-requisites of potential dates.” Remarked Kagome.

“Never fear! I've also thought of that.” Boomed Sango. Looking around she whispers, “this was developed in secrecy in an undisclosed location in a particular desert area in Nevada.” She winks at them.

“Gawd! Area 51? Shit Sango that better not be dissected alien body parts!” Ayame gasps pointing at the blue-pink sphere Sango produced. “No way in hell I'm eating that.”

“It's not for you to eat ya damn glutton! It's for Kagome to wear. We call it the Shikon no tama, it will give you the appearance, powers and scent of a youkai.” Sango hands the orb to a wide eyed

Kagome.

“Oh, oh, what do I get?”

“Here.” Sango hands Ayame a necklace of fangs and bones.

“What the hell is this?”

“It's a subjugation necklace it will subjugate your youkai self and you will be transformed to a human. All you need is the 'word' to release the spell.

“Whaaattt? She gets the cool glowing marble and I get a friggin denture collection on string? Do I look like the damn tooth fairy to you?”

“Idiot! It's easier transforming a demon into a human than for a human to be transformed into a youkai. All the necklace is doing is toning down your powers while to Kagome we have to imbue her with extraordinary abilities even in youkai standards. And that requires greater magic!”

“All right I'm in!” Declared Kagome. “Someone has to teach that damn Inu some manners aside from not messing with someone else's $400 shoes!”

“If Kagome's in then so am I!” Joined Ayame.

“Right! We start the briefing in O8 hundred hours.” Chirped Sango.