Captive Soul

Untitled

Author's note: I had wanted to make this chapter longer. But I cut it in
half. The next half will be chapter 21 and it will be out tommorrow.
I figured this chapter needed to stand as one. Warning: Extreme emotion
coming up. Ras.


Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters

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Chapter 20: Expressions of the heart
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The minute Rin parked the car into the dark driveway, she turned to the inu youkai
sitting next to her. "We're home....."


During the ride home, he had not spoken one word, not uttered one sound. And now, he only
stared out the window and gave a simple nod in acknowledgement.


Rin sighed while grabbing her bag and getting out of the car;
her mind, a jumbled mess as her body and
spirit were slowly going numb. This frame of consciousness hindered her ability
to find the right key to her own house. Through the desperate jangled searching, Rin
fought to hold it together as she stepped up the concrete walkway.
The click of the car door and Sesshomaru's footsteps falling behind
increased her anxiousness.


She wanted to go in, run to her room, and hide.


Finally, she found the right key just as she neared the entrance.

Upon opening the front door, she switched on the lights.


Sesshomaru trailed in behind. He seemed to be avoiding even looking in
her direction.


That horrid despair crept up inside once more.


He didn't want to look at her.

With heavy steps, Rin ascended the staircase. "I think I'll go to bed now.
You can do what you want."

As soon as the bedroom door clicked shut, Rin slumped against it.


The dam broke, and with it all the frustration, pain, misery, and tears she
had been holding back until now. She sobbed quietly, hoping her housemate
could not hear. Where these feelings were coming from and why they ravaged
her spirit was a mystery.


It shouldn't have hurt so much to see them together.


Really.


But...it did.

Why? The rational part of her mind sought an answer by
going over details and possibilities.


One: Sesshomaru may have been forced by Kikyo.


Two: Sesshomaru may have been ordered into it but didn't mind touching Kikyo.


Three: Sesshomaru may have wanted to be with her cousin and asked if she
needed him.

Four: Kikyo was prettier than her: Kikyo was taller. She had smooth milky skin.
Her long silky hair lustered in the light. And...,Rin frowned and looked down at
her chest,....Kikyo had bigger....attributes.


Five: Her cousin expressed how much Sesshomaru enjoyed her company.

Rin clenched her eyes tight and began to shake her head to remove the image
of Kikyo and Sesshomaru in a passionate embrace. No! No! No. no......no.


Rin slid down the slick wooden surface of the door.


As her bottom hit the carpet, Rin opened her eyes to blurry vision and
blinked, makwet wet lines itch down the skin of her cheeks.

Never in her life had she experienced this kind of pain.


It tore at her very soul and weighed everything down into despair.


Laying her head on her knees, Rin let out another string of tears.

These feelings went far beyond anything she had ever felt in her entire life.


They all spawned from one giant source buried deep within.

It became all too clear in that one moment.


Rin raised her head up and stared out at nothing.


The blurred, dark room came into focus.


Everything came into focus.


Realization created an open pathway to the absolute truth.


And that absolute truth, if not for the circumstances, should have
made the world light up and dance.


Rin knew, through the craters of deepened sorrow.


Rin finally knew.


She loved him....


New tears threatened to spill.


She loved an inu youkai who may leave the very minute he was free......

Kagome was right....as she had been right to begin with. She should not have
gotten attached...She should not have fallen......for him.


But, she now realized that her heart had made other plans without her knowledge.
It probably would have made no difference to her spirit what her mind may have
set out to do.


Her heart had chosen Sesshomaru.

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Unbeknownst to Rin, Sesshomaru stood on the other side of her door.


He remained rigid, listening to the faint sobs. His heart twisted with
every sniffle; and he fell deeper into despair with every salty scented tear.


The need to open that door, to hold Rin and chase away her grief, overwhelmed him.


But he had no right, for he had caused that grief.


She probably despised him now for being with that......wench.


Whether he had been forced or not. It made no difference. In a moment
of heated confusion, he had made the wrong choice and touched another female.


He should have let the witch kill him or refused to
obey until the collar eventually destroyed his mind. And this nightmare could have been
avoided. More than likely, Rin would have favored
a mindless slave over an unfaithful potential mate.

Who was he kidding? There could have been no better outcome.


Rins grief could not have been spared either way.


Rin had cared for him. And she did have some sort of feelings for him.

But whatever feelings Rin may
have been developing for him were now, most likely, dead.


Only by some miracle would his chosen at least forgive him for touching that.
......that.....
The invading memory of her hands.....groping....pawing....fondling
caused a sudden jolt of nausea.


Anger sparked and the smell of his own blood prompted him to look down.


Small scarlet spots were forming on the carpet. Dark red blood dripped
from both clenched fists.

Another string of sobs pulled his attention off of his anger and the scent of
blood, drawing him back to the wooden obstruction barring him from Rin.


Depression blanketed his soul once more. His hand reached out to the door
knob....but he froze.


He simply did not know if his spirit could stand up to her voiced resentment and
rejection. But she had every right to give him both. And every right
to send him away.


But he knew, even if she dismissed his
very presence from her life....she would always remain.....his chosen.

With every ounce of inner strength, he tore his gaze from the door and
headed for the bathroom.

He needed to remove the sickening
stench of that infernal witch from his body
before the odor caused his dinner to return.

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The sound of running water brought Rin out of her emotional revelations.


Sesshomaru must be taking a bath.


After wiping the wetness away with the back of her hand, Rin stood and slowly walked
over to her night table to switch on the lamp. Reaching over, she tossed her bag on the
dresser.


The purse fell over, spilling it's contents.


Rin let out an aggravated breath and began to pick up the scattered objects.


While placing a compact into her purse, she caught a glimpse of white between
the pockets.


Delicately, she withdrew the flower from the protective pocket of her bag.


Rin lightly touched the silky white petals with the tip of her finger.


Sesshomaru had been so sincere when he had given the gift.

Bringing the beautiful blossom to her face, she smoothed the flower across
her cheek.

It's fragrant softness tickled her skin.

Sighing, Rin placed the flower on her dresser then pulled out her night gown
from a drawer.


After changing, she picked up the blossom then laid down on the bed.


Even though it was still early, her drained body and
soul cried out for rest.


While holding the white flower close to her chest,
she drifted off to sleep.



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Sesshomaru eased into the hot water. Reaching over, he grabbed the soap.


Immediately, he began scrub, rubbing vigorously until his skin reddened with
the rough friction.


He had to get clean;.......to remove that female's scent from his body,....
to strip her filthy, nauseating smell from his skin,......... and to wash the repulsive
sensation of violation away.....


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Clothed only in a towel, Sesshomaru stepped out into the cool air of the hallway.

While his hair dripped on the carpet, he looked over to Rin's door which remained
closed.


With an inward sigh, he headed for his room.


After pulling on a pair of sweatpants he had found in the drawer, Sesshomaru sat
on his bed.


As he slowly dried his hair with the towel, he thought about Rin:

her smile,

her laughter,

her beauty,

her sweet scent,

and child like nature.

Could he allow that to slip away?

No.

He needed to know.

Even if it broke his spirit,
he needed to know how she really felt;
if she was angry or not, or
if she hated him.

At least he would know the complete truth.


Making his decision, he tossed the towel then left the room, intent on finding
out exactly what Rin felt for him.

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He stopped just outside her door and listened.

Inside, he could hear Rin breathing; deep and even.
She was asleep.


Quietly, he opened the door and peered in. Rin
lay curled up and sleeping on her bed. The lamp on her night table
bathed her features in soft yellow light.


Without making a sound, he entered the room and shut the door.


As he neared the bed and the ethereal beauty slumbering upon it, he
gazed at her sleeping form.


Her brown hair waved over the white pillow.

Pink lips parted with innocence. And little sighs escaped those glistening
lips with every deepened breath.

Her cheeks were flushed and lined with tear stains and he suddenly had
the desire to lick those tear streaks from her skin.


As he came closer, he noticed Rin had both hands clasped together against
her chest.

She held something.

And that something made him pause and caused his heart to beat a little faster.


His maiden held a white blossom very close to her own heart.

Silently, he sat on the floor by the side of the bed where Rin lay sleeping.


He would stay until her breathing and heart beat informed him of her waking.


If she wanted him to leave then he would.


But he honestly hoped Rin would allow him to speak with her.

With his back to the matress, Sesshomaru waited. Just being close to her gave him
comfort.


At least, for now, he had this simple moment.


After a while, Sleep began to pull at him but he warded off the urge
by shaking his head.


Then, his sensitive hearing caught the sound of a quickening heartbeat and
uneven breathing.


Very quietly, he stood and headed for the door.


As he reached for the door knob, Rin's sleepy voice called out to him.
"Please.....don't go."


Taking a deep breath, he slowly turned.

Rin had sat up and was now rubbing her eye with one hand.


The maiden then reached over and placed her flower on the night stand.

Giving him a small smile, she scooted over then patted the space next to her.

Sesshomaru, unable to comprehend why she would want him so near, did not move.


A small hurt look passed over her features but then vanished as her smile
became true once more.


Reaching her hand out, she softly spoke. "Come on. I don't bite."

With slow steps he moved closer. He looked at the empty space then back to
her clear brown pools.


She wanted him to....get in the bed.....beside her.


Now his heart quickened.


Was he dreaming?

Had he fallen asleep without knowing?

No. This was real.

Rin was real.

The thundering in his chest, definitely real.

He eased onto the cushioned matress.

It dipped with his weight.

This caused Rin to slide forward and accidentally fall against his shoulder.


The young female let out a squeeked "oops"
then scooted back a little more with a faint blush.

With a little maneuvering, Sesshomaru got comfortable by partially sitting up on
the fluffy pillow, and turning to face Rin.

She had remained sitting up but did not look directly at him. Instead, she chose
to smooth out and study the comforter. "Sesshomaru?"

"Yes, Rin?"


After letting out a deep breath, she looked at him. "You....you don't have to
stay if you don't want to. When the collar is removed you can leave if that is
what you want to do."

A small part of him panicked. Did she want him to leave? Mentally squashing
the unwarranted anxiety, Sesshomaru gave an assertive reply. "I do not
wish to leave you, Rin." Her Her eyes widened. "You....you don't?"

With earnest conviction he answered. "No....I want to stay here...with you."

She smiled brightly but then looked down, her smile falling away.
"I want to ask you something....."

A nervous lump formed in his stomach.

Pushing a stray brown lock of hair behind a small ear, she continued. "I wanted
to know if.......... I know this may be none of my business but...
were you and Kikyo.....I mean...."

She looked up and searched his eyes. "Did you want......to be with her?"



Sesshomaru averted his eyes from the pain radiating off of her
delicate features. Would she believe him if
he spoke the truth? In a sudden leap of faith he returned his gaze to her
clear brown pools and replied with the only honest answer. "No."

So many emotions passed over her face in that very moment: relief , happiness,
anger, and grief.


Without warning, Rin flung her arms around his neck and began to cry on his
shoulder.


Soft, sorrowful words fell between faint sobs. "I am so sorry. I should never
have left you alone........forgive me."

Relieved beyond measure, Sesshomaru returned the embrace by wrapping both
arms around her small waist and
burying his nose in the hollow of her neck.

But her quiet weeping tore at his spirit.

Reaching one hand to gently caress and thread through her hair, he spoke softly.
"Hush, please don't cry. It is not as if it hasn't happened before."

He winced as she began to cry harder. He had said the wrong thing.

With his heart, he implored. "Rin....please...I can't stand it when you cry.
It...hurts."

After a few minutes, the female he held began to calm. Before long, her tears
turned to little sniffles then finally stopped altogether.

But Sesshomaru did not let her go.

He didn't want to let his angel go.

Ever.....

When Rin began to pull away from him, he tightened his hold. "Please....can I...
just....hold you?"

His answer was given when Rin hugged him tighter.

With a small smile of relief, he leaned back and cradled her small form, placing
her legs across his lap and letting her nuzzle against his chest.


Within moments, the two fell asleep.

During the night, Sesshomaru lay on his back and Rin snuggled close with one
arm around his waist and one thigh draped across his.


By midnight, the couple had switched in their sleep as Sesshomaru spooned up
behind the mate in his dreams.
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