A Love That Never Was

Author’s note: I got nothing this time. Lots of love!

Disclaimer: Don’t own Inuyasha, barely can afford to own my own clothes.


Sesshoumaru sat in his bedroom, trying to meditate. But his cent wouldn’t come. Two faces flashed back and forth across his mind: Katherine, Kagome, Katherine, Kagome. Like a never ending slide show the two faces danced across his mind continually. He sighed and buried his face in his hands. Never in his life had he been so damn confused. And he didn’t like it one bit.

How could he tell if is he was doing the right thing? Here was simply sweeping into this girl’s life and turning it upside down. And why? Because of an incarnation of her that had never actually existed. How the Kami must be laughing at him now. The great and might Sesshoumaru brought to his knees by…one girl? Two girls? He wasn’t even sure at this point.

Did having the same soul make her one person or two? Did it matter if Kagome had never truly existed? But he looked at him, she called him Inuyasha. He growled at the thought of being mistaken for his brother. Nonsense words, her friend had called it. No, not nonsense. But what did it mean?

He thought about how he had woken up with her. Her hands had been wrapped around his neck and she had been smiling in her sleep. He had never felt so content as when he had just laid there looking at her. But was it real? Was any of it real?

Yes obviously Katherine was real. He had held her in his arms, comforted her while she cried. But the way she made him feel. Was that real? Or was it just his memories of Kagome haunting him? She had haunted him for over five hundred years and he had thought it to be pure torture. But this…oh but this was true torture. He had not felt this split since the few months after the wish had been made. Only now it was his heart that had been split in two instead if his mind. The girl he loved. The girl he was growing to love. But how could continue this?

He was Inuyoukai. Kagome had been aware of what he was. If he had claimed and mated Kagome, she at least would have understood what he was. Her experiences had seen to that. But Katherine? Humans of this day and age had lost their magic. They had lost their ability to live with extraordinary. If he were to reveal himself to her, she would run screaming in terror. And then what? Would it drive her mad? Would she try and tell the world that Sesshoumaru Takahashi was a monster? He could handle that. But to see a look of horror when gazed at him…that would kill him. Or to drive her mad? To see those clear green eyes muddied with insanity. And to have it be all his fault.

He knew that he should leave. He shook go right back to Japan and never look back. But it was if she called to him, a siren’s call that he could not ignore. He could still smell her; feel her arms around him, the warmth of her body, the yielding softness of her pressed against him. He threw his head back and howled. The illusion spell slipped of him as he his anguish and turmoil raced through him. Reaching out with his claws, he shredded everything he could come in contact with. His instincts begged him to go to the girl and take her now, but he fought against it. Instead he continued to shred and smash until the dark hungers that had overtaken him slowed back to a tolerable pace.

He sat in the middle of his decimated apartment, slowly catching his breath. How did she do this to him? She had done as a small black haired teenager and now she did it as a lush redheaded woman. The whole situation was completely ridiculous. Katherine, Kagome, Katherine, Kagome, his mind chanted in eternal litany. A girl on the brink of womanhood, like the bud of a new rose. A woman in the fullness of life, like a rose in full bloom. He lowered his head trying not to weep. If only he had some inkling of what to do…

His head snapped back. Of course! He grabbed his cell phone and made preparations for his private jet to meet him at the airport.

Hours later, Sesshoumaru stood on front of the cave. He had come here once before for answer, why not again. He merely had to hunt for an offering. He was preparing to assume his dog form when a soft lilting laughter came out from the cave.

“You need no offering for me,” said a voice. It was sweet and childlike, but that same childlike aspect caused shivers to travel up his spine. “Come in and see me, see me well.”

He walked into the cave. At first it seemed the same as last the last time, a light up ahead showing him which way to go. But as he got closer to the light, it did not brighten. Even as he finally reached the heart of the cave, it stayed flickering and weak.

He looked around, trying to see some sign of the seer. The giant web, as well as the spider youkai was gone. Another giggle floated across the cave. He searched for the source of the giggle. When he found it, he was shocked.

A little humarl nrl no more than seven or eight years old sat in a corner. Her black hair was plastered to her head with what had to be years of dirt and grime. Her face was smeared with some kind filth, marring her skin. From her dirt-streaked face, two dark eyes stared at him, glittering with insanity. She stood up and walked towards the center, stopping about twenty feet away from him.

“He was once the Lord of the West, now just another lovesick fool, welcome to my cave. You were perhaps expecting Haruka? She died several years ago.” At this the child laughed as though she had her the most wonderful joke. She twirled around raising her hands above her head. When she came to a stop however, her face was calm with no trace of laughter.

“If you want answers, you must get them from me. And I know why you’re he-ere,” she singsonged. Oh Kami, he had seen many things, but nothing quite as sad as this mad little girl.

“The one was, the one who is,” she sang. “And the poor youkai does not know which way to look. The past or the future, the old or the new? What lays behind is gone, what lays ahead is yet to be found. You seek a replacement for the love you never had, but the replacement in not what you expected. It threatens to be more than a replacement and so the dog slinks away with its tail between it legs.” She let out another burst of mad laughter. He could not, spehe che could not move. He was overcome with horror. He had heard stories of the madness that overtook some of the seers, but to see this little girl…oh Kami.

“She knows, she knows, she knows, she knows, she knows. But yet she doesn’t. And what will happen when all is revealed?” He started to speak, but she ran up and hushed him with a filthy finger to her lips.

“I do not answer questions. I say what I wish to say. And I wish to tell you that you are a fool. You spent your life chasing your dream, but it is not what you expected. And so you break. So fragile, so fragile, so fragile.” She trailed off into a whisper. “The reality split left your mind shattered. You think you have put the pieces back together, but you have not. I see your broken mind, I see the missing pieces. And you alone cannot mend it.” She tilted her head to the side as if listening to someone.

“It hurts the girl to be who she is, but it will not end. She cannot break the seal of her heart. And yet it will break. And woe is to those who did not help. For if it breaks all alone, she will be broken and gone. Gone forever, lost, lost, lost. But do run, little puppy, do run. You will hurt her. But she will hurt you worse!” She laughed again as she peered up into his eyes.

“She comes and goes within her dreams. But dreams can become real. Stay and you will bleed your hearts pain. Go, and she will bleed her hearts blood. What is worse, what is worse?” She smiled and swayed from side to side.

“Go now. Make your decisions. I’ll be watching.” She turned around and walked to the back of the cave, disappearing from his sight. He turned around and walked out of the cave. As he reached the exit, her voice floated back to him.

“Time is short little puppy. Don’t take too long.” Her mocking laughter followed him as walked away from the cave.