Insatiable

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Rumiko Takahashi does.

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Chapter 17: Puzzles of the Heart
 
“I am setting myself free. Goodbye… Shun.”
 
“Kagome…” Shun all but sighed an exasperated breath. He couldn't fathom why he was feeling this way. He even wondered if he was capable of feeling so many emotions at a single moment - anger, sorrow, hate, denial, grief, self-pity, jealousy, betrayal. He felt suffocated making it hard to breathe with all the whirling emotions surmounting inside him – defeating him, reducing him to what he was at the moment - a pathetic fool lost in his own weak musings goading his own self-pity… loathing his own defeat. As if he had no other things in mind, he remembered what had transpired a couple of hours ago – probably the longest conversation in his life even though what seemed to be forever only elapsed for less than 5 minutes. It further provoked his volatile emotions making him lose his self-control, his balance once again.
 
He stared at his mobile phone, tuned off now. Shizuru had been deep in sleep when his phone rang an hour ago. It had been a surprise to see Kagome’s name in his mobile screen that he only stared at it for a couple of minutes. At that time, he couldn't get himself to understand what he felt as something inside him swelled by the fact that she had called him. That gesture was enough to bring the tiny curve on his lips, as he brought the phone to his ear and heard her utter his name. When and by how she had this effect on him were a mystery to him, as this feeling was something new - as it was a first - and since it was so, he had ignored the slight indifference beneath her calm voice. Confused on whether he should act most indifferently or most excitedly, he had answered the phone with what he considered a neutral one. She had started with a greeting, a question - what he would later on discover and consider as one of the most painful conversations he ever had.
 
“How are you Shun?” For such a simple question, he could not bring himself to answer her as he turned his head to look at the bed and the sleeping woman on it. He felt a jolt of pain and he frowned. Perhaps, it was guilt or something close to it.
 
“I'm fine.” He almost choked those two words. He heard her impassive laugh, as he asked her how she was doing and why she had called. This time he clearly, yet, annoyingly noted the apathetic tone in her voice that he only but snarled his next words without waiting for her answers to his previous questions. “What's the matter with you, Kagome?”
 
“I don't know, Shun. Perhaps, you can tell me,” she answered immediately, spitting almost every word. What could he say in response? She had slapped him back with his own question; and now, she wanted him to answer his query - taunting him, egging him to an answer what he knew would surely demean him. Perhaps, he was over thinking things that somehow, even limitedly, she knew what was going on. That Shizuru was sleeping in his bed, and probably, that was the reason why she was acting all bitchy to him. However, he could be wrong, couldn't he? So what was safer than to answer a question with another one?
 
“What the hell are you talking about, Kagome?” He had snarled the question, of course. He hoped he had sounded convincingly indifferent to her as he waited for her reply
 
“Are you going to play the fool again, Shun? Or do you want me to play the fool instead just like what has happened before? But I have to tell you though, I'm getting tired of this entire charade,” she said with bored indifference; it almost sounded like she was mocking him.

He grasped the phone tightly, his face growing hard as steel. Then, he snarled, “So this is how you see us then? Only but a charade? Tell me Kagome, what do you call what you have with Inuyasha then? Do you find the bastard suitable to all your whims? Have you found what you have been searching for - whatever the fuck that is - with your whoring around? Don’t lie to me, Kagome. Have you fucked the bastard already like the whore that you have become? Well, have you? I know there’s something going on between the two of you, you two-timing bitch!”
 
He couldn't hide his jealousy. His anger swirling beneath his almost snarled breath. He didn’t know why but the words suddenly burst out. He had felt insulted when she said their relationship was just a joke. Did she call just to insult him, just to say that he was nothing but a farce to her? Inuyasha was a sour point. The fact that she liked the bastard and had even dared to compare to two of them angered him. How could she compare him to Inuyasha just as most people had done? He had thought better of her. Although, he was aware that sometimes he had compared himself to his silver-haired friend that he had detested for so long.

“The reason I’m calling you now has nothing to do with Inuyasha, Shun. You’re deluding yourself if you think so. You fucking lecture me about loyalty, faithfulness and all that bullshit when you yourself know nothing about those words. Stop being a hypocrite, will you, Shun? Or God help me, I will strike you and that fucked-up bitch you love so dearly, whom you happen to have fucked earlier on to hell and back, if I can't help it.” She wanted to provoke him, to hurt him. He deserved that after all the hurtful words that he had spat at her. How thick was he? The nerve of the bastard to accuse her of two-timing when actually, she didn`t… hadn't! Okay, perhaps, she did and had… slightly. However… “I may be a bitch, but this bitch is no longer yours.”

“What - what are you talking about?” He gripped his phone so tightly he nearly crushed the contraption. She had been angry with him in the past, but never this mad. In the beginning, when they argued, she had been indifferent to the point that he thought she hadn’t cared at all. The tone of her voice now was taunting, and yet, it held firmness and a willed volition that even he couldn't ignore nor deny. He had asked for her answer, hadn't he? And he specifically told her not to lie. Sheer rage - that was what he had felt initially when she answered him. Her words were meant to cut and hurt - to goad his already growing hatred and anger. “Stop stalling around, Kagome, like you're someone fucking important.”

“I'm saying goodbye, Shun,” she told him… too calmly for his liking, for his satisfaction.

He had wanted her in the same state of confusion, anger, hurt as he was at the moment. Why had she been so calm? So indifferent? So unaffected? He wanted to hear her shout at him, provoke him as what she had done earlier, tell him that she was hurting and that he was the cause of it.

But she didn’t.

Hadn’t.

It bothered him, angered him, and wounded him extremely. But he was a prideful man, and he responded like one. “Then good riddance. You are nothing to me anyway. You've been nothing to me but a rebound and a passing bitch like a waterfront whore.” He had wanted to hurt her. Why was she this way? He wanted her unbalanced as he was; he wanted her hurt, crying and for some reason, he wanted her to tell him that this conversation was all a nightmare and that she would take back every word she had said. But that was all wishful thinking, he supposed.
 
“You cannot hurt me anymore,” she said so calmly, so bluntly. If her voice had held anger before, then now, it was gone. Not even a hint of it, or any other emotion underlying her voice.

And he hated it – every word of it.

“Your words are no longer hot enough to burn me, Shun. And anything that you do is of no concern to me anymore – not even a bit. I’m doing both of us a favor. I am setting myself free, and I’m setting you free. It’s better that way, don't you think?”
 
She had stung, stabbed and slashed him. He didn't know why, but her words were eating him… from the very moment he heard her utter those words in such a casual manner what he could only consider as pure indifference - the merciless kind. Yet, even with the calmness in her voice, there was hatred underlying it - abhorrence with every given word meant to be a barb. To say that you had been nothing but a waste of time, as what he had surmised from her words, was beyond cruel. Those words had told him how insignificant and unvalued he was to her. How he was easily disposable to anyone, just as he was disposable then.

Were the times that they had spent together had been nothing to her? But hadn’t it been like that to him as well? If that was the case then why was he feeling like this after she had hung-up the phone and he was left to himself and his musings? It felt as if his heart was crushed under invisible hands and all he could feel was… hurt. In a fraction of a second, he had wondered if he was even capable of such an emotion even if someone other than the woman sleeping in his bed elicited it. Perhaps, he was… and it led him to question his feelings for Kagome – night-haired witch – the bitch that she was.

Love?

No… he refused to believe it was that.

Like?

Did he look like a schoolboy for goodness sake?

Ownership?

Had he always treated her as property… for him to possess and lord over?

Perhaps…

He had tried, but she was resistant. Thinking about it, he somehow adored that resistance and felt challenged by it. Of course, he rarely won against it. It brought a smile to his face remembering her defiant looks. Soon afterwards that minute fondness turned to nothing but pure anger when he realized those defiant looks were no longer his – taken away from him underhandedly by the person he despised the most. An anger that manifested as brutal sword thrusts and rough lovemaking to a willing woman's wanton body later on. How convenient was it that Shizuru was there who welcomed and took pleasure from it all? The bitch had cried and begged him for more, even with the painful grip he had on her wrists, even with the way he manhandled her… roughly pushing her to the floor and thrusting in and out of her from the back, even when he hurtfully slapped her backside over and over again as he moved his hips and pumped more forcefully, uncaringly. She had egged him, encouraged him to be rougher, faster, harder until they both burst in an explosion overtaking all senses and rational thought.
 
Truly, he was a pathetic soul – Shun Kanzaki – a miserable soul whom had lost, probably, almost all the important people in his life. He was only but a child when he had lost his mother over a custody case. His father, who had not really cared for him, won the case just because he was capable of providing food and shelter to him and he was also making the most earnings compared to his poor mother. Love and belongingness for the child were never the first issue during that divorce and custody hearing. He had remembered so clearly that what mattered was money, and division of properties. His father had insisted for custody rights and even had gone to such lengths of buying the judge's decision, as he was already an old man who suffered from impotence due to a disease condition. He needed an heir, and Shun was the only son he had. As a child, he had longed for a mother's love – a woman's affection. He had thought that as a dream, and hoped for that dream to come true. Then, he met Shizuru. She was the answer to his childhood dreams. He remembered so clearly like it was only yesterday, she was the one who introduced herself to him wearing that sunny smile she once had matching that yellow sun dress she wore. She was like the sun in his cloudy world and remained that way for the longest of time, even during those times – especially during those times when he had decided to choose her over his friends in spite of everything. He would rather lose everything than lose her; he had told himself with all the conviction he had. However, all his conviction was apparently not enough to keep her.
 
He was a broken man when he had come back to Japan only 2 and half years ago. Then he met Kagome. Miroku and Sango had prepared a welcome home dinner for him at their apartment and decided to invite her so that they could be in a double date. They also wanted Kagome to cook. He had arrived early and did not bother to knock on the door before he came in only to see her with her hair in a messy bun and held high just an inch below the top of her head. She was wearing a rather cute green apron, a white tank top and a pair of khaki cargo shorts. Unclear and beyond him, he still could remember the way she had hit him with the ladle she was holding with the thought that he was a burglar until Sango and Miroku arrived at the scene laughing their hearts out.
 
Unconsciously, Shun smiled at the memory. Kagome was most beautiful when she smiled. The thought wormed its way in his mind and for a minute, all he could picture was her smile. He shook his head to rid of the thoughts of her. He hated himself for being this weak. He wondered if she was also in a foul-mood like him at the moment. He wondered if she was feeling as he was feeling at the moment. She said she was releasing him to where he was happiest, but why was it that he was feeling anything but happiness? Perhaps, she was wrong. That he was wrong. Maybe being exactly here where he was – was not where he would be happiest. Was it even possible? He felt lost with all these questions and it didn't help at all that it was only fuelling his own misery. And it didn't help that he couldn't stop himself from asking a few more. Was she as miserable as he was? Was she also in a corner pondering over things, thinking about him? Not that it mattered. Hadn't he sworn her off just last night? Wasn't he starting anew today? But with whom? What was with all these questions?
 
There was no need to ask – with Shizuru, of course! He scoffed in his thoughts, cursing Kagome for causing him all these needless thoughts. He felt the stirrings in his loins that was being caressed and held by bold and skilled hands. He would choose forgetfulness at this moment and what was most effective than loosing yourself in smooth, tight, silken depths of constricting heat and muscle – even if it would only mean pleasurable oblivion for only but a limited span.
 
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The wretch! Kagome had scoffed in her thoughts, as she stuffed her mouth with what she had considered the most delicious ramen she had ever tasted all her life with inexplicable violence, she should add that she almost choked. Sitting across her was the wretch himself. Inuyasha, he was smirking devilishly, tauntingly – his mischievous eyes smiled brightly at her. Ignoring Hojo's excited exclamation about how delicious the ramen was, she glared at him, the corner of her left eye twitching causing him to chuckle loudly.
 
“Oh my, you have one hell of a spitfire here, Inuyasha,” Kojiro Mibu commented with that wolf-smile he sported all the time, same as the wolf-smile that Kouga, his son, had. If only he was not the head engineer for the project, Kagome would have throttled him painfully with all the satisfaction in the world. How could she not think of carnage and torture at the moment, when for the past couple of days, all these men had subjected her was nothing but a severe headache. She feared, as of now, she had gotten a perennial migraine as she felt her temples throb when she heard Inuyasha replied laughingly with an “I know.” You could just hear the amusement purring beneath his voice and evidently, see it with that look on his face.
 
Yes, the wretch had been amused and she was highly annoyed by it. He had won the race he and Totosai secretly had, and half-ashamed, she had to admit she had participated in it in a way – and rather effectively, by being a very loud backseat driver who annoyed and taunted him telling him he was a sissy driver by letting Totosai overtake him just like that. She had forgotten all about Hojo by that time and a certain bastard who was fucking some bitch in the other side of the globe. Not that she cared. They were in a dogfight with Totosai's driven car for a couple of minutes, while Inuyasha told her that Totosai and Myouga had been legends in these mountain passes when they were still young and were fighting for Kaede's affection. She had laughed at that thought – a love triangle between Myouga, Totosai and Kaede. Wouldn’t that be something good to talk about over a cup of hot chocolate? But it was still as interesting as talking about it over a car race, risking their petty lives while doing so, wouldn’t it? God, what had she been thinking during that time? Why couldn't she bring herself to strike out at him, when she usually did that given the same circumstances? Instead, she revelled in both their recklessness and tolerated such foolishness from him. She should have scolded him to no end, as well as herself, for being so reckless, for allowing him – without any regard – to play with their lives. But then, she had not done that. Moreover, she couldn't deny the realization that she, at that moment, had trusted him completely. He was a stranger to her and she was still overwhelmed by how much she trusted him. She had given herself to him willingly, offering what was all of her to him. She was drawn to him so strongly and that was one truth that she would not deny even if she wanted to. He had gain entrance to her life so unexpectedly, so suddenly, that to her it was similar, and yet, as different as a blur.
 
“You see that bend there? That's only the first bend among a series of turns in this road. I've practiced my driving here in this road. Totosai has told me then that if I can conquer this pass, I can drive in almost any road in this country.” She only listened to him while they cruised down the road. He was good with his feet, with the clutch and the accelerator – one of his many other talents.
 
He had told her that they were heading to another building site as the head engineer, Kojiro Mibu, was on that site. She soon discovered that Kojiro Mibu was actually Kouga’s father and that he was supposed to leave the country in two days to personally oversee another construction site in Hongkong. When she had met the man, she clearly noted the similarities between him and Kouga. He exactly looked like her doctor-friend except 20 years older. They even sported the same wolf-smile, only that the elder Mibu had a fiercer and more mischievous look to him compared to Kouga’s goofy-ish grin.
 
“I knew that I was to expect a woman as my head architect, but I didn't know it was to be a very beautiful woman. Now I’m completely thrilled.” That brought a smile to her face. This Mibu was definitely more charming than Kouga. She concluded shaking his extended hand.
 
“As am I, Sir - thrilled, that is, to meet you. And you don't look a little older than your late twenties.” Kojiro Mibu had chuckled loudly, exclaiming that he looked forward to working with her and to hear her many flattering comments in the future. He also added for her to call him “Kojiro” instead of the formal unattractive “Sir,” as it made him feel old and ugly.

“Since we will be working with each other, I will have to tell you… I'm divorced.” That comment caused Kagome to giggle.
 
Inuyasha had almost lost one eye with the degree that he had rolled them. It annoyed him – all these pleasantries, all these compliments, all these cheesy introductions… especially when it involved her and a certain male. He had scowled in the corner, and perhaps, Kojiro Mibu had noticed his displeasure because the elder man even dared to kiss Kagome's hand and playfully teased her with all the reasons of taunting Inuyasha.

Ha! She almost jumped with glee upon sensing Inuyasha's burning gaze at her. He deserved this aggravation for what he had subjected her this afternoon, especially to poor Hojo. Oh yes… to poor Hojo. Her poor friend was a picture of nausea and vomiting. Unfortunately, Hojo had motion sickness, one fact that she had just discovered that afternoon. It was awful. He had looked wasted when she saw him come out of the car with a not so very happy Totosai. No doubt Hojo had unleashed all vile and disgusting inside the car. She was extremely mad at Inuyasha, as well as with Totosai and even felt a pang of guilt herself, since in a way, she had also encouraged Inuyasha during the race.
 
“Hey, Hojo, you're eating too much. Is it okay for you to eat that much when you've just hurled a few hours ago?” Kagome worriedly asked Hojo while he continued to stuff himself with all the ramen possible.
 
“I'm fine, Kagome. I'm just a little hungry.” His words came out muffled. Nevertheless, it was understandable.
 
“Of course, you're hungry. You've gagged half of your body weight in the car,” Totosai said disdainfully. He was in a dilemma. Why had he not trusted his instinct to use the other car and not Sesshomaru's? He could just picture Sesshomaru emanating fire-devils through his eyes. God, that gave him the chills.
 
“You have shown the poor boy the move, haven’t you Totosai old man?” Kojiro Mibu asked.

Totosai lost his scowling face and smirked. Kojiro was one of Inutaisho’s closest friends, so were Miroku and Hiten's dads. They were the original “bad boys” as what he and Myouga had fondly called them before.
 
“But Inuyasha still won?” Kojiro added. Totosai's smirk vanished only to be replaced by another deep scowl. Kojiro chuckled loudly. “Well, I can understand why. He has the perfect inspiration sitting on his passenger's seat, I daresay. Am I right, Kagome?”
 
She pretended not to hear whatever the elder Mibu had said. Like father like son, huh? She was tempted to tell him off unpleasantly; however, she stopped herself. After all, he was still joking. Men! Why did she have to be surrounded by them all the time? She had noticed that since time immemorial when she had taken up architecture that she was, all the time, surrounded by testosterone and massive male egos.
 
“More like provocation, Kojiro,” she replied smiling at the elder man.
 
“Oh, that's an even better motivation. Nothing motivates a man more than attacking where it hurts most… the ego. Pride is what males are made of. Great job, Kagome. Now, I'm less worried of you being overwhelmed by all these testosterone when we start working together, as you seem to handle the pressures of the male world pretty impressively. Man, you are a refreshing side to womanhood, aren't you?” Kojiro Mibu sighed and chuckled to himself. “All this talk's making me miss having one by my side, apparently. Wouldn`t you agree, Totosai?” Totosai chuckled loudly and Kojiro smiled sadly.
 
They had parted ways later in the afternoon with Kojiro telling Inuyasha – of course, secretly – that he should take hold of what his heart desired and to never allow himself to let go no matter what. The old man was talking riddles and Inuyasha wondered what had happened since he had lost half of his zest after that exchange between him and Totosai. He knew that Kouga's parents had divorced only 3 years ago, and it was mainly Kojiro's fault. He didn't know the details. as he was not in Japan when it happened. Kouga had later on told him that Kojiro had the chance to fix his parents’ marriage but he refused to do so because of his pride. Was it possible that he had regretted his decision of divorce? That was a possibility since he had known Kojiro Mibu to be madly in love with his wife. But, why would he pry anyway? He had more important things to do… like driving impressively. He was such a wretch – but in an adorable kind of way, as what Kagome had discovered for herself.
 
“Inuyasha?”
 
“Hmmm…”
 
“Can you take me somewhere?” He turned to look at her. She was smiling that sweet smile of hers that never failed to make him think of sunshine, butterflies, sweet perfumes, and creeks – okay, enough of that. He would rather think of those delicious lips just longing to be kissed in every conceivable way possible, taking her breath away, making her knees weak and just be taken by a kiss. He was no pervert. He had meant that with all that he felt for her. Nevertheless, if he continued thinking about those sweet lips of hers, they would crashed in the side railings along the road for sure; so it was better just to think of sunshine, butterflies, sweet perfumes and creeks instead.
 
“Of course. But where?”
 
“Just drive, okay?” If he was an adorable wretch, she was bossy sometimes – but in a likable kind of way.
 
“All right… I'll just call Totosai that we're taking the long way round.”
 
It was a long drive. They talked about things… important things, nonsensical things, anything. She even snatched his wallet and grabbed his driver's license just to make fun of his picture – the glowering silver-head that he was in it. At one point, they both gotten tired of talking and decided to hold hands instead while listening to some popular music on the radio. Then later on chattered – even bantered – about the existence of aliens, a bit of quantum mechanics, and the reason why dinosaurs got extinct. They were both crazy people. It was a good thing that they had arrived at their destination because they were about to argue about who would win in the infamous cat and mouse chase in the Tom and Jerry cartoon.
 
“Where are we?” Inuyasha asked as they both climbed the longest plight of stairs he must have climbed as far as he could recall. Kagome didn't answer him and only smiled. Oh, God, that feeling of sunshine, butterflies and sweet perfumes again… It was back.

They reached the last stair and Inuyasha immediately roamed his gaze in the surrounding – the old-fashioned buildings as well as the new ones, the tall and proud Goshinbuko tree and the beauty of the city viewed from where he stood.
 
“It's a shrine,” he said automatically.
 
“It is. It’s not much… compared to your 100 or so year-old mansion… but it's still first in my book.” Kagome chuckled when he raised his eyebrow when she said the mansion part. “I grew up here,” she added. Inuyasha gave a slightly surprised reaction, and then continued to roam the place with his gaze.
 
“It's beautiful,” he whispered.
 
“It is.”
 
“When have you last visited?”
 
“A year ago… It still looks like last year though. This place doesn’t really change much. It’s reassuring to know that there are some things in this world that resist to change.” Unlike those feelings deep in a person's heart. She would have added if she had not stopped herself. She was jolted from her thoughts when she felt Inuyasha’s hand grasped hers. She turned her head to the side and saw he was smiling at her. He gave her hand a squeeze.

“Will you give me tour?”
 
He had sensed that she was deep in thought after they had arrived in the shrine – even when they were still climbing the stairs. He had not expected that they were visiting a shrine and even more that she had brought him to her childhood home. Something swelled inside him with the thought. She brought him to her home. He could have kissed her right then and there just like what he had longed for all day since yesterday, and perhaps, almost every minute and every second and… Okay, so it was obviously obvious that he wanted to kiss her – the reason why he was even more surprised with himself that he had controlled himself not to and just settled in holding her hand while they took a stroll – a tour. Of course, he was smiling all over. No one could ruin this for him; not one soul could dampen the overwhelming elation he felt at the moment… not even the mischievous work of the devil – just let the devil try – and definitely not the mosquito that was feeding on his precious blood that he had smacked murderously, satisfactorily. And certainly, not the gnome for an old man glowering at him who happened to be…
 
“Grandpa?”
 
Kagome's grandfather…Kagome's grandfather! What the!
 
“You fiend! Back away and unhand my granddaughter at once. Return to the dark depths that you come from, or else you'll suffer the wrath of my righteousness!”
 
Kagome smacked her forehead with her palm, shook her head and laughed, as her grandfather continued to rant. “Kagome, what are you waiting for? Kick him in the nut, right now!”
 
This was a violent gnome. Inuyasha cringed. What the hell is this old man talking about? And he's Kagome's grandfather? Oh, shit! I've just called Kagome's grandfather a gnome! But thank goodness, he had only called him a gnome in his thoughts.
 
“Grandpa,” Kagome said to her grandfather in a scolding tone. Her grandfather pouted and she smiled taking her hand from Inuyaha’s grasp to hug the pouting old man tightly. “He's a guest… and very harmless, okay? So you need not to worry.” However, he still pouted and Kagome chuckled with his stubbornness. “I missed you,” she said that with a mock pout willing him to smile at her… and he did. But not after giving Inuyasha a glare.
 
They had ushered themselves inside the house with Inuyasha feeling a little disappointed that they had not finished the tour. Kagome had told him about a well house and the stories about it that made it so intriguing. Just imagine a well house that was capable of transporting you to the past. He had laughed at the thought, though that would be super exciting. Kagome was right, however, when she had said that her childhood home wasn't comparable to the mansion at all, as it failed tremendously to the beauty and grandiosity of his house. Hers…was a simple house. He had surmised that Kagome's family liked a minimalist living, as there were only little furniture in the house.

“But they served their purpose,” she had told him. And that was most important. There were no unnecessary appliances that were left only for the dust-bunnies to dwell on. Kagome had told him later on that they had chosen to live with only what was adequate as her father was that way, and that her mom was also a pediatrician and that they didn't have servants to follow them all day and serve their every whims. For some reason, Inuyasha had responded to her with “I know how to cook.”
 
“Stupid! I am not saying that you are incapable of doing chores just because you live in a mansion and have maids and stuff.” She had playfully slapped him in the shoulder a little bit too hard since he had wailed upon impact – much to Souta's amusement. Ah, yes… Souta, Kagome's little brother… but not little anymore, as he had always insisted, since he was already 16, a junior and a hand taller than Kagome. It should be noted that he was mighty proud of that and that he had bragged about it to his big sister's…
 
“Boyfriend!”

Kagome would glare at Souta every time he said that. He taunted her with that obnoxious laugh of his. If Inuyasha had not been there, she would have taught him a lesson – of pain. She expressed her sisterly love that way, and Souta would gladly oblige. By the way, she should add that she did not introduce Inuyasha as her 'boyfriend.' It was her family who claimed that and boldly patented the word to Inuyasha’s name. It was easy for them to say that without qualm because well, as far as they were concerned, Kagome had no boyfriend. She was single and very available. She would admit she was guilty of not telling them about her relationship with Shun. She had her reasons.

“Is it that much of a deal that you've brought your `boyfriend' home?” Inuyasha had whispered to her, playfully wriggling his eyebrows at her. He had found it strange in different degrees the interaction within her family – strange in an endearing kind of way. There was a different dynamics inside the house. It was actually hard to keep up. It was both strange and warm, and most importantly, fun! Had he mentioned how he enjoyed Souta's frolicking?
 
“Of course, it's a big deal! You're the first guy Kagome has brought home!” Souta had told him – almost yelling with obvious excitement. “You know what, Inuyasha? Wait! Can I call you Inu? Wait! I think this is much better. Can I call you brother? I have always wanted a brother instead of a sister. Sisters are a pain, I tell you. Just imagine Kagome as your sister and you’ll know exactly what I mean. She's so atrocious. Do you know what atrocious means? 'Coz I have no idea. It sounds so – well – cool. I've heard that word from this British guy on TV. Unfortunately, I am not so good with English. In fact, that's my weakest subject, so you know that Kagome – the evil sister,” Souta had whispered the last phrase so that Kagome would not hear it, “is bound to tease me because of it, since she's pretty good in English. Living my life’s cruel that way, but it gets better though. You see, there's this girl in school and she's pretty cute. She's like Kagome… you know… infuriating kind of girls but really super cute. And I've been thinking if I – hey, wait – you're good-looking. Can you give me pointers? You are, after all, Kagome's boyfriend. So… how do you do it? You know, tame the wild beast.”
 
“Stop harassing Inuyasha, Souta!” Kagome had yelled from the kitchen. She was helping her mom with the cooking as her mother had insisted that they should stay for dinner.
 
“Stay away from this, Kagome! This is man's talk!” Souta retorted. He heard his mother's amused laughter followed by a mocking one from Kagome.
 
“See what I've told you. She's an evil sister,” Souta told Inuyasha who only chuckled at his antics.
 
It only took a few minutes for `Kagome's boyfriend' to warm up to everybody, and it was a lot easier to do since Kagome was all smiles and chuckles as was everybody else – well, except for Grandpa, of course. He had been giving Inuyasha these strange looks – like it was the kiss of death or something – almost all the time, even up to now as they ate their dinner.
 
“What are your intentions for my granddaughter?” Grandpa glared at Inuyasha, his left eye twitching with its intensity.

Inuyasha swallowed hard the lump on his throat as the old man held his meat knife with one hand and the fork with the other; he also had his pair of chopsticks nearby and available if he wanted to chuck them straight into Inuyasha's eyeballs – of course, that part of Grandpa stabbing Inuyasha's eye sockets with chopsticks was just made up by the latter's dreaded imagination.
 
“Father, stop terrorizing our guest,” Mama Korari scolded him. She turned to Inuyasha and smiled. “I’m sorry, Inuyasha. He’s that way with anybody – believe me – especially with every guy Kagome’s with.”
 
“It's okay, Mrs. Higurashi,” Inuyasha replied.
 
“Oh nonsense! I know you feel uncomfortable with all the glaring that Grandpa is doing. I will understand if by any chance you might want to glare back,” she told him and smiled sweetly.
 
“You can glare back, Nii-chan. Just watch your eyes,” Souta told him and winked.
 
“Don't you dare!” Grandpa told him and glared.
 
“It's also completely understandable if you scowl at Grandpa because he's scowling at you. But he'll definitely scowl some more if you scowl back at him so I suggest you scowl your best – one that he can’t match so that he’ll stop,” Mama Korari said.
 
“Try your best then, Nii-chan. Grandpa's our scowling, glaring, staring champion. He’s a pro,” Souta told Inuyasha wiggling his eyebrows.
 
“You wouldn't dare, silver boy,” Grandpa said.

“Uhm.” Inuyasha swallowed hard – obviously confused on whose advice he should follow. He turned to look at Kagome and furrowed his brows at her. Help!
 
She chuckled. “Guys… come on. Let Inuyasha eat in peace, okay?” However, instead of stopping, what happened was the complete opposite.
 
“Don't you think he's a little too good-looking for Kagome?” Grandpa said. His glare and scowl were replaced by a probing look. Kagome's eyes widened; she almost choked with the water she was drinking.
 
“Grandpa!” she exclaimed.
 
“He's prettier than you, Kagome. Come on; admit it,” Grandpa replied as-a-matter-of-factly.
 
“Grandpa!”
 
“He has prettier hair too,” he added. Mama Korari only chuckled.
 
“Mama!” Kagome exclaimed disapprovingly for them to stop, but failed miserably. Now, she had no choice but to ask Souta for help. He was going to rejoice because of this for sure. “Souta! Make them stop!” However, Souta only laughed and waved his utensils in the air towards her direction. Kagome growled low in her breath. They were making fun of her – even Inuyasha was chuckling. Damn him!
 
“Come on, Kagome. Don’t be a sour grape. We’re just having fun,” Korari calmly told her. She turned and looked at Inuyasha. “I hope we haven't turned you off, Inuyasha. Don’t mind us. We are just like this whenever Kagome comes home. It’s her fault anyway for only visiting not too often that’s why we gang up on her. However… you don’t know how happy I am to have Kagome bring a man here this time around...” And she giggled like a schoolgirl.
 
“Mama!” Kagome scolded.
 
“Oh, shush, Gome!” Korari waved a deterring hand to her daughter and then continued: “Much more introduce him to us…. You see, my daughter has never brought a man home - as what Souta has already told you. There's this other guy though. What's his name? Souta?”
 
“It's Miroku nii-chan, Mama,” Souta answered.
 
“Hmmm…. Ah! Miroku… That's the guy. He's a pleasant man too. But, too bad, he's already Sango's man. Of course, there were others whom were also very pleasant but all of them were only Kagome's friends apparently. You must be thinking that I'm crazy since any parent, as much as possible, will want her child to stay away from… the big bad wolf…, as most men are pretty much known. But believe me, I am as different as parents can get. I'm afraid I am not getting younger every passing year and I pretty much miss the days when a lot of kids are frolicking around the shrine grounds… and playing in the snow during winter… and calling you using those adorable voices of theirs.” Then she cooed weird sounds to herself that caused a lot of furrowing brows: “Who on earth will not want to hear those words from cute and adorable babies? Perhaps, I can only dream and hope that soon I will be called `Grandma.' So… when is it gonna be, Inuyasha?”
 
“Mama!” Kagome could not believe this. Oh, she was so embarrassed.

Inuyasha, on the other hand, was speechless; there was no other word for it. Babies? He had not thought about babies yet; however, the thought about making babies was always tempting. Oh come on… he was a male after all. You couldn't take those thoughts away from any testosterone driven man. Of course, he had dreamed that one day, he would have one or two, even a dozen more babies with all sunshine and butterfly Kagome. But not now.
 
“Well?” Korari waited for both of them or even one of them to answer. “Grandpa's waiting. He wants great grandkids too as soon as possible.”
 
Inuyasha and Kagome looked like deers standing in the middle of the road rooted on the spot while Mama Korari's big bad baby truck sped towards them. How they had gotten out of that tight spot was still not too clear to Kagome. She just remembered Inuyasha giving a nervous chuckle and a pretty convincing speech about waiting and right timing. Surprisingly, her mother took it well enough to even joke about how Kagome would be a handful as she was so stubborn as a baby. Inuyasha had laughed so hard telling Korari that he knew and could relate to it perfectly, since Kagome was more stubborn now than before. Of course, Kagome was far from laughing hearing all this.
 
Perhaps it was the delicious food; or maybe, it was the lively conversation after dinner that Inuyasha and Kagome both failed to note that it was already very late in the evening. They had hurried themselves to go drive back to Tokyo but Grandpa and Mama Korari wouldn't hear any of it.

“It's very dangerous driving this late in the night and I know that both of you are tired. I am not underestimating your driving skills, of course, Inuyasha; but just to be sure, both of you'll stay here for the night.” Of course, they didn't have a choice and hadn't had the chance to argue, especially with the sleeping arrangements, as it was Grandpa who had suggested... well… demanded that Inuyasha should sleep in the couch.
 
“But this is a very comfortable couch,” Grandpa had not failed to add when Kagome protested on Inuyasha's behalf. He had greatly appreciated her effort, especially when she had almost pulled her hair out just because of it. Grandpa wasn't to be trifled with, and Inuyasha was convinced that he was out to torture him before the night was over. However, surprisingly, he found that the old man was indeed telling the truth and it was a rather comfortable couch to sleep in. The only problem was that the couch wasn't lengthy enough for the whole 6 foot 3 inches of him to fit, so his legs ended up dying on him in the middle of the night and he had to change position almost every 2 hours – like a post-operative patient – just to bring back blood circulation to his legs. At least, he got a goodnight kiss from Kagome on the cheek and a chaste one on the lips that he passionately turned into a fervent one. But damn – only that!
 
There were still a few things that kept worming into his mind though that he had spent the rest of the night pondering – questions that he couldn’t ignore. Why did it seem that Kagome's family had no idea that she had been engaged? He had surmised as much that Shun had not had the chance to visit her family's home since they kept telling him that he was the first that Kagome had brought home. And based on her family's reaction to his visit, he knew how great of deal it was for them personally to know the men in Kagome's life. But why not Shun? Why hadn't Kagome brought Shun here and introduced him to her family? Instead, she had chosen him.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why did I bring him here?”

Kagome thought as she stared at her door. She couldn’t sleep. Apparently, her mind was working extra hard just to answer that one question. She groaned an exasperated breath. All she knew was she had felt the sudden urge to bring Inuyasha when she thought of visiting home. And then the next thing she knew, they were already holding hands inside his car, had already argued about nonsensical things and was already parking in front of the shrine steps. She had questioned herself repeatedly with every step she took climbing the plight of stairs leading to the shrine. Questioned as to why she had suddenly felt so strongly to bring him here for him to see her home where she had grown up… where her deepest values in life had been rooted. Shortly, it hit her. Had he become a very important person in her life only in just so brief a time? God, she didn't know what to make of this.
 
“What was I thinking?”
 
“Well, I'm not sure… but I can guess.”

“Mama…”
 
Mama Korari chuckled. “Can I climb in?”
 
“Sure,” Kagome replied and moved to the other side of her bed as her mother got in the other side. She hugged her mother immediately, giggling as soon as her mom was comfortable enough.
 
“Oh Gome… I've missed you so much,” Mama Korari said and hugged her only daughter.
 
“Me too, Mama,” Kagome replied.
 
“Well, let me look at you.” They both faced each other while Korari examined Kagome's face, and she smiled. “I have only noticed this now but… even though I sense that something's bothering you – you look happy Kagome. I'm wondering if someone I happen to know is responsible for this.”
 
“Mama…”
 
“He's a good match, I think. Grandpa and Souta pretty much think so too. Or else, Grandpa never would have offered his favorite coach for him to sleep in. You know how he's so protective of that couch; he seldom allows Souta to sleep in it.”
 
Kagome chuckled. “I know… but, it's not what you think, Mama.”
 
“Is it? I know you've told me you've only known him for quite a while… but of all people, you should know that that isn't the case… and will never be. You always think too much you know. Well, you've gotten that from me… while your risk-taking despite all your thinking, you've gotten from your father.” Korari chuckled when Kagome pouted at her. Was she that cerebral? Well, a cerebral risk-taker as what her mother had calculatingly put.
 
“It's not so simple, Mama.”
 
“Perhaps, it isn't… But it can also be possible… that you're keeping something from me that's why in spite of myself as your mother, I seem to have not quite gotten where you're coming from, Kagome. That's what's wrong with kids these days; you can't seem to open up when it counts.”
 
“Mama…” Kagome whispered apologetically, making Korari smile.
 
“I know… God, why do I always have to understand you kids? It sucks being a mother sometimes. At times, I just want to squeeze the answers from you and Souta. Hah… kids these days… they are too determined, too go-getting, too keen on the future, too over thinkers, too much – even the kids in the pediatrics ward – they're too smart. I can hardly keep up.” Korari gave Kagome a sardonically mocking face, and then she smiled: “You know what it is that you feel, Gome – whatever it is, I know it’s in there. And do you think I will barge in here and have this talk with you if I don't know what it is that you're feeling? There are many puzzles in life… but there's only one puzzle that can bring the goodness and badness of all things, the sadness and happiness of the person's soul – and that's the puzzle of your heart. You love him, don’t you?”
 
Kagome stared straight at her mother's loving gaze. Her mother with that always caring and understanding smile that never failed to comfort her. She hadn't noticed it until she felt a lone tear trickle down her cheek to wet her pillow. She heard her mom chuckle wiping the lone tear from her cheek, and she followed suit chuckling lightly, inexplicably – hugging Mama Korari tightly.
 
“You're such a silly girl,” Mama Korari uttered as she hugged her only daughter back.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

She had overheard his conversation with his other woman, Kagome. Yes! That was her name. Kagome. She had not known what kind of a woman she was. She had mocked her then by fucking Shun in the car while she waited for him in a café. She had thought of her as second-rated and ‘unclassy’ as compared to her. Nevertheless, she felt threatened by her. And for some reason, she could not stop herself from being jealous of her. That was the reason why she had convinced Shun to leave with her for a trip to Kyoto in the past, and she took pleasure from the way she had easily convinced him to leave that Kagome without a word or a goodbye.

However, this time was different. She had seen the anger and hatred in Shun's face the entire phone conversation and at one point, she feared that he might physically hurt her in some way. She had not seen him this angry before. But when he had touch her, those fears all went down the drain and she let herself experience that anger and hatred in the most intimate and most pleasurable form possible. He did not know… but… he was her weakness, as she knew she was his. But now, she doubted if that was true. Was she really his weakness? If so… then why had she felt that she was being used, being ravished without any consideration for her feelings?

No!

She refused to believe it was that! They were sex games – love games – those that brought spice and further excitement that rewarded in the most insurmountable pleasure bursting like a volcanic explosion – burning molten lava heat.
 
However, she couldn't stop herself from asking more questions. Questions that kept on building inside her increasing her doubts and insecurities, until she felt like bursting and that all she wanted was to rid of those needless worries. She better stop bothering herself from such worries. Shun loved her, she assured herself. And he would tell her that.

“What do you think of us, Shun? Don't you think we still have a chance together… if we try?”
 
“What the hell are you talking about, Shizu? Of all people, you're the last that I expected to say something like that.”

Somewhere in her heart, something broke. Had he meant those words? Or had he just said that to hurt her because he had recently met Kentaro – her so-called husband? She deliberately wanted them to meet, as she wanted to see his reaction – to have a confirmation. But she still had yet to get it.
 
So, with a smile masking any emotion, she said in what was convincingly an indifferent voice. “I am talking about us… together. I've heard your conversation with that Kagome. You two are over now, aren't you? Isn’t it the best timing?”
 
She had not expected his violent reaction.

His whole body went stiff and tense. His face looked hard as stone and his jaws taut. His eyes burned her with a furious glare and then he snarled, “I wonder how you see me, Shizu. What am I to you? Am I just one of your playthings that you can just throw away once you’ve used and tired of me? And then just pick me up whenever you feel like it? Do you see me as your dog following you wherever you go to blindly obey whatever you command me to do? Do I look that pathetic to you? Am I just a toy to you? Well, don't just stand there. Answer me, damn it! Tell me, once and for all, as I for one don't even know what I am to you now and where I shall put myself in your life. If I still have a place in your life. You don't need to be discreet and pretend that you don't want my feelings hurt. I want the truth. You owe it to me.”

Perhaps, it was because of the entire emotional burden that he felt now was unbearable that he exploded in front of her with anger, frustration, rage and everything negative that he felt at the moment. And he didn't care if she appeared so hurt by his words, as he had meant his words to be a barb – to hurt and stab her. There was a need in him to hurt someone.
 
“I – I don't know.” His calculating words hit her like a bucket full of ice water. She was left only to stutter her reply. It didn't make sense to her. She thought this was what he had wanted for the longest of time. And now that she was the one offering herself to him, he was rejecting her.
 
“God damn it! Spare me all the bullshit, will you? And just open your dirty little mouth and answer me!”
 
She couldn't understand his rage. What had she said wrong? Ever since he had that conversation with that Kagome on the phone, he had been unfeeling towards her. “I told you. I – I don't know!”
 
He snorted and frustratingly raked his messy brown hair with his fingers. “So that's what I am to you until now then – a big question mark!”
 
“That's not true! You know it's not true. You've always been something to me. You're here – you occupy the biggest part here.” She placed her right hand above her heart. “But I'm scared… I'm afraid to lose you, as I'm afraid to be with you. Can't you see? I'm confused. And all these questions are making it worse.”
 
“Is that your answer?”
 
“I… no, it's… Shun... please try to understand. Where are you going?” Fear sneaked up on her when he had started walking away from her.
 
“I have plenty of other important things to do than listen to all your gibberish talk.”
 
“Gibberish talk! You call this gibberish talk? I am almost on my knees talking to you and you just insult me with your indifference and hurtful words. You're the same as all of them. You claim to understand me but the truth is... you don't.” She was angry with him – angry for not considering her feelings. But hadn't she been inconsiderate about his feelings before? She knew she had.
 
“As I've recalled… painfully, I might add… I have always tried my best to understand you, Shizu. Why else would I still be here in front of you in spite of everything that you've done to me? I have protected and defended you from those people who have spoken ill of you. I’ve even allowed myself to be hated by my friends just because of you. Because of my foolish dream, which is nothing more but a delusion of being with you. You dare talk to me that I insult you by talking to you this way when you haven't even considered my feelings when you've brought and introduced your husband to me. What do you expect me to do? And now, you tell me you want us to be together? A man can only take enough… or he might lose himself in the process like what I’ve experienced in the past. I’m afraid I already had enough.”
 
“So what are you going to do, huh? You'll go back to Japan? You'll go back to her? Is that what you're going to do? It is, isn't it? You’ll say those sweet goodbyes and then just leave me here. Is that the man that you are, Shun? Is that really the man that you want to be?”

She was crying now.
 
“If I'll be free of you, I can be that man.”

She took a step back at his words. How could he be so cruel?

“And why do you care anyway? You have Kentaro now as your plaything. You don't need me.”
 
He was wrong.

“But I do!”
 
“Stop it, Shizu. You're just hurting yourself.”
 
“I do need you! I'll - I'll marry you!” she blurted out.
 
He glared at her. “What!”
 
“I'll marry you!”
 
He released a harsh laugh. “Are you trying to commit bigamy for crying out loud? You're already married!”
 
“No, I'm not!”
 
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
 
“I’m not married. I only pretended I was. I wanted to see the look on your face when I tell you that I had also moved on and more quickly than you did. What did you expect me to do after all this time of not seeing you? Just smile at you when I'd see you even if deep inside me, I was dying because you had already moved on, engaged and would soon marry some woman and not me?”

He was her weakness as she was his. That was the truth that she had clung to. That was the truth that had always haunted her even if she had desperately tried to run away from it. That was the truth, and she was desperate to have it – once more. Just once more.

“And I've seen what I've wanted to see in your eyes, Shun. You've touched me as if you want me – desire me. You still do, don’t you? I'm the only woman who can love you, and you know that I am the only woman that you can love. We both know this is true!”
 
“Are you really?” Shun whispered – not to her – but more to him.
 
“What?”
 
“Are you really the only woman I can love?” he asked her.

And she felt her world almost collapsed.

Doubt… he doubted.
 
“You don't know what you're saying.” Her voice trembled. She tried to hold his gaze trying so hard not to tear her gaze away from his because she felt that if she did that… she would never get the chance to look into his eyes again. It was like she was in a daze – a nightmare. Yet, it felt so real.

When he pivoted and turned away from her, she felt the stab of pain in her chest. Her tears were flowing freely now. “Shun! Wait! D-Damn you! Where are you going?”
 
“To find the answer to my question,” he only uttered.
 
“No you're not! You won't leave me!” There was urgent desperation pleading underneath her self-assured voice. However, Shun ignored it and continued to walk away from her. “You don't even love her, Shun!” There, she said it – said what she had feared to be true. That indeed, he did love the other woman.
 
“Damn it! Answer me, Shun!” She threw her purse at his back forcing him to look back at her. “You don't love her, do you?”
 
“Perhaps… I do.”

She burst into tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


R&R!