As Death Gives Life

Chapter 15 – Tormented Thoughts

“Jaken, Sesshomaru called to his vassal, we will be receiving a ‘guest’ of sorts very soon. You will prepare a room in the private wing for her disposal.”

Jaken became suddenly very excited. The room was for a female, and this female was to be staying in the private wing that was reserved strictly for the lord and his family? Could it be that his lord had finally chosen a mate? He simply could not control his curiosity, so Jaken asked, “Has my lord taken a female to mate?”

Sesshomaru glared coldly at the kappa-youkai before replying, “Jaken. You forget your place.”

‘Eep!’ Jaken squealed, before bowing numerous times in apology. “Please forgive me, Lord Sesshomaru! I only wondered...” He trailed off as he realized that Sesshomaru-sama had walked away with disinterest.

Jaken grumbled to himself as he turned to search out the head of the household staff. He could not help wondering who the mysterious woman coming to live at the manor was, and why she was coming to live with his lord. Sesshomaru-sama did not act like it was his new mate, judging by the glare of death that he sent him when he asked. So who could it be?

Sesshomaru-sama had been acting a bit... off, as of late. Come to think of it, he had been acting rather strangely since he had mysteriously received his arm back. Jaken was still in the dark as to how that had happened. One day his lord went out to patrol his lands, nothing out of the ordinary, but when he returned he had a completely recovered left arm. Although his master was a great and powerful demon, he did not hold the power to restore his arm that quickly or he would have already done so. That could only mean that he had received assistance from someone, but the taiyoukai was not one to discuss such matters openly, leaving Rin and himself to guess.

Rin had come up with some really interesting ideas, most of which were brimming with fairytale sagas dripping with sickening scores of romance. The girl refused to listen to reason, when he had attempted to explain to her that a great demon lord such as Sesshomaru-sama had no use for frivolous emotions such as love. Instead she had wondered off, right in the middle of his lecture to search for a fresh bouquet of flowers in honor of her beloved lord and master. That girl never could stand still long enough to listen to any of his stories.

Jaken shook his head in frustration. He wished, sometimes, that Sesshomaru-sama was a little more talkative. It would certainly make things a whole lot easier.

Sesshomaru left Jaken and headed out to the dojo for his evening workout. He entered the shoji screen door and shut it firmly behind him. The taiyoukai removed his inner and outer haori, preferring to perform without the cumbersome shirt. Wearing only his black silk hakama and black boots, the inuyoukai removed Tokijin from his side and fell into the first stance of his Kendo routine.

The workout proved beneficial, as two hours later Sesshomaru had finally broken a thin sweat, and achieved a clear mind. The clear mind was what he had been hoping for, as it had been nothing of the sort for most of the day.

He had been plagued with thoughts concerning his newest ward. He was beginning to have second thoughts about accepting the offer of that damnable inuGod, Anubis. He was not one to take on the problems of others, preferring to dedicate himself to his own lands and responsibilities. Taking in Rin had been a major life-changing event for him, and he still wondered at his sanity in that matter. Many powerful youkai lost respect for him when they discovered that he had taken in a stray human child. One fool actually had the audacity to call him a bleeding heart human lover.

Just before he lost a major portion of his throat.

Now he was faced with taking in another female. One that was impregnated by that arrogant bastard, Anubis. What sort of woman would she be? He could only imagine. No doubt she was of high breeding, as the inuGod was a deus of high standing. This he discovered through a few hours of research in his family library. He almost missed the ancient scroll covering Egyptian Gods of the Dead. Apparently his Great, Great Grandfather had been a traveler of various foreign countries.

He hated arrogant women. They were all such a bore. No doubt she would require her own assortment of ladies in waiting, requiring him to add to his household staff. He really had no need for such tedious things currently. Rin was anything if not self-sufficient. There had never been a reason to hire women who specialized in choosing the perfect hair accessory to accompany the perfect gown. The taiyoukai fought the urge to roll his eyes at the absurdity of it all.

Then there was the question of her actual ‘place’ in the household. Should he trust the woman to take care of menial tasks concerning the household staff? Surly the Great Anubis would not choose a brainless twit as the female to bare his child? That would mean that she would require a companion of like demeanor for conversation and the like.

Oh the absurdity never ends.

By the time Sesshomaru ended the day, leaving him to seek solace in the dojo, he was developing a severe pain behind his left temple. He pulled Tokijin, seeking to block out all thoughts concerning the high society patriarch that was sure to be suffering from hormonal imbalance and strange food cravings. As always, a focused workout had proven the perfect thing to relieve him of his daily stresses.

Muscles rippled over glistening pale skin, as long, snowy, silken, tresses wistfully slid into place. Two large hands, ending in gleaming white claws, gripped the black and red hilt of the deadly demon sword. Pulsing veins revealed the steady grip with which the taiyoukai would deliver each precision blow. Hard swollen biceps flexed with each sweeping motion. Thick pecks above chiseled abs purl with each movement. Lean, bulging muscle pulses across a broad back, down to the trim, low hugging waistline of his black silk hakama. Golden eyes, devoid of all feeling, and trained on an invisible foe, intermittently glowed crimson in the dying light that drifted through the open window.

Sesshomaru was in his element. At one with his blade. Elegant... lethal... perfection.

... and for the moment, blissfully free of female misgivings.

~~~***~~~

Kagome felt like she had been run over by a truck. She hurt in places that she didn’t know that she had places. As she lay there thinking about how horrible every single muscle in her body felt, she began to think about the REASON why she felt like crap.

Anubis.

It seemed like Anubis was responsible for bringing her nothing but pain lately. There were so many things that she needed to know; so many things that she neglected to ask until too late. One thing was certain. One question kept popping up in her mind time and time again. Had he planned this from the beginning?

She had to know. It was the one thing that she needed to ask him more than all others. She hoped that he would tell her that it was an accident. She hoped that he did not have the capability of ‘choosing’ when to impregnate someone. She had always assumed that a God could choose to bless a coupling with a child, but maybe, just maybe, he couldn’t. If that were the case then she could not be angry with him because of the pregnancy. How could she be blame him? She was just as responsible as he. She had given herself to him freely, hadn’t she? In doing so she took the risk.

As mama always said, ‘You made your bed Kagome, now you have to sleep in it.’

Did Anubis plan to do this to her from the beginning, or was it simply fate?

She would soon find out.

Before she made her last ditched effort to roll over, Kagome took the moment to think about what happened earlier that morning. Anubis had changed into something frightening, and he attacked her ruthlessly. Why?

Oh she was not so foolish as to say that she had not enjoyed the encounter on some primitive level. Something strange had happened to her, making her body feel animalistic and feral. It was definitely NOT normal. Could something be happening to her body?

There were so many things that she needed to ask.

Sighing heavily, Kagome stretched her aching muscles before attempting to rise. The movement sparked a deep chuckle from her ‘companion’. She turned to Anubis with a glare of death rivaling that of the Great Demon Lord Sesshomaru. Her heated gaze quickly subdued the inuGods’ amusement at her expense.

“Just what do you find so humorous?!” Kagome spat as she pushed herself to a sitting position. She drew her knees up close to her chest and wished that she had not left her clothing out by the lagoon.

Anubis only returned her look, with one of confusion. He had not expected her to be so hostile toward him upon waking.

After a moment of silence, Kagome assumed that he had nothing to say.

Well she had plenty enough to say for the both of them. She wanted answers and she wanted them now.

Kagome blinked hard, trying to decide where to begin, “Anubis, I have some things that I need to know. First of all, I want to know how much of this you had planned.”

“What do you mean, my sweet?” Anubis responded. He hoped against hope that she would not ask if he planned the pregnancy from the start. Perhaps she meant something else? He hoped so.

“What do I mean?! Surly you’re joking! I MEAN, did you plan to make me pregnant from the start!” Kagome growled in barely concealed anger.

Anubis sat quietly looking desperately into her eyes, hoping that she would understand, but knowing that she would not. Somehow, he had developed feeling for her along the way. He never meant for that to happen. She was supposed to be a carrier for his child, nothing more. He did not think that what he felt was exactly love. No, not love, but still it was something more than what it should have been.

Kagome lowered her eyes to the stony floor in front of her. His silence... and the look in his eyes... she knew the answer. He did not even have to say it. She knew.

He had used her all along.

Tears were forming now, and the young woman, felt so very helpless and hurt. Her whole life meant nothing. Nothing at all. Her every thought, dream and wish was, in the end, always dictated by some higher power. First her teen years were stripped from her and replaced by a cursed duty to a magical jewel, and now... now... some foreign God had deemed her the one to carry his offspring. Why? Why her? Why of all the people in the earth did she have to bare these cruel burdens placed on her by others?

Anubis smelt the harsh salt of her tears, and saw her slender form silently shivering with sorrow. The sight of it hurt him more than he wished to admit. He reached out to touch her, hoping to offer her just a bit of comfort, but she slapped his hand away angrily.

“Don’t touch me,” Kagome snarled. She leveled another fiery gaze upon her inu lover. “That’s what you meant when you said that ‘I was the one’, wasn’t it? You planned to use me all along. Why Anubis? I’m human, and I had dreams and hopes. You took my future from me!”

“And gave to you another one,” Anubis replied softly. “Kagome, please try to forgive me. I wanted a child so badly. I wanted to create a life more than anything. My world is death. I am surrounded by it every waking moment. To bring a child into the world was something that I have longed for many centuries. I chose you because of who you are. You are beautiful, on the inside and out. You are kind and loving. You are loyal and brave. Your purity and depth of soul were something that I could not pass by. Of all the women in all the world, you were the only one worthy to bare my child.”

Kagome choked out a pathetic little laugh. What was it that made her so damn special that she was targeted by the Gods themselves?

Whatever it was, she meant to change it. It brought too much trouble down on her head.

Kagome raised her chin to rest atop her crossed knees. Her red, teary eyes focused on the one responsible for her current ‘condition’. She had to put her anger aside for the moment, and find out what this whole thing meant for her future. She was going to be a mother, like it or not, and she needed to know what he planned to do about it.

“Well, start talking mister. What do you plan on doing about this. I can’t just wonder around feudal Japan all fat and pregnant, and my mom is probably going to disown me. Besides, you did this to me, so you should have to provide for me and the baby.” Kagome said harshly.

Anubis could not stop the chuckle at her fiery determination. She refused to let this destroy her and in the meantime she had no intention of letting him shirk his duties. He quieted his humor when she froze him with another icy glare. “Do not fret, my little flower, this Anubis has already arranged for your care. You will become the ward of a very powerful Japanese lord. He has a lovely young daughter, a few years your junior. She seems very pleasant, and I’m sure that you will get along well with her.”

“You aren’t trying to marry me off are you?!” Kagome asked with tightly reigned fury. That would be the last straw. No way was she marrying some stuffy old lord who expected her to walk three paces behind him everywhere they went!

Anubis chuckled once more at the temper she was displaying. “Calm down Kagome. No one is asking that you marry. He and I made a pact. I gave him something he wanted in return for your safe keeping and care.”

“Oh...,” she replied, blushing lightly.

They sat silently for a few moments, both wrapped up in their own thoughts. Kagome finally cleared her throat and asked her next question, “What happened this morning? Why did you... change?”

Anubis sat up and leaned his back against the cool stone wall. He closed his brilliant blue eyes momentarily as he gathered his thoughts before answering her question. He finally opened them with a sigh and looked once more at his chosen female. “I was watching you. Just to make sure that you came to no harm. You were quite alluring, walking through the tropical vegetation.” He watched her skin flush bright red under his intense gaze. He continued, “Suddenly I caught scent of fear, then before I could warn you, you fled. If you had not ran... but you did, and I gave chase. Soon my inu broke free. It consumed my physical self.” He looked away, a bit ashamed by his rough handling of one so tender. “You have my apology... if... if I hurt you.”

Kagome sighed deeply, and swiped at another falling tear. She sniffled her nose a bit, and said, “I... I don’t understand it myself, but something happened to me when you grabbed me. I was so afraid, then... I felt something... change in me. I know it sounds dumb, but....”

Anubis cut her off before she could go on. “It is not dumb, Kagome. Your body is experiencing the change. Even now, my seed is working within you, changing you, preparing you to carry the child. Our child will be strong and very powerful, drawing on your body as its strength grows. Your human form can not contain it, therefore you must adapt.”

Kagome became frantic at his explanation. She will change?! “How EXACTLY will I change? I’m not gonna grow big ears and long teeth am I?”

Another look of pure amusement graced his perfect features. He held both hands up while shaking his head ‘no’. “Most certainly not, but would it be so bad? I find my long teeth to be very handy.”

Kagome almost laughed at his attempt at humor, but she was still too mad for that. She was, however, relieved to know that she wasn’t going to turn into some kind of half dog creature. She rather liked her ears the way they were.

“Anubis? Why do I have to stay with that lord? Why can’t I just stay with you?” Kagome asked sadly.

Anubis looked at her sad eyes and wished that he could see her smile once again. He really hated to tell her this part. “You see, my dear, my time here is limited. I must soon return to the Underworld and my duties there. You are a living soul, and therefore you can not pass beyond the gates without risk of death. It is not your time for passing, my lovely little flower. Your spirit has much to do here on Earth. After the time of my departure, I will only be allowed to return upon the birth of our child. So says my Lord Osiris, and so it shall be.”

“You... you mean... you mean that you are going to leave me? Leave me to carry this child alone?” Kagome’s dark blue eyes widened in disbelief. How could he do this to her?!

“It is regrettable, but it has been decreed that I must return. I have two months before I must take my leave of you,” Anubis replied. “I do not wish it to be this way, Kagome. I would like, more than anything, to be there every step of my child’s journey, but it can not be. I have left my cousin, Wepwawet, to oversee my duties to the dead, but he is a soldier and the opener of ways. He has his own duties to the Underworld. My absence will weigh heavily upon him.”

Kagome put her head down; hiding her face behind her knees, as she silently wept once more for her hopeless situation. Why do these things always have to happen to her?

Anubis stood up, and walked out of the cave, leaving behind a heartbroken young miko. Before he exited from her sight he turned back and said, “I will gather our clothing Kagome. We must make ready to depart this place. Your friends are expecting you.”

Kagome took a few moments to cry and basically feel sorry for herself, before she swiped one last time at her moist cheeks and sobbing lashes. She pulled herself up, and headed out of the cavern to wash her body before dressing to leave.

‘Some date this turned out to be,’ she grumbled.

~~~***~~~

Inuyasha was beginning to really get worried. He had quit voicing his frustrations sometime around noon, and instead had fallen into a tense silence. His friends knew very well what was bothering the hanyou, and his silence only made it worse. No one else dared to utter a word, for fear of getting their head snapped off. So the entire lot of them had fallen deep into thought. One thing was one everyone’s mind.

Where was Kagome?

Shippo had taken a liking to Kat, and occasionally he and the female demoness would dash off for a playful run about the forest edge. The female youkai hoped to distract the kit from worrying about his adoptive mother. She could tell from the beginning that Shippo and Kagome had a special sort of relationship, and though the kit never called her ‘mother’, he did look to the young miko for care and support.

The kit proved to be a jovial little beast who simply loved to give the hanyou grief. His small stature was not indicative of his age, Kat discovered. She made the mistake of calling him a kid yesterday, which earned her a quick scolding by the fox boy. He had informed her that fox kits stay small in order to offer better camouflage until their powers develop to such that they can completely protect themselves. Then the cute furry kits go through a rather rapid growth spurt during a period of adolescent hibernation. Kit thought that it was a very clever way for their youkai bodies to protect themselves.

“Will you two knock it off! You’re driving me crazy with all that laughing!” Inuyasha shouted at Kat and Shippo as they darted by.

The two new friends stopped in their tracks, looked at the irritable hanyou, then looked at each other, before racing off again. Only this time they went in the opposite direction of Inuyasha.

It seemed that even Kats soothing aura was not going to help his foul mood.

Sango glanced over at the Houshi (monk), who was keeping pace beside her. The jingling rings on his staff were the only sound above the scrubbing of their feet upon the dusty road. Though they neither said a thing, it was clear what was written in their eyes.

They were both very worried about Kagome.