Fallen

Chapter 14


Kagome's eyes fluttered as she dreamed. Sesshomaru moving as silently as a shadow sat on the edge of the bed next to her as he contemplated the conversation from earlier. Allowing himself a very soft sigh he frowned in to the pale moonlight. Glancing down at her form bathed in the silver of moonlight he traced her features with his keen eyes. Her long thick hair spilling over the pillow looked like ink in the darkness.

Not for the first time in the time since he'd met her he wondered what it would feel like to bury his hands in the silken strands. It was a forbidden thought during the day, but at night he allowed his thoughts to run rampant. There was no harm in thinking, was there? He questioned himself silently as he indulged his senses to her scent. He breathed it deep committing it to memory once again. He loved her scent, it was like a breath of fresh air at the peak of cherry blossom season. He could smell her scent forever and never tire of it.

His thoughts returned back to the changes that had occurred between them in the past hours. A friend? Had he even had one of those? Had he ever fully trusted anyone in his many centuries? Kagome... Yes, he let himself think her name now, He could give her that if nothing else, was a breath of fresh air to all of his aspects.

Did she know just how much she had changed him in all of the time he'd known her? No, he thought not. He'd guarded his emotions perfectly. It was the damn spell that had shown her. Sesshomaru wasn't certain which was worse, knowing that she knew now or knowing that before she didn't and wouldn't if he could have helped it. All of his thoughts disturbed him greatly. His very train of thought should have repulsed him but somehow sitting there in the moonlight with the object of his obsession made his thoughts acceptable.

Could he be a friend to her? Could he be something so different than the usual face he showed everyone? Kagome had been completely right in her analysis, it was all an act, a mask. Part of him had always longed, yes, longed to have someone see past it. He had just never dreamed that it would be the very human girl that had made his perfectly ordered life chaos. Another part of him wanted to shun her, to push her firmly away and destroy any thought of such notions from her mind. He cringed at that part now. Was it so bad? Why shouldn't he have a friend?

He sighed again. Friends. Why did the word seem so hollow, like an empty promise? He had been relieved to hear her say that she wanted his friendship. But if he was completely honest with himself, only here in the moonlight. He wanted more than a friend from Kagome. He wanted to possess her. He wanted all of her smiles and her inner fire to himself. He wanted her heart and soul... He froze as the thought processed in his mind and he opened his eyes widely. When had his thoughts gone that direction? When had he wanted her heart? 'It must be the spell binding us.' He reasoned to himself unwilling to even contemplate any other reasons he could have thought such a thing.

Deciding he'd been lost in his thoughts for long enough he took another deep breath filling his head with her sweet scent. He stopped suddenly as the scent he'd expected was tinged with the salt of tears. He frowned at the tiny irritating drops that had spoiled his enjoyment of the moment. Her tears became full sobs as she whimpered and he was nearly overwhelmed by the feeling of loss and heartbreak he felt from her so much so that he nearly choked on it.

With her distress nearly tangible he could not stop his reflexive motions as he gathered her form up and sat on the bed with her in his lap. He'd done the same thing with Rin when she'd had nightmares and he hadn't really considered the ramifications before but now with Kagome in his arms he suddenly wished he had just left her alone. Silently he hoped that she would remain asleep and that she would never know of this occurrence. But as her eyelids fluttered and her heart rate picked up he knew he wasn't going to be so lucky...

As Kagome's eyes opened she was rather confused. Sesshomaru's face was much closer than it should have been and he looked... guilty? Panicked even? The emotions flitted across his face so quickly Kagome thought she'd imagined them except she had felt them through the bond as well and they lingered. Her still groggy mind wouldn't focus enough for her to fully get her bearings as she continued to stare up at him with tear blurred eyes.

For an instant Sesshomaru was certain that she'd caught on to his predicament, but as he looked in to her eyes he realized she was still unaware. He didn't move. Perhaps if he remained still she would assume this to be another dream and go back to sleep. As he continued to stare in to her cobalt eyes he began to see the clarity of wakefulness beginning to show in them. Panicking he did the only thing he could think of. Pricking the back of her neck with a single claw he released a minute amount of his toxin. It took affect instantly as she collapsed into his arms limp and unconscious.

As he looked down at her now forced sleeping form he mentally kicked himself for his momentary panic and his reflexive actions. Sesshomaru uttered the only word that came to mind … “damn.” This friendship thing was going to be more difficult than he thought. He knew well enough that one did not go around drugging a friend because you were in an awkward situation.

To his relief he had stopped his action just after it occurred so Kagome wouldn't sleep more than another half hour. With a sigh and another long list of mental expletives Sesshomaru decided to remain as he was. He was uncomfortable but he would never be able to face Kagome again if he did not make the situation right. She was going to be angry with him, he was certain of that. However he was certain that it would be a lot more mild if she woke up as she was. Honestly he wanted to forget that this had happened at all but that was no way to begin an alliance. Squaring his shoulders he leaned back on the wall and kept a vigil over her watching her for any negative reactions.

While he sat immersed in his guilty thoughts, he realized that Kagome's power hadn't reacted at all and he had not been affected at all. Was the spell weakening? Carefully he placed a very shallow scratch on his arm and watched with an odd mix of annoyance and relief as a scratch marred her arm as well. Lifting her arm to his lips he drew his tongue over the mark healing it with his saliva. As the coppery spice of her blood touched his tongue he added another mental tally mark to his mental list of unwise things he'd done with Kagome. Her blood was laced with the sting of her purity but it sent a thrill down his spine instead of deterring him. Now he had one more thing to obsess over, which he most definitely did not need. Nor did he need the taste of her blood to attract the attention of his baser self. “damn.” he muttered again.

He had never been more pleased to see a creature arouse from slumber as he was when Kagome began to stir. His thoughts had led him down paths, guided by the feelings of his baser self, that Sesshomaru would never admit to a single soul. If he had his way this event would never repeat itself and he would gladly put it out of his mind. For an instant he was tempted to set her back on the bed and pretend that nothing had occurred.

He gritted his teeth as Kagome's eyes fluttered open and he was met with a smile. “You're still here.” she whispered. A slight nod to his head was his acknowledgment to her statement. Sesshomaru had never in his life uttered and apology and had no understanding of how to do so now. Taking a deep breath he spoke low and quick. “I find my self in a position I am unaccustomed to. I reacted poorly...” his voice trailed off.

Kagome for her part was baffled. 'I knew that things changed but, um is he trying to apologize for something?' She thought incredulously. He subconsciously drew her closer to his broad chest as he searched for the words to say that would not make him look like a fool. When Kagome began to squirm in his grasp, he snapped out of his reverie. Her delicate face was an unhealthy shade of red and she was broadcasting her embarrassment loudly through the bond. If Sesshomaru hadn't know that it was near to impossible he'd have thought he was blushing too.

“Uh...Sesshomaru, did you hit your head or eat something bad?” she questioned looking at anything but him. She was growing more and more uncomfortable and her mouth began to run away with her. “Um...do you think I could....uh...” she was rambling like a fool but she just couldn't stop her mouth. The smirk that curled on his lips startled her to silence and had her jumping out of his arms, or at least she would have if he hadn't stopped her with his arms.

“You had a nightmare and I reacted as I would have before with Rin. Her nightmares occurred so often that it became a reflex for me to take her in my arms to soothe her...” he let the rest remain unsaid allowing Kagome drew her own conclusions.

Her voice was barely audible even to his ears as she whispered “you tried to comfort me?” she searched his topaz eyes with her own as though trying to take her answers directly from them. A nearly imperceptible movement of his head confirmed her question. She opened her mouth to ask more but he spoke first. “When I realized my reaction, as much as it shames me to say, I panicked for a moment and acted as I would normally when you began to wake.” Again he left it to her to figure out.

Kagome's eyes widened as she thought of all the things that could have been done to her and then her eyes softened as she shook her head. “I appreciate it really but, why are you explaining all this to me? I'm obviously whole as are you so I'm afraid I just don't understand.” Sesshomaru's eyes hardened with resolve as he spoke his next words and Kagome felt her ire spike and then just as quickly she smothered it. “So you poisoned me?” she asked confused. He frowned openly. “I did nothing of the sort. I merely used a minute touch of my toxin to render you unconscious.” he explained patiently though his tone said he couldn't have cared less his eyes told another story entirely. He waited for her reaction while he mentally prepared for her fury that he could feel just under the surface.

Kagome laughed. In her mind she could see the whole thing as he'd explained it. She could see the panic on his face as he frantically searched for a way out of the situation. Her mind showed him as a super deformed version of Sesshomaru frantically waving his arms around as he panicked, as it occurred often in the animes she'd watched, it doubled her mirth. She laughed so hard she was wiping her eyes of the tears pouring down her cheeks. Sesshomaru was silently concerned that he'd caused some form of damage to her mind as he watched her laugh and cry.