What am I?

“You’re not staying any longer! Why the hell did you make a promise like that?” Inuyasha was none to happy about Kagome’s school.

“I said it, so I’m going!” Kagome fired right back.

“Like hell! After all the shit that’s happened, you want to go prancing around in your era like-“

“Sit!” Kagome huffed as Inuyasha was plastered to the floor, “You don’t know anything about what’s going on with me. I need to go to school, at least try. I need a little vacation from everything right now.”

The spell wore off and Inuyasha moved his face from the floor. He dug his claws in for a split second before replying angrily, “You don’t think that anybody else is going through a bunch of shit right now?”

That seemed to get her attention, finally. “What do you want me to do Inuyasha? I go with you, and I still have to pretend nothing happened… except it’s harder. I’m behind in school right now, and it seems like a good time as any to take a break. Everyone needs one right now, and I’m sure that Miroku and Sango need some time off from me too.”

She was going to cry, damn it all to hell. Inuyasha couldn’t deal with weepy women! They made him feel uncomfortable and helpless, what was the point of crying anyway except to make other people feel bad?

He looked away from her and down to his claw tipped hands, he was trying to keep them all together. This… This tension within the group, was not good. Inuyasha could see that. They didn’t sit and talk around the campfire, but they talked to each other individually. Inuyasha could talk to Miroku, Kagome, and Sango without a problem; but only one at a time. He assumed it was the same for everyone else.

Bottom line, Inuyasha was trying his damnedest to keep them together, because they were all he had.

“They don’t want you gone.” Inuyasha said flatly.

Kagome hung her head further, “What about you?”

Oh Inuyasha knew the meaning behind those words, but he wasn’t ready to answer anything like that yet. Kagome had just… and with… Inuyasha wanted to growl. It hurt thinking about that! His heart thudded painfully and it hurt to breathe. He saw Kagome differently now. Not because he didn’t want her, but because of the trust issues.

He knew that Kagome wouldn’t do that to him if they were together on purpose, but what if something like this happened again if he decided to take her as his mate? He hadn’t meant to kiss her before the incident, but he had, and he hadn’t meant to give her such false hope. Especially since the burden of Kikyou was still hanging around his neck like a noose. Inuyasha didn’t think he could deal with the pain, so he decided it be best if he avoided it.

So Inuyasha tossed his head back flippantly, acting like the subtle meaning behind those words went right over his head, “Keh, I’m here aren’t I? Now let’s go.”

“Inuyasha I told you I can’t!” She was arguing again. Inuyasha was relieved, he didn’t want to hold down that conversation with her yet.

Catching her gaze with his golden piercing eyes, he wordlessly jumped out her window and shot to the well. If she didn’t want him around, then he would go… but he wasn’t happy about it.

Emerging on the other side, he bolted towards the village. Walking involved thinking time, and he definitely didn’t want that. His mind had already been made up, he would not push for Kagome. He still wanted to, but with the events of the several days past, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Is Kagome coming back today?” Sango asked as soon as Inuyasha entered her sight.

“No,” He said sourly, “After tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Sango remarked, “I wanted to talk to her… about things.”

“She ain’t in no mood to be talkin’.”

Sango said nothing, so Inuyasha fought the uncomfortable silence, “Where’s Miroku?”

“I don’t know, possibly with Kaede.”

Inuyasha stood, his intent was to search Miroku out.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Sango’s voice halted him mid-step.

Should I answer her? Inuyasha wondered, he had avoided this conversation with Kagome. So why should he have it with Sango?

“Calm?” His mouth betrayed him. Inuyasha shut his eyes.

“You know,” Sango looked at her hands, “You’re acting like this is just an everyday occurrence, with the exception of that huge bruise on Miroku’s face. Though now I know why you did it.”

Inuyasha remained silent.

“I mean, it had to have been worse for you than it is for me right now,” Sango took a shaky breath, and Inuyasha wondered if all women liked to talk at the most inopportune times. “You smelled it… didn’t you?”

Inuyasha stiffened and glared at Sango, “Just shut your trap.”

Sango gave him a small, apologetic smile, “I’m sorry Inuyasha,” Her face fell slightly, “It’s just that I don’t know if I can get past what happened.”

“What do you mean?” Inuyasha’s voice was gruff, and it was as if Sango had forced the question from his mouth.

“I’ve always doubted myself in my choice with Miroku, and I always thought that he would remain faithful to me when we decided that we should wed after Naraku’s death.” Sango took a deep breath before trudging on. “Now, I don’t know. I know he didn’t intend to… nor did Kagome, and it really wasn’t their fault… But I can’t erase that from my mind! This just keeps running through my head over and over, all because of that damn mirror!” Sango’s voice had gotten louder and louder as she spoke her last sentence. He saw the tears forming in her eyes and Inuyasha couldn’t find any way to blame her.

“I know.” Inuyasha whispered lowly, as if he was afraid someone would hear. He felt like he was turning his back on Kagome, and he assumed Sango felt just as guilty about Miroku. It wasn’t like they were abandoning them… right?

“I feel horrible about it, because I know they couldn’t help it, but I just can’t make myself get rid of the reservations that I have…”

“I know.” Inuyasha said once more, was he trying to comfort her, or himself?

“You... you know?” Sango asked slowly, and Inuyasha wanted to leave. He did not want to have this conversation. He didn’t like that look of camaraderie Sango had gotten in her brown eyes. Couldn’t she see this?

“Just leave it alone.” He didn’t want to get all chummy just because they had something in common that no one else did. He didn’t even want to talk about it in the first place. Couldn’t she see how he wanted to wallow in his misery alone? It was the way of his life, and he wasn’t about to change.

“I can see now how this is affecting you.”

Inuyasha faced his entire body to her in one fluid motion, his posture slightly threatening, “You don’t know shit. I told you to shut your trap!”

Sango withdrew her sword, surprising Inuyasha.

“So that’s the way you wanna play.” Inuyasha said, withdrawing Tetsusiaga. It remained untransformed.

As Inuyasha stood in the warm breeze, he looked at Sango with a somewhat eye of appreciation. She knew she had pushed him too far, and this must have been her way to make it up to him. She was distracting him.

Sango charged.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I see.” Kaede said in a way that made Miroku wonder if she understood at all.
“Could you make one for me?”

“And why do ye think this would work?”

“It works for Inuyasha.”

Kaede pinched the bridge of her nose, she really did not want to make an enchanted necklace for the monk. “I am not sure that it is the enchanted beads that allow our young hanyou to cross. I do not wish ye to be able to cross without Kagome’s knowledge. Ye have yet to give me a reason.”

“Though it is a pretty good chance that it would let me cross.” Miroku said, completely ignoring Kaede’s perusal for a rationale behind his request.

Kaede’s curiosity got the best of her, “Only if ye will tell me why Inuyasha came to this old woman looking to ‘fix’, as he put it, a problem for ye. As I am sure that the two tie together in some form.”

Now Miroku was confused, “What?”

“He seemed quite troubled, he was almost desperate in his attempt to procure a tea that would prevent pregnancy. He claimed it was for you.”

Miroku pressed his lips tight, how many more people were to know about this? The villagers were bound to pass on this disreputable information to anyone within range. What was one more person?

“Perhaps you could guess from the information given that I had bedded a woman.”

“Then are ye trying to escape Sango’s wrath?”

Miroku couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing. Kaede thought he was trying to escape to Kagome’s time to remove himself from Sango’s presence, though he would have to thank her for allowing him to laugh so heartily. He also admitted to himself that had it been any woman but Kagome, Kaede’s assumption would be correct.

“No-No,” He admonished, “That is not the case.” He wiped his eyes.

“Well please, inform this old woman of the truth.” Kaede said with a hint of impatience.

All traces of humor vanished as he realized he would have to speak of it, again. Miroku felt weighed down as he began to speak, “I, along with another, were given a youkai aphrodisiac.”

Kaede’s eyes widened, “And ye still stand before me?”

“Myouga said that it was because of our spiritual powers that we are still alive.” Miroku developed a lump in his throat as he watched Kaede’s eye widen in astonishment.

“Then the woman has spiritual powers… And with Inuyasha so…” Kaede shut her eyes, “Ye are trying to tell me that you have lain with Kagome…” Kaede’s voice trailed off.

The words were like a weight being dropped on his soul. Miroku’s eyes fluttered up to hers, giving her a glimpse of the burden he carried, “It’s true.” Even Miroku was stunned at the raw emotion his voice displayed.

Kaede turned from him, she was visibly shaken by the news, “If I were not an old woman-“

“You’d beat me an inch of my life, I know. That seems to be the consensus,” Miroku felt tired, “Though I assure you, I did not wish to be drugged either.”

Kaede turned back around to meet his haggard gaze, “Ye wish to go to Kagome’s time why?”

“Do not be so paranoid Kaede,” Miroku sharpened his eyes, “But I must speak with her.”

“Is it not something that can wait?”

“I have, albeit unintentionally, defiled her,” Miroku started, “And it has made her, in the eyes of many, a loose woman.”

“In the eyes of many?”

“There were villagers that we saved, they overheard. I do not doubt they would spread the rumors,” Miroku shook his head free of those thoughts and got back on track with a whisper, “I wish to make amends Kaede. This is… hard, for me.”

He felt Kaede’s one eye burning a hole into his head, “Aye child, I’ll make it.”