The Other Side of Kazaana

WRITING TRIVIA:
For no reason whatsoever…
Some of you are already aware that I have to listen to music to write. I pick a song and listen to it over and over like an obsessive fan until I’m done with a scene. So, what was the music for this story?
-nice scenes: Here (in your arms) by Hellogoodbye
-dark scenes: Mad World by Roland Orzabal
-lemon scenes: Wanna Play by R.B.D.

A/N All right, reviewers, thank you, you rock. I know it’s a cliché, but you do! And nomdeplume, you reviewed! As a fellow Miroku fan, I salute you for your completely awesome story. I can’t wait to see how it ends.

And I’m sorry to everyone else whose cool stories I’ve read and haven’t mentioned. Nomdeplume just updated, so that story gets first dibs on the gushing, LOL. Anyway, here’s more story. Hope ya enjoy it!


Chapter 13 – Miroku’s Fears

Miroku smiled as he listened to Rin’s recitation of the days events. The bubbling little girl couldn’t seem to keep still as she bounced like a small cricket around Kaede’s, gesturing broadly with small hands. Shippou sat quietly next to Miroku, tucked against his side, watching Rin with a green eye that sparkled periodically even when his mouth failed to smile. Miroku patted his small arm gently as he thought about the last few days.

The little kitsune had come creeping into the hut to see Miroku the morning after the monk had been rescued, and sitting quietly in the corner after a brief greeting. Watching him, quiet and unmoving for hours, Miroku had been rather confused as to why he didn’t leave to go play with Rin or some other playmate. It wasn’t until he saw the kitsune’s eyes that first evening, as he watched Kagome unwinding the bandages around Miroku’s waist, that he figured out what so fascinated the child.

He asked Kagome to pause a moment as he gestured Shippou to come closer. “Did you wish to see it?” he’d asked quietly.

Biting his lip, caught up in his own world, Shippou nodded and reached out his hand to barely brush his fingers against the newly scabbed over wound along Miroku’s side. “Will you get a scar too?” he asked, his childish voice hushed.

“Yes.”

The kitsune had stared at it. “The- the bad Miroku did this to you?”

“Yes.”

Pausing a moment, still staring, he retreated carefully as Kagome finished wrapping Miroku. Once she’d left, Shippou slunk forward and sat gingerly on Miroku’s futon.

“Is there something you wish to ask me, Shippou?” Miroku tried to keep his voice soft. He had the feeling he was looking at one of the few people in the camp who might be more upset by this than he was.

“Did he…say things to you?” Shippou whispered.

Miroku stared, swallowing. “Yes.” He whispered back.

“Me too.”

Miroku closed his eyes, carefully putting his arm around Shippou to pull him close against his undamaged side. Oh Gods, please don’t tell me that he abused Shippou this way.

“Did you tell anyone about it?” he asked carefully, and Shippou shook his head violently. Miroku took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “Did you want to tell me?”

Shippou nodded once, a small movement that Miroku almost missed completely. “You know.” He finally said.

“I know?”

“You know what it feels like. His scary eyes and his worm voice.”

“I- his worm voice?”

Shippou gulped and huddle so closely Miroku had to work hard not to grunt from the pain it caused his still sensitive stomach. “When he’s saying what he’s gonna do to you.” the kitsune whispered. “The words he says, like they’re worms crawling into your ears and they won’t get out.”

Miroku clenched his teeth. That fucking bastard… “Yes, I know what it feels like.” He whispered hoarsely.

Shippou shook slightly. “I thought he was just looking at it.” He whimpered. “I was just coming back for Kagome’s towels and he was holding the jewel and then he… he kept saying I was a good boy. He said I was a good boy, and he wanted my help and he… he…”

Miroku fought tears. Please let him not have hurt the little one that way. Buddha, please…

“It’s all my fault.” Shippou’s voice was barely a sliver a sound. “If I wasn’t so stupid…”

“That’s not true!” Miroku said fiercely. “Shippou, you look at me right now.” Shippou glanced up at him and he held his eyes. “I don’t care what happened, you did nothing wrong, you understand me?”

Shippou nodded, unconvinced.

“Shippou, you’re not infallible, little one.” At Shippou’s confused look, he tried to smile for him. “That means that you don’t know everything. Nobody does. Everyone else thought the ronin Miroku was safe enough to leave the jewel unprotected around him, didn’t they?”

“Y-yeah, I guess so.”

“That’s because you are all good people, Shippou. Good people trust each other. That’s not wrong and it’s certainly not stupid. It just…sometimes gets us hurt a little.” He paused, seeing he had the kistune’s attention, and asked him cautiously. “Did he…hurt you, Shippou?”

Shippou nodded, dipping his head back down to cuddle up to Miroku. “He cut me.”

“I saw.” Miroku ran his finger gently across the scar. “Did he hurt you any other way? Any way you didn’t talk about to the others?”

“He pulled at my clothes.” Shippou said quietly. “He kept saying he had something he should have showed me before and pulled at my clothes and he wouldn’t let go so I- I hit him with my foxfire.”

“Good for you.” Miroku said proudly.

“But that’s when he got mad and cut me.” Shippou murmured, distressed. “I didn’t even save the shikon shards from him.”

“Everyone is much happier having you than some sparkly rock, Shippou.” Miroku said.

“Do you think so?” Shippou asked plaintively, and Miroku felt physically pained when he realized that the kitsune was completely serious.

“I know so, “he said, fuzzing his head slightly. “Kagome and Inuyasha and Sango…they all love you, Shippou. They wouldn’t want the shikon if it meant they had to give you up.” Some of the tension surrounding Shippou’s body relaxed.

He was silent a moment before speaking again. “I hate his voice.” Shippou finally said quietly. “I hate the things he said.”

“Me, too.” Miroku hugged him tightly, ignoring the pain. “But he lies, Shippou. He lies, and all of us will make sure he never gets to do anything he said to you, all right?”

Shippou nodded, looking up again and reaching out a small finger to touch the tears that ran down Miroku’s face. “Don’t worry, I won’t let him do anything he said to you either, Miroku.” He said seriously, and Miroku smiled for the first time in days.

“Thank you. I feel much better, knowing I have such a capable defender.”

Remembering their conversation as he looked down at Shippou, Miroku knew that the child had been quite serious. He hadn’t let up his guard once in the three days since his promise to protect him. Miroku was going to have to do something to ensure that he started to play a little more, but he thought that having something to look after, even if it was an adult male, was helping Shippou to feel less helpless and afraid. He knew that it was certainly working that way for himself. Every time he thought of the ronin and Shippou, fear was swept away by overpowering fury. Possibly not the most healthy of emotions, but if it rid him of the fear, he wasn’t going to argue with it.

Small giggles sounded outside the door and three children from the village came in, asking if they could play with Rin in the hut. Miroku smiled as he watched them. He obviously wasn’t the only one who had noticed Shippou’s affect on his mood. By the previous afternoon, random children from the village had started showing up ‘to play’ in Kaede’s hut. He’d thought at first that maybe this was some habit related to the elderly Miko until one of the little ones had let it slip that ‘uncle’ Inuyasha encouraged them to come over. It looked like the hanyou was doing his best to remind the monk about the things in life that he loved and raise his spirits at the same time.

Miroku could laugh at himself even while he admitted that it was working. He loved watching them play, and having people around who were completely non-threatening was a true blessing. He only wished he could feel the same way about his new friends. The women he could tolerate, although he couldn’t stop the spike of fear that came when they entered the hut without announcing themselves. At least it dissipated once he recognized them. With the men, it never left. He’d felt nervous and on edge when Kouga and Sesshoumaru had stopped in, or any of the other ookami, which might be why they’d only come once. The youkai could probably smell that he was afraid, and he was greatly ashamed that he’d repaid their aid with that level of fear.

So far, the only male he could stand to be around without his heart jumping into his throat was…

“Oy, monk, you ready to go outside yet?” Inuyasha poked his head in briefly before he entered. The hanyou never failed to call out before he entered, much to Miroku’s relief, as well as staying in the hut with Miroku every night. Miroku honestly didn’t understand why Inuyasha’s presence didn’t scare him as badly as everyone else’s, but he was grateful for the boon. Without Inuyasha so noticeably within reach in the evenings, he wondered if he would have been falling asleep at all.

“Back off, brats, we gotta head outside.” Inuyasha shooed his hands at the children until all but Shippou ran outside to continue playing. “Hey, you should go play too, Shippou.” Inuyasha said softly.

Shippou shook his head firmly. “Uh uh, I have to help Miroku.” He leaned forward and said in a quite audible whisper, “He still gets scared when the male youkai come around. He needs me.”

Miroku could feel himself blushing vividly as Inuyasha turned to look at him before responding to Shippou. “Well then, I guess you’d better stick near him.” inuyasha whispered back. “I’d think he’d feel really safe around such an observant little runt like you.” The hanyou ruffled his hair a moment before kneeling down by Miroku.

“All right, Miroku. Kaede thinks it’s time you got some sun, so it’s out we go.”

Still rather red, Miroku protested as fear coiled in his belly at the thought of leaving the safety of the four walls around him.

“N-Not that I don’t wish to leave the confines of the hut, Inuyasha, but I’m not exactly in the right attire.” He said weakly. He gestured to the blanket over his bottom half, currently the only thing aside from bandages that kept him decently covered.

“Keh, it’s good enough. Not like you’re going on a walk or anything.” Inuyasha ignored further comments as he carefully picked Miroku up like a small child and proceeded to carry him outdoors, Shippou following at his heels.

Inuyasha carried him out of the village entirely and into Sesshoumaru’s camp, which had begun to take on the appearance of something semi-permanent at this point. Miroku was completely startled when, rather than placing him on the ground around the fire, the hanyou sat down and lowered him sideways into his lap. He froze for a moment, looking up at Inuyasha fearfully as unpleasant memory swamped him, and then the hanyou touched him gently on the arm and he came back to the present. Staring up at golden eyes that looked at him in concern, he swallowed shakily.

“You okay?” Inuyasha murmured.

“F-fine. Just…bad thoughts. Nothing to worry about.” He paused as he realized that he hadn’t even objected yet to his seating arrangements. “Eh, Inuyasha, you should really put me down on the ground.”

“No.” Inuyasha said softly before raising his voice. “Kagome! Can we get some grub over here or something? We’re starving!”

Miroku couldn’t stop himself from staring. “Excuse me? Did you just say ‘no?’ “

“You heard me just fine, Miroku. I ain’t letting you down. You’re stomach ain’t up to supporting you yet, so you’ll have to put up with me.”

Miroku was honestly a little surprised that he wasn’t shivering in fear at the moment. If anyone else had just said that, he honestly would have been. Another person holding him against his will; it was a terrifying thought and a more terrifying memory. But at the moment, the main thing he felt as he sat in Inuyasha’s lap and felt his hand rubbing down his arm was…annoyance.

The hanyou was annoying him.

“Inuyasha! This isn’t appropriate.” He hissed, blushing as Kagome brought them over two bowls of noodles and calmly handed one to each of them as though seeing him on another man’s lap wasn’t remarkable in any way.

Inuyasha waited until Kagome had moved away, carrying Shippou to help her serve food for some of the others coming into camp, before he responded. “Why not?”

“Why not! It…it simply isn’t!”

“That’s not a reason.” Inuyasha grinned down at him.

“It’s too… Men simply shouldn’t sit so intimately!” he said quietly, feeling his cheeks flush again as Inuyasha raised his eyebrows.

“Oh? How should men be intimate, then?” Inuyasha asked curiously, his eyes twinkling a little.

Miroku looked at him in shock, his pupils dilating as he suddenly remembered what Inuyasha had done to him before he’d been taken by his other self. Then he shivered as he started to remember the ronin looking at him. Touching him…

“Oy.” Inuyasha interrupted softly, “I didn’t mean with someone else.” Miroku swallowed as he stared up at Inuyasha’s gently smiling face.

“Inuyasha, I… “ he stopped and swallowed again, uncertain what to say. It had been so easy to forget for a while that he’d been intimate with his own friend. He’d shoved it down beneath the fear and disgust of what had happened afterwards. He still wasn’t sure how it had even happened. He’d been talking to him one moment and the next, well, the next he was disrobing and being kissed and touched and it had felt so good that he’d ignored the voice in his head that said that he shouldn’t be doing those things and feeling those things with another male. With Inuyasha, no less!

His fears at the time, over their relationship, seemed rather trivial with all that had happened since. A brief moment of the wrong kind of intimacy hadn’t prevented Inuyasha from being there for him when he really needed him; was there any better test of friendship than that? And yet…what exactly was he supposed to do about it now? Inuyasha seemed a bit too blunt for him to simply ignore what had happened. He could just see him coming up and demanding to talk about it. If only he knew why Inuyasha had initiated the whole thing. The Inuyasha he’d known before would never have done such a thing. Goodness, the naïve hanyou had been a virgin until he’d been with Kagome. Miroku should know. After all, he’d been the person Inuyasha had come to when he’d been worried about how to make love for the first time.

This Inuyasha didn’t seem quite so innocent, and Miroku wasn’t certain what that implied about what had happened. Had Inuyasha done that sort of thing before? Had the hanyou merely been taking advantage of a moment to relieve himself and Miroku had been a convenient warm body? Or did he enjoy sharing that sort of relationship with another male, and Miroku was friendly enough that he’d received the wrong impression. Had Miroku unconsciously been sending out signals that he was unaware of?

He wanted to rub his head. Not one of the scenarios he could come up with seemed quite right, but he couldn’t figure out why Inuyasha had acted the way he had. Gods, he didn’t even know why HE had acted the way he had. And if he asked the wrong question or said the wrong thing, it could really hurt Inuyasha, especially if the hanyou thought Miorku had been coming on to him for some reason. He didn’t know what to do! It was hard enough realizing that he’d enjoyed something with Inuyasha that he’d only shared with the fairer sex before now. Thinking about Inuyasha that way, thinking that Inuyasha might be thinking about HIM that way, was making his head spin.

“Hey, Miroku, you in there?”

Miroku startled as Inuyasha’s hand waved in front of his face. “Wha-?”

He could fell Inuyasha’s chest vibrate against him as the he chuckled. “You looked like you were a thousand miles away.”

Miroku worked on trying not to blush, fairly sure that he was failing miserably. “I was just…thinking.”

“Yeah? Care to share?”

Now Miroku knew he was blushing. “Eh, no. It’s a bit private.”

Inuyasha leered slightly. “Oh, thinking about something good then? Is it about me?”

“No!” Miroku said, his voice cracking slightly as he lied.

“Inuyasha, leave the poor man be.” Kagome admonished.

“Quite, “ Sesshoumaru said. “Let the little monk have a bit of privacy. You two can discuss whatever sexual fantasies are running through his brain at a later time.”

“What?” Miroku thought his voice might be higher than Shippou’s.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I simply smelled your arousal and thought you were daydreaming.” Sesshoumaru said calmly.

“I- No, I-“ Darn it, he’d forgotten how well they could smell! Did that mean Inuyasha…? No wonder he was leering!

Miroku took a deep breath, wishing Inuyasha would quit being so stubborn and simply let him get off his lap. This was terribly embarrassing.

“Maybe he’s just remembering something good.” Sango teased and Miroku looked at her, trying to figure out if she was intimating what he thought she was.

“S-something good?” he asked tentatively. She couldn’t possibly mean…?

“Oh stop grinning, you stupid dog. “Kouga blurted, “So you two can have great sex, that doesn’t mean it’s what he’s thinking about now.”

Miroku looked around him, stunned, his face so hot he thought it might spontaneously combust. Everyone was smiling at him and Inuyasha. Oh Gods, they knew! They knew what he’d done!!

“I- I d-didn’t… I wasn’t…”

“See, told you, idiot. He’s not even thinking of you right now.” Kouga gloated, and Inuyasha threw a stick at him.

“Shows what you know. He’s just a little shy. Right, Miroku?” Inuyasha looked down at him and Miroku glared at him even while he continued to blush fiercely.

“I am not shy, Inuyasha! I just…what did you say to them!?” he whispered quickly. He couldn’t believe Inuyasha had told them!

“Eh, don’t worry, I didn’t tell ‘em much.”

“Then why do they know?” Miroku looked back at everyone, noting their mischievous grins as they watched him blush like a teen-aged girl.

“Because most of us are youkai, idiot. Remember, hearing? Scent? Hell, most of them knew what was happening when it actually WAS happening.” Inuyasha chuckled slightly. “You are as red as a cherry, Little One.”

Miroku flushed so brightly he glowed. He honestly didn’t know where to look. This had to be the most embarrassing moment of his entire life. He’d been intimate, with a MAN, and every person not only knew about it, they’d most likely listened to part of it!!

And Inuyasha had likely known that from the very beginning!

“You knew! You knew they could hear us!” he whispered furiously.

“Well, yeah. You don’t get much privacy with youkai, Miroku. You should know that by now…”

“I do! I simply never-”

“Hey, you done with your food yet?”

“What? No, I- “

“Here, hold onto it. You’ve been out long enough, you should go back to the hut. You can eat it in there.”

“Wha- Wait!” Inuyasha stood and held him in his arms in one smooth movement. Miroku couldn’t decide whether he was annoyed with the idiot for taking over without even asking Miroku how he felt, or glad that he was getting to escape from the crowd so he could go die of humiliation in private. He settled for frowning to himself as he let Inuyasha carry him back to the hut. They entered the cool room, Shippou scampering faithfully behind them, and Inuyasha laid Miroku down on his bed of the past few days. Inuyasha took a few minutes to help adjust himself on the futon so he didn’t pull at his healing wound too badly. His eyes were uncharacteristically serious as he stood up and looked down at the monk

“You haven’t really talked about what happened yet with the ronin, Miroku.”

Miroku avoided his eyes. “I know.”

“I know you said Naraku wanted to talk to you…? But I think we need to know more about what’s going on if we’re going to have any chance at fighting him. Do you think you could handle talking with Sesshoumaru and Kouga and the others tomorrow?”

Miroku sighed and nodded, resigned. Better than talking about his sex life, at least. “I don’t know that I’ll have much more to offer, but yes. I’ll answer whatever questions I can.

“Good.” Inuyasha leaned forward and kissed him chastely on the lips. “Goodnight then. I’ll see you once it gets dark.” Miroku stared after him in stunned surprise as he pushed himself up and walked nonchalantly out the door.

He swallowed nervously, staring at the door as Shippou came over to snuggle next to him. He obviously really, really needed to have a conversation about this with Inuyasha.

If only he could figure out what to say.


Inuyasha walked back to camp with a relieved smile on his face. Everyone watched him closely.

“Thanks, guys.” He said.

“So, it worked?” Kouga asked impatiently. “He didn’t smell scared, but I didn’t get too near, just in case, so I wasn’t sure…”

“Yeah, it worked. As far as I can tell, he was so busy being annoyed with me and embarrassed by everyone else that he forgot to be scared. At least he agreed to come out tomorrow without looking so frightened about it this time.”

“I’m glad.” Kagome said softly, and then giggled lightly. “I might tease him again tomorrow, though, just to see the look on his face. He’s so cute when he blushes. It’s absolutely precious.” She sighed, smiling. “I don’t know that I even could blush that way anymore.”

“Oh really?” Kouga said with a grin, and he whispered into her ear until Kagome’s face turned scarlet.

“Kouga!”

The ookami merely grinned and stretched slowly. “Yeeeeeah, I still got it.” He said smugly.

“Got it? More like you’re gonna get it!” Kagome threatened, reaching for his ears as he laughed and dodged out of the way.

Inuyasha smiled as he leaned down to Sango, standing next to her two crimson-faced mates. “Do you think we should tell her that all the youkai could hear what he just said?”

Sango choked. “Don’t be ridiculous.” She said softly, “You guys have to let me in on it first, you idiot.”

Inuyasha started laughing. Watching the ookami and Kagome, Inuyasha found himself thinking of his own mate. He wanted what they had so much his whole body ached with it. He wanted to be able to touch and talk to and tease his little monk, in front of everyone, and have him do the same.

He wanted to make Miroku laugh again.