Fire and Rain
folder
InuYasha AU/AR › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
3,181
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
InuYasha AU/AR › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
3,181
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Inuyasha, nor do I own the characters from the series. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
My Aim is True
Chapter Twelve: My Aim is True
(Alison by Elvis Costello)
Folding the few clothes she would not be taking with her and putting them into a cardboard box, Kagome was finally done packing. She’d be donating most of her possessions to the local church, but the clothes she’d keep. Kōga had given her enough money so that when added to the rest of her small stash, she’d be able to rent an apartment for a couple months, during which time she’d look for work. She was thinking of going to the desert, or maybe even the mountains. Somewhere she’d never been to before that wasn’t full of people that knew her, like a big city or even just a regular town. Sango had not taken the news well and, just as she had predicted, was going to throw a party tonight for her. After a good night’s sleep, she’d leave first thing in the morning, planning on only really deciding where she’d go once she hit the airport.
“There,” she said to herself, rearranging the shirts and skirts so that they looked more presentable. The doorbell rang loudly and she jumped. Sango must have come back early. “Be right there!” she called when she kept pressing the button, probably leaning on it. Kagome rolled her eyes. She was always so impatient! Quickly, she went to the door, yanking it open irritably.
It was Inuyasha.
She gasped and he pushed open the door and shoved past her, slamming it behind him and locking it. The look on his face was murderous and she could smell the alcohol on him. It was hardly noon! For the first time, she was afraid of him, not knowing what he might do.
“G-go home,” she said, her heart beating like mad. “I’ll call Kikyo, I swear!”
He laughed, his mouth turned down at the corners. “Go ahead, the bitch knows where I am.”
Her brows shot up, his tone telling her everything. “You told her?!” she shrieked.
Inuyasha nodded, his dark eyes glaring at her viciously. “Everything. I told her fucking everything. The night we ran into you and your sugar daddy at the park and you just let him go at me like a goddamn animal, I told her everything I had ever wanted to tell her. And she didn’t say a thing.” His fists clenched and Kagome was afraid he’d hit her. He was beyond the point of caring about social mores. His eyes told her she was worthless. “But you know what she did? After I went in to work yesterday, she changed the locks, contacted a divorce attorney, and—terminated the pregnancy.”
Somehow, she had known what he was going to say before he said it, the dread in her gut that had existed since that night a little over a week ago telling her that this was all her fault. His voice had choked on the last few words and she instinctively grieved with him.
“Oh, Inuyasha,” she whispered, the tears spilling without her knowing it. “Oh god, I’m so sor—“
He cut her off with a cruel laugh. “So now you have me all to yourself, Kagome. Isn’t that what you wanted? No sister or baby to compete with? Just me.”
“I never wanted this!” she cried, shaking her head. How did he back her against the wall? She slid down and brought her knees to her chest, feeling a trembling inside. She had never wanted Inuyasha to lose everything. Never wanted to hurt Kikyo so badly, never wanted to destroy a budding, beautiful life.
But, if she were being honest with herself, in her darkest moments during the time she had stayed in bed, she had thought up this exact scenario, multiple times in multiple ways. Kikyo dying in a car accident. Kikyo being mugged and stabbed on the street, a knife jutting out of her stomach. Kikyo having an affair for months and coming clean, admitting the child wasn’t his. Kikyo killing herself after realizing she could never have all of her husband. Kikyo just suddenly disappearing, nowhere to be found. All of those dreams ended in Inuyasha coming to her, admitting he had never loved Kikyo, that he only wanted her. That he was glad, glad he no longer had to pretend anymore out of some silly obligation he didn’t quite understand why he held on to. The darkness of her thoughts, her willingness to dwell on them for days, was what let her know that she had to get out of town, had to leave everyone and everything behind.
“Too fucking bad,” he hissed, his eyes bloodshot and tortured. “I was going to give it all up for you, Kagome. But you just took it without giving anything in return.”
“But I did!” she stressed in a tight voice. “I gave you the only thing I have. You were my first, Inuyasha. Do you understand how much that means to me?!”
He shook his head and laughed without smiling, towering over her. “I slid into you too easy. There’s no way you saved yourself for me.” His voice went from being tinged with sadness back to enraged. “What, was your boss not a good enough fuck so you decided to play around with me for an afternoon? Is that it?!”
Kagome shook her head, desperately hurting inside as she scrambled to her feet. “That’s not true!” When he just continued to stare at her, pain and disgust on his face, she became angry. “What about you, huh? What makes you think you have the right to be jealous and make accusations after everything!” she yelled, pushing him hard, almost violently hitting his chest. He didn’t step back, not even an inch. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t help the whining sounds that escaped from her throat. “You ruined your life. Not me! Yes, I wanted you to choose me, but not like this. You should have left her as soon as I woke up. You should have never even been with her in the first place, never should have had a child with her. You belong with me!” she shrieked, immediately covering her mouth afterward. Her voice had sounded horrible, evil even. But it was hers. Her voice, her words, her thoughts.
Inuyasha’s mouth twisted into something resembling a grin. “Looks like we’re both jealous.”
Still shocked at what she had said, Kagome’s tears fell faster, racing down her face. “I… I didn’t mean…”
He shook his head. “You did. We’re alike, Kagome. It may not show on the surface, but we’re the same.” He seemed a bit more sober now, but still incredibly angry, only now it was pushed beneath the surface. “We hate it when we don’t get our way. We’d rather see others dead than with something we want.”
“No!” she murmured miserably. “It was just—At the park—You never took me!” A thousand emotions warred in her. Could she really be as bad as Inuyasha said she was? As he said he was?
Inuyasha snorted. “You’re mad about that fuckin’ kiddie amusement park?!” His voice was lethal, his words bullets piercing her heart with their disgust. “Yeah, I took her there for our first date. ‘Cause you always wanted to go…” His eyes moistened and then went unfocused for a bit, remembering things from a time she had missed. “And then I fucked her in the bathroom. Right up against the stall door. It was the first time I wasn’t pretending she was you. It hurt.”
She couldn’t look at him. “Why are you telling me this?” Her voice was as small as she felt and she wrapped her arms around her middle, shivering even though it was not cold.
For a moment, he didn’t say anything, only staring at her, swaying a bit. Then his lip curled in a frightening manner, making her heart pump once stronger than she liked. Shooting his arm out fast, he pushed her like she had done to him, and since she was unprepared, she stumbled backwards. Before she could regain her footing, he pushed again, and she fell to the couch, tripping over the arm. Knowing he was beyond angry and not in his right mind, Kagome turned around and scrambled to flee. The sudden grip of his hands on her hips prevented her, and she became still, knowing what he was going to do and wanting to believe it wasn’t true.
Inuyasha said nothing, instead climbing over her, his weight trapping her on the furniture. It was only when she heard him unzip his jeans and felt the clothed stiffness against her backside that she began to sob. He was going to do it. Inuyasha was going to hurt her in that way. What was stopping him? He already thought she was a whore, that she had deliberately destroyed his life. There was no possibility she could beg her way out of it, not with the state he was in. Slowly, he lifted her skirt, trailing his nails up her thigh with one hand as the other held her face down into the fabric of the sofa. His fingers made it to the waistband of her underwear and dragged them down, the position she was in not hiding a thing from his angry eyes. Kagome heard the rustling of fabric before she felt him brushing against her slit. She didn’t want him to make love to her like they’d done last time. No, this time she wanted him to fuck her, to take ownership of her, to prove how much he wanted her. She bit back a moan, hating herself for instantly reacting to him in a way that was far from negative after all the things he had said and done.
But then he was still, not doing anything. Nothing was worse than something, as far as she was concerned, and somehow the fact that she hated him almost as much as she loved him turned her on like nothing else. He had been right then, right about her character. She had always tried to be a good girl, and was in many ways a genuinely good person. But when it came to him? That was when things started to get messed up. Few were the things she wouldn’t do to keep him. Sure, she could run, but she’d only be back, most likely in a matter of months. He was everything. The heat built up within her, but she wasn’t at a point where she would throw herself at the man who had attempted to force himself on her. Frustrated at his silence, she flipped over, easily escaping the hold of the hand on her neck that had begun to shake. Inuyasha was kneeling over her, his face lost, reminding her of a child. She could feel her features soften. She had all of him now. All of him. She was responsible for his happiness, and she’d take her duty seriously.
Cupping the side of his face, Kagome brought Inuyasha down to her, kissing him as tenderly as she knew how. In a matter of seconds, starting with his lips trembling, followed by an almost inaudible whimper, Inuyasha was raining tears down onto her face, hardly kissing her back. Concerned, Kagome separated from him, her eyes studying his questioningly. He only continued to stare at her in between rapid blinks, the tears still leaking once every couple seconds. She wanted to tell him something. That she loved him, that she was leaving, that she would stay if he asked. But he turned away, the vehemence of that one action shocking her into forgetting the important words.
And then he was gone, slamming the door behind him as he left.
Kagome stayed in the same place for a few minutes until she stopped gasping instead of breathing. Stumbling to her feet, she grabbed for the phone which Sango had left on the side of the couch. She had to know. Inuyasha could have misunderstood, or Kikyo could have lied just to hurt him. Dialing the number from memory, she waited for her to pick up, not expecting her to answer once she saw who was calling.
To her surprise, she did.
At first there was just silence, her too scared to say anything and Kikyo feeling whatever she did. Finally, she could not hold it in anymore.
“Kikyo, I—“
Kikyo interrupted her choked whisper with a calm, steady, heartbreakingly empty voice that was no longer musical. “We are no longer family. You stole mine from me, so that is what I will do to you. Don’t come back to the Shrine. I would rather burn it down than have you set foot in it ever again.”
The dial tone echoed in her head and she hung up. New tears stinging her eyes, she carefully pressed the numbers for Inuyasha’s cell phone. It rang and rang, no answer.
“Kagome?”
Kagome turned around, making sure to dry her eyes before she did so. “Sango. You did come back early.” She managed a small smile for her friend’s benefit.
She nodded. “Anyway, I wanted to tell you for a while, but you were in such a funk, and then you sprung that whole moving thing on me that I almost completely forgot.” Her friend took a deep breath and Kagome waited for her to continue. “I’m engaged!”
Kagome burst into tears.
Stumbling a bit, Sango continued, “Oh, sweetie, I know he gives off that creepy vibe and everything and you think he’s weird and all, but I really—“
“No, it’s fine,” Kagome sobbed. “It’s just… I’m just so happy for you.” The lie was worth her friend’s radiant grin. “I still have to leave tonight, though. I have to.”
Sango’s face fell. “But I need you here! You’re gonna be my maid of honor! It’s either you or my bitch boss, Kagome, come on!”
“I’ll come back for your wedding,” she compromised.
“Promise?”
She sniffled. “Definitely.”
They cuddled on the floor until Sango had to leave for her date, at which time Kagome felt comfortable enough to cry again.
Before she found another comfortable position on the floor which she considered optimal for feeling sorry for herself, there was a knock on the door.
“Sango!” she shrieked, all remaining gooey sisterly feelings from their “moment” now gone. “Remember your goddamn keys for once!”
Stomping to the door, she opened it angrily, surprised to be confronted with the sight of a very meek and somewhat frightened-looking Hojo. She stared at him for a while, a little embarrassed.
“Uh, can we, uh, go for a walk?” he stammered, his face flushing.
She nodded, her guilt rising up her throat. At the very least, she owed him an explanation. “Sure.”
Closing the door behind her, she followed him out into the street, wondering if she should go back and get her shoes or not. She decided not to, since it was warm out and the streets were relatively clean and maybe she needed to punish herself a little bit.
“I’m sorry,” he said lowly, glancing at her. “For how I reacted to your news, I mean. I had no right to make assumptions about the two of us.”
“It’s no big deal, Hojo,” she said as nicely as she could. “You’ve helped me a lot, probably more than anyone. I’ll never forget you.”
His face brightened a little. “Good. I just wish you could have gotten to know me a little more.”
“Me too,” she said honestly. Something niggled at her brain as they turned a corner and she wrinkled her brow in thought. “Hey, wait a minute, Hojo. How did you know where I live?”
All she saw before the darkness overwhelmed her was his white, Chiclet-sized teeth bared in his typical, boy next door smile.
(Alison by Elvis Costello)
Folding the few clothes she would not be taking with her and putting them into a cardboard box, Kagome was finally done packing. She’d be donating most of her possessions to the local church, but the clothes she’d keep. Kōga had given her enough money so that when added to the rest of her small stash, she’d be able to rent an apartment for a couple months, during which time she’d look for work. She was thinking of going to the desert, or maybe even the mountains. Somewhere she’d never been to before that wasn’t full of people that knew her, like a big city or even just a regular town. Sango had not taken the news well and, just as she had predicted, was going to throw a party tonight for her. After a good night’s sleep, she’d leave first thing in the morning, planning on only really deciding where she’d go once she hit the airport.
“There,” she said to herself, rearranging the shirts and skirts so that they looked more presentable. The doorbell rang loudly and she jumped. Sango must have come back early. “Be right there!” she called when she kept pressing the button, probably leaning on it. Kagome rolled her eyes. She was always so impatient! Quickly, she went to the door, yanking it open irritably.
It was Inuyasha.
She gasped and he pushed open the door and shoved past her, slamming it behind him and locking it. The look on his face was murderous and she could smell the alcohol on him. It was hardly noon! For the first time, she was afraid of him, not knowing what he might do.
“G-go home,” she said, her heart beating like mad. “I’ll call Kikyo, I swear!”
He laughed, his mouth turned down at the corners. “Go ahead, the bitch knows where I am.”
Her brows shot up, his tone telling her everything. “You told her?!” she shrieked.
Inuyasha nodded, his dark eyes glaring at her viciously. “Everything. I told her fucking everything. The night we ran into you and your sugar daddy at the park and you just let him go at me like a goddamn animal, I told her everything I had ever wanted to tell her. And she didn’t say a thing.” His fists clenched and Kagome was afraid he’d hit her. He was beyond the point of caring about social mores. His eyes told her she was worthless. “But you know what she did? After I went in to work yesterday, she changed the locks, contacted a divorce attorney, and—terminated the pregnancy.”
Somehow, she had known what he was going to say before he said it, the dread in her gut that had existed since that night a little over a week ago telling her that this was all her fault. His voice had choked on the last few words and she instinctively grieved with him.
“Oh, Inuyasha,” she whispered, the tears spilling without her knowing it. “Oh god, I’m so sor—“
He cut her off with a cruel laugh. “So now you have me all to yourself, Kagome. Isn’t that what you wanted? No sister or baby to compete with? Just me.”
“I never wanted this!” she cried, shaking her head. How did he back her against the wall? She slid down and brought her knees to her chest, feeling a trembling inside. She had never wanted Inuyasha to lose everything. Never wanted to hurt Kikyo so badly, never wanted to destroy a budding, beautiful life.
But, if she were being honest with herself, in her darkest moments during the time she had stayed in bed, she had thought up this exact scenario, multiple times in multiple ways. Kikyo dying in a car accident. Kikyo being mugged and stabbed on the street, a knife jutting out of her stomach. Kikyo having an affair for months and coming clean, admitting the child wasn’t his. Kikyo killing herself after realizing she could never have all of her husband. Kikyo just suddenly disappearing, nowhere to be found. All of those dreams ended in Inuyasha coming to her, admitting he had never loved Kikyo, that he only wanted her. That he was glad, glad he no longer had to pretend anymore out of some silly obligation he didn’t quite understand why he held on to. The darkness of her thoughts, her willingness to dwell on them for days, was what let her know that she had to get out of town, had to leave everyone and everything behind.
“Too fucking bad,” he hissed, his eyes bloodshot and tortured. “I was going to give it all up for you, Kagome. But you just took it without giving anything in return.”
“But I did!” she stressed in a tight voice. “I gave you the only thing I have. You were my first, Inuyasha. Do you understand how much that means to me?!”
He shook his head and laughed without smiling, towering over her. “I slid into you too easy. There’s no way you saved yourself for me.” His voice went from being tinged with sadness back to enraged. “What, was your boss not a good enough fuck so you decided to play around with me for an afternoon? Is that it?!”
Kagome shook her head, desperately hurting inside as she scrambled to her feet. “That’s not true!” When he just continued to stare at her, pain and disgust on his face, she became angry. “What about you, huh? What makes you think you have the right to be jealous and make accusations after everything!” she yelled, pushing him hard, almost violently hitting his chest. He didn’t step back, not even an inch. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t help the whining sounds that escaped from her throat. “You ruined your life. Not me! Yes, I wanted you to choose me, but not like this. You should have left her as soon as I woke up. You should have never even been with her in the first place, never should have had a child with her. You belong with me!” she shrieked, immediately covering her mouth afterward. Her voice had sounded horrible, evil even. But it was hers. Her voice, her words, her thoughts.
Inuyasha’s mouth twisted into something resembling a grin. “Looks like we’re both jealous.”
Still shocked at what she had said, Kagome’s tears fell faster, racing down her face. “I… I didn’t mean…”
He shook his head. “You did. We’re alike, Kagome. It may not show on the surface, but we’re the same.” He seemed a bit more sober now, but still incredibly angry, only now it was pushed beneath the surface. “We hate it when we don’t get our way. We’d rather see others dead than with something we want.”
“No!” she murmured miserably. “It was just—At the park—You never took me!” A thousand emotions warred in her. Could she really be as bad as Inuyasha said she was? As he said he was?
Inuyasha snorted. “You’re mad about that fuckin’ kiddie amusement park?!” His voice was lethal, his words bullets piercing her heart with their disgust. “Yeah, I took her there for our first date. ‘Cause you always wanted to go…” His eyes moistened and then went unfocused for a bit, remembering things from a time she had missed. “And then I fucked her in the bathroom. Right up against the stall door. It was the first time I wasn’t pretending she was you. It hurt.”
She couldn’t look at him. “Why are you telling me this?” Her voice was as small as she felt and she wrapped her arms around her middle, shivering even though it was not cold.
For a moment, he didn’t say anything, only staring at her, swaying a bit. Then his lip curled in a frightening manner, making her heart pump once stronger than she liked. Shooting his arm out fast, he pushed her like she had done to him, and since she was unprepared, she stumbled backwards. Before she could regain her footing, he pushed again, and she fell to the couch, tripping over the arm. Knowing he was beyond angry and not in his right mind, Kagome turned around and scrambled to flee. The sudden grip of his hands on her hips prevented her, and she became still, knowing what he was going to do and wanting to believe it wasn’t true.
Inuyasha said nothing, instead climbing over her, his weight trapping her on the furniture. It was only when she heard him unzip his jeans and felt the clothed stiffness against her backside that she began to sob. He was going to do it. Inuyasha was going to hurt her in that way. What was stopping him? He already thought she was a whore, that she had deliberately destroyed his life. There was no possibility she could beg her way out of it, not with the state he was in. Slowly, he lifted her skirt, trailing his nails up her thigh with one hand as the other held her face down into the fabric of the sofa. His fingers made it to the waistband of her underwear and dragged them down, the position she was in not hiding a thing from his angry eyes. Kagome heard the rustling of fabric before she felt him brushing against her slit. She didn’t want him to make love to her like they’d done last time. No, this time she wanted him to fuck her, to take ownership of her, to prove how much he wanted her. She bit back a moan, hating herself for instantly reacting to him in a way that was far from negative after all the things he had said and done.
But then he was still, not doing anything. Nothing was worse than something, as far as she was concerned, and somehow the fact that she hated him almost as much as she loved him turned her on like nothing else. He had been right then, right about her character. She had always tried to be a good girl, and was in many ways a genuinely good person. But when it came to him? That was when things started to get messed up. Few were the things she wouldn’t do to keep him. Sure, she could run, but she’d only be back, most likely in a matter of months. He was everything. The heat built up within her, but she wasn’t at a point where she would throw herself at the man who had attempted to force himself on her. Frustrated at his silence, she flipped over, easily escaping the hold of the hand on her neck that had begun to shake. Inuyasha was kneeling over her, his face lost, reminding her of a child. She could feel her features soften. She had all of him now. All of him. She was responsible for his happiness, and she’d take her duty seriously.
Cupping the side of his face, Kagome brought Inuyasha down to her, kissing him as tenderly as she knew how. In a matter of seconds, starting with his lips trembling, followed by an almost inaudible whimper, Inuyasha was raining tears down onto her face, hardly kissing her back. Concerned, Kagome separated from him, her eyes studying his questioningly. He only continued to stare at her in between rapid blinks, the tears still leaking once every couple seconds. She wanted to tell him something. That she loved him, that she was leaving, that she would stay if he asked. But he turned away, the vehemence of that one action shocking her into forgetting the important words.
And then he was gone, slamming the door behind him as he left.
Kagome stayed in the same place for a few minutes until she stopped gasping instead of breathing. Stumbling to her feet, she grabbed for the phone which Sango had left on the side of the couch. She had to know. Inuyasha could have misunderstood, or Kikyo could have lied just to hurt him. Dialing the number from memory, she waited for her to pick up, not expecting her to answer once she saw who was calling.
To her surprise, she did.
At first there was just silence, her too scared to say anything and Kikyo feeling whatever she did. Finally, she could not hold it in anymore.
“Kikyo, I—“
Kikyo interrupted her choked whisper with a calm, steady, heartbreakingly empty voice that was no longer musical. “We are no longer family. You stole mine from me, so that is what I will do to you. Don’t come back to the Shrine. I would rather burn it down than have you set foot in it ever again.”
The dial tone echoed in her head and she hung up. New tears stinging her eyes, she carefully pressed the numbers for Inuyasha’s cell phone. It rang and rang, no answer.
“Kagome?”
Kagome turned around, making sure to dry her eyes before she did so. “Sango. You did come back early.” She managed a small smile for her friend’s benefit.
She nodded. “Anyway, I wanted to tell you for a while, but you were in such a funk, and then you sprung that whole moving thing on me that I almost completely forgot.” Her friend took a deep breath and Kagome waited for her to continue. “I’m engaged!”
Kagome burst into tears.
Stumbling a bit, Sango continued, “Oh, sweetie, I know he gives off that creepy vibe and everything and you think he’s weird and all, but I really—“
“No, it’s fine,” Kagome sobbed. “It’s just… I’m just so happy for you.” The lie was worth her friend’s radiant grin. “I still have to leave tonight, though. I have to.”
Sango’s face fell. “But I need you here! You’re gonna be my maid of honor! It’s either you or my bitch boss, Kagome, come on!”
“I’ll come back for your wedding,” she compromised.
“Promise?”
She sniffled. “Definitely.”
They cuddled on the floor until Sango had to leave for her date, at which time Kagome felt comfortable enough to cry again.
Before she found another comfortable position on the floor which she considered optimal for feeling sorry for herself, there was a knock on the door.
“Sango!” she shrieked, all remaining gooey sisterly feelings from their “moment” now gone. “Remember your goddamn keys for once!”
Stomping to the door, she opened it angrily, surprised to be confronted with the sight of a very meek and somewhat frightened-looking Hojo. She stared at him for a while, a little embarrassed.
“Uh, can we, uh, go for a walk?” he stammered, his face flushing.
She nodded, her guilt rising up her throat. At the very least, she owed him an explanation. “Sure.”
Closing the door behind her, she followed him out into the street, wondering if she should go back and get her shoes or not. She decided not to, since it was warm out and the streets were relatively clean and maybe she needed to punish herself a little bit.
“I’m sorry,” he said lowly, glancing at her. “For how I reacted to your news, I mean. I had no right to make assumptions about the two of us.”
“It’s no big deal, Hojo,” she said as nicely as she could. “You’ve helped me a lot, probably more than anyone. I’ll never forget you.”
His face brightened a little. “Good. I just wish you could have gotten to know me a little more.”
“Me too,” she said honestly. Something niggled at her brain as they turned a corner and she wrinkled her brow in thought. “Hey, wait a minute, Hojo. How did you know where I live?”
All she saw before the darkness overwhelmed her was his white, Chiclet-sized teeth bared in his typical, boy next door smile.