Pink Carnation

A/N: Marigold: Pain & Grief

Thank you Daniella for Beta-Reading

Pink Carnation

Chapter 12: Marigold

Everything surrounding her was blank while she sat on the couch with a cup of untouched coffee in her hands. Her eyes were locked on the wall avoiding the turned on television; avoiding the whole world. Everything that had happened the previous day still seemed as if it was a bad dream.

After she had broken down and cried in Sesshomaru's arms for about half an hour, she had sent them both home. She hadn't been rude; she had been completely neutral and emotionless. Once they had left the only thing she had been able to do was get into her pajamas and crawl in her bed.

She had slept for what felt like forever. Once she had woken up, the time had indicated three o'clock. She had ignored the fact that it was super late and had made herself a coffee nonetheless. Getting dressed and showering seemed very useless at the moment. And now for three hours she had been sitting in the same spot without moving.

Her heart was down her throat and she didn't even know how to feel anymore.

A fairly big part of her life had been taken away and it had been thrown back in her face. On all the pictures she had seemed so happy, yet it didn't appear to matter to her brain since she could not recall anything. Where had her happiness come from? And how had she become such good friends with Sesshomaru?

She couldn't exactly ask him at the moment since she had sent him home. However, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to ask him. After all, her apparently two best friends had lied to her. How could she trust anything they said now? Were they doing it for her? She wasn't sure that was something she could believe.

They were her friends, they had done it for her, but right now her mind was too clouded to accept that argument. The only thing she could do was let it eat her away from the inside. It wasn't good, especially not in her current situation, but it was all she could think of.

As a matter of fact, she wasn't even angry. Perhaps she would be later but now, she could not feel that emotion. All that ran through her mind were the thoughts of the missing memories. After discovering what she did, it felt as if a part of her life was missing, and it was killing her.

Gently, she wiped her drippy nose with a tissue she had been clinging on. The whirlwind of emotions within her was driving her insane. All she wanted was loneliness, yet in her most desperate moment, her heart was seeking company. On top of that, she was more exhausted than ever before, yet she didn't know if she could find sleep.

She would only rest when she would be ready to pass out.

Kagome rubbed her face in an attempt to snap herself out of it, but it was to no avail. Her frustration rose inside of her and she threw her blanket on the ground as a display of her rage. She found the strength to turn her head to the side and glanced at the room where all her art and past life was.

Could she go in there all alone?

Her hands were shaking slightly as she gripped the edge of the couch before taking in a deep breath. She had to do this. Of course the option of staying on the couch and dwelling in her unhappiness seemed much better, but it was not the right way to go. Instead she convinced herself to get up, and gently rose to her feet

Inside her chest, her heart was beating like a drum while she licked her dry lips. She took her time, only putting one foot in front of the other, going as slow as possible. The longer she took, the further the room seemed, and the better it was. Tears came to her eyes, but she held them back as she soon found herself standing in front of the door.

Slowly she extended her hand and held on to the handle very tightly. She closed her eyes before opening the door, revealing to her everything she had run from a few hours earlier. As soon as she opened her eyes however, all she could think of was the way Sesshomaru had held her.

Inuyasha had never held her like that.

As the thought hit her she found herself wincing. Why would she even think about something like that? Sesshomaru was apparently a good friend, and Inuyasha was her fiancé. Why was she making a comparison? Plus, she had never been this heart broken in front of Inuyasha before. It was not fair to put Inuyasha down for something he never had the chance to do.

She shook her head softly, chasing the memory away and she took her first step inside the room. It was still completely filled with darkness causing her to roam her hand on the wall to turn on the switch. The brightness of the light almost blinded her, but it didn't stop her from completely walking in.

Every object was strange to her and she didn't like it. She gently bent down to grab the first one in her path. It was of course the painting of him. Kagome put a lot of her emotions in her painting because it was the most prominent way she expressed herself. However, she wasn't sure she could read the ones in that portrait. They could not be right.

It made no sense to her that she could be so close to someone especially in such a short amount of time. All of her friends were dear to her, but it seemed that time was required to know someone well. The only way she could have been so dear friend with Sesshomaru was if they had spent nearly every day of the past year together, which was clearly impossible.

Plus never had she thought there would be a side of Sesshomaru she would enjoy so much that he would become one of her best friend.

Perhaps it was why it was so hard to forget about the way he had been holding her. It seemed so out of character for him that she could not let get of that memory. The warmth, the comfort, the love. It was almost as if someone like Sango was comforting her. Was it possible she was reading all of this wrong? Could she really have such a relationship with Sesshomaru?

As the questions rung in her mind, her eyes traveled to the floor where she had dropped most of the pictures. Her heart skipped a beat as she gently put the painting down on the desk before dropping to the ground. She grabbed all of them at once as she crossed her legs, ready to flip through the memories she could not remember.

Kagome felt sweat drops began to form at the base of her neck as she realized that nearly all of the pictures were of her and Sesshomaru. There were also a few of her and Sango, along with Miroku. However, it took her a few minutes of looking through to realize there was none of her and Inuyasha.

He was her fiancé, and he was friends with her friends.

Why wasn't he in any of the pictures?

Kagome had been having unsettling feelings about him for a while, and this was not helping. The more time that passed by, the more she found out, and the more she knew they were hiding something from her. It wasn't fair. They couldn't give her a part of the answer, and then leave her to dwell desperately trying to find out the rest.

Sango wouldn't help her, Inuyasha wouldn't help her, and Sesshomaru wouldn't.

She was on her own to find the truth.

All she had was loneliness.

-P-

To say that she was annoyed was not even beginning to describe it.

Nothing was currently going according to plan and she was close to losing it. She was suppose to have everything, but now she had found out that the little whore had it all. Kikyo had been the one to work hard for everything she had! It wasn't fair! She would fight to death to retrieve it all if she had to. Nobody took what was hers, even if she threw it away.

And as punishment, she would take Sesshomaru as well.

It didn't matter that he hated her. She had obtained men more difficult than him with ease. Once she worked her charm it was hard for anyone to resist her. All she had to do was find Sesshomaru's weakness. Heck, she would play on the resemblance she had with the little tramp if she had to. Anything to obtain her goal.

There was no denying that she and Kagome were a bit alike, and perhaps it was why Inuyasha had kept Kagome around for as long as he did. And now, he had probably gone back to her because it was the closest he could be to having Kikyo. Usually Kikyo would be offended by the resemblance, but currently it would play to her advantage.

Kikyo glanced at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair one more time. She had changed a bit to be more like Kagome's. Also, she had toned down her clothing so it would be like Kagome's plain fashion style. She was hoping to take Sesshomaru by surprise when she would show up to his office. Perhaps he would even confuse her with Kagome for a little while.

It would be perfect.

After all, it was how she had attracted Inuyasha's attention in the first place. The two were brothers meaning it should work like a charm.

Kikyo chased away her annoyed expression and put her sweetest most sickening smile on her face before heading outside for her car. She was an excellent actress, and she would need it if she had to keep up her façade. She could only hope Sesshomaru would at least take the bait. All she had to do was break through his barrier, and then he would be hers.

He had no idea what was coming his way.

The drive to the building was fairly short and a smile of victory was already upon her face as she parked her car. She couldn't deny that she was a bit excited by the whole thing. Granted that Inuyasha was handsome but Sesshomaru was far more superior, powerful, rich and handsome. He was in fact a better match for her than Inuyasha ever was.

Maybe if she did have Sesshomaru in the palm of her hand soon, she would consider letting Kagome have Inuyasha. The poor little girl did deserve some left over, no matter how bad they were.

Yes, maybe the plan could even be more beneficial than expected! Sesshomaru could bring her the money and fame she always dreamed of. They would indeed make a very powerful couple. As she headed towards the door of the building, she found herself adjusting her clothes, trying to make sure everything was perfect for her plan.

She was usually very calm and in control whenever she was attempting to seduce someone, but this time she had an inexplicable nervousness beginning to form. There was no reason for it since Sesshomaru would be a very easy target, but she could not help herself. Perhaps it was because it had been a while. It didn't help that the last man she had set claws on had been Inuyasha.

He had been a very easy job.

It only took a minute or two until Kikyo reached Sesshomaru's receptionist. She put her best smile on as she approached the female. "Hi, my name is Kikyo, and I was wondering if I could see Sesshomaru?"

Unknown to Kikyo, the receptionist was weary of other women coming around her man. For years Kagura had worked under him hoping he would notice her, and she wasn't about to let some whore take him away from her. It had been already hard enough to prevent a relationship between Kagome and Sesshomaru. She had always done her best to keep them apart.

"He's not in right now."

As soon as the venomous tone of Kagura's voice reached Kikyo's ears, her smile faded. Apparently someone wanted to be a bitch. "I'm sure he'll have time for me."

It wasn't true, but she wasn't about to let some other woman bring her down. Nobody would stand in her way.

Kagura raised an eyebrow at the woman's confidence before holding in a scoff. Clearly this woman knew nothing about Sesshomaru or she wouldn't believe that he would see easily fall into her pathetic, obvious trap. The woman had no skills in seduction, it was obvious.

"He's not in for anyone."

"Kagome?"

Both women turned their head in direction of the voice, only to find Sesshomaru standing in the hallway, glancing at the desk hope filling his eyes. Of course the instant he peered at Kikyo his hopes were shattered. Instead of anxiety and nervousness he felt nothing but rage.

He was worried for Kagome. He hadn't wanted to leave her apartment, but he had no choice. Her whole life had been shifted around, and if he forced his presence on her, she might grow to despise him. Since she pushed him away for the moment, he had no choice but to wait until she wanted him in her life again.

He had thought that moment was now.

Through the glass he had seen the shape of a woman, and he had firmly believed it to be her. After all no other woman came to see him, he didn't hang out with anyone else. But instead of an angel, it was the devil.

"Leave. You are not welcome here. I warned you already."

Kikyo felt like grinding her teeth, but instead she put on a charming smile, and leaned against the desk. "I know, but you didn't mean it."

She brushed her bangs back before taking a few steps in his direction, but unfortunately his expression never changed. Frustration was getting to her so she decided to resort to trickery. "It's about Kagome. But if you don't want to know…"

He would take that bait.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but frown a bit. Kikyo was a lying manipulative bitch, and nothing she said should be taken seriously. Still, hearing Kagome's name was enough to shake him a bit. The rational side of his brain was reminding him that Kikyo would never know anything about Kagome but his heart was wavering.

"Speak."

He knew exactly what she wanted; yet he followed along. He wouldn't fall for her little plan however. It was obvious from the way she was dressed that she was trying to do what she did with Inuyasha. Unfortunately for her he was nothing like his idiotic half brother.

His tone was rude, but she would take it. "I don't think we should talk about it here."

"Then we have nothing to talk about."

With one swift motion, Sesshomaru turned his back to her and returned to his office. His footsteps were slow, he seemed calmed, but all of a sudden, as he slammed the door behind him, it felt as if the whole building was shaken by an earthquake causing Kikyo to jump in fear.

Immediately her eyes hardened. He hadn't even given her a chance! What gave someone like Kagome the power to hold Sesshomaru's attention when it was so difficult to obtain a minute of his time? It didn't matter though! She would not be beaten that way! It was clear that Kagome was his worst weakness and she would exploit it the best way she could.

Kikyo glared at Kagura before leaving, her pride still present and her head held high. It was only a minor set back. She would have Sesshomaru, along with Inuyasha.

Kagome would pay.

-P-

Kagome was standing in front of the counter, stirring her coffee mindlessly. It was four in the afternoon, but since she had gotten no sleep and felt completely deprived of energy, she was hoping that a coffee would help her wake a little.

She found herself tilting her head to the side, observing the phone. In all honestly she was a bit surprised that nobody had called her yet. She found it better that way since she wasn't sure she would have picked up anyway. However, knowing Sango as well as she did, she should have called.

Then again her best friend, along with her whole life apparently, could change in the short span of a year.

Kagome was about to sigh when all of the sudden, a knock was heard on her door, and her eyes widened. Could she have been wrong? Could Sango be right behind the door? Her heart skipped a beat for a second when she considered the possibility of it being Sesshomaru.

She licked her dry lips, before dropping her spoon in her coffee causing a small splash as she took one step in direction of the door. Would it be hard for her to pretend she wasn't home? What if she did that and Sango had a key! Maybe she was coming to check up on her, and if she was worried enough, she might come in.

Taking a deep breath Kagome closed the distance between herself and the door. In one swing she opened the door, but what she found behind was not what she expected. There standing, his hand in the air, ready to knock again was Inuyasha. Kagome could not help but hold her breath in, her heart hammering in her chest.

Inuyasha felt very small, and insignificant because of the look in her eyes. Nonetheless, he managed to speak. "Hey."

He had come back, unsure if she would even speak to him. After all, he had somewhat run away from her and had not contacted her. But it was everyone's fault! They were trying to push the truth on her. They were trying to take her away from him! And frankly, if Kagome was to remember that part, he much preferred being far away.

However, he knew they still hadn't told her.

Though that didn't explain why she looked so upset. "Can I come in?"

Kagome's lips were still parted as she finally let out a breath. Inuyasha. Was it insane to say that she had almost forgotten about him, about their engagement? After everything that had happened during the past few days, he had been the last thing on her mind. She almost felt bad.

"Yeah," she finally said, still a bit out of it.

She moved out of the way and he took the opportunity to walk inside. The first thing he found himself doing was glancing around, as if to assure himself that everything was the same. Once he was done with his inspection, his eyes landed on Kagome once more. He was not good at reading emotions, but he could tell something was definitely wrong.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she moved back into the kitchen.

Sesshomaru had been the only thing on her mind and frankly, she hadn't worried about what had happened between her and Inuyasha during the past year. However, now that she thought about it, maybe she should have. After all, one lie had already been told to her, why not another?

Deciding that since Inuyasha was the only one there, the only one she could confront, she would.

"They told me the truth. They gave me back my stuff."

Inuyasha couldn't help but feel his heart stop as his mouth dropped opened. His face went through many different expressions before he settled on one of anger. He should have known these bastards would betray him! Apparently they preferred getting back at him then watching over Kagome's health! Didn't they know it could kill her?

He was so stressed, and angry, he didn't even take in consideration the fact that she didn't even seem upset.

"Look Kagome, it was a mistake." His hand crisped into a fist, as he tried to come up with a good excuse. What could he possibly tell her? He didn't come prepare! "It was one time." That wasn't true, but maybe they didn't go in detail… maybe he could lessen the damage.

"I didn't even love her. It was stupid."

He watched as she opened her mouth, but he knew he couldn't allow her to speak. "You were always busy and stuff alright? Maybe if you had been around more, I wouldn't have ya know!"

Kagome felt her heart drop as she listened to his words play over and over again in her mind. At first she had confused, she hadn't known what he was referring to, but slowly the phrases were put together, and she couldn't help but feel her eyes become teary. Inuyasha had… cheated on her?

She closed her mouth then opened it only to shut it again.

There was no way. No.

He couldn't have.

Granted he was easily angered and sometimes a bit selfish but he loved her didn't he? All their memories, all their times together ran through her mind, and her bottom lip began to quiver. Why would he do that to her, why would he admit to it? Was she such a horrible person?

And before she knew it, the first tear dropped.

Inuyasha felt his heart sink at the sight, but he didn't let it show. The best way to play it out was to keep his angry face. If she thought he was mad enough, he might be let off the hook; it had happened more than once.

However, he hadn't planned on Kagome's reaction.

Instead of confronting him, she felt herself dying inside. It was one bad news after the other and an even worse lie every day. Maybe her life was better when she couldn't remember it. Maybe she didn't want to remember it anymore. There was nothing good in it.

With her heart broken, she found herself rushing for the door and the only thing she could do was run, and she did. She didn't know where she was going, especially not in that weather in her pajamas and slippers only, but she had to leave. She couldn't stand the strange apartment; she couldn't stand the lying boyfriend.

She didn't like that life.

Ignorance was bliss; she wanted to return to it. Why had it been taken away from her?

-P-

He tapped his fingers against the counter, while guilt rose within him. Seriously, how could he have expected her to react like that? Nobody would have! And how should he have known that they hadn't told her! She shouldn't have been so confusing with her words.

It wasn't his fault. It was hers.

She shouldn't take things to heart like that. Also, maybe she shouldn't be offended by the slightest little mistake. So he messed up one time, it was no big deal. Why did she have to run away like that and not come back? As a matter of fact, he didn't know why he was sticking around. He shouldn't take the blame for her freaking out.

But then again, she had been gone for over an hour and the only thing she had on were not appropriate clothes for the weather. However, even though she had stupid moments, Kagome was a smart girl and there was no way she had been walking around dressed like that the whole time. She was probably at Sango's.

It would be no use calling to verify that since Sango would probably lie to protect Kagome.

Hence why he was just waiting at her apartment.

Was he worried for her? Well of course. Kagome was known to get herself in a lot of trouble, and though it was not his responsibility to do so, he had to make sure she was okay.

If she would only come back.

Inuyasha took another deep breath, desperately trying to calm himself down. Even though he had told himself plenty of times that he was not to blame, the guilt kept coming back. Maybe he should have asked more questions before telling her about Kikyo and him.

If only he had thought before speaking… but he had been so preoccupied with defending himself, he hadn't fully processed the whole situation.

He loved Kagome and he worried for her and her safety. What if she had gone and done something stupid? It was hard for him to protect her when she apparently hated him at the moment. He began chewing on his bottom lip in nervousness, trying to think of what he should do next.

Inuyasha knew for a fact that if he called Sango she wouldn't even pick up the phone, and if she did, then it was most likely that she wouldn't listen to him or she would think that he was making up a story. That didn't leave him with a lot of option. The only person was left was Sesshomaru and that was the one person he didn't want to talk to.

What could he tell his brother who had apparently been trying to steal Kagome?

He found himself eying the phone, and the guilt was getting to him. What if he did nothing and something ended up happening to Kagome? He would never be able to forgive himself. Of course, there had been and still was the option of looking for her himself, but he doubted it was a good idea. If she had been hurt enough to run away, then seeing him wouldn't help.

Though if he didn't see her now, he wasn't sure she would ever allow him to see her again.

He had to explain. He didn't want Kikyo. He had a chance to have her, be with her, and he realized he now wanted Kagome. It had been fun to be with someone different, someone who actually wanted to physically be with him, but it was time for something else. Although, until Kagome's accident and memory loss he never thought it would be her again.

But now that he had a taste of what it was like to be with her again, he wanted it.

He couldn't lose her over a stupid mistake he had made a long time ago. Obviously Kikyo wasn't the right girl for him or he wouldn't have lost her.

Deciding enough time had passed; Inuyasha rose to his feet and walked in direction of the phone. He really didn't want to do this, and it would most likely make his brother even more superior, but he didn't have many options. She could be fine, but she could be hurt.

He didn't like that his brother could find Kagome when he couldn't. Why she should listen to Sesshomaru instead of him, he didn't know or like, but he would go with it for now. Plus, since his brother seemed to care for Kagome so much, if Inuyasha warned him she might be in danger, Sesshomaru should owe him.

Right?

-P-

She had to be there.

Sesshomaru couldn't remember the last time he had driven so carelessly, and frankly it didn't matter. Even if he should be careful since Kagome had gotten into an accident not too long ago. At the moment the only thing in his mind was her and her safety. Although he did wish he could strangle Inuyasha.

This was what he had feared, the one thing he hadn't wanted to happen. Inuyasha had broken Kagome's heart once again. And now, Sesshomaru had to find her. . As soon as he had finished the phone call from Inuyasha, he jumped in his car. He hadn't even taken the time to yell at Inuyasha, or even go down and kill him.

Sesshomaru hoped he knew where to find Kagome.

Everything in his heart was screaming to go where he found her the first time, but there was no way she could go there twice. Perhaps her heart would guide her though. Since he didn't know where to look it was at least a place to start. He increased his speed again, and began to search for her.

His heart was beating faster than ever and he felt the sweat drops drip down his back. His eyes were waiting to see the same scene as before and it scared him.

Her whole body was frozen, most likely because of the rain, but he didn't even flinch as he brought her into an awkward embrace. He had tried to say her name a few times, but she had not replied. Gently, he lifted her head to look into her eyes, but in them he found nothing but emptiness and hurt.

"Kagome?"

This time, she slowly raised her head further and glanced into his eyes. He watched her frown before her lips parted. "Sss-sesshomaru?"

The surprise in her voice was obvious while he nodded in answer. He expected her to say more, but she didn't. Instead she lowered her head again, and glanced at the floor. The shaking of her body increased, which he believed was because she was colder, but he soon realize it was something else; she was crying.

He had seen her but a few times, and they had barely exchanged a few words. He had no obligation to her. After all, she was not a friend, and she was merely his half-brother's girlfriend. He actually found himself wondering why he hadn't left.

Perhaps it was the blood. He had somewhat forgotten about it with the way she had been shaking and confused. But there it was. Since he was holding her, the blood on her arms was not covering his shirt as well, not that it mattered. He wanted to ask how it had happened, but why should he?

Perhaps he should take her to a hospital? After all, he could not leave her on the side of the road to bleed to death. From the look of things though, it was what she was trying to do. Could she wish for death? Though he understood some people had a pathetic life, he knew hers was fine.

The only reason why she might want to take her life was because of someone else, and that was pathetic. She should be strong enough to not need anyone.

Perhaps, he should let her have her way.

He had been so foolish back then. Not understand how someone could need another human being so badly. That day he never knew she would become so important to him. She was different from the others, and he needed her. He didn't know why it was her out of everyone, but it was the way it was.

Sesshomaru found himself growing different in her presence and though he didn't always like it, he never stopped it. She brought a light into his life that needed to remain. If she were gone, it would be gone as well.

He found himself glancing up at the sky, waiting for the rain but there was nothing. There was however a lot of snow surrounding him, and it brought great worry to his mind. He had hung up on Inuyasha so fast he hadn't even bothered to ask if she had a coat or something. He could remember clearly the last time that she had been underdressed.

As Sesshomaru was about to make a turn, and accept the truth that she wasn't there, it happened. Out of the blue, she was there. He stopped his car as fast as he could, almost scared that he would hit her, and without the car in park, he found himself rushing out.

There she was on the corner of the road, almost in the forest, shivering like a leaf. Immediately as he ran towards her, he began to remove his coat. When Sesshomaru reached her, he covered her with it, signaling his presence. He felt her jump in front of it, and panic was in her teary eyes as she turned around to see who was there.

Fear was in her eyes when she saw him, as if she didn't recognize him, but after a few seconds, she seemed to settle down. Her eyes were bloodshot red as she found herself grabbing the coat, bringing it closer.

Without thinking, Sesshomaru reached out for her cheek and cupped it. Tears were staining her red cheeks, and she was puffing hard, as if she had been running not too long ago. It pained him to see that sight again, but he held it in.

"Why are you here?"

"Why did you stop?" she said, as she clung to her drenched clothes.

"Inuyasha called me."

As soon as she heard his name she flinched, and he could see the tears pouring out.

She didn't know why she ran away, or why it hurt so much. She had been unsure of her feelings for Inuyasha, and she thought it was bad for them to be together. Yet, as soon as he told her he cheated on her she was heart broken? Where did the pain come from?

"He was with someone else," she blankly stated.

"He's in love with someone else." She only mentioned it in case he wished to know.

He knew. Of course, he couldn't tell her that, not right now. "Inuyasha is an idiot."

Inuyasha had always been the one for her, and now he broke her heart, and it brought her more pain than she believed was possible. "Why does it hurt so much?"

Sesshomaru couldn't say it was because she experienced the pain before, so he gently rubbed her cheek. "Because you used to love him."

His words confused her a bit, but not as much as his presence. Shouldn't the person standing in front of her be Inuyasha? He hurt her, he was engaged to her, yet he didn't care. In his place, she found his brother who looked upon her with the most longing eyes.

Why did he care so much?

"Why are you here?" she asked, ignoring the whole shivering of her body.

"You were bleeding. You would have died if I had not stopped."

"You didn't know I was bleeding when you stopped."

"You look hurt."

"You couldn't see that."

"Perhaps I just wished to stop."

"Maybe you worried for another human being."

"Perhaps it was all that talking that put you in such a situation."

"I did this to myself, not someone else."

"Hn. It explains a lot."

"Because I care."

Because he loved her, because she meant the world to him, and not only did she never know it, but she also couldn't remember it. Loving her, holding on to her was all he had. And now, once again, life put him in the position of the friend. Perhaps it was what he was doomed to be.

Maybe he would never be anything but a friend. She would never love him the way he loved her.

And it hurt.

-P-