Shuffle

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Four months after Miroku and Rin's departure
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Summer… The rainy season in Japan. Rin and Sesshomaru stood on a bridge outside Kobe overlooking the Himeji Castle, watching the tourists and foreigners act as if the rain would burn them and listening to the out of towners bitch about not being prepared for so much rain. Father and daughter grinned under their shared giant umbrella.

Miroku had flown back to the states to settle some of the legal matters between him and Sango, as well as take Shinju home to visit her family before returning her permanently to Japan. While they were in the states, Sesshomaru and Rin were wandering Japan, taking in the sights that they neither one had made time to see. It strengthened their new bond, and this new bond worked to ease much of the pain they shared.
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Flashback to two weeks after Miroku and Rin's departure
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The four of them sat uneasily at an elegant western style restaurant. Rin looked pale as she nibbled on a dry bagel, Miroku squeezing her hand under the table. Shinju eyed Sesshomaru as his gaze continued to dart towards the door, as if he wished he could turn into smoke and simply fly away down the path his eyes carved.

"Alright, this is getting none of us anywhere," Shinju barked, finally tired of the awkward uneasiness. "Sesshomaru, I believe you had something you wanted to tell Rin. Why don't you take this opportunity to speak with her?" She said this more gently, laid her small hand on the arm of his black business suit, and smiled softly at him, encouraging him to simply overcome his fears and be honest with his only child.

Rin's face seemed to pale even further, if it was possible to do so without looking dead… Miroku simply squeezed her hand again, grinned a tiny little smirk and winked at her. She lifted her head and met her father's eyes.

Sesshomaru looked at his daughter. He took her in for the first time in a very long time. He studied her fearful features, how her eyes held tears that she refused to cry in front of him, how closely she sat to Miroku; her expression was one that said she was afraid to know what he had to say. He cleared his throat, took a sip of water, looked into his lap and tried to find the words to begin.

"Rin," he croaked, and that was as far as he got. The instant he said her name without venom or the usual disdain in his voice, Rin's entire face changed. She seemed to brighten instantly, become transformed by the emotion in his voice… He knew then what a grave error he'd made. Now feeling confident that she wouldn't shove him away after his apology and explanation of how everything went wrong, he found the guts to continue.

"Rin, I… I know I can never get a second chance to erase the unhappy memories from your mind and soul, and I know I will probably never be able to make up for how I've treated you. Would you allow me to explain what happened, and perhaps find it in yourself to forgive me?" In this uncharacteristic moment where Sesshomaru admitted he was wrong, he allowed himself a single tear to fall from his hazel colored orbs. Rin only stared back at him, completely disbelieving of what her father had just said, how he said it… It was almost like a dream.

"Rin, perhaps you and your father would like some privacy," Miroku intoned quietly, nodding at Shinju. "Shinju and I can go out on the terrace if you'd like, and you just retrieve us when you're finished."

Rin looked at her fiancé, looked out on the empty terrace and said, "No, I think my father and I should go out there, you continue your breakfast." She stood and eyed Sesshomaru. "Father, are you coming?"

He nodded and followed her out to the chilly outdoor dining area. Instead of sitting, they both chose to pace anxiously between the tables. Finally Rin spoke with a cracked voice. "You know, I spent many nights crying over my mother… Many nights crying over you too. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me." She began to cry. "I second guessed everything I ever did, from my school work to brushing my teeth. Holidays would come and go without an invitation to come home, grandfather died and I wasn't even notified until a month afterward... I became an orphan, an unwanted and unloved child." She wiped at her face. "And then you had the nerve to pull me from school and put me back here in Tokyo by your side, and you tried to teach me how to be a business executive, hoping I would be your American branch overseer. You knew nothing about me, knew nothing of my plans for my future, and you barged in and ordered me to do things your way." She looked up at him with streaks glistening in the morning sun upon her face. "Please do not think I can forgive you so easily."

Sesshomaru sighed heavily, rested his butt against the edge of one of the dining tables and put his face in his hands. "The day you were born was one of the best days of my life. Your mother was radiant, even after eleven hours of labor, and you were a carbon copy of her, right down to the little curve in your left ears." He smiled at his daughter. "She cried and cried, was so happy that you were a girl… We'd chosen to be surprised as to whether you'd be a boy or a girl, because we would love whatever was given to us." He chuckled and continued, "I remember how mad she was when your first word was 'papa' instead of 'mama'. She said it was because I spoiled you. I remember your first steps, your first smile, your first laugh… I even remember the first time you got sick. You were my chibe hime." He hung his head. "I cannot believe I was so shrouded in darkness that I abandoned you."

Sesshomaru walked to the short wall that surrounded the patio, looked down into the small garden that was there. "When your mother became pregnant again, we were so happy that you'd be able to be a big sister, was even more thrilled when we found out it was going to be a boy, and we were making plans to move from the penthouse into a real house, a place where you two could play with other children your age and make friends, a decent place to grow up in. And that's when everything fell apart." He sat on the wall's edge, flinging a leg over to straddle the cement. Sesshomaru's eyes were no longer holding back the tears, and they flowed freely onto his coat lapels.

"Your mother was really bad sick the whole time she carried your brother. It started with her blood pressure, then she got the pregnant diabetes. She had a condition called preeclampsia and was ordered bed rest. The trouble was, she said she felt fine. She didn't listen to me or the doctor, and when I was at work, she would be up and about, playing with you or cleaning or something else." He was quiet for a long time as Rin simply stared at him. She didn't know what to say, this was all information she'd never heard before…

"Then came the day when I came home and found her on the floor. I didn't know why she was out of bed, but you were nestled in next to her and said 'Mama had to go to sleep really bad, so she fell down and started sleeping'. My blood ran cold. She had fallen into a coma because she wasn't listening and staying in bed. So I called the ambulance and the babysitter and I went to the hospital." He began to sob. Rin almost felt sorry for him, almost felt the ice breaking in her veins. The sliver of doubt though crept into her brain… what if this was a put on? What if this was just a show so she would let her walls down around him… What if this was all a show so he could pounce on her vulnerable inner self and finally destroy her? She kept her face locked in a wide eyed stare as her heart continued to break for the man who loved her mother so much.

"She started to have seizures," he said through his tears. "Each one worse than the last. She wouldn't respond to medication. The doctors decided to do an emergency cesarean to try and save my son…" Sesshomaru's body shook as he wept harder. "Her condition had caused the blood flow to the baby to stop. He was dead for at least a week inside her. And then she had a grand maul seizure on the operating table… Oh gods, my sweet Kagura!" He doubled over in agony, his mind lost to the image of his wife's face as they wheeled her into a post-op room so he could see her one last time. The son he knew was alive in utero was wrapped up and lying on the bed beside her, both of them looking peacefully asleep. He felt two arms softly wrap around him, felt the warm breath of a whisper float across his chilled ear…

"Daddy… I didn't know." Her own tears joined her father's as the grieved for the missing half of their family together. Sesshomaru's wound around his daughter and they hugged each other tightly in the morning sunshine.

"Rin, sweetheart, I'm so very, very sorry," he cried into her hair. "After your mother died… I dunno, something inside me snapped. And every time I looked at you, all I could see was her. I missed her so fucking much that I couldn't bear to look at any pictures of her, let alone her living clone. I sent you away to the best schools I could, hoping that you could at least find a decent education while I tried to heal or move on." He wiped his face on his coat sleeve as he pulled away from her. His cold hand came to cup her cheek. "Even now, especially now, you look just like her. She would kill me if she knew how I treated her precious baby girl."

Rin wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked down towards the ground. "I hope you don't assume this means I want to come back here and stay. I have plans for myself, a man that I love, a place in America that I love. Nearly every memory I have of Tokyo is painful and bitter. Nothing in America is like that, and it's where I want to stay." She smiled at him. "But it doesn't mean that I don't forgive you, that I ever stopped loving you and hoping you would love me back. I never wanted to give up hope that you'd come to your senses, but there were many times I thought it was hopeless."

"I understand if you want to go back to the place where you've made a home with Mr. Kobayashi. I don't blame you if you never forgive me. But even if you don't, know that I love you, Rin. Know that I loved you the whole time you were away from me, and I love you still." Sesshomaru took a deep breath and wiped at his face again. "Would it be improper of me to give my daughter another hug?"

He came to her, wrapped his long slender arms around her, felt as she slid hers around him, and for the first time in a long time, he kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Rin… I can never begin to apologize enough for the hell I've put you through, I can only admit my mistake and move on from here."

"Sounds good. Let's just start from here forward. Since we can't erase the past, let's make a new future." Her father squeezed her tighter. "I love you too Daddy."

*****End flashback*****

Sesshomaru's cell phone rang deep in his trouser pocket. It was Shinju. "Hello, my pet… Today we're in Kobe… Of course it's raining! That's what it does in June… So we need to be back by Wednesday morning to pick you up then… Did Miroku get everything settled with your mom?" Rin looked up at him, hoping he'd give her some clue about her fiancé's legal matters. "Great, I'll tell Rin… She's fine, you want to speak with her? Alright then, we'll see you in two days… No I won't forget, Shin… I love you, too… Bye."

He flipped the phone closed and smiled down at his daughter. "Turns out Sango didn't put up a fight, that they cleared the air, and she now knows it was you and what all went on." He patted her back. "From what I understand it was a drama filled experience."

Rin chuckled lightly. "You don't even know the half of it, Daddy. I could tell you, but there's a lot of parts I don't think a daughter should share with her father," she said with a blush.

They turned from the beautiful view of the castle and began strolling back to their hotel. "Oh you mean all the sex and debauchery?" Sesshomaru asked with a smirk.

"Daddy!" she squeaked as she playfully smacked his arm. The rain continued to pour down as they walked under the gray skies, safely in the shelter of their huge umbrella, laughing and teasing each other the whole way.

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Miroku and Sango stood outside their six bedroom home and watched as the movers piled the family's belongings into two different moving vans. Miroku's van was much smaller of course. Shinju had helped him pack, donating most of her stuff to Rin. Sango had agreed to give him the living room suit in the den and she would buy new stuff with his part of the profits from the sale of the house. The divorce actually went pretty smoothly, considering how the split up began. Now the two exes stood in the front yard watching their shared life be divided into two trucks.

"Well, I guess this means it's really over," Sango mused.

"Yeah, it's really over, Sango." He turned to her and said, "Listen, I really am sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you, it's just… It's so hard to describe it."

Sango huffed and turned her head. "Don't bother, Miroku. Rin's young and tight and that's all you want her for. As soon as she's stretched out you'll be running around on her too."

"No," Miroku growled. "Rin isn't like that at all. Yes, she's 'young and tight' as you put it, but she has a perversion level that's equal to my own, she doesn't think my fantasies are filthy and doesn't think it's gross to suck cock." He sighed. "She's just not as uptight about sex as you are. You and I were compatible in every way, except sexually. And sex means a great deal to me. It's something intimate that I only wanted to do with my wife." He looked away from her. "Unfortunately you starved me and made me feel like I was dirty for wanting it, so I found someone who said it wasn't like that and I wasn’t a monster."

"Well, I don't have to worry about it ever happening to me again. Let Rin worry about it." She crossed her arms. "Miroku, really I don't care anymore. All I want is for to find whatever it is you think will make you happy. If a girl who's old enough to be your daughter does it for you, then by all means run with it."

Just then Koga pulled up in his beat up green jeep. He jumped out and waved, then joined the boys in a final game of horse by the garage. "Who's that?" Miroku asked as he squinted in the sun to make out the man's details.

Sango smiled. "That's whatever it is I think will make me happy." She stuck her hand out to her ex husband, shook his hand and said, "I wish you luck. Please be sure when Shinju gets to Japan she calls me. And take pictures of the wedding and send to my email, I'm sure she'll forget being wrapped up in the whole newlywed thing." Miroku nodded, and Sango went to Koga's side, gave him an innocent kiss on the cheek, letting her gaze flip flop between the basketball game and the movers.

Miroku stood watching as the last of the stuff he would be taking was piled into the rented U-haul. Shinju stepped out of the house in a huff with Izumi following not far behind, equally irritated. It was the first time he'd seen his other daughter since the night he left. She looked just as pissed now as she did then. Leveling her eyes at her father, she gave up on following her twin and stomped towards her father instead.

"So does this make you happy?" she asked with her hands on her hips.

Coolly, he retorted, "You mean does it make me happy to see my children leaving the home they grew up in? Or seeing my ex-wife more angry at me than she's been in her entire life? Sure, Zu, I'm bursting with joy here."

Izumi shook her head and relaxed her stance. "Daddy, you said you could tell me why you wanted to be with Rin, but that I wouldn't understand. Can you please try to tell me?"

Miroku sighed. He put his arm around his daughter, and did his best to explain to her what it was he felt inside. "Izumi, you know how your mom feels about Mexican food?"

The girl blinked and gave him a puzzled look. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Just play along, you'll get it in a sec." Miroku continued, "She hates it. Thinks it's gross and disgusting, and it's not just burritos, it's tacos, enchiladas, fajitas, all of it except nachos. Now, let's say she thinks everyone who likes Mexican food is also gross and disgusting. That'd be kind of offensive, right?"

Izumi, still floored by the food references, said slowly, "Yeah, just because I like fajitas doesn't mean I'm gross."

"Well, Rin likes Mexican food. She might not like everything, like she doesn't like burritos, but she doesn't think people who like burritos are gross and disgusting. Am I making sense?"

Izumi laughed. "Let me guess, you love Mexican food! All of it!" It dawned on her now; substitute Mexican food for sex and the different dishes for different positions and you had the problem right there. Being sensible and logical and intelligent as she was, now that he'd sort of explained it to her, she saw completely that it wasn't an issue of her father not loving her mother, it was simply that they weren't compatible in the bedroom. "And since you love Mexican food so much, and Momma doesn't, you wanted to find someone who loved it as much as you." Her father nodded and smiled. "But Daddy, what about the other women before Rin? Why didn't you run off with one of them?"

"Because they only half liked Mexican food. Rin is the closest one that came to loving it the way I do. We almost match identically in our tastes." He grinned at her. "You're going to be a very successful young lady one day, Zu. But don't forget to take time to have a little fun occasionally, too." He kissed his daughter's temple. "Are you still mad at your sister?"

Her sunny smile quickly turned rainy again. "Yeah," she said as she plucked a cigarette out of her pack. "I think I'm not mad at her so much as frustrated. She has no idea how much I'm going to miss her."

"It's not for forever, Izumi. She'll get to come visit sometimes. Hell, maybe you could go visit her." He patted her back and offered her a light. "And you know she's only a phone call away."

The movers slammed the doors on the back of his moving van. One of the burly, sweaty men came over to him with a clipboard. "Alright sir we got your truck packed for ya." The man went over the contract, explained how the charges were figured and then requested Miroku's signature at the bottom. Miroku paid the guy and then he whistled for Shinju.

"It's time to get this stuff in over at the apartment, you ready?" Shinju nodded and made her final goodbyes. In the morning she and Miroku would be plane hopping almost all day to get back to Japan. Miroku gathered his daughter into the truck and drove over to the apartment complex that he decided on for he and Rin to live in once they returned. Since InuYasha had ended his seven year long relationship with Kikyo, he abandoned the Love Nest. Now that Miroku had no ties to the slummy place, he chose a much nicer complex, one with a pool and fenced in little yards. InuYasha was there at the new place, waiting with Kagome in the living room, sitting in lawn chairs and listening to the radio. Once they got everything moved in and partially unpacked, the four of them went out for a bite to eat, and then Shinju and Miroku returned to the new place to get some shut eye.

"Dad," Shinju said as she watched her father brushing his teeth in the bathroom, "I'm really happy for you. I'm happy you've found someone that's so very special to you. I think you'll be happy here with Rin." He smiled at her with his foamy mouth, and she went to lie down on one of the twin beds in the guest room.

Miroku rinsed his mouth and planted a kiss on his daughter's forehead. "Shinju, don't ever let someone try to fit you into their mold of what happiness is. Always find what makes you happy and do it. Life is too short to live any other way." She nodded in the dark, he whispered goodnight to her, climbed into his own bed, and dreamed of his girl back in Tokyo.