Miroku and Kagome: 36 tales of love and lust

disclaimer: The characters and world of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

A/N: WARNING! This chapter contains the topic of abortion.

Polarity
By Sarga

Miroku would make an excellent father, really. He had the heart for it, the desire to be a parent, and he was a good man. Plus, he asked every woman he met if she would bear his child; he wanted to be a father.

Unless their child could come through the well, there would be no baseball or track meets; life would be simple. Inoculations, nutrient-enriched formula, baby monitors, electric space heaters... all of it could be brought over. It would be a little of an imposition on her mother, but an exchange might be possible – how many modern traditional seamstresses did as high-quality work as Edo's own Nami-chan?

Kagome stood across the road from the small hospital, frozen mid-step as she took deep even breaths. She was overdue for her period by two weeks and after she had scrambled up the well and to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test her nagging suspicion had been confirmed. One day later, the doctor verified it again in triplicate: Kagome was going to be a mother.

It was terrifying.

Kagome had scheduled the appointment right away, knowing that she could always back out. If she didn't show, they would assume correctly that she wasn't coming. If she backed out at the reception desk, no harm, no foul. If she tore off the paper gown before seeing the doctor and hurriedly got dressed, she'd be a little shaken, but still as pregnant as when she went in.

Kagome's knees were shaking.

She wanted it all! Little League and Youkai Tracking; Herbalism and Primary Education; Demon Slayers and Western Doctors.

But she couldn't have it all... and she'd die trying. Even if she didn't die trying, who's to say the child wouldn't? Epidemics, bandits, rapists, homicidal maniacs... and that was on this side of the well!

Kagome could walk home right now, hop into the well and only come back for supplies. Life on the other side, without its technology and bright city lights would be safe. Life would be simple.

Except life already wasn't simple.

Kagome carried the child of a man who she didn't love. The man she did love was currently in the arms of another woman, but if he ever changed his mind... How could she bring a child up under such tumult?

There was a homicidal youkai bent on the corruption of innocents. Naraku would break her, would whittle away at her very soul if he found out she had a child. The past held no love for her child.

There was a world who was cruel to children of un-wed mothers. The child would be ridiculed, fatherless, dishonourable by his or her very existence, dishonoured for the same. The future was no haven either.

Yet there was the small inkling of possibility, a small glimpse of 'what if'. What if she did have the child on her own side of the well? What if Miroku could pass through? What if she stayed over there to raise a child with hopes for a future known with unwavering certainty?

But the future was uncertain.

As uncertain as Kagome.

Because she was uncertain, Kagome walked into the hospital and gave up her innocence.

- - - - - - - - - -

”I need a week, maybe longer,” Kagome practically had to beg Inuyasha to let her go. “Please...” her voice was almost desperate and whatever it was that was in her eyes was enough to persuade him.

“Feh, go then,” Inuyasha huffed and crossed his arms, sticking his nose in the air. “...but if you're not back in seven days...”

“Yeah, yeah...” Kagome waved away his threats knowing that he'd probably be over on the other side in five days pestering her to come back. Turning to her lover, Kagome flushed prettily. “I... need to go back, for a test...”

Miroku replayed Kagome's words over and over. She had said she was going back for a test, even though she had made it quite clear she would be taking no more tests when she had finished her education.

Insatiable, passionate, honourable, Miroku was many things. A fool was not one of them. If Kagome said she was going back for a test now of all times... well, he knew how many days were in a month and he had been making love to Kagome for more than that... all without her monthly blood.

Miroku leaned against the back wall of Kaede's hut, his own hut too lonely and cold without Kagome's company. Watching the kitsune cub who had been spending more and more time with Sango as of late, the monk drifted along in his own thoughts at the possibilities.

Himself as a father... it was not an unpalatable thought, however the anxieties that went along with it – the wind tunnel, Naraku, Kagome's own fickle heart – were quite a bit more so. Still, he would bear the responsibility with honour. After all, he was an honourable man.

“I'm leaving.”

Miroku nearly jumped out of his skin at Sango's sudden announcement. Her eyes were fierce, almost challenging and he was left wondering just what he had done this time – he had, after all, kept his hands to himself (or Kagome) since their relationship had changed.

“Leaving...?”

“Yes, monk.”

Miroku cringed at the rancour in her voice.

“I'm leaving for several days. I will come back once I am finished at my village.”

Without further explanation, the Sango turned on her heal. The sound of Kirara's transformation could be heard outside before Miroku was left with only an old woman and kitsune for company.

“Well that could have been better timed...” Miroku muttered just in time to face a vicious hanyou.

“What the fuck did you do to her, monk?! She looked pissed as hell, and there's no way she'd mount Kirara if she were just letting off steam.”

Miroku stared blankly at Inuyasha.

Why was everyone looking at him?

“I did nothing, Inuyasha. The fair Sango merely took her leave and said she would return in several days.”

The innocent kitsune simply nodded and shrugged, confirming Miroku's story.

“What?! Of all the stupid-ass times to leave...” Inuyasha started yelling and cursing after the demon-slayer.

“My sentiments exactly.”

“Feh...” Inuyasha pouted and sat down with his arms folded across his chest. “It'll take her three days to get there and another three days to get back here. That's another fucking week that we'll have to wait...”

“Mm...” Miroku had gone back to his own thoughts, his responses back to automatic.

- - - - - - - - - -

It had taken Kagome three weeks and Inuyasha still hadn't come to get her. She had needed the time to recuperate, and while it wasn't that she was getting worried or anything... it was just... aw, hells, she was getting worried!

Kagome hoisted herself over the lip of the well and stepped into the clearing. Sensing nothing unusual – no jewel shards, no foreign demonic energy – Kagome took a leisurely stroll up the well-worn pathway to Kaede's hut

“Kagome!”

“Ooph!”

Kagome staggered back a few steps as Shippo came crashing into her stomach, bowling into the tender flesh.

Peeling the excited child from her body, Kagome greeted him in return with a warm hug and an overly bright smile.

“It's nice to know I've been missed! Where is everyone?”

“Oh... them...” Shippo rolled his eyes in mock exasperation. “They're busy arguing about whether or not to come get you...”

“Ah... I hope Sango's not the only one defending me...” Kagome chuckled, turning to head back to Kaede's hut.

“Sango left a couple of weeks ago.” Shippo prattled on, oblivious to the startled expression on his now-captive audience. “Inuyasha wanted to get you a while ago, but Miroku sealed the well and said Sango probably had some extra stuff to do and that you said you might need extra time. He's been really supportive while you were gone,” Shippo puffed up in pride.

'Supportive'... meaning 'protective against a raging hanyou'.

Kagome hurried her steps and met with a disturbance.

“Well I don't fucking care if Kagome said 'maybe longer'! Sango's never taken this long and we can't leave without Kagome!” Inuyasha's voice could be heard from quite a distance away. It was a wonder the old woman hadn't gone deaf by now... It was only when Kagome got closer that she could hear the other, more level-headed voice chime in.

“...derstand my reluctance to remove the barrier around the well, however Kagome did request... what?”

Kagome walked in to a puzzled monk and a self-satisfied hanyou. Miroku's glance fell on Kagome and she shifted her gaze guiltily away.

Neither noticed the subtle inhalation by Inuyasha, nor his brief look of confusion.

Kagome looked guilty. Miroku was sure he had seen that flash in her eyes before she had turned to busy herself with her things, dropping off the heavier supplies that were more for Kaede than themselves.

“We should leave right away, then. It's early in the day, we should be able to get there in just a few days if we push hard.”

Kagome was cheerful... too cheerful... which meant she was unhappy. By the extra-sweet look in her eye, she was very unhappy.

Holy shit, Miroku was going to be a father!

Okay, okay, not to panic. She didn't know that he knew yet. He could broach the subject when she started needing to stop for extra pee-breaks and the like. For now it would do to let her approach him first, after all, the activity that had impregnated the woman would not necessarily be the one she wanted to participate in so soon after the discovery.

Miroku could barely stop his hands from shaking so he kept them tightly wrapped around his staff.

“Feh, just hurry it up, we ain't got all day.”

Shippo stayed back with Kaede as the trio set out on a three day journey to Sango's demon slayer village. Two minds wondered just how they would break the news to the other.

- - - - - - - - - -

“The hearth is cold,” the hanyou barked in annoyance, a shade of fear creeping into his voice.

A symbol of an empty home. The analogy was not lost on either the priestess or the monk, although both for entirely different reasons: Miroku was sleeping alone and Kagome was holding on to her guilt like it was a lifeline.

“Fuck! Bed down. She left two days ago by the smell of it. Damn wench...” the hanyou growled at the bad luck – they had pushed hard these past two days and still there was nothing to show for it. “I'll be out on the wall.”

Before either could respond, Inuyasha darted out and up to the tower on the wall that had the widest view. Ever the prudent sleeper...

Kagome felt her heartbeat speed up in anxiety. Miroku hadn't been left alone with her for three and a half weeks. As far as he could tell, she had been truly tired these past couple of nights after hard travel, but here, now, where there was wood and a hearth and more than enough privacy...

“Good-night, Kagome,” Miroku allayed Kagome's fears before she even had the time to get good and worked up...

Kagome was confused. For the first time in three weeks she forgot her guilt and let concern for a friend overwhelm her better judgement.

“...Miroku?” Kagome's voice was soft, scared and unsure.

“Yes Kagome,” Miroku cracked one eye open in the hopes of appearing laid back. To be honest, his heart was hammering in his chest. Was she going to tell him...?

“I...” Seeing the look in his eye, a certain eagerness she couldn't place, pushed Kagome back to her black cavern. “...it's nothing. Sleep well. Good-night.”

Kagome placed herself on the opposite side of the fire and lay down with her back to the warmth. Barely hearing the audible sigh, she let a few tears fall silently to her clenched hands. He had been waiting for her to make a move.

Yet another straw to add... how many more before the camel broke its back?

- - - - - - - -

Seven days and there was still no sign of Sango. She hadn't headed back to Kaede's because their paths would have crossed. She was purposefully concealing her scent because even Inuyasha had a hard time tracking her. She was avoiding them and they had no idea where to go.

“Feh, there's not a blasted demon close enough to smell and that's saying a lot!” Inuyasha grumped. “There's a hot spring to the south. I'm going to patrol.”

Inuyasha left the pair alone once more, his abrupt and surly nature not lost on the two left behind.

“Well that was unpleasant...” Miroku commented off-handedly. “Shall we go then?” he extended his arm chivalrously, offering to lead the girl to the warm water nearby.

“Uh... yeah...” Kagome was still nervous around the monk, but they had fallen into a routine of sorts when it came to bathing. He would sit back on, making a convincing show of not watching (a good thing Kagome hadn't missed her pocket mirror) and she would make a slightly less convincing show of acting like nothing was wrong

Kagome was in the act of getting undressed when she noticed the first signs of her monthly blood. Breath hitching sharply, Kagome was paralysed with its implication... then her guilt and grief struck her like a tsunami and she collapsed in a wailing heap on the ground.

“Kagome...?” The monk turned around, modesty ignored. Kagome was in trouble and he had to help her...

Except Kagome looked fine – for a weeping, rocking, moaning ball of tears.

“Kami, Kagome, are you okay? I...” Miroku wrapped his arms around the sobbing woman.

He wanted to be a father, but not this badly. He wanted Kagome to be whole much, much more. Children could come. A broken Kagome? No one knew how to fix such a creature

“Please, Kagome... I know... you don't have to bear this alone.” Miroku whispered his support in Kagome's ear and her sobbing stilled.

“What...?” Kagome's face was stark white and she looked like she was about to pass out from shock.

“I know that... you're pregnant. By the Kami, Kagome, if I thought it would bring you this much pain...! Please, I know it's unbearable, but there are options. I know of a tea the monks sometimes give to aid mothers unable to bear the burden of having a child in times of famine.” This was killing him, but if she were to perish because he was too selfish, he'd never be able to live with himself. “If... If you want, I could speak to my brethren...”

Miroku halted as Kagome's weeping sobs racked her body with renewed vigour. All he could do was hold her as she rocked back and forth, her shirt bunching up without her skirt.

“Please, Kagome! You haven't spoken to me since you left for that test. If you never want to touch me again I'll understand but I can't see you so broken... please...” The monk was in tears himself now, holding his lover with desperately shaking arms, not knowing how to comfort her, not knowing what was even wrong.

“The baby's already gone,” Kagome whispered through hiccuped sobs. “I... I know how much you wanted a child... I'm so sorry...” Kagome renewed her tears and he just held her, his own grief weighing heavily on his soul.

Miroku had prepared himself for the eventuality of having her accept his offer... but that she had already gone through with it... His breath was harsh and his heart heavy.

Arms wrapped tightly around each other, their tears mingling with the spring-water nearby, the couple mourned the loss of a future that never could have been.