Dear Diary

Author’s Note: Written for inucomedyclub's "Dream" prompt.

Salome 10/08

Dear Diary: Sesshoumaru's Treasure

Dear Diary,

Today was the weirdest ever. I know, I say that all the time, but like I breally mean it this time. I think I'm traumatized. But so many weird things happen to me—like Kohaku asking if he could pee on me while I told him he was a naughty little slayer that one time or when Naraku told me he gave names to all of his tentacles—that maybe I should just say this time I was extra traumatized.

Anyhow, I got invited to the Palace of the Western Lands for by Lord You-Know-Who. I was totally psyched because this was the first time he'd ever invited me anywhere. Well, actually, it was the first time he'd ever talked to me beyond telling me to hike my ass up a little higher while I held onto the tree in front of me. (I really love his tall, aloof stranger sex fetish, even though after about forty times it isn't as much of a surprise as it once was. Still, I do get wet every time I see a really big oak. You know those rats they get to push the little bar for a food pellet who do it over and over, never knowing when they'll get one next? I'm so like that. I never know when Sesshoumaru will show up and "feed" me. I wander off from the group to pee so often they all think I have a bladder infection.)

Ugh, now I'm getting off topic and my Tuesday thong is soaked! So, anyway, Sesshoumaru finishes licking his cum off my back and then he leans forward and whispers into my ear. "I want to fuck you on the bear youkai-fur rug of my chambers at the castle. Tell your companions you sense a jewel shard next time you are nearby and come to me, my little whore." I swear that's the most he's ever said to me and calling me his "little whore"? Whoa. Right then I'm soaked through and beg him to give it to me again, but he just breathes something about Kouga's turn in my ear and is gone. He really does have the most amazing mystique.

Well, about a week later we're heading in the direction of the palace, and I cross my fingers behind my back (I always do that when I lie; I think it keeps you from going to hell or something) and say I sense a shard. My Inuyasha gets all excited, snarling something about his asshole brother and how dare he hide a shard and stuff. I hardly listen because I'm just melting at the amazing sparkle in his eyes. (When we're married, I'm gonna say "jewel shard" every night before bed, just to see that twinkle.) So, we get there and the castle is like, OMG, amazing! It's huge and there are armored guards everywhere, each one more handsome and muscled than the next. And Inuyasha barges forward and demands to be let in. The guards refuse him but say they have been ordered to let in the strange miko from the future. I giggle. I just love that. It makes me sound like a science fiction flick. Come see "Miko from the Future"! Now playing at a cinema near you!

Anyhow, I tell the others not to worry, that I will be right back with the shard. They look skeptical—well everyone except Miroku, who has busted me and Lord S on more than one occasion and now uses us as his own personal porn to masturbate to whenever possible. What a perv!

I am escorted to this gorgeous ante-chamber all decorated in deep red satin like a total whorehouse (figures that would be Sesshoumaru's taste!) by these luscious burly youkai guards, and left there. After half an hour of waiting, I've had enough, and I start to explore on my own. I go through a little door then back into the hall and sneak behind the guards and back into the next room and then I hear a voice coming from the next room. It is Sesshoumaru! He's saying, "No wolf could boast a finer tail than yours," in this deep voice, but I know it's him. Then I hear some shuffling sounds and "Oh yes, Sire, your tail is the fluffiest of all!" in a total girly voice! I can't stand it anymore, so I burst through the door and find myself in this enormous walk-in closet. Sesshoumaru is holding up these costume tails, one by one, against his ass—he's got wolf and fox and rabbit too!

"Sesshoumaru!" I gasp, too shocked to say more or to be smart enough to run away.

"Miko," he says, dropping the tails. Then he sighs. The sound is so sad and he looks into my eyes so soulfully I'm an instant mess. When the big ones fall it's always so tragic, you know? He tells me he's always dreamed of having a tail in his human form. I nod because yeah, they are so totally kawaii, like Shippo's, or way sexy, like Kouga's. But I tell him it's ok because he has like the best hair ever and anyhow he's the Lord of the Western Lands! But he just sits down on the floor and puts his head in his hands. Well, I'm getting annoyed here because now he's just having a self-pity party and utterly ruining my image of his mystique, but I sigh and sit down next to him and lie and tell him tails aren't all they're cracked up to be. I'm sweet like that. I tell him he has that big fur thing on his shoulder that feels so nice when he rubs it on my ass. That perks him up a little, and pretty soon he's hard and I'm sucking and he's calling me his little whore again and it's like Happily Ever After and he even tells me where there's a demon with a shard rampaging the nearby countryside so I won't get in trouble with Inuyasha.

So it's all like fine again, except that when I fantasize about him now, I can't get rid of the image of him holding up a rabbit youkai tail on his ass and hopping like a bunny. Dudes can be so disappointing. Better not to know and just get banged up against a tree.

Dewa kore de!

Kagome