Unrequited Love

AN: Thank you to eveyone who e-mailed me and/or reviews. Your support means a lot to me. Sorry for the long delay in posting this chapter and to honest, I don't know when the next one will be up. I hope you enjoy reading this one and leave a message if you wish to. Again, thank you but now on with the chapter.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything about Inuyasha, the series, any of the characters or Half A Woman, Half A Shadow by: Roxette; Words & Music by Marie Fredriksson, Published by Jimmy Fun Music & Shock The Music or It Must Have Been Love by: Roxette; Words & Music by Per Gessle, Published by Jimmy Fun Music

Chapter 12

Kagome blinked rapidly trying to control the tears that slid from her eyes as she gently set the phone back on the receiver. This whole thing was finally sinking in for what it was. Nothing.

‘Daylight is breaking again.’

His silence could only mean one thing. He didn’t feel the same after all. She gave him a chance to tell her that she was wrong and that he loved her. But he didn’t say anything he remained silent just like she thought he would. That was on thing about him, Inuyasha was honest with his feelings most the time. He never led her on to believe there was more there than what he offered and it was friendship. Granted with benefits, but he also honored her wishes to sleep in separate rooms once he confessed he was seeing Kikyo. Her hand reached out and grabbed the closest thing to her which was a couch pillow that she hugged to her body as tightly as she could. She laid her head on the back of the couch watching the rain drops slide down the darkening window mournfully like the tears that slid from her eyes.

‘I hide in the dark.
I'm watching the rain.’

She couldn’t help but think that if she had done things differently, would she still be with him? She didn’t know for sure anymore. At one point she was so sure of his feelings for her but then it all became like a dream. After talking to Kikyo, she realized that he was trying to do what he always did. He felt obligated to take care of her after bringing her all this way where she didn’t know anyone except him and his friends. But that didn’t mean he was in love with her. Kikyo explained that was always the way he was and to be frank, he was like any other single guy out there that had a room mate with benefits. He took advantage of it when offered. Kagome fell into that category all to easily and it was her fault. She was acting like a slut even after she told him that she wasn’t going to live with him as a free fuck but in the end wasn’t that what she was? She couldn’t even be angry about it. How could she blame him for that? It all came down to one thing. No matter how much she wanted him to love her, he was beyond her reach regardless of how much she tried to show him that love. He was in love with another.

‘You're out of touch.
You're out of reach.
What can I say,
I never wanted it this way.’

It was funny how things turned out really. She always promised herself that when she got the nerve to finally leave Koga, she would never do that sort of thing again. But look what happened. Here she was, left alone with no one to call her own. Sometimes it felt like everything was against her but somehow she always managed to pull through. This time had seemed so different but could that be because she was trying to handle things the way she would have done it before? Was she running away because she was afraid of the truth? Being alone was something she was used to after all. Before Inuyasha, she spent many a loveless night staring at a phone that wouldn’t ring to tell her that the man she depended on was coming home safely.

‘Love sleeps all alone.’

But that phone never rang. Even after she tried to tell him that she was worried. Only then would she find out where he had been. There was always another woman. She knew from the start that Koga didn’t want her for his own. He just like the fact that no one else could touch her. She was eye candy that other guys drooled over. She often wondered what he would have done if he caught her and Inuyasha together. It didn’t matter now, it was all in the past and frankly she didn’t think either man would raise that much of a fuss over someone like her. Neither of them loved her anyway so it was no big loss. Or was it?


‘The cold telephone,’

She couldn’t blame Koga really. After all she was just a kid when they first met. She didn’t know any better and he felt protective enough to try and keep her innocence in tact. Wasn’t it really her own fault for doing the things she did? She would have to say yes. She had been around plenty of guys to know how they were.

‘I know the heart.
Yes, I know the kind.’

Inside she wanted Inuyasha to be different from Koga and all his buddies. She wanted the feelings he inspired in her that first time to last for the rest of her life. But now she realized how silly and naive she really was. The fire she thought was his heart was something else all together.
Now at the end, she could only remember how good that fire had felt while she had it. She should have cherished it more at the time even though it was the same fire he expressed to another. She should have realized then, it would be taken from her at some point.

‘The kisses of fire,
turning to grey.
I never wanted it this way.
I always wanted you to stay.’

She smiled to herself knowing that what Kikyo said was true. If Inuyasha was here now, he would do what ever he thought he had to for her to stop crying and be happy. He would give up everything he was so he could be there for support but he wouldn’t be there for her in his heart. That is what hurt the most. To desire his love and know that it would always belong to another.
‘Wash my pain away,’

Kagome knew she could never be the woman Inuyasha wanted. She could give him all the love in her heart but it would never be enough because she could only be half of what he desired. It was better this way. She couldn’t live with herself knowing he was tearing himself apart trying to appease her while he wanted so much more then what she offered. She would always be just a shadow of the life he wanted to have with Kikyo.

‘cause I'm half a woman,
half a shadow.’

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6 months later

Kagome rolled over for the hundredth time that night. The ache in her back was almost too much to take. How she wished she had someone there to rub it for her. Jo Ann in the office told her how her husband used to give her back rubs and wait on her hand and foot. Then after the pain was all over, he would go back to being his usual demanding self but there was a new spark that would lay behind his eyes when he looked at her. Jo Ann would get a far off look on her face then smile and walk away. Kagome figured it didn’t matter what was going on in a relationship, thing always settled back down and the love just seemed to grow more endearing. For someone like her, it didn’t matter. Not at the moment anyway. She had other things to concentrate on besides keeping a man happy. She still knew she loved Inuyasha and there were times when she would still cry over him but over all she also realized her love had changed. She had changed.

‘Love always changes with the trees,
the spring and the leaves,
the waves on the sea.’

She had grown and her love was no longer that of a silly child whose puppy ran away. She realized now that she never really had him. He only stayed because he cared enough for her to make sure she was as happy as he could make her. Unfortunately, it only seemed to drive him father from her grasp. The only thing she could do was let him go and take all the blame for her own idiocy. She never wanted things to be like this but she couldn’t help herself either.

‘Wilder than light the wind in your eyes led me astray.
I never wanted it this way.
I always wanted you to stay.’

A tear slid down her face as she pictured his smile. It was times like this she really missed his friendship. He never really had to say anything, just being near him calmed her like nothing else could and she blew it by letting her foolish heart fall too deeply. She knew better now but no amount of regret would bring those feelings or him back.
‘Oh I need you, yes I need you.
Give me a reason to believe.’

God how she hated this. Her emotions would run away with her before she could stop it. She sucked in a breath but it came back out in a shutter as his handsome face came into view. How she missed him. The nights were long and hard sometimes. She ached for his touch and yearned to hear his voice say her name. He would tell her that everything would be alright and for that moment she had something to hold onto. All she had now were fragments of brief touches that she could remember. The way he made her feel was ingrained in her brain for all time.
‘Lay a whisper on my pillow,
leave the winter on the ground.
I wake up lonely,
there's air of silence in the bedroom and all around.
Touch me now,
I close my eyes and dream away.’

Another shuttering breath left her lungs as she fought against the onslaught of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her again. She could pretend there was nothing left for her but inside, her heart still reached for something she could never have. Even if she did manage to find another man to accept her, she knew she would never love him like she did Inuyasha. He held more then her heart. He held her soul.

‘It must have been love but it's over now.
It must have been good but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it's over now.
From the moment we touched 'til the time had run out.’

She smiled sheepishly. She could never let him know that. He would feel even more guilty then he already did. That was one thing she could say. She knew him better then he thought she did. He would feel responsible for what happened when it was her who was at fault. And because of that, she found him even more endearing to her heart. He could make her smile just as easily as he could make her cry. It was those good times that she clung to now so she could get through nights like this when she was lonely. She would close her eyes and imagine how it used to be when she had him all to herself.

‘Make-believing we're together,
that I'm sheltered by your heart.
But in and outside I've turned to water like a teardrop in your palm.
And it's a hard winter's day, I dream away.’

Unfortunately, she also knew that when she woke up, the life she led now would return. She would have to get up, go to work, only to return to a cold empty apartment without warmth or love. Then she would go to bed after showering and end up just like this. Spending another sleepless night missing him. She couldn’t shake the memories any more then she could stop her heart from beating. So she accepted it for what it was.

‘It must have been love but it's over now,
it was all that I wanted, now I'm living without.
It must have been love but it's over now,
it's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows.’

She closed her eyes letting the tears fall because no matter how she felt or what she wanted, it would always be this way. No other would measure up to what he was to her. He wasn’t just her best friend, her first love or her first sexual experience. He was so much more. He was the other half of her soul.