Where My Heart Lies

Shippo opened one eye. He listened to crunch of footsteps in the snow fade as Kagome swiftly put distance between herself and the hut. He was worried for her. He knew she was tormented by something, and not just the demon thingy that Sango had told him and Miroku about. He wanted to go after Kagome, but knew that she would only return him back to the shack, and feign sleep until she thought it was safe to slip out again. He had noticed that this was becoming her habit more and more lately. Wait until the others were sound, then slip out, only until just before dawn broke. Then she would creep back in unnoticed. Shippo knew that she was not practicing magic. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled when she did that. He looked from Sango to Miroku, to the door. He had a sick feeling in his stomach that something bad was going to happen. Someone needed to talk to Kagome.

The little kitsune was pretty sure who that somebody should be.

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InuYasha sat on a snow covered log. He was at the base of a cliff that faced the village. He couldn't sleep. He hadn't stayed near the village in the night since whatever had happened with Kagome. He felt like he should talk to her, but she wouldn't even keep eye contact with him during the days. He was worried about her. The face that once was so optimistic was sullen and pale. Her eyes had taken on a pained, haunted look and most of her time was spent away from everyone, her mind distant. He had hoped maybe that Sango would talk to her, bring her out and maybe then they could discuss things. But it was useless. Every time one of their friends approached her, she smiled a little and just said that she was feeling ill. Dark circles emphasized the look in her eyes.

Kagome wasn't sick, InuYasha knew that. He would have smelt it off her. Was she this upset with him? Did she think he hated her? He grimaced to himself as he realized she probably did. His right ear twitched as he heard the soft crunch of feet in the snow. He brought a hand to his face. He would bet his left fang that it was Miroku coming to talk to him about Kagome. Again.

He turned to snarl at the unwelcome monk when he was surprised to feel the heat from a much smaller body sit next to him.

"InuYasha, can I talk to you?" The tiny fox demon sat cross legged next to the hanyou, not looking at him.

Taken aback, InuYasha gave a small grunt of acceptance. Not only was the kitsune's presence a surprise, so was his tone. Normally, he mouthed off to the older half-demon.

"Well, it's just that... I'm worried about Kagome." Shippo tried to choose his words carefully. He knew InuYasha cared for Kagome, but that he was also very testy. His voiced was filled with anxiety as he continued.

"She doesn't talk to any of us anymore, and she's always by herself, holding on to herself like this." Shippo demonstrated by placing his hand just below his collar bone and gripping the fabric of his shirt tight.

"And she doesn't sleep. She tells me that she has nightmares when she does. I know that's true cause when she sleeps she makes noises, like she's seeing something bad, and sometimes she cries. Then she wakes up." InuYasha could hear the pain and sadness in Shippo's tone. It reverberated against his heart. What was happening to Kagome? He immediately felt guilty for not being there for her. Shippo continued.

"After she wakes, she leaves. That's why I came out to find you. She left again tonight, but I don't know where. I... I'm afraid for her, InuYasha. I have a bad feeling." Shippo shook his head as he finished the sentence.

InuYasha was stunned. Kagome had been leaving during the night? On her own? Did she still not realize how dangerous it was for her? He started to become angry, but then distraught sable eyes swam into memory, and the anger subsided. She wanted to escape. Whatever it was that tormented her, she wanted to be rid of it. Damnit! He should be trying to find out what was wrong, not avoiding her. His foolish self-made promise was thrown to the wind like so much dust. Kagome, I'm sorry

His eyes focused again as Shippo came into view. The little demon was standing in front of him with pleading eyes.

“Please, InuYasha, will you talk with her?"

InuYasha stood and patted the youngster's head.

"Yeah. Thanks Shippo."

His ears pointed as they heard a faint but sharp scream burst through the silence from the left. Kagome's scream. Leaving the young demon behind, InuYasha flew toward the sound, not letting his mind settle on what might be happening. Be okay...

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Kagome ran through the forest. Hopping over fallen logs and ducking under snow laden tree branches, she frantically fled from the creature that chased her. She had walked far from the village, and she doubted that the others would hear her. She had stumbled on a cave, not unlike the one that she and InuYasha had spent almost a week in, but in larger proportions. She had entered it only to investigate, but found its inhabitor didn't feel like company. The twenty foot ogre now chased her mindlessly. It was fully intent of killing her. She had thrown energy balls at it, but she had only been able to conjure small ones, exhaustion and the amulet that seemed to lay heavy on her chest, holding her powers back. While the blasts had hurt the beast, they angered it more. Now she was running for her life, her lungs burning as she gulped the cold winter air. She saw a clearing up ahead, and in her weary state, thought it was the same that had the God tree. She tried to scream, but her throat was dry and hoarse from her gasps.

She stumbled and fell into the small field and looked up to realize that she was still nowhere near the village. Her breath came in short, ragged pants. Damnit! Why did I have to go so far??

She looked over her shoulder as the ogre came crashing through the trees. Closing her eyes, she waited for his hand to reach out and crush the life from her.

"KAGOME!!"

Strange, he sounds like InuYasha... Kagome thought, in her drained state. She opened her eyes to see a flash of red as the hanyou slashed through the ogre's arm with Tetseiga. The creature roared in pain. Forgetting the girl, he swung his remaining meaty arm towards the grinning dog-demon.

"This is too easy. I don't even have to use the wind scar on this thing." InuYasha said to himself. He bound away from the beast's clumsy attack and pivoted on his heel. Spinning back, Tetseiga sliced through the air, and then through the leathery hide of the ogre's shank. Mad with pain, it lunged for InuYasha and almost seem to snatch the half-demon within it's think fingers. Nimbly leaping out of harms way, InuYasha vaulted himself up on the thing's wrist and pulled off an acrobatic flip over the ogre's head. Swiftly, he slashed downwards, severing the base of the spine and swiftly killing the thing. The hanyou dove off the ogres shoulder and landed next to Kagome as the dead thing fell behind them. He gripped her wrist and helped her up.

"You ok?"

Kagome nodded. "Yes, thank you."

InuYasha was still confused. Why hadn't she destroyed the thing? She definately would have been able to. Kagome started to turn from him. He reached out and held her shoulder.

"Wait. You're always takin off, and I'm not done talkin. What's wrong? This thing was weak! Why didn't you slay it?"

"I can't"

InuYasha was taken aback, again.

"You can't? What do you mean you 'can't'?"

"I just can't ok!" Kagome tried to pull away from him. The fear, the self-dread, the terrible conflict that she had been warring with was rising up in her. The fragile shield she held to keep it all inside was shaking. She trembled.

InuYasha tightened his grip, and then more gently, placed his other hand on her shoulder. He bent down to try and see her eyes. His words seemed hard, but his voice was soft.

"Knock it off. What's wrong Kagome? You're not yourself. You’re unhappy, you haven't been sleeping, tell me what's wrong."

Kagome pushed herself away from him, but not before he saw bright tears in her eyes. He also saw how her face revealed the stress she had been coping with.

"You don't know what my 'self' is! Who cares if I haven't been sleeping! I have shit to deal with!"
She yelled.

Starting to feel angry, InuYasha yelled back

"Well that doesn't explain why the fuck you didn't kill that thing!"

"Because I CAN'T!"

"Because is not a fucking reason! Now tell me the real one!"

"BECAUSE OF THIS!" Kagome ripped the zipper down on the jacket and tore it from her body. InuYasha's eyes rested on the glimmering gems of the amulet that lay exposed on her chest. Bewilderment stole over his features.

"What...?"

Kagome strode within an arms reach of him again, holding the pendant out from her by the silver chain. Her voice was rushed and shaking.

"Kaede gave me this amulet to contain my powers. I can't control them. I won't be able to have uncontrollable surges of power anymore." Her voice was swollen with unshed tears.

"What? Why? What if you need it? Like just then? Why don't you just take it off!" InuYasha was angry that Kaede had given the necklace to Kagome, and it showed in his tone. Kagome could have died! He registered the sudden wild look in Kagome's eyes

Kagome furiously shook her head. The emotions she had kept inside rushed through her. The nightmares, the anxiety, the horrible, maddening thoughts of what she was capable of; of what she could become haunted her for too long, she felt as though her clasp on sanity was weakening. She gripped either side of the chain and yanked upward in what she knew to be a vain attempt to remove the enchanted links.

"I can't take it off!" She cried out, frantic.

Her arms strained as the enchantment kept the chain at the level of her chin. InuYasha looked on in alarm as a line of welts rose where the links of the chain should have lain against her skin. The amulet was truly enchanted to prevent the wearer from removing it. Kagome let out small cries of pain as the welts reddened, but she refused to release the strand of woven silver. InuYasha hurriedly stepped close and held her wrists.

He glanced down at her arm, just below the shoulder. There was a faint scar there in the shape of a crescent moon. Further shame at his reaction to Kagome's accidental attack swept through him. That mark had been created by the claw on his thumb. He knew there were four similar ones on the back of her triceps, and the marks were further mirrored on her opposite arm. She had faced him when he was most truly capable of killing her, and still she had not wavered. At his touch, Kagome released the necklace, and the angry red marks faded when the pendant fell back into place. InuYasha stared into her panicked eyes as they welled up and spilled over with tears. She collapsed against him and sobbed. Wrapping his arms protectively around her, his mind raced. What was happening?

"I... I don't want to hurt you, or anyone else." The words were choked out and muffled by his haori.

"My p-powers...” Kagome shook her head against his chest.” They’re too strong for me, and I could... hurt... kill... people by accident. People I care about... people I love!" Her weeping continued as she tried to explain.

"I never meant to hurt you! That's why Kaede gave me this. I can't remove it until I gain control. Then I won't be dangerous to you... or anyone else I care about." Her tears had tapered off somewhat, but had not stopped. InuYasha was awestruck

"How do you have these powers?"

"I'm not human." Kagome's words were whispered. "I'm Etainoshirenai." She closed her eyes tightly. Telling InuYasha made it real.

InuYasha thought about pulling her away for a moment so he could look into her eyes, but brushed it away again as she gripped the fabric against his chest, as if for dear life. Without his needing to ask her, Kagome told the story as best she could of the Etainoshirenai and her connection to them, as per Kaede.

When she finished the tale, her clasp on his haori had lessened, but she still would not let him go. She needed his strength. Her voiced had wavered and cracked, but she had told it through. Raising her head to the beloved hanyou, tears filled her eyes again.

"InuYasha, I don't want this! I don't want to capable of killing someone I love! I want to be human! To be a normal girl!"

Fresh tears caught her and she wept again, quietly this time. InuYasha wished he was better with words so he could sooth her. He had forgotten. Kagome hadn't just been a mortal girl. She wasn't even from this time. These kinds of things, no matter how many times she may have seen them in their travels, were always unreal to her. Because they couldn't happen to her. Because she was from another place. Now things were different, she finally saw she wasn't immune to the magic of the world. He cursed himself again for his lack of 'being sensitive'. Choosing his words carefully, he made his best attempt.

"Kagome... you are who you are. What powers you do or do not have won't change that. You're still Kagome. I will always protect you, I will never leave you." He paused, his words dropped to a whisper. "I will always love you as you are, no matter what."

She tucked her head back into his shoulder as his words strode languidly through her mind.

"I thought I would lose my mind..." She whispered.

InuYasha held her closer and pressed his face to the top of her head, a hand into her hair. She had been so alone. He knew what it was like to feel as though you belonged nowhere.

"I'm here for you Kagome. I always will be."

Kagome felt her tortuous thoughts ease and melt away. InuYasha spoke the truth. Whatever her blood was, she was still Kagome. She would never be anyone else. And he was there for her. He didn't hate her, he still loved her. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she buried her face into the curve between his neck and shoulder muscle. She didn't trust her voice, but inhaled the rich, warm earthy scent that was unendingly comforting, forever safe, and always InuYasha. Then she shivered.

"Damnit Kagome, you shouldn't be out in that!" InuYasha eyed her tank and jogging pants ensemble.

Releasing her, he grabbed her coat. Enveloping her in it, he scooped her up and sprinted for the God tree. He didn't want to share her with anyone else right now. Hopping up the branches, he found his favorite perch, one that was sheltered from the elements and was therefore free of snow. The branch was wide enough so that it was impossible for either of them to straddle it. InuYasha deposited the girl there for a moment, and then leapt down to tell the others where they would be.

He was gone for only minutes, but to Kagome, it seemed forever. She pulled her coat tighter around her. Her face was beginning to show its usual brightness when he returned.

"They were going crazy worryin over you, but I dunno why. Shippo told'em I went after you. Keh, idiots. Anyway, I told'em you were with me for the rest of the night." After that, he refused to elaborate. It had been hard enough trying to tell the others, he would walk the nine hells before he went through that again.

Kagome just smiled, her back braced against the trunk. She didn't feel like going to the hut anyway, but how the hell was she supposed to sleep in a tree? InuYasha soon solved the problem. Making her move forwards, he sat behind her and leaned his back comfortably against the God tree, his right knee bent, his left leg curled in slightly. Pulling Kagome to him, he hugged her as she laid her head on her chest and heard his steady heartbeat. Curving into him, she slipped her left hand to her opposite side and clasped his right hand. Curled together, both were warm and comfortable. InuYasha was contented as he felt Kagome begin to slip into a deep slumber.

Kagome felt the tension ease from her muscles and her mind. InuYasha was here. She wasn't alone. He would protect her from monsters. From the master. From herself.

There were no nightmares waiting for her this time.

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The vicious youkai master slammed his fist on the arm of his throne. Rage contorted his dark face. He had lost the link to the girls mind. He couldn’t coerce her with the dreams anymore. Now how was she supposed to see what kind of greatness she could rise to? The slaying of her friends was just to show her how easily it would be to be rid of them.

His furious gaze seared into the scrying pool. His lip curled in distaste as he viewed the raven haired girl and filthy half-breed in their sleeping embrace. He needed to be rid of that... that creature that dared to touch her.

That dead priestess, Kikyo, had not gone far. In fact she was still nowhere close to the village the young girl lived in. Placing his forefingers to his temples he sought out his latest unwilling servant. Using his corrupted soul collector, he sent his orders to the woman he held sway over. He didn't want to risk an outright attack on the mutt. Not only was it not worth his time, but the girl was loyal, and he didn't want her harmed at all.

The lip he curled soon smoothed into a smile that quickly spread to a laugh. The evil chuckle grew in chilling intensity, reverberating the stone walls of his keep.


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A/N: Yeah, super late update, but things have been disgustingly hectic. I'm still not finished this story and currently am stuck at chapter 20. The people who have read up to that far at my other page are probably ready to squish me. I'm hoping by the time I have all the chapters posted here my block will be gone. TTFN ~Silver

A/N 2: I do appreciate the reviews thus far... although I hope that apollyon still likes the way this is going, after you mentioned about the lack of Kagome being all okey doke with all the goings on. Just to let you and anyone else know, this chapter doesn't lead to an 'okey doke' Kagome about her current powers. In the meantime, Please review or comment. Constructive criticism is always wanted and welcomed. I want to improve as I have th skeletons for a few originals sitting in my head :) thanks again to all!! TTFN ~Silver