Shuffle

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One week after Miroku and Rin's departure
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"Yeah, I don't think she needs to be alone right now… I don't know when the last time she worked was…" Kagome was in the kitchen washing dishes and talking on the phone when InuYasha came in from work. They shared a brief smooch, then she told her husband, "I just put your plate in the fridge, it might still be hot." She then returned to the conversation she was having on the phone. "I still don't know the whole story, I think she thinks that he was sleeping with the exchange student, but I think there might have been some deeper things going on, some unresolved stuff from the past or something, I don't know… I think she could definitely use the help, and I know the kids would love it if you'd stay with them." InuYasha strained to hear the garbled and muffled voice on the other end of the phone as he reached for a dry towel and began to dry and put the dishes away. "Great, I'm glad you're able to help out right now… I'll tell her, but I don't think she'll be happy, she keeps insisting that he'll come home and everything will be alright, but I know better. Miroku would never just up and say he's getting a divorce and not mean it… Alright I'll see you next week then Kohaku… Bye."

Kagome hung up the phone as she pulled InuYasha's dinner from the fridge and zapped it in the microwave. InuYasha tried not to sound nosy, but he just couldn't help himself. "So uh, I take it you've recruited Kohaku for some backup."

Kagome sighed as the microwave beeped. "Yeah, Sango is just not pulling herself together. And while Izumi is doing a damn good job of trying to hold the fort down, that girl needs time to grieve." She sat the plate down on the table and grabbed a glass from the cabinet. "It's so awful Inu… she looks like a zombie. She gives orders to the boys about cleaning their rooms and doing their homework, has all but taken over Sango's position as mother… She cleans the house nonstop when she's home, I can only assume it's so when she goes to bed she doesn't have to wait long to fall asleep, she just collapses from the physical exertion." She depressed the lever for the ice maker on the refrigerator door, the cubes 'tinking' against the glass. "Sango won't even speak to her."

InuYasha finished with the dishes and grabbed a fork from the drawer as he went to sit at the table. "Poor kid." InuYasha knew a lot more about the situation than Kagome, and because of his unique position he really felt for Izumi. Miroku had told him on their way to the airport what all had happened the night he and Rin left, how awful Izumi had been and how Miroku had countered her accusations and behavior. "Sango is probably blaming her for all this," he said as he shoveled a mouthful of mashed potatoes into his hungry jaws.

"What's weird is that even though she thinks this is all her daughter's fault, she told me she was kinda glad it all happened." Kagome slid a chair out and sat down beside InuYasha. "She said Miroku told her it had been over for a long time, and she says she knows that now. But she still thinks it's Izumi's fault."

InuYasha nodded. "Yeah, Sango needs to get into a therapy chair." He spoke around the chicken he had in his mouth, "You can't just make people feel guilty for things they didn't do. It's not like Izumi wanted any of this to happen. Good call on getting Sango's brother to come in for a while, that might be just the thing to get Sango back on track." He got up and grabbed a dinner roll out of the basket that sat wrapped on the counter behind him.

"She's exhausting me," Kagome said as she put her elbows on the table and cradled her head in her hands. "All she wants to do is mope and whine about it. I can't imagine what she must be going through." She looked at her husband, who sat happily chewing on some asparagus. "If you ever left me for another woman, I think I wouldn't be happy until I cut your nuts off and fed them to a rabid panther." InuYasha's mind flashed to Kikyo, the other woman he loved… The woman he'd just come from not twenty minutes earlier. She'd laid some heavy news on him: her position was being made permanent to Chicago. She wouldn't be traveling anymore, and since Miroku was no longer in the picture for the moment, and might never be again, she suggested that InuYasha come with her, leave the mousy little Kagome behind and live with her. He wore an expression of fear, and he audibly gulped at Kagome's threat.

Luckily though, Kagome didn't read too much into it. She only giggled and squeezed his thigh under the table. "I'm only kidding, sweetie. I wouldn't have the guts to do that." She got up and pushed her chair in. "I'm gonna go take a bath, you wanna join me when you get done?" She pulled the neck of her shirt over and struck a seductive pose.

Even though he'd just gone two rounds with Kikyo, he nodded and said, "Go on and start the water, I'll be there in a little bit." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and went on to the bathroom.

InuYasha sighed as he finished his dinner, now tasteless in his mouth. On top of his own worries with Kikyo, he was deeply concerned about Sango's blame game with Izumi. Gods, why couldn't he have a normal drama free life? He groaned, then belched, then took his plate and fork to the sink, quickly washed them and set them in the drain. He thought briefly of how Miroku's fling had turned into an illicit, yet full blown relationship, then thought about his own affair with Kikyo. Would he travel that same road Miroku was on now? Would he choose the best sex he'd ever had over the sweetest woman he'd ever met? Would he choose to spend the rest of his life with a woman that he only knew some things about, or keep the woman that he knew everything about, and that knew everything about him, even if the sex was less than spectacular?

Was he really that fucking stupid and shallow?

"Maybe she can be taught new tricks," he mused as he peeled his shirt off and walked slowly into the bathroom. He turned his cell phone off, despite telling Kikyo to call him later for a rendezvous. InuYasha had decided to let Miroku travel his road alone. As for himself, he was going to stay right where he was: in the bathtub, taking a nice hot bath with his sweet wife.

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Two weeks after Miroku and Rin's departure
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She was still at home, her bags and trunk packed and ready to go to America. Her father was sleeping quietly in his bed, but she wanted to at least tell him she was leaving. Her father had only grown colder and colder towards her as time went on. It was frustrating as hell not knowing why he treated her as if he didn't want her, or why it always seemed like he never had time for her. She shook her head and knocked on his bedroom door. She heard nothing, only his light snoring. She opened the door and walked to his bedside, leaned down to give him a kiss on the forehead and leave. When her lips left his skin, his eyes were open.

"Kagura? Is that you?" he asked in a groggy yet sad voice.

Taken aback at first, Rin said, "No. It's Rin."

"You should have died in her place, you worthless mongrel." His eyes glowed an evil gold, the tattoos on his face growing jagged and dark. "Why the gods left me with you is beyond me."

Rin fought for breath. "Father… have I done something wrong?"

Sesshomaru rolled out of his bed and stalked her out of his room, clad only in a silk pair of boxer shorts. "You may look just like her, but you will never be her. You will never take my beloved Kagura's place."

"But mother... I know I could never be mother!" She had backed into a wall. There was nowhere to run now. Her father came closer, cracking his knuckles and appearing to grow fangs and claws. His eyes were now red with teal irises, and he was snarling like a wild dog.

"The most perfect woman on earth was taken from me, yet you remain!" he yelled into her face. "You, a timid, weak, emotional wreck of a child sucks wind while my precious wife LIES DEAD IN HER GRAVE!" Suddenly deadly claws were wrapped around her throat, throttling her as she dangled from the floor. "I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU, RIN!" Just then he dropped her to the floor, and she watched as he began to transform into a huge white dog, dripping poison from his mouth and snapping his jaws at her. He made to lunge at her to swallow her whole…

"Nooo!" she screamed as she sat bolt upright in the bed. Miroku was up in an instant, scanning the room, then lying back down in the dark space. Rin sat with her hand over her chest, feeling her heart thumping wildly under her hand.

"It was only a dream, baby," Miroku said as he smoothed his hand over the silky skin of her back. "Come here and lay in my arms." She was still gasping for air, her hand other hand now wiping the sweat from her brow.

"In a minute… I think I need some water." She got up and strode naked to the bathroom, splashed some cool water on her face and neck, took a few drinks from her palm and then returned to where her fiancé lay. She crawled in next to him and snuggled close.

"Was it bad?" he asked in a rumbly, low voice. She nodded. "Do you wanna talk about it?" She shook her head. "Want me to love it away?" He felt his manhood twitch near her thigh at the suggestion.

"No, just hold me close and tell me you love me, tell me I'm not worthless and that you'll never let me go." He kissed the top of her head.

"Of course, sweetheart. I do love you. You're precious to me, and I already told you many, many times, I will never let you go." He kissed her lips softly. "I love you, Rin."

"I love you, Miroku," she mumbled against his chest.

"It'll be alright, Rin. Your father will either be reasonable, or we'll go home. Either way, you come out a winner." Miroku's fingers tangled themselves in her hair, lulling them both to sleep.

"I'm already a winner," she yawned. With a final kiss they surrendered to sleep. In the morning they were to meet Shinju and Sesshomaru for breakfast, where Rin and Sesshomaru planned to air out their differences once and for all. Though Rin had come to terms with what she thought was the reason her father hated her, she still was easily intimidated by him. Hence the nightmares. The one the night before, he'd taken her to the airport with literally all she owned, furniture included, and told her to never darken his door with her shadow ever again.

Rin nuzzled closer to Miroku in the dark and snuggly safety of the rented bed, sighed in her sleep and had a pleasant dreamless rest. Miroku tightened his grip on her and buried his face in her hair. Never had he slept with Sango so close. Not even after she'd miscarried their first two children. He craved this kind of closeness from his wife and had been denied for so long… With Rin, he'd never had to ask if it was alright to hold her this way, she'd always just snuggled in like this when they were allowed to be in the same bed. Despite their age differences, they were perfect for each other, and perfection was something that was hard to bring down.

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One month after Miroku and Rin's departure
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"Izumi?" Sango called as she entered the quiet house. At first there was no answer. She went upstairs and found the boys doing their homework quietly and munching on some snacks. She hugged and kissed them all, asked where Izumi was and let them get back to their work. She went down to the first floor again, looked all over and didn't find her. Thinking she might have gone to do some laundry, Sango set her purse and keys down on the table and hung her coat on the peg by the back door, then descended the wooden steps down to the basement. What she saw nearly broke her heart.

Izumi was sitting on the floor as if she had simply fallen and didn't have the strength to get up. She looked deflated and wilted, a shell of the vibrant and bubbly girl she'd once been. In her hand was a bottle of vodka. She had on Miroku's gianormous headphones plugged into the stereo, and even though the girl's ears were completely surrounded, Sango could still hear the glaring metal song pouring out, a song she recognized instantly because Miroku used to listen to it for the same reason. It was a Black Sabbath song called Killing Yourself to Live. Izumi was crying and taking occasional swigs from the bottle, and sometimes she would sing some of the words out loud, sometimes she would just hum the tune. Sango watched as Izumi reached down the front of her shirt and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one… Here sat her daughter, lost in the memory of her father, listening to the same music, drinking the same alcohol, smoking the same cigarettes… Sango's tears fell while she watched and listened to her daughter try to sing along. The song changed and Sango took that moment to wrap her arms around her daughter. Izumi gasped, startled as hell, and the scrambled away from her mother, flinging the headphones off her head and death gripping the neck of the vodka bottle, her cigarette hanging from her pale lips. "Momma…"

Sango pulled the plug on the headphones, was deafened by the sound of the music and turned the volume to a more tolerable level. "Come sit with me, tell me about this song, I don't know it."

"But the smoke-"

"It's alright, I used to smoke myself. Come sit with me baby," Sango said as she patted the ratty old sofa. "I know you and your father are big on lyrics. Tell me about this song. Is this Soundgarden?"

Izumi shook her head, took a swig from the bottle and said, "No, it's Metallica, just newer than what you like. This one's called Fixxxer. It's about a dysfunctional family that constantly hurts each other because they're all in pain, and how they all want to end it and fall in love with life again but they don't know how."

"How appropriate. Mind if I…" Sango gestured towards the bottle. Izumi handed Sango the bottle and she took a big gulp, then handed the bottle back. "You don't seem drunk, but you're drinking a lot. Something you need to tell me?"

"I've been drinking like this everyday. The crazy guy that hangs out by the gas station buys it for me." She absently pulled at the bottle's label as she took a drag from her cigarette. "It takes a lot for me to get blind drunk now." She sighed and closed her eyes.

Can you heal what father's done?
Or fix this hole in a mother's son?
Can you heal the broken hearts within?
Can you strip away so we may start again?
Tell me, can you heal what father's done?
Cut this rope and let us run?
Just when all seems fine and I'm pain free
Jab another pin,
Jab another pin in me…

"Oh," Sango said. "It really is appropriate."

Izumi nodded as tears spilled again from her eyes. "Yep." She knocked back a good three drinks from the bottle this time. It was nearly empty now. "Momma, I know you don't believe me, and I know you think this is all my fault, but I swear to you," she looked up at her mother with red rimmed eyes and pallid looking skin, "I heard Daddy kissing Rin, I heard them speaking in Japanese and I know he told her he loved her. I know he was doing something to her because she was making little gasps and moans while I was hearing those kissing noises. I would never have said anything at all except for the fact that I figured out it was Daddy she was fucking and not the guy at school like I thought it was." Sango pulled her daughter to her chest and hugged her tightly. "I don't know how long it'd been going on, but I know it was happening for over a month. And she never once got detention, it was a lie, one I thought she told so she could be with that guy at school… I had no idea it wasn't… I would never have known if I hadn't come back from the bathroom that night. If I had been asleep when they got back upstairs… I would never have known."

Sango closed her eyes. She'd made a terrible error in letting Izumi think that she was to blame for everything that happened. How could she have treated her little girl so badly? "Izumi, I know it wasn't your fault. I was wrong to make you think it was, honey. I understand if you don't ever forgive me for what I've done… Just… let's try to move on from here, together. We need each other right now."

Renew our faith which way we can
To fall in love with life again
To fall in love with life again
To fall in love with life again

Mother and daughter held each other tightly in a tear filled embrace, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Sango whispered into her daughter's hair. "I love you so much, honey. I'm sorry I've been an ass to you lately."

Kohaku came down the steps. "Hey guys, everything okay down here?" Sango jerked the bottle and the cigarette from Izumi before he had a chance to see who originally had them.

"Yeah, we're just doing some good old fashioned crying." She smiled through her tears. "Sometimes girls just hafta cry, ya know."

Kohaku found the box of Kleenex where Miroku's computer used to sit and tossed it over to them. "It makes your face all puffy and red, and I'd rather see my beautiful sister and niece, not the puffy red eyed versions."

Sango blew her nose into her tissue and then laughed. "Sounds like I'm calling a herd of elephants." She smiled at Izumi. "Are you okay now, Zu-Zu?" Her daughter smiled back and nodded. With a final squeeze, Sango got up off the sofa. "Did you fix something for dinner or did you want me to do it?"

As the two of them marched up the steps discussing dinner plans, Izumi pulled another cigarette out of her pack. She plugged the earphones back in and skipped to the last track on her homemade CD. She sat cross legged in front of the stereo and played air drums.

Dear mother, dear father
Hidden in your world you've made for me
I'm seething, I'm bleeding
Ripping wounds in me that never heal
Undying spite I feel for you,
Living off this hell you always knew

No, Izumi was not okay. She was better, but not okay. Major damage had been done and it would take major repairing to get okay again. But for the moment, she was… stable. For the moment, she was… abiding. But not okay. Maybe another day she would be okay… but not today.

When the song was over, she turned the stereo off, put the headphones neatly back where she found them, and turned the light off, stubbing out her smoke on the concrete floor, and going upstairs to find out if it was pizza or hamburger helper for dinner.

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Three months after Miroku and Rin's departure
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Sango stood on the front step of her house, blushing under the glow of the porch light. "I had a really nice time, Koga. Thanks for everything tonight."

He gave her a youthful lopsided smile. "No problem, Sango. Let me know when's good for you and we'll plan something even more spectacular."

She giggled. "There are few things more fun than putt-putt and pizza. But I'm sure we'll find something to do." Koga inched towards her, a little pang of lust brewing in her stomach. Koga was certainly a hottie, didn't look a day over twenty-five, but was two years older than her. And that long black ponytail he wore… gods how she wanted to slip her fingers through that silken mane.

"Ya know," he said softly, "This is our third date and you still haven't let me kiss you yet." His rough hands found hers without taking his gaze from her eyes. "I'd really like to kiss you if I could."

Sango's breath came in shallow gasps. "I.. I want to, but I'm a little nervous." She looked at her feet. "I've not kissed anyone other than my ex-husband for over twenty years."

She felt him rubbing his thumbs on the backs of her hands. "I know you've not been on the dating circuit long, but I remember feeling the same way when my ex left me. Trust me, after the first time it only gets easier." He leaned in slowly, giving her ample time to ask him to stop or to pull away. When she met him halfway, he was a little surprised. She didn't open her mouth for him, and he didn't force her. When they pulled away from each other, she stole another one from him.

"You're right. It is easier after the first one." She smiled shyly at him. "Thank you again, Koga. I really am grateful. Call me soon, okay?" she said as she unlocked the front door.

"Sure, goodnight." Koga walked back to his jeep and said a silent prayer of thanks. She was respectable enough not to rush into anything, yet not so uptight that she wasn't willing to give a chaste kiss on the third date. Things were looking very good for this relationship, Koga thought. "Maybe she's the one…" he said to himself as he shifted the jeep into gear.

As Sango sat her purse down on the kitchen table, she was greeted by a stampede of feet down the stairs and a chorus of boy voices going "Ooooh!" and making kissing sounds at her.

She rolled her eyes and ordered them all to go to bed. Dating was certainly much different when there were children around.