Dear Diary

Salome Wilde 10/08

Dear Diary: Haiku Homework

Dear Diary,

A girl can really get into trouble living a double life—and I don’t mean taking it from Ginta in front and Hakkaku from behind (though that too, and boy was Kouga-kun ticked off at being left out).

I had been in the F.E. (the Feudal Era, or, as I like to call it, the Fucking Era) for a long time because my period was late and no way was I going home until I got it. Mom may seem so out of it that she’s living in another century herself, but she’s actually a total hawk and knows my cycle to the date. Of course, she doesn’t know half of what I get up to, but she’s the one who packs not only the ramen and chips but the condoms and the Midol, too.

Anyhow, when my Aunt Flo finally did make an appearance, I hopped down the well lickety split. It’s not like I can’t bring and use tampons in the F.E., but half the time Shippo takes them out, paints eyes on them, and calls them his “pet mice.” I swear, the boy’s just not right in the head. But having your father’s killer wear your dad’s skin as a belt? That could mess anybody up big time.

Well, I get home to find that my girlfriends have visited to bring me the term paper assignment from literature class. We have to pick a traditional Japanese form of poetry to research, write a paper about it, and write an original poem. I’m totally good at this kind of thing, mostly because I make Souta hop on the internet and do the research for me. If I bring him something cool back from the past, like a cool weapon mom won't let him have (I can usually hide a dagger pretty easily), then he'll even do the writing.

Three days later, my period’s finally over and Souta presents me with a darn good essay about haiku. I tell him he’s the best little brother ever and give him the knife. He grins and runs off to go stab one of his little buddies or something. Only after he's gone do I see the poem he wrote:

Cherry blossoms float
Down upon my ugly head
But I’m a dumb girl

Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna turn that in. Souta's going through a phase of hating girls. But at least he’s not making tampon rodents.

So, now I gotta write my own, but I’m overtired (travel-by-well gives me total jet lag for days, plus I've been up all night reading Full Metal Alchemist and fantasizing about boffing the Elric brothers). The first thing that pops into my head is this:

Flowing hair cascades
I feel it tickle my back
As he fucks my ass

I giggle and start over:

Those fuzzy ear tips
Beckon me to reach and touch
While you lick my puss

I get out the electric toothbrush (that I keep under my mattress since the bathroom fiasco). I masturbate like a fiend while I recite the haiku like a chant because pulling Inuyasha in by his ears while he eats me is one of my all-time unending fantasies—well, that and marrying him and living happily ever after, of course. Once I’ve come five or six times, I feel a lot better, though even more tired. But I gotta do this. So I get out a fresh piece of paper and begin again:

The strong, quiet monk
He protects and bestows love
And cums down my throat

Dammit. I’m wondering if I should just give up. But now, to be honest, I’m kind of getting into it. So I write one for Sango:

Pretty yet sad girl
So many losses to bear
Let me make you cum

And, blushing the whole time, one for Shippo:

Damn that poofy tail
It makes you so cute you see
I think dirty thoughts

And finally one for my prideful, long-suffering Kouga-kun:

Oh determined wolf
Please don’t offer me your hand
How ’bout a hand job?

By this time, it’s 3 a.m. and I need to go play with myself again. Three more excellent climaxes later, I realize I’m spent. My muse is gone and I can’t keep my eyes open anyhow.

Heck with it, I finally decide, I’ll just turn in the one Souta wrote. Better to be thought a “dumb girl” than sent to the headmaster’s office under suspicion of nymphomania and bestiality!

Dewa kore de,

Kagome