Where My Heart Lies

Kagome stared for a second, then blinked and shook her head, as if it were suddenly filled with cobwebs. She gave a nervous chuckle and pulled her hand away from the older woman.

"Kaede, that's impossible. I mean, the bloodline would have died out after Nozomi. No one knows who she married. The enchanted blood would have thinned out."

Kaede smiled softly, she sensed the nervousness in the girl. A lot was being asked of her. To accept that she was the last of a great and powerful race, not just a human, not just a girl with Miko powers, but an Etainoshirenai.

"Kagome, the Etainoshirenai sought out those who would strengthen the line by instinct. Nozomi would have followed her heart. She did not have the training of her kin, and probably had no knowledge of what she was capable of, but she would have selected a strong mate just as any creature who feels the need to pass strong genes to its children."

"But none of my family has ever displayed powers before me. And I only have Miko powers. Maybe I'm just a more powerful miko?" Kagome begged Kaede with her eyes to tell her this was so. Something in her was afraid of making the connection with the Etainoshirenai. Kaede saw her plea and was dismayed. She could see the girl was collapsing under the conflict that she held in herself even now. She still wanted to see herself as a mere human, the portal between the worlds immediately making her normal again. By allowing it to be closed, Kagome was unknowingly forcing herself to face what she was.

"Kagome, yer family had no training and no need for the powers that lay dormant inside them. Yer own abilities only came through when ye came to our time. And even then ye did not possess what ye do now. It wasn't until we started training that yer true abilities came through. Ye wield powers like that which has never been seen in any Miko. Powers that have not been seen for centuries."

The image that she had created of Kaori destroying her people and herself with her grief flashed through Kagome's mind. She felt a great pressure on her chest. Was she capable of that? When she posed the question to her teacher, she made her hands into small fists. Her nails bit into her palms upon hearing the answer.

"Aye, girl. The power ye carry will eventually become strong enough to destroy without yer intention, if ye do not have the control or training to restrain it."

Kagome bit her lip and nearly drew blood. Kaede laid the amulet in front of her again. Kagome raised her worried eyes to the elder.

"That is the purpose of the Amulet. Its magic is strong, it makes it unbreakable. It will restrain the majority of yer powers until ye are strong enough to control them successfully."

Kagome gave a small, sad chuckle. Shaking her head again, she looked into the priestesses eyes.

"I'm sorry Kaede; I just can't believe I am the one of the blood. It's too..." Kagome shrugged her troubled shoulders, "... just unbelievable.

Kaede nodded to herself. The child would need some proof of her heritage. Placing the necklace back in its box, she closed the lid. A small amount of light streamed out of the small space between the lid and its joint as the spell replicated itself. Placing the box between them, Kaede gestured to Kagome.

"The gem on the center of the lid only recognizes my blood. It will illuminate and the lid will be released from the spell. This is the enchantment placed on the container so no one else will be able to open it. I want ye to try and open the box the same way I did earlier."

Kagome drew her brows together. What was the woman up to? Still, she reached across to the lid and caressed the emerald. The precious stone remained dull and lifeless. When Kagome attempted to open the box, she found it was impossible. Kaede reached out and brushed the gem with her fingertips. Immediately, the green jewel brightened at her touch, its color warming. Kaede opened the lid and withdrew the pendant once again. She held it up to the waning light.

"Watch as I touch the stones." Kaede held the necklace by the chain and laid the amulet in her palm. Nothing. Like the emerald with Kagome, the amulet of ruby and sapphire remained cold, dark, and lifeless.

"Now, I want ye to try." Kaede extended her arm and held out the chain for Kagome to take. Tentatively, the young woman reached out and gently held the delicate piece. She cupped her hands around the Amulet, letting the links slip through her fingers. As her skin made contact with the gems, a light sparked from within them. The small light grew until it seemed the stones had a fire glowing within them. The illumination brought them to life in Kagome's hand; their beauty took her breath away.

As Kagome stared into the precious jewels, she felt a warmth, and a not unpleasant hum, spread from her hands where the amulet lay, and extend throughout her body and into her heart. She took a deep breath as the force that she constantly felt lately eased. She felt calm, almost relaxed. The realization that this meant Kaede was right about her own bloodline struck Kagome. In the back of her mind, she was saddened.

She pursed her lips as she made a decision. Handing the jewel back to Kaede, she turned her back to the old woman and lifted her hair, indicating to her sensei that she would wear the amulet.

"I'll wear it Kaede, could you clasp it for me? Once we break the barrier, I'll remove it only when I'm in my time." Kagome's voice was tightened. She was getting a strange knot in her stomach.

She felt Kaede's hesitation. She turned her head.

"Kaede?"

"Kagome, if ye wear this chain, ye cannot remove it until ye've sufficiently mastered yer abilities. It will allow ye larger increments of power as ye gain larger control, but until yer soul and yer energy are whole, ye will not have the power to fully manipulate yer capabilities, and thus will be unable to take off the amulet."

Kagome let this information sink in for a moment. If they broke the barrier over the well, she wouldn't be able to just slip back into normality. She couldn't leave the amulet on her dresser like the shards. It would be a constant reminder, hanging around her neck. You're not human, you're Etainoshirenai. This confirms it.

Her back still faced Kaede, her hand still held up her hair. She bit her lip. Though she was sure she knew the answer, she asked anyway.

"What if I don't wear it? What if I train really hard? Can I... would I be able to hurt anyone then?"

The older woman knew who she had in mind. Kagome would need the hard truth, no side-stepping the answer.

"I do not have the power to restrain ye, child. Ye would be a danger unto yerself, and the ones ye hold dear."

Kagome closed her eyes. Resolution settled, cold and firm, on her heart. Nothing would make her harm anyone she cared for again.

"Then I'll wear it." He voice was firm now, her resolve absolute.

Kaede questioned no more and swept the chain around the young girl’s neck. Kagome felt the cold of the stones just above the cleave of her breasts for only a moment before their warmth flooded through her again. Kaede linked the clasp of the chain, watching as it melded together to become another link into necklace. Although it seemed the chain was large enough for Kagome to slip it over her head, the strand of silver had been enchanted to prevent her from doing so. Kagome let her hair drop then looked down at the pendant. Her mind rushed. The amulet quelled the lashing power within her, but her heat still raced, yet her lips felt numb.

"Thank you, Kaede." The words sounded small. "I have to go for walk."

Kaede nodded. Her student needed time to come to grips with herself, she wouldn't deny her that.

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Miroku had stayed outside after Sango brought Shippo into their hut to calm the little demon. He watched as Kagome exited the elder woman’s home. She crossed the path to the hut they all shared, head down. After entering briefly, she left again, now wearing a warm, down-filled dark purple jacket. She raised her eyes once to him. Miroku expected a small smile, perhaps the girl to talk to him. Instead he received a nod from her. He noted Kagome's troubled eyes to himself as he entered the hut their other two friends occupied.

"Where is she going?"

Both Sango and Shippo looked up at him; the kitsune's eyes were distressed. It was no longer fear that shone in them, but concern. It was the exterminator that answered him.

"We don't know. She just came in, grabbed her 'coat', and left. She said she was going for a walk, but that was all." Sango was also concerned. She had never seen her young friend so distant, so cheerless.

"It's like she's got something really bad on her mind. She's never been this unhappy for this long," Shippo's gaze switched back and forth rapidly between the two adults in the room. He dearly wanted someone to tell him she would be ok. He and Sango had talked, and he knew that Kagome would never hurt them on purpose.

Sango stared into the fire in front of her.

"Kaede spoke with her in private. In must have been something important, but I don't think it is our place to ask."

"I wonder what Kaede said to her?" the monk mused, but neither of his two companions had any words for him.

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InuYasha entered the village as Kagome was leaving. She was walking in the opposite direction and stopped for a moment. She looked over her shoulder and caught his gaze. Her eyes held his for only a moment, within them he read regret, sorrow... and fear. InuYasha was confused. Fear? He wanted to ask, but was unsure how to proceed. It was as though they were back to square one with each other, with even bigger hurdles this time. Before he had the chance, Kagome's eyes dropped down as she turned and walked, a little speed added to her step.

InuYasha cursed himself. So she didn't want to talk to him. Sure, he had acted like a prick, but he was worried for her. And she was the one in the wrong! Why should she turn away from him? He was ashamed of his own behavior, grabbing her wrist, knowing he was hurting her a little, and particularly for running away. There was nothing else to call it. Remembering his promise to himself at the God tree, InuYasha hardened his heart again. A sneaking thought told him he was almost better off stuck to the tree. Almost.

Kagome had felt someone watching her and upon meeting InuYasha's eyes, a new emotion added to the ones that swirled within her. Shame. The pain of what he considered a betrayal was still etched in his features. He had run from her. She still couldn't really grasp it. Never had she done anything to InuYasha to cause him to turn from her. She saw his eyes glaze over for a moment, and knew that he was comparing her to Kikyo again, in the worst way. Releasing her gaze from his, she turned and walked briskly into the woods. She wouldn't be able to hurt him again, and for that she was glad. But it meant that inside of her was something great and terrifying. Again she told herself she was no longer human. In fact, never had been. She plagued her thoughts with visions of herself in her ancestors place. The ideas of what she was capable of spun through her mind faster than she could process them.

Not human, Etainoshirenai. Not human, Etainoshirenai. Not human, Etainoshirenai...

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For the following week, things were on edge. Between the four companions, there was little, edgy talk. Even Shippo was uncharacteristicly quiet. Kaede had left the morning after telling Kagome of her heritage, in order to assist a neighboring village. The old woman had assumed Kagome would tell Sango, and the older girl would help her friend deal with her new discovery. She had assumed incorrectly. Although Kagome knew that she had the ability to do great good with her powers, torturous images of what else she could do consistently crept unbidden into her mind. It was these she was terrified of. These that were the reason that her mind couldn't accept what her blood knew to be true. Kagome didn't want to be able to do horrible things, only the benevolent. What happened if there was another accident like InuYasha?

Sango, Miroku and even Shippo had tried to draw her out, but to no avail. She only gave them a small smile and told them she would be ok, before turning back to the fire, the distressing gaze now familiar in her eyes.

She and InuYasha would remain in each other's presence, but somehow managed to avoid talking to each other unless necessary. The air between the two was tense, stressed to the point of breaking. Their three companions were concerned for their young friend, but were helpless. InuYasha was being incredibly bad-tempered lately; all of his words came out sarcastic and curt, in order to keep the others from prying. All he saw was that Kagome refused to talk to him. The exterminator, the monk, and the kitsune saw her falling into a depression they didn't know how to bring her out of.

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Kagome attempted to sleep. She had curled into the corner of the hut, away from the others, with her back turned to them. InuYasha was not with them. He had left sometime before they went to bed. Shippo had fallen back into his habit of sleeping near her. He knew she was afraid, and sad, but didn't know why. He knew he felt better when she cuddled him, so he made his best attempt at doing the same. He was snuggled into the top of her head. As of late, Kagome started to turn and move a lot when she slept. She told him it was a bad dream that disturbed her.

Such was the case tonight. Again, her terrifying dreams assaulted her mind, disrupting her much needed rest. She had been having the dreams for some time now, perhaps a week before the accident with InuYasha. Since then, they had only grown in intensity. Her face winced in sleep as the dreaded image floated into view behind her closed lids.

She watched herself bow to an unseen man. All of the dreams were like this now, she was a trapped onlooker. The same black and red gown clung to her. The low cut, medieval style dress pooled underneath her dreamself for a moment, before she rose again. Exuding a malevolent and sultry confidence, the girl strode easily forward to take the proffered, clawed hand that extended from the shadows. It led her to an ornate, obsidian throne. Kagome watched as her friends were led out in front of the malicious couple. She cried out in her nightmare as she watched her dreamself first narrow her eyes at each victim. First Miroku, then Sango, then Shippo, pleaded for their lives, for her to remember they were her friends. The vile woman that carried Kagome's visage only sneered and made a comment that Kagome could not hear. Then, slowly, Kagome was forced to gaze on as the creature slowly slayed the doomed in front of her, one after the other. By the time the wench was finished, blood shone off of the stone floor. Kagome tears streamed down her face, cries of anguish wrenched themselves from her throat. She begged for the nightmare to stop, but there was no one to give her solace. She shook her head violently as her eyes settled on the next individual brought out. Please, no! Not again! InuYasha, bound heavily with chains, cursed and writhed in anger before being dumped on the floor at the feet of the queen of the horrendous, bloody dream, and the still unseen king. Kagome saw InuYasha glance around at his slain comrades, and turn a look of confusion to the black and red clad woman before him. She watched as he questioned her, tried to 'bring her back to herself". Her dreamself mouthed a phrase "Insolent, unworthy half-breed." the air cracked as her hand connected to the hanyou's cheek in a slap that left gouges from her nails. Blood welled and trickled down his face. InuYasha's countenance darkened. He lunged forward. Kagome saw his words "Traitor!" and "Bitch!" fly from his mouth. Her terrified eyes took in the scene as the nightmare unfolded to its ending. A wicked smile curved the lips of the girl on the throne. Red energy pulsed from her hand before she slashed it downward. A gaping wound opened on InuYasha chest. Kagome could hear the blood gurgle as he tried to draw breath. Her screams tore out of her throat as she covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. She knew what was coming, but despite her efforts she still saw and heard the revolting episode. The hand that was still glowing reached in and plucked the still beating heart of the hanyou. The light from his amber eyes faded. The hated woman laughed as he fell forward, the rose and walked toward him. Kagome could see that the king at her side rose and walked with her. Kagome felt sick as her dreamself used InuYasha's body as a step-stool and raised herself to kiss the unseen lips of her malicious lover. The heart in her hand slowed its beating, and stopped. Kagome wept in her dream, cried out against it. Then when she had thought that the nightmare had finally ended, she saw the blazing red eyes of the male her dreamself still embraced open and stare at her, the one who was watching them. A chilling voice swept through her mind. "I can make this happen. You can stand by my side." Fear clutched her heart and stole her breath. Those eyes would bore into her soul... eat her heart and destroy her and all she knew, she spun to flee from them...

Her eyes snapped open. Her heart was racing; her breathing coming in short, shallow gasps and her skin was glistening with sweat from fear. Her face was damp with either tears or perspiration, she knew not which. Licking her dry lips and attempting to take a steadying breath, she half rose and glanced around. She was relieved to find all within the hut still sleeping. She started to tremble as the cold memory of the nightmare descended upon her. Despite the cold, she had worn a broad shouldered tank-top and sweatpants to bed, as her sleeping bag was quite warm. Just as quickly as she had felt the cold, the warmth from the glowing embers of their fire started to feel as though it closed in upon her. Kagome started to panic a little as the smothering sensation started to envelop her. She needed to get out. Rapidly, but without disturbing Shippo, she rose and grabbed her down-filled parka. Shoving her feet into a pair of warm winter boots, Kagome plunged into the waiting winter air outside.

Immediately, she felt the claustrophobia subside. Her mind still warred against the idea that she was not human. That she had to power to take life, as well as heal it. And then there were these horrible, terrifying dreams. They kept her from sleeping; she feared closing her eyes, knowing what awaited her. Why did this being in her mind haunt her? She felt so... separated from the rest of the group now... Not knowing what else to do, Kagome bowed her head and walked, although she did not know where.

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A/N: Thank you for the continued reads and the reviews. Hope you like this next chapter! Comments are appreciated!
Ciao, Silverstar