To Find You Again

Chapter 10

WARNING, THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXTREMELY SENSITIVE SUBJECTS AND SITUATIONS THAT ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS.

*thought
/memory


Rin sat on the soft cushioned seats, staring blankly at the white linoleum floors, oblivious of the hustle and bustle around her. She couldn’t hear anything, she couldn’t feel anything she was just cold. Her body trembled uncontrollably as she sat, locked in memory of the past and present.

She sat in shock, unable to feel the gentle hand rubbing her back and whispering encouraging and comforting words in her ear. The only thing she could think of at the moment was that it was her fault, everything was her fault. She didn’t budge as a thunder of footsteps quickly approached, didn’t move as she felt warm arms wrap around her.

It was her fault, it was all her fault. Her partner was in the operating room this very moment fighting for his life because she wanted to jump the gun. She had done too many things wrong when they had gone to investigate, things that could have prevented this disaster, vital things.

She could have reported it, called in for backup. At least called in their fucking location! This was a rookie’s mistake, a mistake that she should never have been stupid enough to make.

Now Kouga was the one paying for it.

Kouga was the one paying the price for her stupidity, and when it was all said and done would it have been worth it? Her desire for vengeance, her terror when she saw him again, if she had reacted like she’d been trained, her gun was still in her fucking holster for fucks sake! She could have shot her father in the head and it would have been over, she would have had her revenge.

It all came down to that perhaps. Her desire for revenge, it was the reason she had taken this job in the first place. She thought she had been over it, she had dealt with her emotions on this a long time ago. At least that’s what she had thought. Seeing him again, it awakened all those feelings, all that pain that she had locked away for so long.

She never expected to see him again, that was for sure. She had told herself she hated him, he was a horrible man, he hurt her, he took advantage of her in the worst possible way. He was supposed to be her father, to love her and protect her, that’s what fathers are supposed to do. She hated him for it! She hated him!

He used her! Because of him she had never had a childhood, she had lost her innocence in the worst possible way. It was his fault, all the pain, all the suffering, all the fear. That was why, why she couldn’t shoot him, why she couldn’t fight back. She remembered what it was like, she had reverted back to that ten year old girl again, unable to fight back, utterly helpless, completely vulnerable. The fear, the fear had taken a hold of her and she had been unable to stop it, unable to fight it.

But was that really the only reason she couldn’t kill him?

Deep down she knew why, why she never would be able to hurt him. It pained her to think about, she refused to admit it allowed, nobody would understand it, nobody that hadn’t been through what she had would understand it. They would think she was crazy, stupid even. The real reason she couldn’t kill him was because she still loved him.

She would never admit it aloud but it was true. She still loved her father after all that he had done. For a very long time she had been daddy’s girl, he had loved her and taken care of her, treated her the way a loving father treated his daughter. Perhaps that was the most painful part, she couldn’t entirely hate him because she remembered the way he used to be, when he used to love her.

She remembered when he had been a great dad, always kissing her boo-boo’s and taking care of her when she was sick, protecting her the way a father should. She remembered when they had been close and he used to read her stories before bed, when he would tuck her in at night and tell her to have sweet dreams. She remembered it just as clearly as she remembered him raping her. That was it, that was the hardest part, the most painful thing about it. Living day to day with them memories of what happened; they were nowhere near as painful as the feeling of still loving him, of being unable to hate him for all he had done to her.

Rin was jolted out of her thoughts as the doctor approached, still in his green scrubs that were now contaminated with vast amounts of blood. She felt a cold chill run down her spine, that wasn’t just anyone’s blood, that was Kouga’s blood. She shook the hands that were holding onto her shoulders off of her. When had they gotten there?

She stood up and approached the man coming towards her.

The doctors face revealed nothing, the only thing she could detect in his eyes was exhaustion. She couldn’t be very surprised at that, he had been in the operating room with Kouga for the past five hours. She felt a wave of panic and nervousness beginning to overwhelm her. What was the outcome?

“Ms. Minamoto?”

Rin opened her mouth to respond but found herself unable to form words. Clenching her jaw she nodded her head slowly in reply.

“This way please.” He said softly before turning and leaning her in to a separate room outside the waiting area. She followed him, walking briskly as she played with the hem of her shirt in nervousness.

Entering a small lounge she jumped as she heard the door shut behind her with a quiet click.

Turning to look at him she waited, waited for the outcome of the vast amounts of surgery that Kouga had undergone. He had been put through a lot, even for a youkai. Just because they healed quickly and were harder to hurt didn’t mean that they were impenetrable. It didn’t mean they couldn’t die.

“You may want to sit down Ms. Minamoto.” The surgeon said, knowing she would refuse, but he was required to say it out of protocol.

Rin shook her head in refusal. “No, I’d rather stand.”

The doctor let out a heavy breath before looking at her, his eyes catching hers and holding them.

“Now I need you to understand, your friend has gone through a lot of very serious surgery. Cases such as these can turn their heads over night, changing completely from bad to good and vice versa.”

Rin felt tears smash into the back of her eyelids. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat and new she was going to cry, her effort futile. Panic and sorrow began to overwhelm her. Kouga was dead.

“Go ahead doctor.” She whispered, biting her bottom lip in an attempt keep a sob from escaping.

“As of right now Mr. Yatsuhara is stable.”

The sob she had been holding back burst forward and she raised a hand to her mouth to try and quite herself. It couldn’t be possible, it couldn’t. Kouga was alive. He was alive!

“You need to understand though Ms. Minamoto.” The surgeon said loudly, trying to make sure he had her attention.

Rin looked back up at him and stifled a sob, her body trembling at the effort.

“He’s stable now, but the reality of it is that we almost lost him several times during the procedure. His body is badly damaged, fifteen bullets is a tremendous amount of damage to take to the body, youkai or not. Our only real relief is that they miraculously only hit two of his vital organs.”

Rin nodded and waited for him to continue.

“Right now he’s stable but in a case like this that could quickly change. I want you to be optimistic, but I am trying to be frank with you, he’s still in critical condition. We’ve got him under strict observation for any change in his vitals.”

Rin shuddered out a breath. “What are his chances?”

The surgeon looked at her sadly. “Honestly, I’m surprised he’s still alive.”

Rin felt the tears beginning to drip down her cheeks.

“May I see him?”

The doctor shook his head. “He’s still in critical condition and heavily sedated. If he did by chance wake up with you in there, any rise in blood pressure could easily trigger a heart attack or put him back into shock. He’s in good care now, I’ll keep you updated if anything changes but right now you need to go home and rest. There is nothing you can do here except worry yourself.”

Rin shook her head violently. “Please doctor I need to see him for myself! I need to-“

“You need to go home and rest.” The doctor interrupted.

“He will be having no visitors tonight; if you come back tomorrow I’ll allow you to see him. But I want you to know that only direct family members are normally allowed in to see patients when their in critical, if any visitors are allowed in at all that is, so please be discrete.”

Rin nodded profusely, tears streaming down her face as she held her hand to her mouth.

“Thank you! Thank you so much!” She whispered, trying valiantly to hold back her sobs.

The doctor nodded at her and turned and exited the room to give her some time to collect herself.

Rin crumbled to the floor, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. Her body shook with sobs as she wrapped her arms around herself. She was flooded with a sense of relief and intense joy. He was alive. Kouga was alive!

He wasn’t going to die, not now. She knew it! She just knew it! Kouga was to stubborn to do anything when he was supposed to, apparently that included dying, for once she was truly grateful for his stubbornness.

She cried out in relief, unable to contain herself. She was so caught up she didn’t notice as the door to the lounge opened and someone approached her.

Sesshoumaru watched Rin as she sat crippled on the ground, wailing sobs escaping her body. He wasn’t shocked to at all, he knew Kouga wouldn’t make it. He had been barely recognizable when they found him. He tried to think of how to comfort her, he wanted to pull her close and hold her, but from her previous reaction when he had burst into the warehouse he held himself back.

When he had reached out to hold her before, trying to comfort her because of Kouga’s assumed death he was shocked to see her jerk back from him quickly, tears staining her cheeks and terror in her eyes. It was only then that he noticed how her shirt was pulled up and her jeans unbuttoned and pulled partially down her hips. It confused him and put him into a maddening rage all at the same time. What the fuck had happened?

They had found the body of the little girl and she had been taken into intensive care at the hospital. Kouga was taken to surgery immediately and they had found Kagome passed out on the ground. But Rin, she had been in metaphorical pieces all over the ground. He could smell her terror, he could see her tears, but what, who had caused it? What disturbed him the most was the voices he heard before he and Inuyasha were blasted with poisonous miasma. He would bet his life he heard the voice of Muso, Rin’s father. What would he have been doing there? As far as he knew Rin didn’t have contact with either of her parents and hadn’t in a long time, so how had Muso gotten there?

“Rin I-“

“He’s alive.” She wailed, barely able to choke the words out.

Lunging forward she grabbed onto Sesshoumaru’s leg, clinging to it for dear life.

“He’s alive!”

He looked down at her stunned, both by her reaction and the fact that the ookami had made it. He could smell death in the air when he entered the warehouse, how the hell had Kouga managed to survive?

Kneeling down he slowly pried Rin off of his leg and was stunned once again when she tossed herself on him, causing him to loose his balance and fall back on his rear.

Wrapping his arms around her Sesshoumaru held onto Rin as her body was racked with tears of happiness. He took in the soothing scent of her soft flesh and sighed in relief. She was alright, what more could he ask for?

While he was relieved to hear about Kouga’s survival he had been more concerned for the well being of Rin. She had been in pieces earlier, something had happened to her that had terrified her greatly, he could only assume what by the state of her dress when he found her. But who had tried to lay their hands on her? He had to get to the bottom of it, but right now….right now all he could do was hold her and take comfort in her presence and the knowledge that she was alright.

* * * * * * * * *

Onigumo stared at both his sons, anger blazing in his eyes. He sat at an office desk, his hand roughly fondling the breast of the woman at his side as his mind raged.

“How is it that the two of you manage so brilliantly to fuck up my plans?” He asked softly, squeezing the nipple of the youkai female between his fingernails.

Kagura seethed as she felt Onigumo fondle her. Her blood red eyes well schooled to reveal nothing, her face expressionless; Onigumo loved pain, showing hers to him would only get him off more.

She hated this life, truly hated it. She hated the way he treated her, the things he forced her to wear. The blood red breast less leather corset, the blood red three inch leather go-
go boots and the matching blood red garter that attached to the red fish net thigh highs, it all made her sick to her stomach.

When he had branded his symbol on her body, at the side of her neck she felt the real depth of her enslavement. The feeling of the delicate flesh of her neck burning under the spider printed iron poker was what really did it.

The only thing she wanted was freedom, she dreamed of it. Every time she was alone as longed for it. She couldn’t even speak of it or it would be taken away, just like everything else. She had wanted to run away, to hide, to escape. She had seen that miko do it, so why couldn’t she?

*He holds your heart* Kagura reminded herself.

As a detachment from Onigumo’s very body, she could never be free, never be able to do what she wanted, to soar high in the heavens. As long as he lived, she couldn’t.

Naraku watched his father closely.

“We were not seen by the inu youkai, you have lost nothing.”

Onigumo’s eyes snapped to his eldest son, boring into him.

“I didn’t loose anything? What about all of the documentation in your room that was filled with information in regards to our business?”

Naraku remained silent.

Onigumo’s eyes then shot over to his younger son.

“And you Muso, you are to stay away from your little hobby until things cool down. We no longer have a need for the souls of children since that miko wench escaped. And you are by no means permitted to contact Rin.”

Muso glared as his father, contempt shining in his eyes.

“I am not done with her.”

“As of right now, you are not permitted to contact her.” Onigumo restated.

“She did not fight against me, she knows what I can do and she will do whatever I tell her, just as she did when she was a child. She is after all my daughter.”

Onigumo looked at his youngest son slightly annoyed. Muso had never challenged him in such a way before.

“She may be your daughter but she is also my granddaughter. Your obsession with her and your thirst for children is quickly becoming a risk that I am no longer willing to tolerate.”

“If the two of you had been paying better attention to that miko bitch we would not be at such a risk right now. However, since both you and your brother were stupid enough to be too caught up in your side agenda’s to do what you were supposed to do sacrifices will have to be made.”

Naraku stiffened as he felt the presence of great power approaching from behind, the sound of her voice sending a shiver down his spine.

“Now, now lover, I don’t think miko’s are really all that bad.” A sultry voice interrupted.

Onigumo looked over at his approaching mate, the look she gave him sending a ping of excitement straight to his groin.

Naraku turned and bowed, his hair falling down over his face.

“Hello mother.”

Tsubaki walked past her son, letting her arm brush against his shoulder in a silent hello.
She watched her mate carefully, a glow of seduction in her eyes. She bowed her head slightly in submission to Onigumo, her silver hair falling lightly over her face, her cool teal colored eyes locking onto his.

Onigumo stared at her, eyes lighting up with arousal at the sight of her in a completely sheer black lace camisole with a matching thong. Her shikigami snake had itself wrapped around her body, the head of it resting on the side of her neck. It proved to be a stark contrast against her pale, porcelain like skin.

“How much damage was done?” She asked, her eyes daring him to lie.

Onigumo cleared his throat, his gaze clouded with arousal. It only took him one whiff of the air to smell that she was in heat; she always fucked the best when she was in heat.

“Any information on the carrier of the jewel, all of it that we have collected is in that warehouse. That is all they will find, it tells them nothing other than that we have interest in the miko.”

Tsubaki continued to approach him, stopping right in front of him and bent over, her hands resting on both sides of his waist, her ass propped up high in the air.

“Then I would think that blaming my child should not be in your agenda this evening. Don’t you agree?”

Running a hand down his chest she trailed it down, grabbing him through the fabric of his jeans.

“Besides, they wouldn’t have been anywhere near that warehouse if it wasn’t for the disappearance of all of those little girls. If this was anyone’s fault it’s your hideous detachments. I brought Kikyo back for you; it was he that insisted on feeding her the souls of children.”

Muso bit back a snarl, clenching his jaw tightly he glared at Tsubaki maliciously.
It was no disguised fact that she hated him and favored Naraku; he was her son after all.

Kagura watched the exchange with little interest, she had seen the favoritism in the family, she was in the family after all. As a detachment herself she wasn’t seen to favorably by Tsubaki either, although that didn’t stop the woman from fucking her.

At first she had thought Tsubaki was secretly a lesbian, maybe even bisexual, but her sexual conquests made it apparent that Tsubaki didn’t discriminate or care about gender, what she got off on was power, having control.

Tsubaki had been with Onigumo since ancient times, they both had been alive when the Miko Kikyo had. Even Naraku had already been born then. She knew for a fact that Naraku was the one that had the strange affliction for miko’s, Kikyo had been his first after all.

Naraku had never been after the jewel like his father had, he had been after the miko, and every reincarnation that appeared after her demise. That was what she had thought, it wasn’t until just recently had she begun to suspect otherwise.

Why was it that the jewel had not been where Kikyo had said it would be? She was under Tsubaki’s control, she was forced against her will to tell them, so how could it have not been there?

Maybe she was just going crazy, that was a strong possibility. There was something about Tsubaki that just unnerved her. Miko’s were supposed to dedicate their lives to fighting evil and protecting the weak, Tsubaki did nothing of the sort. It shouldn’t have been that surprising that every once in a while a miko that didn’t care to fight emerged, but to be a dark miko, that went against the laws that spiritual power stood for.

Tsubaki didn’t just disagree with her natural born place, she defied it.

* * * * * * * *

Rin sat quietly beside Sesshoumaru has he drove them towards her apartment, the apartment she was supposed to be sharing with Kouga.

She stared out the window, watching as the rain came down pitter pattering against the tarmac. She never would have guessed the ramifications of coming to America. If she had known, would she have come?

Pondering silently to herself she decided yes. It didn’t matter who was involved, she had promised herself she was going to find those children’s killer if it was the last thing she did. Unfortunately at the rate things were going right now, it very well could be the last thing she was going to do.

Turning her gaze over to Sesshoumaru she wondered what to do about him. She had always loved him, always wanted to be with him but…. Could it ever really happen? Could she be with him, completely be with him without telling him the truth?

*Probably not.* she mused.

She didn’t want to lie to him, but she couldn’t tell him either, she couldn’t stand to see the look in his eyes when he learned the truth.

She had never mentioned or even hinted anything about her past to him, but he was definitely suspicious about a few things. Especially about what went on in the warehouse before he had arrived. She briefly thought about not telling him, lying by omission. But if she did that, she would have to do that during the entire investigation. When the case went to court she could be charged for withholding evidence. What was worse was the fact that her father would get off on a technicality. Not only was she emotionally involved, but she was related to the perpetrator, a perpetrator that she had stood up to herself a long time ago. Something his defense attorney would most definitely use in court.

If she said something, not only would he know the truth, but she would be kicked off the case. If she didn’t say anything they would find out eventually, she’d be charged for unlawful behavior in a case, and she would be discharged from her position and rank, permanently. Either way she looked at it-it was a no win situation, a double edged sword.

Either way she looked at it, Sesshoumaru was going to find out something. If he started to get suspicious and looked up her fathers name in the database he wouldn’t find anything, for that she was certain, the U.S. police force and Japanese police force networks were in no way connected. However, if he got his brother involved, Inuyasha very well could throw his weight around within the CIA and the American Embassy and purchase the information.

If she was lucky, really lucky she could just tell him what happened at the warehouse and not include the part about her father. It was always possible he hadn’t noticed her fathers’ presence, and she wasn’t about to volunteer any information on him. However she knew he would ask what had put her in such a state of terror, what put her clothes in such disarray? Maybe she could bluff, tell him she had gone to the bathroom and had been in the process of pulling up her pants when she was grabbed by the unseen enemy. Rin almost snorted at the thought, Sesshoumaru would believe that the day Taisho cut his hair, and everyone knew that was never going to happen.

She would tell him about the warehouse incident, but that was it. She wasn’t about to delve into her past, reliving all of those memories for him. She loved him with all her heart, but that was too much, she wasn’t willing to do it for him. She wasn’t willing to tell him about it, not now, not ever. That was a part of her past that just wasn’t any of his business. It never would be.

She knew what happened to her wasn’t his fault, even if he did abandon her, her fathers actions wasn’t his fault.

There was one thing she never understood though. They had been such good friends as children, so close. Why hadn’t he called her? Why hadn’t he written? He had promised to keep in contact with her when he left, but when it came down to it he didn’t. After a month, all contact between the two of them stopped. Even after he stopped replying she wrote him, for years she kept writing him, kept hoping that maybe, just maybe he would reply. He never did.

Rin jumped, startled as the car came to a halt. Looking up, she realized she had no idea where she was, nothing here looked familiar. It sure as hell wasn’t her apartment.

“Where are we?”

Sesshoumaru took his keys out of the ignition and unbuttoned his seat belt before turning to look at her. Locking his golden eyes onto hers he dared her to challenge him.

“My apartment.”

* * * * * * * * * *


“What do you think?” Mushin asked quietly, rubbing his fingers against his chin.

Taisho sat behind his office desk at home, staring blankly into space and trying to figure out exactly what to do. Turning to look at the framed picture on his desk he gazed at the smiling faces of his loved one’s.

“I think we need to find Kikyo-sama’s reincarnation.”

Miroku stood against the far wall, leaning against an old bookshelf with ancient texts and scrolls. Watching Taisho he wondered what would happen if Onigumo found Kikyo-sama’s reincarnation first. Surely she would know where the jewel was, if they could convince her to help them, she would surely agree if she knew what stakes were on the line.

“I’m not so certain we need to go out to look for her.” Mushin said softly, turning his gaze to a picture on the wall.

Both men snapped their heads in his direction, looking at him like he had finally gone senile.

Getting out of his chair Mushin headed over towards the picture, studying it carefully.

“This is from your youngest sons wedding correct?”

Taisho glared at the old man, quickly growing frustrated.

“What of it?” He barked.

Mushin shrugged, tilting his head to the side as he studied the picture.

“Beautiful woman, your sons mate.”

“Master what are you getting at?” Miroku inquired, confusion setting in.

“She has a striking similarity to Kikyo-sama. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say our reincarnation is closer than any of us could have thought.”

Taisho shook his head in denial.

“That’s ridiculous, Kagome is not a miko. There is no way she could be the one.”

“Yet you cannot deny the uncanny resemblance between the two, even your dull witted son noticed it.”

Taisho shook his head, refusing to believe it. Kagome was not a miko, they would have sensed it, she would have developed her powers by now. There was no way.

Miroku approached the picture, curious as to if it was true. Taking a close look he was in awe at the resemblance. There was no resemblance, they were identical. The only slight difference he could see was that Inuyasha’s mate had stormy blue eyes and slightly wavy hair. There was only defining difference between the two women was that this woman seemed to be smiling, her eyes filled with so much joy and excitement, so full of life. This picture revealed the life of a woman on her happiest day with the one she loved. The ancient painting done of Kikyo-sama was beautiful to, in its own way. However if you gazed into Kikyo-sama’s eyes all you could see was loneliness, an intense loneliness that he didn’t think he had ever actually been witness to other than in that painting. She didn’t look happy and proud, Kikyo-sama just looked sad and lonely, like she didn’t have a friend in the world. It was made him feel guilty that she had been forced to endure such a lonely life, all for the sake of everyone else. All to protect every other living creature, she had willingly given her life up as a sacrifice and what did she get in return? She was pulled from the afterlife for another short life of pain and horror, only this time, it was a horror that she couldn’t fight.

“Could it be possible that she is the one, and has never used her powers before because they were never needed? I mean, if they weren’t ever awakened, that could simply be because she has never been in any danger that she need use them.” Miroku asked, turning to look at his master.

Mushin nodded, turning towards Taisho.

“I know you are not happy about this, none of us chose for any members of your family to be in danger. But I think it is worth checking out. It is better that we know for sure than to allow Onigumo the chance to find out first.”

Taisho nodded silently, not at all happy about the outcome of this situation so far. Kagome was his daughter in law, his youngest son’s mate. She was just as much under his protection as either of his son’s or Izayoi. Kagome was a member of his family and he loved her like a daughter, just as he did Rin. She had done more for Inuyasha than anyone else ever had.

Even in this day and age many people discriminated against hanyou’s, but Kagome had found out and hadn’t cared. He could picture it in his head, just the way his son had described it to him. He could see Kagome making a mad dash and latching onto Inuyasha’s ears like a child with a new toy.

Kagome was a part of his family, and he would die before he allowed Onigumo to get his hands on her.

“Fine, but this will wait until tomorrow; she has had a rough day and doesn’t need any more disturbances tonight.”

Mushin nodded in understanding.

“Perhaps though, Inu Taisho-sama, perhaps you could keep her here, under your protection just to be safe.”

Taisho turned to look at Miroku, his cool golden eyes boring into him in masked irritation.

“She will be as protected with my son as she would be here.”

Miroku nodded and bowed lowly, hoping the silent apology for offending the taiyoukai would be sufficient before exciting the room.

Mushin chuckled softly to himself before placing a hand on Taisho’s shoulder.

“He is still young, give Miroku time. He has not spent much time with you, you make him nervous.”

Taisho snorted in response.

“You were never nervous.”

Mushin made a face, laughing lightly.

“I hid it well.” He said softly, smiling at Taisho. Taking his leave, Mushin shut the door lightly behind him, wishing to Buddha that everything turn out all right. This family had been fighting on behalf of the Shikon no Tama’s protection for centuries, a duty passed down to them by the generations. He only hoped it would come to an end soon, before their luck ran out.

* * * * * * * * *

Rin sat on the soft black leather couch in the living room of Sesshoumaru’s apartment, if that was the right word for it. His place was huge, bigger than any apartment she had ever been in. The living room alone was as big as her kitchen and dinning room, with a forty-seven inch flat screen t.v. hanging on the wall across from the couch, its digital sound system hooked up with speakers in every corner of the room, sitting on shelves on the wall.

There was a large coffee table in the middle on top of a plain white rug. There were no pictures hanging around that she could see, only landscapes of different places. She could spy a large photo of Manchu Pichu hanging to the left of her that nearly took up the entire wall. On the other side there was a huge window, just about the entire size of the wall that overlooked the city below.

The entire room was painted a soft beige, the ceiling a pale white.

All in all the room was immaculate, yet somehow surprisingly empty, almost devoid of life and emotion. There was nothing personal about it, it just felt cold.

“I can see you took it upon yourself to decorate.” Rin scoffed.

Sesshoumaru smiled lightly, the corner of his mouth kicking up into a small grin, but the look on his face telling her that her quip hadn’t made him forget about his reason for bringing her here.

“How did you guess?”

Rin shrugged and gave him a look.

“Do you really need to ask?”

Sesshoumaru chuckled lightly before quieting down and just looking at her, really looking.

There were dark circles under her eyes, signs that she hadn’t slept very well in along time. The red rims on them signaling to him that she had spent a lot of time crying recently, much to his extreme discomfort, he had always hated when she cried. Her complexion was pale from exhaustion and worry. There was a strain in her face and a sadness that never left her eyes that he couldn’t remember. His Rin had always been happy, eyes bright and shinning, but he got the distinct feeling that Rin had died a long time ago to be replaced by a much sadder, pain filled woman that he never thought she would become. There was something about her now, something about the way she carried herself that told him that she had seen to much, been through to much and he had a feeling it wasn’t just because of her occupation.

“What happened to you Rin?” Sesshoumaru asked softly.

She turned and looked at him, nervous.

“What do you mean?” she asked softly.

Sesshoumaru could feel the tension in her, the worry. He didn’t want to scare her off, but he wanted to know what was going on. He figured he’d start just with this evening.

“What happened at the warehouse? What made you go there?”

Rin looked down at her feet and shrugged.

“I dunno I just, I had this hunch ya know?” She said softly, turning to look at him.

“I just had this feeling that there was something more going on there so I knew I just had to go. I realize I shouldn’t have dragged Kagome into it, but I needed a way to pick up Kouga, I needed some type of back up. I wasn’t going in there alone, I’m not that stupid.”

Sesshoumaru nodded. “But why Kagome?”

Rin shrugged again.

“She seemed all for it, she really wanted to go actually. It was her that went in first you know, when we found the warehouse. She climbed in through the fire escape.”

Rin sighed, looking down at her hands.

“She said she was qualified for it, that we didn’t have to worry because she was a crime scene investigator after all, she was used to it.”

Rin let out a ragged breath.

“We all split up separately, looking around for anything out of the ordinary. I haven’t talked to Kagome since you and Inuyasha arrived. I bet he’s pretty pissed at me huh?”
Rin asked quietly.

Sesshoumaru didn’t say anything; he knew it didn’t need to be said. Inuyasha was furious, extremely furious when he found out that Kagome had gone with Rin. Rin had placed her in unnecessary danger of extreme proportions. However he also understood the hardheadedness of his mate and knew that once she decided she was going to do something nothing was going to stop her. He would cool down given time, and if he knew Kagome she would make him chill out. If Kagome didn’t blame Rin, then neither should his brother.

“I found the little girl first; she was in a back room.”

Rin’s eyes glistened with tears at the memory and she placed a hand to her mouth.

“She was, she was bound up in ropes, hanging from the ceiling. Real S&M shit ya know? She was hanging from her wrists and ankle, bent up like a pretzel. I….”

Rin stopped and took in a ragged breath.

“I called for Kouga, he helped me get her down. We….we untied the rope and there was….there were these huge black dildo’s in her and I just-“

Rin let out a breath, tears trailing down her cheeks.

“We took them out and I left to go find clothes for her, a blanket, anything really.”

Reaching up, Rin wiped the tears off of her cheeks and continued.

“I went out looking for something and I was attacked. Kouga heard all the commotion and came looking for me. Then somebody, another person opened fire on him and-
And you know the rest.”

Rin bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

“It’s just so stupid! If I had done things correctly, this could have all been avoided. If I had just called it in and waited for back up Kouga wouldn’t be in the hospital fighting for his life!” Rin screamed, slamming her fists into the couch.

“I’ve been on cases like this a million times and I’ve never-“

Rin dug her hands into the couch farther, digger her nails into the soft leather.

Sesshoumaru watched her, watched her fight with herself, mentally beating herself up. She blamed herself more than anybody else would. Some people believe that we punish ourselves more harshly than anyone else, it wasn’t until now that he believed that to be true.

“It wasn’t your fault Rin, you didn’t know-“

“But it could have been prevented!” She screamed, turning and looking at Sesshoumaru, such self hatred showing in her eyes.

“If I had just called it in! If hadn’t been so gung-ho about it everything would have been fine! Kouga is in the hospital and it’s my fault! Its all my fault!”

Getting up she began to pace rapidly, her hands shoved forcefully into the pockets of her jeans.

“What if it hadn’t been Kouga?!” She screamed, turning to look at Sesshoumaru again.

“What if it had been Kagome? She’s practically a fucking civilian! How could I have been so fucking stupid!” Yanking a hand out of her pocket she shoved it into her hair, angrily pushing it back from her face.

Getting up off the couch Sesshoumaru grabbed onto her, pulling her close to him. Holding onto her hard and forcefully, all idea’s she possibly could have had of escaping his grasp squashed with the tightness of his grip on her upper arms.

“Stop it Rin.”

Looking up at him she glared back defiantly.

“You know it’s true.” She spat.

“Do not blame yourself for this. Nobody else does, let it go.”

Looking away Rin felt her anger start to waver only to be replaced by sadness.

“But it is my fault, whether they blame me or not it’s my fault.”

Releasing one arm Sesshoumaru grabbed her chin gently but forcefully, giving her no choice but to look at him as he steered her face towards him.

“Kouga could have just as easily called it in as you. Its nobodies fault Rin, in the heat of the moment mistakes happen. You know this as well as I do. You were both concentrating on what you believed was right, there is nothing wrong with that.”

Rin looked up into his caring and concerned eyes, only to be met by her own sad and tormented ones.

As Sesshoumaru’s eyes locked on hers he could feel himself falling into her beautiful chocolate colored eyes. He was enraptured by her beauty, unable to fight it. The sadness in her eyes, the pain, he wanted to take it all away and protect her from all of her troubles. Hold her close and comfort her, destroy anyone who dared cause her pain, bring her more happiness than she could ever want. He wanted to be her strength, her protector, her lover. He wanted to be the one she ran to when she was hurt, the one she cried to when she was scared, he wanted to be the one to bring her happinesss.

He wanted to kiss her, throw her down and make her forget all her troubles, bring her to the brink of pleasure and be the one to push her over the edge soaring into oblivion. But first he had to know, he had to know what was really going on, he had to know what it was that he was protecting her from.

“Rin I- I need to know what’s going on, what’s really going on.”

Pulling away startled, Rin looked away quickly.

“What- what do you mean?”

Grabbing onto her hand, Sesshoumaru held it tightly, tugging on her arm, trying to get her to look at him.

“Your father was there, he was at the warehouse wasn’t he?”

Rin froze, panic setting in as she looked up at Sesshoumaru, terror shinning in her chocolate gaze.

“What?” she croaked, her bottom lip trembling and palms beginning to sweat in panic.

Sesshoumaru watched her reaction both worried and confused but refused to release her hand, unwilling to let her go.

“Answer me. Your father was there wasn’t he?” Sesshoumaru repeated, watching the panic and fear rise in her, the terror in her eyes.

*What are you so afraid of?*

“Rin, answer me.” Sesshoumaru demanded, his grip on her hand tightening.

“Yes.” She whispered, looking anywhere but at him.

“Yes he was there.”

Sesshoumaru released her in shock, taking a step back. What the hell was her father doing there? Why was he there? What was his relationship to the case?

“Rin I don’t understand, why was your father-“

“Because he’s the one who did!” She screamed, balling her hands into fists. Looking up at him he could see the pain, the torment in her eyes.

Sesshoumaru’s eyes widened, surprise and confusion showing in his eyes.

“I’m such an idiot.” She whispered, eyes glued to the ground, lost in her own world that he couldn’t even begin to imagine.

“I should have known, I should have put it together the second I saw the picture. I could have, I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it before it even began. I could have..”

Approaching her, Sesshoumaru made a grab for her arm, grasping it tightly he tried to pull her close. He wanted to get her attention, get her attention on him and not the lost world she seemed to be in now. She just looked so small, so fragile he couldn’t think of anything else to do but hold her.

Looking up at him, not bothering to pull away she continued, lost in her own world, her mind not registering the fact that he was staring so intently at her, trying to get her attention.

“If I had done it sooner, if I had done it he wouldn’t have gotten away with it. He wouldn’t have, don’t you see?”

“See what Rin? What are you trying to tell me?”

She shook her head, eyes glazed with tears. She couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t, she couldn’t stand to see him look at her in disgust, just like everyone else.

“Nothing!” She screamed, tears falling down her face. “Nothing! It’s none of your business! Its not!”

Pulling away from him, she tried desperately to yank her arm back, to get him to release her. She couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t tell him the truth.

“Why are you protecting him!” Sesshoumaru yelled, eyes flashing red, his youki screaming at him, demanding he get her submission.

“I’m not!” She sobbed, her legs buckling from under her. Falling to the floor she sat there, shaking, terrified, unwilling to tell him the truth, but did she really have any other choice?

“I’m not protecting him I’m protecting me!” She shrieked, wrapping her arms around herself protectively, sobs tearing from her throat. She could feel her heart racing, her breath coming in shallow pants, her body trembling.

Sesshoumaru looked down at her, concentrating on keeping calm, she was terrifying him. Something was going on, something deeper than this case. She was hiding something from him, something she desperately didn’t want him to know. He could feel the rising panic, like a tidal wave of emotion, he was terrified for the first time in his life. Sesshoumaru was not a stupid man, she just told him her father was responsible for those little girls, and in the state he had found her in earlier at the warehouse, her attitude now. Her terror, her fear. He thought back to the few times were they had been intimate, how skittish she had been, how wary.

“What did he do to you Rin?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice calm. He willed his guess to be wrong, willed her to lie to him, tell him it wasn’t true. Either way, he had to hear it from her.

Kneeling down next to her he grabbed her shoulders, forced her to look at him, to answer him.

“What did he do to you Rin?” He asked again, staring into her eyes, eyes that held so much pain.

“Don’t.” She whispered, looking up at him. “Don’t look at me like that, please.” She begged. “Stop looking at me like I’m damaged!” She screamed, yanking away from him.

“It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t.” She whispered looking away, her bottom lip trembling as she tried to contain herself.

“I couldn’t, he was to strong I couldn’t. It wasn’t my fault.”

Sesshoumaru let her go, watched as she scrambled back away from him in fear.

“Don’t look at me like that. It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my fault. I tried to fight back but it was always worse then. He made it hurt more.” She whispered, eyes glazed over with tears, mind caught in the past as wave after wave of memory hit her.

“He raped me, over and over he… He was so strong I couldn’t…. They all knew, they all knew and wouldn’t do anything.”

Sesshoumaru watched her, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears. This was his Rin, his best friend, his love, the woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. How could this happen to her? He should have been there, he should have been there to protect her.

“What about your mother?” He whispered, voice shaky as he fought the urge to cry out.

“Mother?” Rin asked, her voice sounding so lost.

“She didn’t do anything. She knew, she just, she told me once. She told me once that she didn’t love him, she stayed with him because he had money, he gave her whatever she wanted. She didn’t care about me, she didn’t care what he was-“ Rin stopped, taking a harsh breath, her voice hoarse from crying.

“She gave me up for material objects. For wealth.” She spat, her bottom lip trembling.

“I was seven you know, when it started.” She whispered, eyes locked on the floor. She could feel it all over again, feel him running his hands over her, touching her skin, taking what he wanted. Even now, years after, she could still feel it, remember it vividly, what it felt like to have him rape her, his body moving inside hers.

“It was right after you left, after my seventh birthday.”

Biting her lip she ran her finger over the scar tissue on it. “Gave me this scar on one of his rougher days.”

Sesshoumaru looked at her, pain showing in his golden gaze. Pain for her, for all she had been through. He should have been there, he should have protected her like he had promised himself he always would, like he had promised her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Rin’s gaze snapped to him, anger quickly replacing sadness at the intrusive question. Anger was good, anger she knew how to deal with.

“Would it have made a difference?” She spat.

Sesshoumaru felt his temper spark as he looked at her in anger, in disbelief. He stood as she did, his body enraged.

“Would it have made a difference? God damn it Rin I could have –“

“You could have what?!” She screamed, backing away from him.

“You could have come and acted like my night in shining armor?! You didn’t even accept my fucking phone calls! You were eight, you could have done nothing!”

“That’s not fare Rin! If you would have-“

“If I would have told you?!” She screamed at him, face red in anger, tears streaming down her face.

“What would you have said? If I called and told you about how my father was using me as plastic fuck doll! If I had called and told you about him raping me, fucking me till my body couldn’t take it anymore and I passed out from the pain!”

Sesshoumaru watched her, pain and anger showing in his eyes. Unable to fight back, unable to listen to it any more, how she must have felt, what she went through. Even if she had told him, would he have been able to stop it?

“Stop it.” He whispered, unable to take it.

“Stop what?! Is it to much for you?!” Rin screamed, needing to let it out, take out the pain and anger on someone.

“Is it to much for you to know what I went through? You fucking asked! Well here you go Sesshoumaru! Here’s what you wanted to know isn’t it! That’s why you brought me here!”

“That’s enough Rin.” He whispered, tears clouding his vision. He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t stand to hear it anymore.

Panting in rage she continued, ignoring him, her anger blocking out her senses. She had no idea if she was crying from sadness or anger anymore.

“You wanted to know about how he fucked me! Used me when I was seven years old! I didn’t even know what sex was! Boys still had cooties for fucks sakes! Every day in that room he had especially for us! The room my mother never went into because she chose to ignore it! Ignore how he abused me! Used me like play thing! He kept fucking me till I was thirteen years old, and the only reason he stopped was because I hit puberty and didn’t look like a little girl anymore.”

“Stop it Rin!” Sesshoumaru screamed, approaching her and grabbing her by the arms.

She glared at him, he was the one that wanted to know, well know he was getting it just what he asked for.

“He got me pregnant when I was twelve years old.” She spat, not caring that Sesshoumaru looked so upset, not caring that he didn’t want to hear it anymore. She had never gotten the choice to make it stop, why should he?

“He got me pregnant and then beat me till I miscarried. It would have been pretty hard to explain to the neighbors how his well behaved twelve year old got pregnant don’t you think?”

“That’s enough!” He yelled, pulling her close to him, crushing her to him so she couldn’t escape.

He held onto her as she fought him, refusing to let her go. He held on as she kicked him and pulled, fighting to be released. He ignored the pain in his shin as her foot connected and only held her tighter in response.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered in her ear, willing her to calm down. He growled lightly, low in his throat, inaudible to the human ear, but enough to cause his chest to rumble, vibrating softly in an effort to calm her down in the same way he did when she was child.

“I’m sorry Rin, I’m sorry.”

He felt her begin to relax into him and he felt the wetness of her tears soaking through his shirt. Moving one hand up to the back of her head, he buried it in her hair as she clung to him, her shoulders shaking as she cried tears of pain and misery, years of pent up frustration and sadness.

“Shhh.” He whispered in her ear. “It’s alright now, it’s alright. I’ve got you baby.”

Rin’s cried softly into Sesshoumaru’s shirt, clinging to him, digging her fists into the fabric and soaked up his strength. She wanted to bury herself inside of him, be apart of him and never let go, gaining comfort from his presence.

“I needed you.” She whispered, turning her face to the side so she could breath. “You promised you’d always be there to protect me. I needed you.”

Sesshoumaru stopped struggling to fight back his tears as they began to trickle lightly down his cheeks, their presence completely foreign to his skin.

“I’m sorry Rin, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, kissing the top of her head.

Sniffling lightly she reached up and roughly wiped the tears off of her cheeks.

“I wish you were there then.”

Sesshoumaru felt a wave of guilt washing over him as he kept his face buried in her hair, trying his best to keep her from noticing his tears. This was not about him, this was about her.

“Rin I-“

“Its not your fault either.” She interrupted. “I know you didn’t want to leave I just, I still wish you were there. Even if, even if you had never left I am not sure that I would have told you. But your presence would have…. it would have been enough.”

“Oh Rin.” He whispered, holding her close, the gentle rumble in his chest effectively calming her down.

“My memories of you were the only thing that kept me alive. They were the only thing that kept me going.” She whispered softly, sighing as she leaned into him.

“I want you to know I…. I never stopped loving you.”

Sesshoumaru’s eyes snapped open in surprise as he lifted his face out of her hair to look down at her.

Rin’s chocolate colored gaze looked back at him, the sadness and pain overclouded with love. He couldn’t believe, after all her suffering, after all she had been through, after all this time. How could she say it so freely? How could she be so sure?

Sesshoumaru felt himself falling into her gaze, capturing him, enchanting him. He couldn’t find the words to express himself, so instead he just leaned down and showed her.

The kiss started out gentle at first, lips on lips, a secret caress shared between two lovers. Rin moaned softly against his mouth at the contact, taking in his warmth, soaking up his strength.

Sesshoumaru groaned as he felt her tongue dart out and lightly trace the seam of his lips. Opening his mouth to her he welcomed the contact, felt consumed by it. The lost themselves in each other, momentarily forgetting about the pain and horror of reality.

Rin whimpered against the contact, wanting desperately to feel his flesh against hers, to feel his gentle caress in more ways than this. She wanted to feel what it was like to be loved, loved the way a man loved a woman.

Sesshoumaru broke the kiss as he felt Rin’s anticipation, her need.

“Please.” She whispered, gazing into his eyes. “Make me forget.”

Sesshoumaru looked down at her, struggling with the warring emotions inside of him. She was weak now, sad and emotionally drained, it would be wrong of him to take advantage of her now, especially after everything that had happened between them only moments before.

“Rin I don’t, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He said softly, tracing his finger gently along her cheek.

“Please.” She whispered again, eyes focusing only on him, staring at him with desire and love.

“I need you.”

Sesshoumaru continued to stare into her eyes, he wanted so desperately to take her, to show her the pleasure she had been denied, to make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He knew it was wrong, they shouldn’t be doing this now, but he couldn’t fight it any more, he couldn’t fight his desire and need to be with her, he just didn’t have the strength anymore.

“Yes.” He whispered, bringing his mouth down to hears in a heart stopping kiss, sealing their fate.

* * * * * * * * * *

Authors Note:

Alright guys, that’s it for this chapter. It was actually really difficult to write and I actually re-wrote it several times. It kept coming out differently on paper than it was in my head. Finally I got fed up with it and this is the closest that you are getting. LoL

Hope you all enjoy and yes, the next chapter is a lemon, HUGE LEMON! Its really difficult to keep the balance in continuation fic because if you don’t give enough lemon, people loose interest, but if you give to much lemon, people loose interest. Lol. You bastards are hard to please. J/K

Please remember to Read and Review, even though I am not longer going to demand reviews I really appreciate it. You guys really inspire me to keep writing rather than just give up on the fic like many writers do. I like to know what you guys like and what you don’t about each chapter. As long as you guys review, I will write. Please remember though no flaming, constructive criticism is fine but flames are not. Anyway, have a great week, I’ll update again by next Sunday. Happy Martin Luther King Day!

Much love!
Elspiegelo