Please Don't Love Me

"Talk"

'Thought'

*action*





Chapter Ten

A roll in the hay







Kagome sat in the clearing thinking about her life and how far things have come for her in the relationship department. Kagome knew that losing ones virginity is a big deal to any teenage human girl no matter the time, but that was dim in comparison to the emotional charge that comes with losing your self to another.



Kagome was attention starved when it comes to the male relations of adults. She was the only of her group not to have felt the return of emotion love and caring. Sure she knew that Inuyasha cared and even loved her to an extent, but it was not the same. Things between them had never escalated beyond a PG rating in the intimate relationship department. The only thing they had ever done was exchange a kiss and it was hardly a kiss of romance and love; no it was a kiss to save, a kiss of desperation.



Though he kissed her back when he returned to himself he never brought up the occasion again or tried to recreate it under better circumstances. He seemed to even go out of his way to make sure they are never in a position were that could be the outcome. And what girl only wants to kiss her male when his life or soul was endangered to never come away from a kiss without wounds to show for it.







::: Kagome Mind Movie :::







‘I can just see it now’ Kagome thought while imagining how kissing conversations would go with Sango. They would be at a hot springs getting ready to bath “I got kissed to today see” Kagome would say as she motioned to the 5 blood stains on each shoulder from his claws digging into her. And then Sango would say “Oh that great! That makes it twice now right?” reminding Kagome of the first time they kissed. “Yep isn’t it great! To bad I’m anemic now!” then I would faint from blood loss.







::: End Movie :::







‘Ok so maybe I over exaggerated a bit, but then again maybe not. To top it all off not only do I have a bad kiss scale I will always wonder if it was me he was kissing back or was it Kikyo.’ Kagome thought knowing that because of the soul she houses had once belonged to Kikyo she would never know if it was her he wanted or the memory of Kikyo he was trying to keep alive by being with her. So now not only does she feel unloved and unappreciated; she also feels undesirable. She knows that feeling this way is the reason she is having her current problem.





Kagome wants more then anything to feel loved, desired as a woman and not a friend or mother. So when Sesshomaru got cursed and ‘fell in love’ with her; she learned what it was like to have a male caring for her because he wishes to be with her and no other. When they had lain together it was everything she had wanted her first time to be. He took such care of her body, worshiped it really even though he was so weak and almost on his death bed. The kisses, the look in his eyes as he entered her for the first time, the way his hands glided all over her body with the utmost care that was the first time she had ever felt loved if only physically. Though losing her virginity was a big deal it did not matter as much as the emotions she experienced while they made love.



It left her with a strange sort of craving. Kagome was no fool she knew that it was not real that he did not really love her, but now she knows what it would be like to be loved by Sesshomaru and that is her problem. It was not a bad as she thought it would be and if she was to be completely honest with herself she would say it was down right perfect. It made perfect sense to her that he would be as perfect in that field as he is in all others, but that made the cravings worse.



All that aside Kagome was nothing if not determined and stubborn and she was determined not to let this bring her down. People in the future have casual sex all time and are effected by it so why should she be any different?







0ooo0







When he arrived to where the miko was sitting he stood just beyond her sensing limit just watching. She looked to be in deep thought so he figured she would not sense him and stepped a bit closer to get a better view of her. He still did not understand the lingering emotions he felt for the Miko and was not ready for the questions he was sure she would ask. He took her innocence, the sacrifice she made was not something he could forget so easily and he knew how females tend to act towards the male that takes that part of them. It was this exact fact that led him on his thoughts of the Miko. When he awoken that morning after the act he was sure that she would still be there and would probably attach herself to him. In reality, however, that was not what had happened. She did not stick around after the fact and even when through motions of making sure he was protected in his weakened state.



It was then that he realized that the Miko had acted like it was just a simple conquest. He could recall many of his conquest during his more youthful days. He would come to the female that showed her interest in him. Then he would bed them satisfying both him self and her only to leave as soon as she succumbed to exhaustion to avoid the awkward situation that was sure to occur once all was said and done. Females have a tendency to ask ‘what’s next? Are we together now?’ that was not a talk he liked having which a female he was only interested in one thing with.





He was wrong however because the moment he moved towards her she sensed him. Her heart rate picked up as she turned in the direction the Western Lord was standing. She could not see him, but she knew he was there “Sesshomaru?” she whispered in question.





Hearing his name he knew he was caught. Not wanting her to think he was hiding he stepped out “Miko” he said in an emotionless tone alerting her he was back to normal.



He made his way across the clearing with measured steps seemingly to glide across the ground not a single crushed grass blade in his wake. ‘Even his walk is perfect’ Kagome thought highly irritated at that fact. As if looking like a god is not bad enough he had to be most possibly the most graceful being she has ever meet. ‘It’s just not fair!’ Kagome pouted in the safety of her mind all the while trying to curb her urge to pout physically.



It was ironic to her that he would show up now of all times; she could only guess as to the reason he had come. Kagome knew he was here for her and did not what others to hear there talk so he approaches her while she’s alone. Kagome found it kind of funny that he would show himself during her reflection time. The only time she has to think of her actions and how to handle them. Even though her mind was swamped with the thoughts of what had occurred, not the actions but the feelings behind those actions.





Standing she turned to him still weary of his presence “Is there a reason you came in search of me?” she asked knowing that he would not be here at this moment if he was not looking for her. Kagome knew without a doubt that he would have been able to smell her and if he was not looking for her he would have went a different way. There was no way a simple roll in the hay changed him so much where pleasantries were expectable ‘he would not be here if it was not to talk about something he deemed important.’







Now he was placed with an option. He could continue on his way or he could take advantage of the situation and maybe solve his problem. The infatuation with the miko was something he could not handle at the moment, or any other. He needed to finish his business with the girl so he could move on with his immortal life.



He did not want to think about the possibility of her still haunting his thoughts even after the debt was completed. He would not allow himself to walk the same path as his father for a mere case of lust. He decided the best way to fix his problem was to face it head on. He was a demon after all. Approaching her slowly as to not scare her he answers “This Sesshomaru has come to discuss my debt.”