Unrequited Love

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything about Inuyasha or the series (which belong to Rumiko Takahashi) nor do I own the song ‘Bliss’ by Hinder.

{song lyrics}

Chapter 10

{(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)}

Inuyasha sat on the side of his bed in the dark as he finished of the last drops from the bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. Carelessly he dropped the empty bottle to the floor giving it a quick kick. A fraction of a second later he heard it hit the wall across from him making a breaking noise. “Fuck it.” He said not caring if he broke it or not. Didn’t matter. Nothing did anymore.

{I’ll go ahead and pour myself a drink
I really couldn’t care less what you think}

The phone call from earlier still rang through his mind over and over. There was nothing he could do about it now. He didn’t know where she was to call her back but he fucked up again by letting his temper get the best of him. It was the damn alcohol and he knew it. If he hadn’t been drinking tonight then perhaps she would have listened to him when she called. But no, he had to stop and get that bottle before he came home then finish most of it before she called. How much of a jack ass could he be? He didn’t really want to answer that one himself. He was sure he would make it out in his favor, while deep down he knew he was the worse ass hole out there.

{well I don’t have to listen now
live this day down
if I can’t feel a thing}

It surprised him when he told her to never say goodbye. Wasn’t that what most people did when they broke up? If he took the time to think about it, he would have realized he was actually trying to keep her on the string by denying her a proper goodbye. Well coodoas to him then for that much thought. Subconscious or not.

{you might as well save your goodbyes
we can give this train wreck one last ride}

But sooner or later he would have to realize, just like Kikyo, that this whole thing was over. Kagome had a fragile heart and he had hurt that heart more times then he should have. He knew she would never forgive him for it.

{I’m gonna have to listen now
live this day down}

Frankly he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. But he still wanted to make it right again. So he couldn’t let her go. She was his. As far as he was concerned she always would be. So he thought maybe if he denied her the right to say it then it would never be the end. As long as he didn’t hear it he could deny it to himself. Inside his own mind it would make it right.

{if I don’t make things right
I’ll tell you one last time
I don’t wanna know its over
so save your goodbye kiss
I don’t wanna know its over
cause ignorance is bliss}

Maybe he was being blind to the fact that it was possible she just didn’t care anymore. Perhaps Kagome had given up and he just wouldn’t admit it. That is where the alcohol came in. Drinking made it easier for him to deny the inevitable. If he allowed himself to get sober long enough to think about it then he would see just how selfish he really was being. He knew Kagome deserved better from him and if he really cared he would let her go. Sooner or later she would insist on never talking to him again and then this whole thing would slap him in the face hard. His only hope was to be so drunk he wouldn’t feel a thing.

{I can hardly see
what’s in front of me
cause the vodka’s running on empty
I can’t stay sober
if its over
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)}

He just couldn’t face the fact he may never be able to hold her again or love her the way his heart yearned to. Slowly he laid back on the bed and passed out.

{so save your goodbye kiss
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)}

The morning sun peeking through his curtains played across his eyes bringing him from the darkness of sleep. With a start he sat up causing his head to throb violently. Instinctively he leaned over for the bottle that should have been on the floor but his memory came crashing back and he knew he drank it all the night before.

{I woke up with my heartbeat in my head
I reached for the bottle by the bed}

With a groan he laid back down and rolled to his side facing the side that used to be Kagome’s. His hand ran up and down the cold surface gingerly as emotions he wanted to keep bottled up came crashing down on him. The space was so empty, just like the apartment, since she moved out. It hurt inside to think about her words on the phone. She cried when she told him she couldn’t talk to him for a while because it just hurt too much. She promised to get a hold of him when she felt like she could handle it. It was killing him inside knowing that she was so upset with him she couldn’t even bring herself to talk to him without bursting into tears. He would honor her request and stay away but it was killing him slowly inside. He knew from talking to Miroku that she didn’t smile much and refused to go do anything with Sango when asked. He only hoped that the depression she was in would lift enough for her to want to talk to him again. He needed to talk to her and explain what happened. But he needed to stop the drinking. His temper would get the best of him and she wouldn’t continue the conversation with him then. She would just hang up again leaving him hurting himself.

{I saw your side was not slept in
cold sheets again
remind me of what you said
we need to take a break for a while
its been so long since I smiled
I don’t wanna listen now
live this day down
with you so drunk and high
so I’ll say goodbye}

It was his nerves that were shot over this whole thing. His stomach churned and he felt like his heart would twist from his chest when he replayed the hurt and disappointment in her voice through his mind. Even when he and Kikyo fought, he didn’t feel like this. Yeah he would get angry and wanted to bust some heads or something to let off steam but he never went so far as substance abuse. But as long as he was drunk he could remain numb to the feelings. His mind would be mush and he wouldn’t think about it.

{I don’t wanna know its over
so save your goodbye kiss
I don’t wanna know its over cause ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
what’s in front of me
cause the vodka’s running on empty
I can’t stay sober
if it’s over}

As long as he didn’t admit to himself it was over it wouldn’t be. As long as he denied her a goodbye then she would never leave him completely. She would feel obligated to come back at some time and then he would show her how he felt. As long as he thought along those lines he could survive. Just thinking about it made him feel like he would go insane. He couldn’t deal with it mentally or emotionally. He couldn’t stand her rejection. Not from Kagome. He needed her.

{I don’t wanna know its over
so save your goodbye kiss
I don’t wanna know its over
cause ignorance is bliss
now I know I can’t stay sober
cause you left me here like this}

He stood on shaky legs and rummaged through the apartment looking for a bottle of any type. He couldn’t take this thought process any longer. It was taking him down the path where he would begin to feel regret and guilt enough to let her go. Like hell that was going to happen. He would never let her go. She could just forget that. She belonged to him.

{I don’t wanna know
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)
so save your goodbye kiss}

As long as he didn’t admit defeat then there was still a chance. He wouldn’t accept her goodbyes or any reasons for leaving. He would win her back eventually but for now he would give her the space she wanted. In the mean time, he needed to find a bottle to ease the ache inside his head and dull the thoughts that were surfacing.

{(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)
(I don’t wanna know)
caus ignorance is bliss
I can hardly see
what’s in front of me
cause the vodka’s running on empty
I cant stay sober}

He refused to let it go. She couldn’t leave without giving him a chance. He loved her too much to let her go like that.

{if its over
if its over
I don’t wanna know}

He knew that he couldn’t go on if she walked away. There would be nothing left for him if Kagome was gone. So denial was best all the way around. In order to do that, he needed another damn bottle to numb his thoughts.

{if its over
if its over
I don’t wanna know}

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Inuyasha? Wake up dude.” Came a familiar voice as he was being shook. With a groan he opened his eyes to a slit and peered at the person groggily. A dark figure loomed over him but he could barely make out that is was a guy by the voice. He knew that voice.

“What?” He managed to mumble past dry lips.

“Come on bud, Sango needs to talk to you and I don’t think she’s gonna be too receptive if you’re stinking drunk.” The voice said. He now figured in his hazy mind it must be Miroku.

“What the fuck does she want?” He grumbled as he forced himself to set up.

“You look like shit. How long as it been since you took a bath anyway.” A clearer vision of Miroku said as he pinched his own nose and waved a hand in front of his face. “Some breath mints would help too.”

“Fuck you.” Inuyasha snapped and stood wobbly to walk toward the bathroom. After relieving himself he came back out and plopped down on the bed. A fresh cup of coffee was shoved in front of his face. “What time is it?” He looked around for his alarm clock but Miroku looked at the watch on his wrist before he found it.

“Almost one in the afternoon. Now come on Sango is waiting.” Miroku told him and pulled on his arm.

“Where we gotta go? Do I have time for a shower first?” Inuyasha yawned widely then took a sip of the hot coffee letting it set on his tongue for a moment while he enjoyed the flavor. He wondered what it was because he never remembered his coffee tasting like this.

“She’s in the living room.” Miroku said sheepishly. Inuyasha spit the coffee in his mouth out in a wide spray.

“Shit why did you bring her here?” He snarled as he stomped toward the bathroom to clean up.

“She insisted but don’t worry, I straightened up before she got here.” Miroku said quietly and glanced out the crack of the bedroom door into the living room to check up on said woman.

“Thanks, I owe you.” Inuyasha looked over at him from the bathroom door. “I’ll only be about 10 minutes.” Then he disappeared behind a closed door. True to his word he came out of his bedroom 10 minutes later in sweat pants and a tee shirt with wet hair. His golden eyes looked over at Sango who eyed him carefully. He didn’t really know her well enough to be able to read her face but he could tell something was definitely on her mind. “So I take it you made the coffee?” He started as he walked into the kitchen to refill his cup.

“Yeah. Seemed best since you probably know what Miroku’s coffee tastes like.” She smiled sideways.

“Hey its not that bad.” Miroku protested.

“Maybe not to you. You’re used to it.” Sango teased making Inuyasha chuckle. “But that isn’t why I’m here. I wanted to talk to you about Kagome.” Her face became hard with worry lines. Inuyasha would admit she was a very pretty woman and he could see why Miroku was attracted to her but her personality just didn’t hit home with him. Now that she mentioned Kagome he wasn’t sure what to expect from her.

“Ok, what you got to say?” He said as calmly as he could not really in the mood for a lecture about his attitudes or his drinking.

“Well she has been really secretive for the past couple of weeks. I’ve noticed her doing some strange things.” She started looking at her hands thoughtfully.

“So she hasn’t been talking to you about us?” He asked and she shook her head no.

“I know that you guys have been having some hard times but this is different. She talks a little about that. I mean it is more like things she is doing. She has been going to quite a few ‘appointments’ lately that she doesn’t tell me anything about. Then today she suddenly said she was taking a short break from everything and would call me in a couple of days. She said she wanted to talk to you then too.” Sango looked at him with worry in her eyes.

“You don’t know where she went?” He asked curiously. This definitely didn’t seem like Kagome. But then the way she decided suddenly to leave that guy, Kouga, it wasn’t beyond her.

“No. She didn’t say. She just packed all her stuff and left at about 10 this morning. She asked me to wait to talk to you until tonight but I couldn’t wait. I hoped you would have an idea what was going on.” She worried her lip as she waited for him to say something.

“All of her stuff?” Inuyasha asked and Sango nodded. He frowned not liking the sounds of this. “I’m not sure where she would go but I know someone she might have talked to.” He stood and went to the cordless phone setting on the wall. He then went to his bedroom and returned with his wallet in hand. He dumped it out on coffee table retrieving a pink slip of paper with in. He sat back on the couch and dialed the number scribbled on it. He waited less then patiently while it rang. Finally after several rings a masculine voice picked up.

“Hello?” The man asked quietly.

“Which one of you fruit cakes am I talkin to?” He said gruffly.

“Nice to hear from you too Inuyasha. This is Hojo.” Said man answered indignantly.

“Hey Hojo, is Jak around?” Inuyasha asked as he glanced at Sango’s shocked face.

“Yeah hang on.” Hojo said and Inuyasha could hear him yell for Jak in the back ground.

“You have his number?” She whispered while they waited for said person to come to the phone. Inuyasha nodded as he listened for Jak.

“Yeah, he gave it to me just in case.” He started then went back to the phone call. “Hey Jak.” There was a pause while said man talked to him.

“Hello hunk of a man what can I do for you.” Came the flamboyant answer.

“I needed to ask you if you talked to Kagome lately.” Inuyasha held back the cringe from his remark. The guy really did bug him sometimes but he could be alright.

“No hun what happened? Did you get into a fight?” Jak asked as he sat on his fluffy couch making himself comfortable for the conversation.

“You could say that. But what concerns me is she packed all her stuff and left the place she has been staying at for the past month just all of a sudden. She said she would call in a couple of days and I was hoping that maybe she was headed your direction.” Inuyasha replied calmly.

“Well if she was coming here to get away then I wouldn’t tell you. Surely you know that?” Jak said haughtily. Inuyasha cringed. The man really didn’t have any loyalty to him that was true. He just wanted to make sure she was ok.

“Yeah I know but you would let me know that she was ok if you hear from her wouldn’t you?” Inuyasha asked hopefully. He really didn’t want the guy to think he was desperate but inside he definitely felt that way.

“Yes I can do that. But I have to ask why you are so worried when last time I spoke to her, Kagome told me you were back with your old girl friend?” Jak asked firmly.

“I’m not back with Kikyo and that seems to be the main problem between Kagome and me. She won’t give me a chance to talk to her about it and it seems every time we do get a chance Kikyo shows up. The timing has been totally off for us. Mostly I’m concerned because Sango said that Kagome has been secretive lately. Going out to appointments she won’t talk about and all. I’m just worried for her you know. She can be to gullible at times.” Inuyasha said with concern.

“Well that is for sure. She followed you out to California.” Jak laughed gently.

“Yeah well it was your fault. You shouldn’t have told me where she was.” Inuyasha defended.

“So true, but I could tell deep down you’re a good man. You just have a hard time letting others see it. Kagome saw it the first time she met you and that is what attracted her to you. She needed your strength then. Maybe now she wants to try to depend on herself.” Jak answered honestly.

“I just wish she would open up more. I know its hard. Its not like I’m the most open person either but if she would just trust me a little more.” Inuyasha leaned back on the couch staring down at his bare feet.

“Unfortunately you didn’t exactly show her that you were worthy of her trust. If you didn’t want to be involved with her then you should have kept it on a friends only basis. But then I’m not so sure she wouldn’t have started to fall for you anyway. I would have a hard time myself.” Jak burst into laughter at Inuyasha’s growl of frustration.

“Don’t even go there fruit cake.” Inuyasha said indignantly making Jak laugh harder.

“Of course not but all I can suggest is to give her the space she asked for and wait it out. Hey, I have to finish getting ready for work. I’ll call you if I hear anything and I hope you will do the same for me so I don’t worry.” Jak said as he stood to hang up.

“Yeah I will. Take care girly man.” Inuyasha snorted a chuckle.

“I will and remember if you ever decided to come over to the dark side give me a call stud muffin. My lover and I would love to have a three some with you.” Jak replied bursting into laughter again. Inuyasha grinned and hung up the phone. With a shiver he looked up at the waiting couple.

“You actually know him?” Sango looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah he came over and introduced himself to me the morning after Kagome and I met. He gave me his number in case I ever needed to get a hold of him.” Inuyasha admitted.

“Wow. Kagome talks about Jak a lot. Did he have any news?” She asked hopefully.

“Unfortunately not. He did say he would call if he heard anything.” Inuyasha said and leaned back after setting the phone on the coffee table.
“Then we are back to square one.” Sango said dejectedly.

“It appears so. All we can do is wait.” Inuyasha added rubbing his temples as his headache became more predominant. Inside he hated having to wait but Jak was right. He needed to let her have this time to think things out. He only hoped that she didn’t make any stupid decisions. Even if she didn’t include him in her life he never wanted to see her hurt again.