UnBound Memories

A/N Updates might come a little slower now, as I'm out of my handwritten notes for a while, and have to re-copy the lost parts of the story from scratch. I hope that this story is living up to expectations, and that those expecting an Inu/Sess story aren't too disappointed. I read a story that had Sess. as an unknown father to Inu., and I couldn't resist doing this my own way. To Tenshi Youkai, Thank you so much for your helpful reviews and I appreciate your interest. Yes, this is my first fanfic, and first time I've written anything detailed about sex (why I'm doing this in the first place is to go outside of comfort zones), but I have written stories for years, so calling this my first story maybe isn't exactly true. Anyway, I hope you will enjoy it as I try to continue without my notes.

Chapter 10

It's a boy

“Don’t you give me this shit about not being related. For Kami sake, you smell exactly like I remember father did.” InuYasha’s eyes widened as he realized what still remained unsaid. “No.” he began to back away, tears running down both cheeks. “No, no. No. No. NO.”

Sesshomaru could not stop his own tears as he neared InuYasha. Though the younger demon fought, Sesshomaru once again held him in an embrace, this one much tighter than the last.

********

Sesshomaru laid in bed after throwing up for the second time that day. The antidote to that root Jin had injected him with was proving to be more troublesome than the root itself. He’d stopped taking it almost three weeks ago, and yet the illness continued. It may even have been worse than he remembered, as he had fainted twice in the last month. He felt defenseless enough as it was without some herbal remedy making him weak. Two months had passed since the attack, and still the memories haunted him, even the tears that appeared when he slept still remained nearly blood red.

As she had done every day, Izayoi entered the room, acting as the healer she might have become if Sesshomaru hadn’t arranged for her to meet the Inu no Taisho. “How do you feel today?” she asked as he held a cup of tea in her hand, extending it to the inuyoukai.

“Ill.”

Izayoi pulled up Sesshomaru’s haori and pushed his pants down slightly, looking very professional as she did so, though her actions were making him turn bright, crimson red in embarrassment. Trying to get his mind off of her actions, Sesshomaru drank the tea, just as he had for the last few days, waiting for the effects of the hot liquid to ease his nausea.

Sesshomaru glanced down at her as he sipped the bitter tea. “You do not need to check me again, do you?” he asked, trying not to make that question sound like a whine.

“No.”

Sesshomaru was grateful. That had been humiliating, having his friend of ten years and stepmother inspecting areas that were to be reserved only for a loved one, areas that had been so violated.

He had finished the tea, he placed it on the bedside table.

“Do you feel any better today, Son?” Lord Touga asked as he entered the room. Sesshomaru still couldn’t bring himself to speak to his father, not when he still felt so cold and distant inside. Each time he had tried over the last two months, the words came out unaffected as he fought off memories of his father’s rescue, leaving Touga looking disappointed, as the older inu obviously wanted his son back intact.

Sesshomaru only shrugged in response to his father’s concern.

“Sesshomaru,” Izayoi said, rubbing her hands again over the tiny bulge on his stomach. “Do you have any idea why this is here?”

Sesshomaru shook his head. He had been wondering himself how, with as sick as he was, he could manage to gain weight.

Izayoi knelt by Sesshomaru, placing a hand on his face. “Sesshomaru, your father explained to you a great deal about sex and all that goes with it, but he omitted telling you about rape.”

The Inu no Taisho stood on the other side of Seshomaru, taking his hand. “I told you everything I thought necessary. I never expected needing to tell you about this. I know you would never be capable of hurting someone, not this way, and I just never expected…”

Sesshomaru looked up at his father, biting back his anger at him. “Just get on with it.”

Lord Touga opened his mouth, struggling to say the words that were his duty to utter. Seeing her husband’s difficulty, Izayoi supplied them.

“With rape in demons, there is no determining the result. There was such a cocktail of emotions, your own body didn’t know how to react.” She rested her hand again on Sesshomaru’s belly. “Your body decided you wanted a baby. You are, without a doubt, pregnant.”

“No.” Sesshomaru recoiled from his father and stepmother. “No! No, no!” He drew his knees upward and rubbed the little bump, seriously considering for a moment running his poisoned claws into it.

*******

“Let go of me!” InuYasha yelled as he struggled against Sesshomaru.

“I will not.” Sesshomaru held the young demon tightly. “You are the only part of that experience I want to remember. You are my son, and I am not letting you go.”

“Don’t call me that. You are not my father.” InuYasha thrashed against Sesshomaru, who could feel tiny sobs coming from the body he held. “I am not. My parents loved me. They wanted me, even if the rest of the world didn’t.” Sesshomaru locked his arms around InuYasha, who continued his fight. “You hated me all my life.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Then why did you try to kill me? You never could have done that if you’d ever given a damn.”

********

Sesshomaru rose from his bed, a struggle at the best of times, trying to ignore the kicking and pain in his midsection. He looked down, absolutely unable to see his feet. He hadn’t seen them in months, and the only reminder that they still existed was a swollen ache.

Again there was a shift. Sesshomaru was standing, grasping onto his bloated stomach. He felt like he had swallowed a boulder, looked like it too. “Will you settle for a moment, inu yasha?”

In reply, the little being in his stomach gave a very firm kick to Sesshomaru’s left hand, though finally resting for at least a little while. Seshsomaru walked--never would he call it waddling--to the desk to see what scrolls his father had provided him as entertainment. Five months had passed within the confines of the room, with another yet to go. Sesshomaru had been forced to stay within the western wing, where his pregnancy scent could be masked. Otherwise, the life growing inside of him would have been killed, Sesshomaru’s own title as heir revoked, and any hope of being alpha obliterated. Alphas did not give birth. They could, but were never anything but top, and if they were, they never allowed themselves to reach such a level of submission that they actually conceived.

The pup was turning, a sensation Sesshomaru had grown accustomed to, though he wondered what kind of child this pup would be, as he didn’t seem to be capable of staying still even in this confined space. Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around his stomach, growing more and more anxious for the day when that child would come into the world. He hadn’t given Izayoi and his father an answer whether or not he was going to keep the baby himself or allow them to raise the pup as their own. He wasn’t sure that he honestly wanted them to.

At that thought, the pup swiftly kicked Sesshomaru in the kidney. In response, the inuyoukai growled.

********

Sesshomaru moved his arms to hold InuYasha’s face and look him in the eyes. “I do not know why I forgot how much I loved you, just as I forgot how much I cared for Izayoi. I can only suppose that the loss of the memories didn’t mean the loss of the emotions.”

“So you really did hate me?” InuYasha was fighting a losing battle against the tears that continued to fall, and Sesshomaru didn’t feel like he was doing much better.

“I resented you, yes, InuYasha. It wasn’t hate. I have never been so torn as I was with you. I resented the burden you presented and that you were half Jin’s.” InuYasha winced as though Sesshomaru had just smacked him. “But I had never loved someone as much, either. Jin’s blood runs through your veins, but you are entirely mine.” Sesshomaru’s thumbs tried to wipe away some of the tears from InuYasha’s face, a parental affection that Sesshomaru was somewhat loathe to admit as motherly. “As a pup, you never cried."

“You’re crying too, you know. Whatever happened to the big, mean Sesshomaru?”

“You.”

********

Sesshomaru was laying with his back against his father’s chest, one of Touga’s knees on either side of him. The agony of the contractions was growing close enough for Sesshomaru to have completely forgotten any embarrasment that it was Izayoi, once again at his most private of places, preparing to deliver his pup into the world, though the pain did serve as a regular reminder of her own responsibility in this birth. That tea she had given him before telling him he was pregnant was not only to ease the nausea, but made the baby damned near indestructible, despite Sesshomaru’s initial disregard for his own health.

As another contraction hit, Sesshomaru squeezed tightly onto his father’s strong hands. From below, Izayoi was telling Touga to release Sesshomaru’s hands and hold his legs back farter. Touga pulled them toward their chests, making the younger inu give an exhausted whimper. Sesshomaru desperately needed something to hold onto, and grabbed his father’s knees, kneeding his hands into the fabric covering them.

The pain was more than he thought even he could bear, but he heard orders from below that he should begin to push, which he had been trying to do for the last two hours. Now, as he could feel the baby’s head crowning, he was certain he was splitting in half. Sweat and tears mingled on his face as his claws ripped holes in his father’s hakama.

“Push,” his father coaxed.

“I am, damn it,” Sesshomaru hissed back before he screamed in pain.

“The head’s out,” Izayoi said.

“Unless the whole damned thing is out, do not talk,” Sesshomaru said, teeth clenched. His breathing was becoming ragged as he felt tiny limbs moving out of his body and into Izayoi’s awaiting hands.

“It’s a boy,” she said, looking at her friend and stepson. “You have a little boy.”