This is Gonna be Fun (uncensored)
I am so Screwed
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Disclaimer: dang, still don’t own
all on any of it.
A/N Thanks once again
for the reviews. This’ll
be two chapters at once…totally non-citrus, but hopefully worth a laugh or two.
Chapter 10: I Am So Screwed…
Everyone not trapped under
enchanted boulders sat in a circle on the grassy hill, trying to pass the time as
they waited for Myouga. Kagome was still feeling very
uncomfortable about the entire situation and couldn’t help looking to
“Are you sure we can’t let him out now? He
looks so miserable...”
“Soon, Kagome.” he started saying after about
thirty minutes. For the first thirsty minutes he didn’t respond as he
couldn’t hear a word she said over the initial curses and howls coming from the
trapped youkai and hanyou.
Once the group actually broke out food and started eating without bothering to
offer any to the hungry pair, the noise was even worse. Inuyasha’s
instructions on what to do with certain anatomical parts at that point were
particularly loud, although he blushed and muttered an apology when Kagome came
over with his food.
“What, did you think I’d forget you?” she
asked, shaking her head.
“Well, you’re not doing anything to help
me out of here, so yeah.” he grumbled. She shook her head, looking
uncomfortable once again.
“I’m really sorry, Inuyasha.
Really.” she said, crouching down to look into his eyes so intently that he
finally had to look away. “Miroku says this is
important, though, so that you won’t get hurt…and so Kouga
doesn’t get killed either.”
His eyes narrowed. “You STILL care about
that stupid wolf? Kagome, what the hell is wrong with you!”
“No! It’s not that. I…” she took a deep
breath and sat down next to him, holding his bowl of soup. “I’m sorry I didn’t
believe you about Kouga.” she said quietly. “But, you
get so jealous of everyone and so I thought this was the same as
“But then why – “
“He might be a jerk, Inuyasha…but
I don’t think that’s a good reason to die. Don’t you understand?
is. I don’t want him to die because of me. I couldn’t stand knowing someone
died because of me.”
“It’s not because of you, it’s because of
him!”
She shook her head. “I can’t really see
the difference. Miroku says that you and
without bloodshed on either side, so…I’m going to go along with it.”
Inuyasha
frustration and grunted. “Damn. Find then, if you won’t help, just put
the bowl here and leave. “
“But don’t you need some help to…”
“Feh.
grabbed the rim of the bowl with his teeth and tilted his head up to gulp the
soup as it poured down his throat. She tried not to feel guilty for not
offering Kouga anything as she walked back to
Miroku
turn out…
think about it, really. Miroku and the others were
drowsing after their mid-day meal as she joined them, so she tried to sit
quietly, peeking over an Inuyasha every few minutes
to make certain he was all right. I hope
Myouga gets here soon, she thought.
Unlike the rest of the group,
and filth covered as they lay, exhausted, trapped by their respective stones.
They’d both already given up on trying to get out from
underneath Shippou’s boulders, although they had huge
patches of churned up earth encircling them to show for their escape efforts.
“This is fucking unbelievable.”
“Tell me about it.” sighed
“Don’t agree with me, you bastard. I’m
still going to kill you once I get out of here!”
Kouga
She doesn’t want to kill me. So how quickly do you think they’ll let you go if
you keep threatening to kill me?" He shook his head. "You
really are a dumbshit.”
“You’re the dumbshit,
you moron!”
Rolling his eyes, Kouga
let his head slump against the boulder on top of his numbed hands. “
because trapping you here is depriving some village of its idiot.”
“Oh, fuck you!”
“Face it, if you were any more stupid,
you’d be a vegetable.”
“Shut up, you damn wolf!”
Kouga
lets you hang around her because you make a fairly good guard dog,
half-breed. That and the fact that Mikos are
known to be kind to animals.”
Inuyasha
she’d just rather be around a real man rather than a gutless coward who cuts
and runs the first time he starts to get into trouble, you conceited asshole.”
“A real man?
rival males stopped arguing and looked over at Miroku
to find him chatting with Kagome.
“He better not even think about
touching Kagome.” They both growled simultaneously. Turning back to each other,
they growled even more fiercely as they realized they’d spoken at the same
time.
“You’d better not think about
touching her either, you scruffy excuse for a wolf.” Inuyasha
threatened. “I don’t know why you can’t just take the fucking hint and
piss off.”
“Because Kagome is
MINE.” Kouga
snarled.
“She’s not yours if you have to fucking
kidnap her before she’ll go with you, you moronic piece of shit!”
Kouga
grew unfocused. “Damn, the plans I had once we got back to the den…”
“You better not be thinking of Kagome, you
sick bastard!”
“Of course I’m thinking of Kagome,
peace. As long as I’m stuck under this damn boulder I might as well have
mumbling. “Anyway, I need something to take my mind off this stupid itch on my
nose!”
“Why don’t you count up to ten, then,
Kouga
Inuyasha
fucking, sick asshole, thinking about his Kagome that way! He couldn’t stand
it!
“Miroku!
he looked at Kagome and tried to think of exactly how to say it, “he’s thinking
too much about Kagome!”
Kagome and Sango
looked at each other. Huh?
“Honestly, he’s like a 12 year old.”
To Inuyasha’s
relief, though, Miroku sauntered over to
that, Kouga.” He said cheerfully, “It’s too small to
be out on its own.” Winking at Inuyasha, he started
back to the others when Kouga’s voice stopped him.
“What the hell are you doing, anyway, you
stupid Houshi.” Kouga
growled at him, wishing he could rub the lump forming on his head. “You know
I’m going to kill you as soon as I get out from under here, so why haven’t
killed me
what’s going on?”
Miroku
you’d be dead already. I know your type when it comes to women…”
“Hell, that’s the truth…pot calling the
kettle black.” muttered Inuyasha.
Miroku
“As I was saying, I know your type. You’ll just keep coming back over and over
again until you’ve taken Kagome, or until we do something that will keep you
permanently away from us.”
Kouga
away except kill me, you idiot. I’m stronger and faster than
Miroku
“Hey, he is NOT stronger than me!” barked
“…but you’re certainly not smarter. We
found the perfect solution that will satisfy both Kagome
about both our friends to try and take their feelings into account. Don’t
worry, though, you shouldn’t have too long to wait. The solution to our problem
will be coming back with Myouga any time now.” He smiled
again at the scowling youkai. “I look forward to
showing it to you. Now if you’ll excuse me…” he turned and was walking back to
the others when there was a disturbance in the trees to the north of them.
“Well, speaking of… I think that must be them now. They’re coming!” he called
out, and Sango, Kirara, and
Shippou stood up and took positions around Kagome.
She stood up as well and stood still as
“You shouldn’t be in any danger, Kagome, “she said, “but we’d really appreciate
you staying here, just in case.” Kagome nodded reluctantly. They’d all refused
to tell her what the plan was. What
exactly is Myouga bringing?
She peeked around her living fence in time
to see a young demon with bright red hair and piercing green eyes come to a
stop in front of them.
was muttering to her shoulder as she looked warily at all of them, and Kagome
picked up Myouga’s voice responding to her. What was
she doing here?
Ayame
noticed Kouga’s filthy form trapped on the ground.
“What have you done to him, you filthy humans?” she cried out, starting for
her, his eyes shining with hope.
“Ayame!
they can’t do a damn thing to me.” He turned his head to glare victoriously at
“If you take off the sutra,
dead.
“What was that?” she asked, turning away
from Kouga.
“Don’t listen to them, Ayame!
Just take off the sutras! That’s all I need…”
“What was that you said?”
“Kouga wishes to
force Kagome to be his mate. I sent Myouga for you
because I felt that this might be…of interest to you. Although admittedly
at the time I thought we’d have the opportunity to discuss it as a future
possibility. I believe the situation is still salvageable, however.” He
smiled amiably. “Was I correct in thinking that you would wish to know of
this?”
“Wish to know of it?” she muttered to
herself. Her eyes started to glow. “I should say so!” she turned back to
allow. “You were going to kidnap Kagome, were you?”
“I…”
“After you
wolf!”
colored halo around her head, and Kouga flattened to
the ground, still trying to yank his hands free.
“Oh shit.” he muttered.
Inuyasha
Kouga
yell, “Shut up, you pathetic mongrel! I…OW!” he rocked back as
saw tears gathering in her eyes and gulped. “Ayame,
you can’t really expect me to… Ayame, you were just a
kid. You were just a kid! How can you expect me to honor something like that…
“You promised me, Kouga.”
He grimaced and braced himself, anticipating another roundhouse kick, when
“If I might interrupt
for a moment?”
nodded warily. “We have things we should discuss then, young woman.” He held
out his arm to her, and she took it slowly, letting him lead her over to
Kouga
muttered to himself, watching after them. What did that monk think he was
playing at? And what was up with holding Ayame’s
hand? And…where did that thought even come from? He shook his head, redirecting
his energy to trying and failing to hear what Miroku
was saying to Ayame. She’d smiled almost immediately,
so whatever it was, it couldn’t be good news. Eventually, Ayame
was starting to nod at whatever Miroku was saying,
and he carefully placed something into her hands.
As she started back to Kouga,
he started growling again. His senses screamed that something was seriously
wrong, the same way they had warned him when he first encountered
If there were only one hand trapped under the damn rock, he would have chewed
it off already just to get away from this feeling.
Ayame
smiling at him, and he continued to growl low in his throat, eyes following her
every move. “Aren’t you worried about my legs, Ayame?”
he warned. She continued to smile.
“No.”
His growl dropped lower. She just kept
smiling. “Kouga, I have wonderful news for you.” He
didn’t bother to respond. “We’re going to be mated.” he scowled at her.
“I’m taking Kagome as my mate,
“However, I had to promise
growling had faded and he tried to look his usual confident self. “How about we
seal our commitment with a kiss, Kouga?”
His eyes widened. “What?” She leaned
towards him and he unsuccessfully tried to rear back. When that failed, he
turned his head so far from her that he almost dislocated his neck. He was
trying to figure out what to do next when something whipped past his eyes and
settled on his chest. “WHAT?”
He looked down to find a necklace hanging
around his neck. It looked really familiar…
Inuyasha
This is the BEST DAY of my LIFE! Eat dirt, you stupid wolf!”
racked his brain, trying to figure out what it was that Inuyasha
knew that he didn’t.
“Kouga…”
become my mate?”
“I told you, I’m going to make Kagome my
mate! Now, what the hell did you…”
“WRONG ANSWER!”
face, cutting him off. “Baka!” she said fiercely, and
he suddenly felt his body pulled down at the neck to slam into the dirt
painfully. What the hell? Oh shit, that’s why they looked so familiar…those
beads that always used to be around that mongrel’s neck…they looked just like
this!
He managed to spit out the dirt from his
mouth and raised his head to find Ayame staring hard
at him. “That worked better than I thought.” she said, watching him.
“…hahahahahahahahaha.
Oh jeez, Miroku, fucking let me up here! I won’t even
kill you anymore, you stupid monk! I’d spend the whole day under a pile of
rocks just to watch this!” Inuyasha started laughing
again, and Kouga was about to turn to glare at him
when he felt Ayame’s fingertips against his chin. He
looked back at her.
“Kouga-kun…
asked again, smiling fiercely.
“Fuck no.” he said angrily.
“BAKA!”
“GAH!”
“Kougaaaa…are
you going to keep your promise?”
“Ayame, “he
said, spitting out dirt again, “You can’t really think this will make me change
my mi-“
“BAKA!”
“Kouga…are you
going to become my mate?”
He kept his face laying
in the dirt and closed his eyes. “Fuckin’ A, I am so
screwed.” he thought. Son of a bitch…
“BAKA!”