What the Darkness Brings

PART I: The Consequence of Recovery
Chapter 9: Like a Child

If it had been any other occasion, she would have been horribly uncomfortable. Even after three weeks of being manhandled by and being around Sesshou-Maru, she had never really gotten used to his presence. So being in his arm like this… she would have been uncomfortable. But this was a special occasion.

Kagome could barely contain herself as Sesshou-Maru carried her out of Kaede’s hut and into the herb garden where the others were gathered. At their curious gazes, she merely smiled happily, fidgeting in his arm, her right leg kicking in excitement, the hakamas she wore making the actions even more accentuated. She had made Sesshou-Maru promise that she would show them, that it would happen in front of them. They were all in this together, they had a right to be there for such a moment.

Her anticipation rose as Sesshou-Maru carefully set her on her feet. Sango was up on hers in an instant, worry telling her to help her friend. It was too early to for her to be up on her feet. Yes she was sitting up just fine – with only the slightest of discomfort – but standing?

But Kagome stopped her with a raised hand, her other on Sesshou-Maru’s arm for balance. Nervously she looked up to her caretaker, searching for his approval. When he nodded, she smiled nervously, looking to the ground.

And took a tentative step forward with her right foot.

A collective gasp rang through the crowd of her friends as she took her first steps since the accident. Her first steps in a full month and two weeks.

Yet Kagome paused in using her left leg. For some reason, her left had been hurting her the most, especially when any weight was put on it. Sesshou-Maru explained to her why, something about which side it was on and some damaged nerves, but she didn’t really understand exactly what he was talking about. All she knew was that her leg would hurt her forever and she would never be able to use it correctly. So Sesshou-Maru still walked next to her, allowing her to use him as a crutch in more ways than one.

Kagome was grateful for him. She knew she would reciprocate being so helpful, but it just wasn’t the same. Giving him back his arm seemed to her such a miniscule ‘thank you’ for saving her life. For surely, had he known nothing about doctoring, she would be dead. To her, Sesshou-Maru was hardly hindered by his lack of an arm, he overcame it and bettered himself to make up for his loss. Getting back that arm just didn’t seem all that equal to her.

Shaking off the thought of her future and giving the inu youkai’s only arm a slight squeeze, Kagome signaled to him that she was ready to try using her right leg. She felt him shift slightly, a long tail materializing behind him in preparation. She might fall. He’d told her he would catch her.

With one last nervous glance to the large inu, Kagome stepped forward again.

Pain shot up her right leg, but it wasn’t a paralyzing hurt. Her face brightened in a smile, finding that she could deal with this ache. She looked up to her friends, her eyes watering with the joy she found on their faces. All those therapy sessions had paid off. All the painful twisting of her spine and bending of her legs had finally gotten her above being able to sit up on her own.

When she reached Sango, she let go of Sesshou-Maru’s arm and enveloped her dear friend in a bone crushing hug. It was returned gingerly, the taijiya not wanting to hurt her.

“You can walk.” Sango breathed, amazement in her voice.

Kagome chuckled, “Sesshou-Maru said I healed a bit faster than any normal human would.”

The miko suddenly felt something constricting her leg, and she pulled away to glance down at the ecstatic fox cub strangling the appendage. She reached down and pulled him up into her arms, squeezing the kit tightly. Sango stepped away to allow Miroku and Kaede their chance to hug her and for Inu-Yasha to pat her shoulder awkwardly.

“You will never walk as you did before. You will be like a child for the rest of your natural life.”

Sesshou-Maru’s stoic voice caught her attention and Kagome looked up from the ecstatic faces of her friends to the expressionless features of her caretaker. She smiled inwardly at finally being able to look at him from off her stomach (though she did cringe at the wording of that thought). She was much too happy to let the words he spoke dampen her spirits, so instead of feeling crestfallen, she shrugged. “I wouldn’t expect to, Sesshou-Maru. The spine is a very delicate thing.”

He nodded down at her, “We will need to create a plan then, for you. There are exercises you must practice, so we should plan for the next sixty or seventy years. After that, you should be dead so there will be no need to plan farther.”

Kagome restrained her exasperated look – how tactful his statement was –, carefully schooling her features to curiosity. It wasn’t that hard for her. She was genuinely curious. “You would help me more? For longer than this?”

“You would not keep healing if I did not assist you further.”

Kagome shook her head, “That’s not what I meant. Why would you help me even though your part of the deal is done?”

The youkai’s lips pursed slightly, drawing Kagome’s gaze to them for a moment or two (or twenty). He seemed to think about it before his face became a mask again. “Naraku would not expect it.”

Kagome didn’t know whether she should buy it or not. He hated Naraku yes, but she did tend to annoy him overmuch… Wouldn’t this be going overboard? Well, she was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She smiled brightly, “Thank you, Sesshou-Maru-sama.”

If he was surprised by her sudden show of respect – or at least his form of it – then he didn’t show it. Kagome didn’t expect anything less, Sesshou-Maru seemed to not be able to show more than one emotion a day.

“Hey… Sesshou-Maru?” The reluctant inquiry of her hanyou friend made her start a bit. Since when did Inu-Yasha say his half-brothers name without some malice? Since when did he politely ask the attention of anyone, even remotely? But the inu lord barely batted an eye; he just turned to show that his attention was given.

“Can I talk to you in private for a minute?”

Immediately, Kagome sought to protest. Surely the two of them alone together for any amount of time was a horrendous idea. One of them would end up dead! Or even both! But before she could utter a sound, Sesshou-Maru was gently switching her grip from his arm to Sango’s.

“Do not let her exert herself over much, she does not have to sit until she wants, but do not let her take more than small steps. She may want to walk to the moon, but I reiterate, she is as a child. She cannot walk properly.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Kagome saw Miroku cover his mouth over a laugh. She turned to glare at him, her cheeks a bright red with a blush. Damn youkai… So what he was a master of the medical field? She could handle more than ‘small steps’!

A hand on her shoulder pulled her from her ‘I’m-going-to-kill-that-jerk-with-mass-amounts-of-annoying-talking’ thoughts and she turned to the smiling face of her caretaker. Nezumi’s face was bright with a smile. A wave of gratitude washed over her, and she completely forgot to be worried over the two inu brothers who were inevitably going to kill each other. Instead she smiled brilliantly and reached for the rats’ paw.

“I couldn’t have done it without you Nezumi.”

To that, the grey demon laughed outright and kissed her hand in a polite display, “Nonsense, you are much too stubborn to keep down young lady.”

Kagome smiled in pleasure from the complement and kiss. This was another reason she loved Nezumi, he was a charming male. Such a difference from what she was used to and a change from the norm was always good.

Another hand dropped onto her shoulder, and Miroku smiled innocently down at her, “We are definitely going to celebrate this remarkable occasion.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Kagome saw Sango roll her eyes at the houshi. “The celebration you’re thinking of is not going to happen, monk.”

Miroku managed to look wounded but remained silent under the dark look Sango gave him. The young miko shifted slightly, moving to get more support from her sister. “Let’s walk.”

Sango smiled warily, “Where to?”

“I don’t care if it’s in circles, let’s just walk.”

Her sister complied immediately, slowly guiding the younger woman in a slow ring around the group. “Is this okay?”

“Perfect.” She wouldn’t have cared if she was walking on hot stones as long as she was moving. After so much time of lying on her stomach in pain or otherwise, she was ecstatic to be up again. She would never again take for granted this simple activity (others yes, this one no), never again complain to Inu-Yasha for making them walk so much. Heck, she never wanted to sit or lay down again.

Shippou suddenly jumped up onto Miroku’s shoulder, facing Kagome’s rat caretaker, “What are you going to do now Nezumi?”

Everyone looked up at the kit’s innocent question, suddenly wondering the same thing.

The grey demon smiled, seeming unfazed with the fact that the kitsune was talking to him for the first time. “I will be staying with Miss Kagome, of course. She will need some aid in daily life which I will be able to give her.”

Kagome frowned, “You don’t have to stay with me, Nezumi.”

Shippou’s chest puffed out in a prideful, protective display, “We can help her out.”

Nezumi nodded compliantly to each of the group, “She will need a permanent caretaker. Each of you will eventually go on your own way, that much you cannot deny.”

The young miko could hear the unintentional challenge in his statement, so she spoke up quickly. “But still Nezumi, I can’t ask you to stay with me the rest of my life.”

Nezumi’s smile was still in place, though she detected just a bit of sadness. “Sesshou-Maru-sama has requested that I remain with you and Inu-Yasha-san doesn’t seem to disagree overmuch.”

“Don’t call me that, Rat. I ain’t no lord.”

Kagome jumped in surprise (which made her back twinge) and whirled about to glare at the inu hanyou who’d decided to sneak up on her. “Make some noise next time, will ya?!”

A silver eyebrow arced, “Feh. Quit gettin’ soft on us and you won’t be surprised next time.”

The white figure behind Inu-Yasha distracted her from her rising annoyance. Her eyes flicked to the taller inu momentarily before they turned accusingly to the hanyou. “What did you two talk about?”

The hanyou grimaced, “There was a reason I asked to talk to him alone, woman, and that was so no one would decide to listen in.”

She turned to Sesshou-Maru with a questioning eye, “What did you two talk about?”

A flash of amusement passed through his amber eyes, “Nothing that concerns you, priestess.”

Her lower lip stuck up in a pout as she glared at the two (half) brothers. “Well, fine then… I’d like to talk to you as well, Sesshou-Maru. Alone.” She stuck her tongue out at the younger brother.

Inu-Yasha sputtered, “What in the hell do you want to talk to him alone for?”

She sniffed imperially, her nose in the air as she switched from using Sango as a crutch to the cold lord. “Because you’re being mean and I have questions for him anyway.” She turned an annoyed look to the taiyoukai, “Let’s go for a walk, Stuffy-san.”

His frown told her that he didn’t like the new nickname she’d dreamt up for him, however – amazingly – he didn’t argue with her. “Where do you want to go then?”

She allowed herself a few moments to make it look as if she was thinking. She already knew where she wanted to go, but she didn’t think the others would approve so early. “Would the Bone Eaters Well be too far?”

As she watched Sesshou-Maru look into the distance (to which she presumed was the well) she heard the others behind her begin to protest.

“Kagome, that’s a bit far, don’t you think?”

“Why in the hell would you want to go there?”

“Perhaps that is not such a wise idea.”

Sesshou-Maru interrupted anymore to come, “If we go slowly and you lean heavily on my arm, this Sesshou-Maru is sure we could make it one way. I am surprised you have stayed up this long, I had been sure your muscles would have atrophied slightly.”

She grimaced as they began to slowly walk, ignoring the others quiet protests. “I didn’t say it was easy. But I don’t want to sit or lay down yet. It’s been too long.”

He nodded in understanding and continued on without silence.

Eventually, when Kagome was sure they were far enough away from the others, she began her questions. “Can I ask you a favor Sesshou-Maru?”

The sudden request seemed to startle him for he didn’t answer immediately, “Why would you need to ask this Sesshou-Maru, instead of your packmates?”

Her grip on his tightened momentarily, “They wouldn’t help me, even if I begged.”

“Nezumi-“

She shook her head, interrupting him. “He wouldn’t feel that it was good for my health, so he’d make it completely out of the question.”

“What makes you consider I would be any different?”

“You’d see the importance it is to my mental health.”

He shook his head at the scenery before them, “It is your physical condition which concerns me, not your mental.”

She stopped and looked up at him imploringly, silently begging him to understand, “But you know very well that mental health can affect the physical, don’t you?”

A frustrated look crossed his features until it smoothed out to his usual mask of indifference. He urged her to continue walking with a wave of his tail before them. “It is true. However, if what I am thinking you want is correct, then it may harm you as much as it may help you.”

“Not knowing is so much worse.”

“I was under the impression my brother already tried.”

She felt her eyes tear up, but she forced them back, “I have to try myself, if only for the sake of my sanity.”

“And what of your friends? What of their piece of mind?” His tone was slightly scolding, disappointed. “Have you not thought your ordeal would affect them as well?”

His words cut deep. “I’m not so selfish as to think it wouldn’t.”

“But you are selfish enough to worry them while you go to try jump down a portal which most likely does not work.”

She felt her lower lip quiver. She pursed her lips to keep Sesshou-Maru from seeing it. “I have you with me. They know you’ll protect me, and help me.”

She heard a soft growl from the inu, and when he spoke, his voice was almost angry. “You rely on this Sesshou-Maru overmuch. I will not always be here and my brother is not so trusting.”

The tears came, even with her effort to stop them. “Please, Sesshou-Maru.”

A heavy sigh from the taiyoukai startled her, and she looked up to see him grimacing at the horizon. They remained silent as they walked, their slow gate bringing them every so slightly closer to the well.

“How do you propose to do this?”

Her heart beat just a bit faster, “I have a shard I can give you, and you can jump down with me.”

“Why do you believe it would work for this Sesshou-Maru?”

“Anything with a shard should be able to get through.”

He only nodded his understanding and they continued their slow pace to the well. Their silence only antagonized Kagome further, but she was to grateful for his compliance to even try talking to him. It might annoy him into not helping her.

One way or another, though, she was going to get down that stupid well.

She knew she was being childish. There was no excuse for this. But it would kill her faster that the pain of her back would have if she didn’t know soon. Did Naraku and that Charlotte lady really seal off her true home? The probabilities weren’t in her favor. Inu-Yasha couldn’t get through and, just like her, he had always been able to go back and forth, even without a shard. That in itself should have been enough of a clue. She and the hanyou had always been tied to each other in some cosmic way no one understood, so the chances were great that she would have the same results. But Kagome still had a single reason to hope. She was not from this time as Inu-Yasha was. The well couldn’t deny her, her true home.

Could it?

And then, there was always a possibility that, if she did get through, she wouldn’t be able to come back to the past. This scenario would hurt her just as much as the more likely outcome. She didn’t want to lose either of her families, the past or future. It would kill her.

And therein lay her true dilemma. Which family would hurt more to lose?

Which would cost her more of her heart? It was a decision she knew she would have had to make anyway, after the Shikon had been completed. It was a choice she dreaded every time she looked at the well. But the jewel was no where near finished, and she had been hoping for a few more years to figure it out. Choices like these could not be made on a whim. She hadn’t been counting on the fact that the verdict would be taken away from her.

Kagome let out a trembling breath as they entered the clearing which housed the Bone Eaters Well. As if sensing her sudden trepidation, Sesshou-Maru stopped and looked down at her. “Is all well?”

She bit back the hysterical laugh, “Peachy.” She cursed her voice for cracking under the weight of nervousness.

He didn’t question her odd wording this time, “Are you certain you wish to try this?”

Almost desperately she urged him to help her closer to the well. “I have to try. I can’t lose them without a fight. If that Charlotte woman did something… maybe I can fix it.”

Sesshou-Maru’s arm twitched very slightly under her hand but when she looked up to assess the movement she saw nothing in his face.

She limped to a stop a few feet away from the old structure, her feet refusing to carry her any further. Horror rippled through her body at what she could already discern. She could feel the difference from where she stood. So far away from it and she could sense the magic that suppressed the ancient wells portal.

Against some better judgment locked deep in her mind, Kagome let go of Sesshou-Maru’s arm and stumbled forward. His coarsely furred tail caught her before she crashed to the ground. She heard him sigh, and before she knew it, she was resting against the wooden side of the well, sitting on a bright white pelt. She blinked down at the fur ignoring the pressure it put on her back, momentarily – and somewhat forcibly on her part – distracted from her more distressing subject.

“I-I thought this was a tail… or attached to you somehow.”

A slimmer, more coarsely furred appendage waved in front of her face as Sesshou-Maru sat away from her. “Obviously not.”

“Why are you letting me sit on it?”

“Presently it will serve you better than I.”

Numbly she nodded, her head turning slightly so she could eye the well. Leaning against it she could better feel the new power overwhelming the ancient. It was familiar. How strange. Awkwardly, she pressed her own magicks into the structure, feeling rather foolish as she used her back to channel her powers. She was used to using her hands as the conduit, but in her present position she was unable. Plus she was too dog tired to move. (She hated it when Sesshou-Maru was right) What she saw within the well was even stranger than what she felt.

The pure blues and purples of well magic were still present, swirling about in their usual languid way. But intermixed within those usual colors were familiar bright pink and white streaks and orbs of light she’d never before seen. Each of the colors danced in a sort of beautiful symmetry, one trying to surpass the other. The new pinks and whites were winning. This… if this was what she thought it was then she wouldn’t be able to fix it.

Kagome’s breath shook from her lungs as she called her energies back into her body, wincing at the numb, sleeping feeling as they settled back into her. “Have you felt this magic, Sesshou-Maru?”

“Yes.”

She swallowed against her suddenly dry throat, “Is it familiar to you too?”

“Yes.”

“It’s mine isn’t it?”

“…Yes.”

Her lower lip trembled as she nodded, “I thought so.”

Hiding the tears that were beginning to form, Kagome turned her head away from the demon lord, unable to do much else. She lost herself again to the sorrow that overwhelmed her, forgetting everything and everyone around her. The inu lord stayed with her for the hours she was unable to move from where she sat. He made no complaint, made no objection as she saturated his pelt with her tears, made no motion to leave her unprotected. He merely sat next to her, silently comforting her with his presence, a hand on her spine.

He was again and still the crutch she needed to keep herself from falling.

AAAAAA

Urg… I really, really don’t like the ending of this chapter. Which is odd, since I’m fantastic with endings, but horrible at beginnings. It was the complete opposite this time! Damnit!

This chapter is, like most of the others, unedited… I’m too lazy to get my ass up and do that.

Please Regard Me Kindly,
I Agree