Confessions Under the Influence

I don't own Inu-yasha. If I did, it would be called Sesshoumaru-sama and Miroku wouldn't be in danger of dying and Kikyo would never have existed and well, I'm rambling but everything would be weird and twisted to my disturbed desires so consider yourselves lucky!

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On a lighter note, this is my first Inu-yasha fic. Come on, you all know you want to cheer. Anyway, this is also my first yaoi. Feel free to burn me in effigy if you hate my work. I accept compliments, flames, gifts, monetary donations, sacrifices (I prefer human), and marriage requests. Anything else, I'll think about it . . .

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Chapter One: Drown Your Sorrows

"Miroku-sama, I don't think we have enough money to stay in a place like that."

The group was standing before a classy inn in a charming village; it was much larger than the others they had passed through before and seemed to be quite prosperous. The citizens didn't even spare a second glance at the oddly assembled company, dusty from a long day of wandering. Passersby nodded in greeting then quickly moved on taking in Inu-yasha and Shippou and Kagome's strange clothes as if they saw the like every day.

"I know," the monk returned, his expression thoughtful, "This will have to be dealt with carefully, but I already have a--"

He was cut off by the sound of a loud explosion from within the building. They all looked wide-eyed at the inn, then at each other, sweatdropping. Again, the citizens kept about their business, the visitors seemingly the only ones disturbed by this phenomena. The door to the inn opened suddenly and a little old man covered in soot stormed out angrily, swearing in a cracked voice. He stopped upon seeing the strange group on the other side of the street.

"Ah! Are you looking for a place to stay? The Dragon's Heart is the best in town, however, we don't serve--" he was about to say something akin to 'your kind' or 'demon scum' and Iashaasha was already bristling, but the inn=keeper had noticed Miroku, "Ah! Houshi-sama!" He came trotting over and bowed very deeply, "Please, my inn is in desperate need of your services! We are beset by an evil spirit; just now, it set the cellar on fire and--"

Miroku held up a hand to stop the old man, "I would be more than glad to help, all I ask for in return is room and board fo ass assistants and I for the night."

"Assisstants?!" Inu-yasha yelled, "Why you--"

But Sango and Kagome had both clamped hands over his mouth, smiling at the inn-keeper. Kagome hissed in his ear, "Shut up baka! This is a nice place and I'm tired of sleeping on the ground!" She silently thanked the monk's quick thinking; the girl dearly missed her own bed back home and didn't really care what it took to get into some clean blankets, short of murder.

The man eyed Inu-yasha warily then sighed in resignation, "Strange assistants, all all right, all right. Come this way please."

They followed him into the building and into a maze of hallways. He moved quickly through them, never hesitating at a turn. He finally stopped at a door and turned to his guests.

"These rooms are yours. There are three, two sleeping chambers with another area connecting them, dinner will be brought to yo wel well as breakfast tomorrow," he turned to the purple-clad monk, "Houshi-sama, I will direct you to where the spirit is most active."

"Of course," Miroku winked at his friends as he turned to follow the man and they just rolled their eyes.

Everyone settled down in the common room. Inu-yasha sat moodily in a corner. Kagome and Sango were chatting merrily as the exterminator did repairs on her Hiraikotsu and Shippou and Kirara were curled up in their l


"I've really got to hand it to Miroku-sama for this one; he got us in free and he didn't even have to hatch one of his elaborate schemes!"

Inu-yasha 'fehed' from his corner, "Yeah, but this is a real case. Have either of you actually seen him perform an exorcism before?"

Both girls shook their heads and he nodded in triumph, "See? He's going to come running back here any second begging me to help him."

"Inu-yasha, you're such a jerk! Like you'd do any better! You can't exactly kill ost,ost, it's already dead!"

"Whatever," he got up, "I'm going out."

Sango glared at him as he shut the door, "Kagome-chan, is it just me or does he seem grouchier than normal?"

"Who knows," the other girl sighed, "I can't figure him out. One minute he's trying to kill Kouga for looking at me and the next he's all over Kikyo! One minute he's saving someone and the next he's yelling at them. Sometimes I get the feeling that everything we know about him is untrue, like he's putting on some act to keep us confused, keep us from knowing the real Inu-yasha."

Shippou looked up at Kagome from her lap, "I just think he's a jerk."

She laughed and ruffled his hair, "Oh, Shippou-chan, he means well."

The three continued talking but the whole time Kagome was turning what she had said over and over in her mind. 'I know he cares for me, but most likely just as a friend, and that's fine, I guess. But what if our friendship is just an act? Oh, Inu-yasha, how do you really feel about me?'

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The entire group was eating dinner in the common room, talking and laughing over the day's events. The inn-keeper had been very grateful for Miroku's work and the food was delicious.

"I can't believe you actually did it, Miroku-sama! Exorcisms are supposed to be very difficult, your powers are stronger than I thought."

He laughed and sipped his tea, "I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult, Kagome-sama. It wasn't really all that difficult, I've handled worse. All I really had to do was talk to her."

"Talk? You talked to a ghost and convinced it to leave? Are you sure you didn't insult her by trying to grope her?"

Miroku ignored Inu-yasha's comment. The hanyou had been sullen and short-tempered for days now, and he was really in no mood to deal with him. He continued telling his story to the girls who seemed impressed by it.

"You see, it was the spirit of the inn-keepers dead wife. She was haunting this place, scaring away guests, breaking furniture and the like, simply because she was angry that he hadn't visited her grave on her birthday. I told the old man the spirit was his wife and asked why he hadn't visited her on her last birthday. He explained he had been sick in bed at the time and had gone three days later, but apparently she was not pleased. He sighed, "I finally convinced her that her husband was genuinely sorry and that he would never miss her birthday again. She was quite glad to leave after that, saying she had always hated running this place anyway. I'm glad we came here otherwise I might have made a big mistake."

"What would that have been, houshi-sama?" Sango looked at him quizzically.

"I might have married you, Sango-sama, and then your ghost d had have come back to haunt me!" he laughed.

Kagome giggled behind her hand, but Sango smacked him over the head, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He waved his hands, "Nothing, nothing, I was only joking." His face suddenly became serious and he stood, grabbing his staff from the wall, "I'll be back later."

"Where are you going?" Kagome asked, her voice filled with concern; suddenly Miroku didn't seem like himself.

He paused at the doorway, "Out."

And then he was gone, leaving Sango looking confused and Kagome worried.

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Miroku wandered the streets for a while, not going anywhere in particular, just trying to get his head clear. It wasn't working. He rubbed his temples in frustration; what the hell was wrong with him anyway? He spotted a drinking house and wandered over to it, glancing at his cursed hand as he did so. Who was he kidding? He knew what was wrong with him. He was dying. That damn kazaana was slowly tearing him to pieces. He imagined his friends thought that it would just swallow him at once when it went out of control, and it would. But it was already killing him, even if he still looked quite alive.

He sat down wearily and ordered a drink. Sitting there in the dim light, surrounded by strangers, Miroku could finally relax. He dropped the smile he attatched to his face and let his shoulders sag. He stared into his second cup, glaring at his reflection in it; for once he wasn't angry at anyone but himself. He wasn't angry at his father and grandfather for burdening him with their curse, nor at Naraku for placing it on them in the first place. He was angry at himself for breaking his vows.

After all, that's why he had become a monk in the first place, right? His father had placed him there, but he had had a choice to leave. But it had been the best route for him anyway. He was supposed to live in moderation, attatched to nothing and no one, prepared to leave this world at any time, with no regrets. After his mother had died, he thought this would be easy, so he went around casually asking women to bear his child, knowing he would die, knowing he would leave his son alone and wa cua curse before he even knew him. But he couldn't get attatched; his father hadn't bothered to after all. But he had anyway.

No regrets, hah, that was a laugh. He would die with so many, so many earthly concerns weighing on his heart. He would never see his friends again. Beautiful and fierce Sango and faithful and dependable Kirara, kind and compassionate Kagome, cheerful and innocently wise Shippou, brash and self-centered Inu-yasha. Strangely, he'd miss the confrontations with Kouga and Sesshoumaru, those were always entertaining when they appeared to distract him from his dark thoughts. Hell, he'd even miss that coward Myouga and the occasional pop-ups of that weird old swordsmith, Toutousai. He certainly wouldn't miss Naraku, nor the chance to get his revenge, or revenge in itself. He'd really grown tired of the whole thing, running around just making the evil bastard laugh at him, like a scurrying ant trying to gather food for the winter.

He drained his . . . what glass was he on now the third? Seventh? What did it matter anyway? He had found the love of his life and would never be able to reveal that love. That would be his greatest regret, keeping his true feelings locked away inside. But how could he anyway? Thanks to his normal antics, no one would believe him, think him genuine. They would just laugh, or smack him, or walk off in a huff.

He poured another glass, content for now to drink the night away.

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"Inu-yasha!"

The hanyou started up, looking around dazedly when a hand made contact with his head. He rubbed the spot, growling, "What the hell was that for? It's the middle of the night and I'm sleeping, go away!"

Kagome was now peering down at him, light pouring in around her from the common room and into the dark chamber. She looked really scary in that light and he rolled over, pulling the blankets above his head to block out the light.

"Inu-yasha, Miroku-sama isn't back yet."

"No shit, genius, I think I would notice that as we are sharing a room."

"I want you to go find him."

Inu-yasha sat up and glared at her, as always in his fire-rat outfit. She was wearing those, what did she call them? Oh, yeah, pee-jaes, the really scary ones that were yellow. And she wanted him to do her bidding as usual, a scary teenage-girl tyrant in freaky modern clothes. Why did he listen to her anyway?

"I think I won't. He's smarter than you, he's not going to do anything so stupid as wake up a demon in the middle of the night."

"Osuwari!"

Oh, right, that's why.

He pulled himself up off the floor, rubbing his smashed in nose, "Feh, whatever woman, just get off my back, got it?"

"Thank you, Inu-yasha," she smiled and patted his head before she left.

He growled to himself. Why the hell did she always do that? He wasn't a dog! She irritated him beyond all reason sometimes. He exited to the dark passage; if he had been a human he would've been lost in the maze of hallways, but he let his sense of smell guide him along the route Miroku had taken. It was faint and old, but definately there and he strode out of the inn in the direction of what seemed the less-respectable section of the town.

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The trail wandered aimlessly for a while; it seemed the monk had had no particular destination in mind. But then the trail went straight towards a drinking house.

"Figures, that monk and his libido, what an idiot."

He burst in angrily, severly startling the owner who was cleaning a few glasses. The place seemed to be winding down for the night, only a few customers were still around, and even fewer were still sober.

"Look, I don't have all day, old man, have you seen a monk in here? A bit taller than me and in purple robes?"

"Over there, in the corner."

Inu-yasha glared he mhe man, causing him to jump again, then made his way to the corner, only to find his friend passed out on the table. Only one glass was near him, but there were two empty bottles on the table and another one clenched in his fist, also completely empty. His eyes widened, he never took Miroku for the drinking type and was most shocked to find him thoroughly sauced.

Grumbling to himself, he hoisted the prone monk into his arms, prying the bottle from his fingers, and turned to leave the place. The old man grunted from behind the counter and the tired hanyou glared at him, "What do you want now?"

"His tab, three bottles of sake."

Inu-yasha raised his eyebrows, "No women?" When the old man shook his head he looked curiously at his friend sleeping peacefully in his arms, "Here's your payment, I'm not going to rip your arms off for letting my friend get plastered and making me get up in the middle of the night to go find him!"

He stormed out, leaving the barkeep very thankful for hims wms when he fell over.

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Ack! It's done, I was considering making this a one-shot, but, dammit! I want a plot!! Well, maybe, but anyway, it would've turned into a seriously long one-shot, so you get chapters. Suck it up and take it like a man! Or ferret or whatever, honestly, some weird people read and write these type of fics, look at me! Never would've thought I'd go all yaoi-crazy, only for Inu-yasha for now. I mostly work in Sailor Moon and yuri, quite a transition I think. Anyway, feel free to read my other stuff, once I get it up (they're all getting face lifts and ditching ff.net) if you can stomach Rei worship ::drools:: Ahem, I'm coming on kinda strong, aren't I? Anyway, love it? Hate it? Let me know!
Soul~chan