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schedule
June 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
THAT SOOO NEEDS A SEQUAL
schedule
January 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was a cute story, and a very nice, flowing feel to it. I enjoyed it, thank you for writing it! lol
L.A. (Author of The Truth Behind Their Eyes, and The matchmaker)
L.A. (Author of The Truth Behind Their Eyes, and The matchmaker)
schedule
August 20, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Interesting..somewhat hard to read, maybe you could break it off into paragraphs...and I know Inuyasha is half demon and all..but... he wouldnt know within seconds of release if Kagome was carrying their child. Maybe a short while after or something like that. Yeah he's part demon..but he's also part human. 0.o But good plot and dialogue. A bit rushed but pretty decent.:)
schedule
March 8, 2004 at 12:00 AM
weird..0.o
schedule
February 15, 2004 at 12:00 AM
That was a good story. you should write for the real show. my friends and i like your story alot. your story is hot and loving.
schedule
December 27, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Very cute. I like it much. Grammar's a bit shaky, but it's a lot better than many stories I've read. Big Tip That Trips Up a Lot of People: When you are writing dialogue, it should look like this:
"Hey." He stopped and leaned his shoulder on the wall that shs ags against. "What's wrong?"
She sighed. "Nothing. Just--nothing."
He tilted his head, looking concerned. "No really, what is it?"
So...that is the way it goes...yeah...n_n;; Sorry, I just want to help.
I like the story and...hey....have you seen the 10th Kingdom or something? 'Cause your Inuyasha reminds me of Wolf...^_~ Anyway, if you haven't seen it, you should...but I'm pretty sure you have, right?
~Melantha
"Hey." He stopped and leaned his shoulder on the wall that shs ags against. "What's wrong?"
She sighed. "Nothing. Just--nothing."
He tilted his head, looking concerned. "No really, what is it?"
So...that is the way it goes...yeah...n_n;; Sorry, I just want to help.
I like the story and...hey....have you seen the 10th Kingdom or something? 'Cause your Inuyasha reminds me of Wolf...^_~ Anyway, if you haven't seen it, you should...but I'm pretty sure you have, right?
~Melantha
schedule
September 17, 2003 at 12:00 AM
A very sweet and awesome story
schedule
July 30, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I love it! iis it a short story? or are you going to update. either way i loveed it!
schedule
July 14, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Nice enough lemon. A few suggestions, though:
1. Learn to use paragraphs! It was very difficult trying to read this with everything run together.
2. When getting Kagome pregnant, at least give her the dignity of agreeing to it first. Trust me, *I* wouldn't be happy if he knocked me up without at least discussing it first. Something along the lines of: (Inuyasha) You would bear my children, Kagoma? (Kagoma) Yes, Inuyasha. I want to have your children. (Inuyasha) Why? (Kagoma) Because I love you, and I want to have the children of the man I love. (Me now) See? This lets the reader know that the child is being conceived in love with both parents wanting it.
You have potential. Keep writing!
1. Learn to use paragraphs! It was very difficult trying to read this with everything run together.
2. When getting Kagome pregnant, at least give her the dignity of agreeing to it first. Trust me, *I* wouldn't be happy if he knocked me up without at least discussing it first. Something along the lines of: (Inuyasha) You would bear my children, Kagoma? (Kagoma) Yes, Inuyasha. I want to have your children. (Inuyasha) Why? (Kagoma) Because I love you, and I want to have the children of the man I love. (Me now) See? This lets the reader know that the child is being conceived in love with both parents wanting it.
You have potential. Keep writing!
schedule
July 12, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Not bad, but paragraphs, please. Where are the paragraphs?