rate_review Reviews

I've read this 3 times! It's such a well written, sexy fic and I wish there was more! I'd love to see this continued. Great job!

This shouldn't just be a two-shot!! I'd love to keep on reading, there is so many questions and material!!! Loved it!! 

I really, really hope this becomes a two-shot. It's so wonderfully written. I cannot wait to read more fanfiction from you!

Whew! *fans face* I don't use the word "hot" often, but it definitely applies here. A very hot and seductive read. This is some damn good writing, too. The scene is described so vividly and with such immediacy, I felt like I was right in the middle of it. And I love the energy between Inuyasha and Kagome. Their sexual tension is made more intense by the emotional depth between them. The emotion is subtly done (a hint here, a detail there), but you wove it throughout the scene and it makes the sex far more gratifying than it would've been without it. The little details all build up to that emotion: Inuyasha's continual references to the three years he's wanted Kagome (too long a time for a purely sexual fixation), Kagome's enthusiastic response to him once he admits he wants HER (which is such a loaded line, it obviously means more than just her sexual favors), that vulnerability and "fleeting emotion" towards the end of the scene... such good stuff. And all the references to their shared history was VERY interesting! I would definitely read a second chapter if you write one. I'm particularly curious about the circumstances of Inuyasha and Kagome's first meeting and why they became friends. All in all, a very well-written story here!

I had an idea with a similar premise a while ago, and I am SOSOSO glad I never wrote it out because this is just waaaaaaay better. Like tons better. I just love this so much. You kept Inuyasha and Kagome fabulously in character. You should totally make it a two-shot, but then again it was nice with the vagueness regarding his job/boss/their past. It makes the story stick in your head. I am way too tired to give you a proper review. Just know you're getting all the cyber high fives I can give. I cannot wait to read more from you! :D

Holy crap. Looking at your profile, it appears to me that you joined AFF just today and this story of yours is the only one you have posted so far. Based on the quality of "Payment Plan," I would guess that you've been writing fanfiction for a long time, possibly on other sites or maybe even here under a different pen name. Or maybe you just spent a long time reading fan-fiction, studying what works and what doesn't and using that study to improve your writing before putting anything online. Whatever the case may be, you've delivered a wonderful story. It's wonderful in a few different ways. In terms of technical quality, I see excellent grammar, spelling and vocabulary here. I see the wise use of italics throughout the text. Also, you take care to keep InuYasha and Kagome's respective lines of dialogue separate to ensure clarity. In terms or artistic quality, you appear to have a strong ability to write not just sexual action but to weave meaningful dialogue into it, as evidenced by the fluid nature of InuYasha and Kagome's back-and-forth throughout the story. You bring Inu/Kag into the modern era and retain the chemistry that made them so endearing to begin with. I think you should continue with the story so that you can explain the backstory. InuYasha refers to his "employer" so ominously, I can only guess that his employer will turn out to be a really threatening version of Naraku or Sesshomaru. Great job!

Great one shot.