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for To Give Into Temptation

by MindlessMina

schedule July 6, 2017 at 12:00 AM

For the latest chapter:

"Kagura flicked the blood off of her fan. With a groan she realized that she had somehow managed to get ogre blood all over her kimono."

I guess she'd better take it off, then?  LOL

 

For the fic overall:

I like what you've written so far.  The bit of this review above this one I wrote earlier today; after going back through this fic's previous chapters, I found some things that I felt were worth mentioning and decided to make a more in-depth review.

Technical comments: I like your formatting.  You break the story up into logically-related paragraphs at regular intervals, making it easy to read.  I also like your use of bolds and italics to accentuate the text in certain places.  The use of lines made of asterisks effectively separates various scenes from each other.  Technical note: As of 6 July 2017, Chapter 1 contains duplicated text, as if you copied and pasted the text from a word-processing program, but accidentally pasted it twice.

Grammar comments: Most everything is spelled and punctuated correctly, with some exceptions.  For example, in Chapter 1, Kagome curses InuYasha as a "necrofeliac," for his ongoing relationship with Kikyo.  The correct spelling here is "necrophiliac."  At least once during Kagome and Naraku's first sexual encounter, you write Kagome as being in the "throws" of ecstasy.  The correct word here is "throes."  There may or may not be more like this, but generally speaking, they are few and far between.

Storytelling comments: I like the plot!  Kagome/Naraku is fun and Naraku/Kagome/Sesshomaru is even better.  I also like how you tell the story from different perspectives, not just focusing on one character or another.  You use a wide variety of Takahashi characters without using an army of OCs.  You even use more obscure Takahashi characters like Entei, Hakudoshi's demon horse, which I assumed was an OC until I looked him up on a InuYasha wiki.  Very cool!

Thank you for writing!

person Elf97
schedule May 9, 2017 at 12:00 AM

This has me wishing Kagome and Naraku was canon.  Can't wait to read what happens next! 

schedule March 24, 2017 at 12:00 AM

Oh myyy! *Fans self* That Naraku! Hubba hubba! Nicely done, very fun to read. Please update sooooon! 

person jazzy
schedule October 26, 2016 at 12:00 AM

I really enjoy this story i have read it twice now i think its amazing! I hope you continue the story!

 

schedule September 28, 2016 at 12:00 AM

I love the story 

person natlau
schedule August 4, 2016 at 12:00 AM

Awesome story and so looking forward to next chapter!

schedule June 5, 2016 at 12:00 AM
I love this story. Hope you keep it going I'm
person Pixie
schedule May 30, 2016 at 12:00 AM
I want more this has been fantastic
person Zena Mcclain
schedule March 3, 2016 at 12:00 AM
Will Kagome be in love with Naraku and will he change his ways just to be with her, Will Kagome and Naraku have a kide
schedule March 2, 2016 at 12:00 AM
Omgg PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!!!!!