rate_review Reviews

SakuraAngel1,

This story is looking promising I do hope you'll update it and if you can I would like for you to get back to me a ASAP at the provide email address I gave since I'm having troubling logging into my AFF account for the time being.

Not too much OOC are the cannon and this is one of few rare S/K stories that caught my eye when I saw the title and read the summery.

Sincerely,
Authoress smcandy

SakuraAngel1,

This story is looking promising I do hope you'll update it and if you can I would like for you to get back to me a ASAP at the provide email address I have in my profile page.

Not too much OOC are the cannon and this is one of few rare S/K stories that caught my eye when I saw the title and read the summery.

Sincerely,
Authoress smcandy

Ok, it's very, very, late at the moment so perhaps I'm reading this wrong, and if so I apologize. But this line confuses me: "; now two were badly injured and one was dead…"

I thought she was carrying twins, but this makes it seem like triplets.

The actual storyline in chapter 5 is intact but the structure in certain parts can be improved.

For example: I understand that the point of the lengthy flashback for Kagome was to emphasize that she recognized the scent of the particular 'abortion tea'. This could be rewritten in two or three concise sentences eg. When the tea pot was brought before Kagome she immediately stiffened when she inhaled the scent. She recognized this 'tea'. Kaeda had used it once on a severely injured woman to cause her miscarriage in order to save the woman's life.

It is good how you involve the other characters in the story - some parts can be a little more concise such as the example I gave above. But in some other parts the character's actions need a little more expansion. eg. when Sesshoumaru's sword pulsed...then nothing happened when he used it - what was the significance of the pulsing?
I think it is good to write about Sesshoumaru's actions as it indicates he cares but try to expand a little more on it; when he feels guilt or when the healing sword failed him - this can be further expanded by 'hanging his head in despair', 'he felt his heart sink', or you can simply have him sit quietly beside Kagome and expand on the thoughts that went through his head.

The purpose of writing a little on a character's action then expanding on the emotions - will give the readers a better feel of the character's emotions and help with character development.

The end bit was pretty smooth. The only tip I can give is that the ending sentence should have focused on Sesshoumaru hurrying off to see Kagome - after all that is the main attraction of the story and would have a cliffhanger effect.

WOWOWOWOWOWOW!!! That was some chapter!! I loved the historical accuracy. Back then and even more recently as well, it was considered the compassionate thing to do for the child. After all, lame and disabled children grew up to become unproductive adults- well they did! Think about it: they couldn't work, therefore, how would they feed themselves, clothe themselves, have a roof over their head? They didn't have hospitals back then to assist and the mothers of these babies could possibly die in childbirth. It's sad, but it's also a reality of that time.

Your story has me hanging to the edge of my seat. You have an impeccable writing style and have come up with a truly unique story with this pairing, I hope to see more new chapters from you soon.

I'm hoping to read more soon, so please update! :)

I can't wait to read the next chapter. Truly a good a story... please don't delay.

Lovely chapter, but what's up with Miroku? Shouldn't he still have access to his wind tunnel? And it is going to break Rin's heart when she discovers the circumstances to Kagome's pregnancy and how it came to be.

I just began reading this fanfiction and I think it's well written and I like the plot. Thank you for writing and I'd really love to read more whenever it's ready. No rush. :)

I just want to say that I love this story. Your great at getting the emotions and descriptions down to where you actually feel what the characters are feeling.