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October 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Please don't stop here! I'm not a fan of s/k but your story makes me forget that little detail! Don't make us wait too long for another great chapter!
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October 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
And just like that, Sesshoumaru has no chance of atonement. As hard as I try I can't see any way this story ending without him paying for the crap he has done/caused. If he does come out of this as a karma houdini smelling like roses and Kagome magically falling for him it is going to leave a very sour taste in my mouth. Poor poor Sango, hopefully someone can save her before she gets to the brothel. Kagome is going to fuck someone up if/when she finds out what has happened. She already has more than enough reason to despise quite a few of the demons demons(I will not call them people) in the castle as it is. Inuyasha unfortunately is still on the wrong track and now Naraku knows something is up.
-waits patiently for the next chapter-
-waits patiently for the next chapter-
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October 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Please don't let Sango end her days in a brothel. Please somebody save her before she gets there.
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September 28, 2013 at 12:00 AM
The flow of Chapter 6 is much smoother compared to chapter 5.
The development of the main characters was nicely done in this chapter. There was an unnecessary use of punctuation marks through many parts of the chapter but this isn't a significant hindrance to the flow.
It was good for the chapter to begin and end with a scene with both Kagome and Sesshoumaru as this has the desired effect of capturing the attention of the audience.
For the first Sesshoumaru/Kagome scene - it is interesting to see from the dog demon's point of view (POV) as it is vital for character development. However just be careful that you do not make his POV too repetitive or too lengthy in the following chapters unless you intend to change his perspective (ie. if you have the intention to show your audience that he has a gradual change of heart then it is worth expanding his POV).
Though it is interesting to see that Sesshoumaru is doing his part to pursue more than just Kagome's body as a mate and actually wants a relationship with her (which is probably why he considers her dis/comforts), I think it is also essential to add insight in the story to his curiosity about Kagome's past. After all, despite her innocent behavior she almost presents as a 'prostitute' with her type of modern school uniform - which is definitely not modest clothing in the olden days.
His eventual revelation as her mate will be most interesting. It will be equally interesting to see how Kagome will eventually open up to him if/when he shows an actual interest to learn more about her (in order to accommodate her rather than just satisfy his own expectations of an inu mate - which by the way she is not inu!).
The development of Inuyasha in your story is quite a challenge that few writers attempt. To view him in a good light - ie actually loving Kagome and not giving in to Kikyo, will make the story more interesting.
Also interesting is the manner that you have placed Sango and Miroku. These two characters are in love with each other but are also protective friends of Kagome. As you have not killed off any of the main characters and also kept Naraku in the picture it will be quite a challenge to bring them all in together and defeat the evil hanyou when their current perceived enemy seems to be the dog demon.
Looking forward to your next chapter. :)
The development of the main characters was nicely done in this chapter. There was an unnecessary use of punctuation marks through many parts of the chapter but this isn't a significant hindrance to the flow.
It was good for the chapter to begin and end with a scene with both Kagome and Sesshoumaru as this has the desired effect of capturing the attention of the audience.
For the first Sesshoumaru/Kagome scene - it is interesting to see from the dog demon's point of view (POV) as it is vital for character development. However just be careful that you do not make his POV too repetitive or too lengthy in the following chapters unless you intend to change his perspective (ie. if you have the intention to show your audience that he has a gradual change of heart then it is worth expanding his POV).
Though it is interesting to see that Sesshoumaru is doing his part to pursue more than just Kagome's body as a mate and actually wants a relationship with her (which is probably why he considers her dis/comforts), I think it is also essential to add insight in the story to his curiosity about Kagome's past. After all, despite her innocent behavior she almost presents as a 'prostitute' with her type of modern school uniform - which is definitely not modest clothing in the olden days.
His eventual revelation as her mate will be most interesting. It will be equally interesting to see how Kagome will eventually open up to him if/when he shows an actual interest to learn more about her (in order to accommodate her rather than just satisfy his own expectations of an inu mate - which by the way she is not inu!).
The development of Inuyasha in your story is quite a challenge that few writers attempt. To view him in a good light - ie actually loving Kagome and not giving in to Kikyo, will make the story more interesting.
Also interesting is the manner that you have placed Sango and Miroku. These two characters are in love with each other but are also protective friends of Kagome. As you have not killed off any of the main characters and also kept Naraku in the picture it will be quite a challenge to bring them all in together and defeat the evil hanyou when their current perceived enemy seems to be the dog demon.
Looking forward to your next chapter. :)
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September 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I am enjoying your story so far. However I am requesting if you could please put this story on DOKUGA.
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September 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I can tell you that I've seen stories that flow better, but I can not tell you that I have seen stories with so much life. Despite the changes made to accommodate a story of this nature, you have succeeded in maintaining character structure. It sometimes runs on, just for a few extra sentences that I think can be easily remedied. The truth... I don't care. I love the story as is. My only real suggestion, Remember that Kagome in her heart hates the death of any life. Seshomaru will probably need to learn that abject cruelty does not win fair maiden's heart.
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September 20, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I am so overjoyed and actually feel like giving Sesshomaru a chance now. His compassion was so endearing here- and now the pups will live. I am so thrilled that no one had to die... and hopefully no one will (hint hint- Sango). Wonderful chapter- as always! *Wink!*
Hope your kitchen nightmare is over for now, but I have to say, I think it must be pretty awesome to work in a place like you do.
Hope your kitchen nightmare is over for now, but I have to say, I think it must be pretty awesome to work in a place like you do.
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September 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Omg! *squeals* I absolutely love this Story. I feel so bad for Kagome, but I am so glad she gets to keep her pups!! And poor Inuyasha... He's going to be heartbroken...
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September 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
i am happy that the children are ok and the lord of the west really is showing a different side. ive never pictured him giving into anyone's wishes but he so quickly gives his mate what she wants. and are her miko powers help revive the children? or is it a mix of the demon aura and her own powers?
well great update i loved every word and cant wait to see what happens next. please update again SOON!!!!
well great update i loved every word and cant wait to see what happens next. please update again SOON!!!!
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September 17, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Please update!!!! I love this story.