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October 24, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Aww, that was just such a good sweet story. I could very much imagine this happening for real in the story. It was very beautiful, romantic, and loving, and still naughty lol. I laughed quite a bit reading this, while still feeling warm and mushy. Great job!
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October 17, 2011 at 12:00 AM
There is soo much thought process in this story. Way too much.
The plot is fine. But one-shots usually mean you want to get the point across as to what's going to happen, quickly.
There is too much dwelling on certain things, such as Inuyasha's fear of corrupting her. It really needs to be toned down. You can write your story however you want to, but with the way you incorporated the actual story into this while trying to bring out the realistic persona's in each of the characters, I'd have to say Inuyasha's character was far from how he actually is. He doesn't hesitate. He doesn't dwell. He may mope, but he wants to deal with everything alone. He is dominant. Of which it never seemed like that's how he was with the way you represented him in this story.
Overall, the story wasn't written badly... But I wouldn't say this is incredibly interesting. It's the ordinary story that happens with Kagome/Inuyasha fanfics. There's nothing original about this, and that may be another reason why it's slightly uninteresting.
I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just saying that author-to-author, there's a lot more things you could do to make this better.
The plot is fine. But one-shots usually mean you want to get the point across as to what's going to happen, quickly.
There is too much dwelling on certain things, such as Inuyasha's fear of corrupting her. It really needs to be toned down. You can write your story however you want to, but with the way you incorporated the actual story into this while trying to bring out the realistic persona's in each of the characters, I'd have to say Inuyasha's character was far from how he actually is. He doesn't hesitate. He doesn't dwell. He may mope, but he wants to deal with everything alone. He is dominant. Of which it never seemed like that's how he was with the way you represented him in this story.
Overall, the story wasn't written badly... But I wouldn't say this is incredibly interesting. It's the ordinary story that happens with Kagome/Inuyasha fanfics. There's nothing original about this, and that may be another reason why it's slightly uninteresting.
I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just saying that author-to-author, there's a lot more things you could do to make this better.
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August 25, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Ah, a good ol' Inuyasha feels unworthy fic, only it wasn't written by a 4 year old. I'm glad to see you gave Kagome some fire to call him on his bullshit, without making it seem like she was just doing it/him out of pity. I hope the rest of your stories are just as entertaining when I delve into the dusty rectum of this website and give some real reviews to my favorites.
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July 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Ya know I get on here everyday to check my reviews and I've seen your's above my story raking up hits but no reviews so I had to click on it and I have absolutely NO idea how you haven't gotten a review yet! Poo on those people that read but didn't review!
This was great. It was well-written, it flowed, and the interaction between Inuyasha and Kagome was funny, touching, steamy, and tons of other things all at the same time! I loved it!
I'm gonna keep an eye out from more stuff from you!
I just love you're writing! :)
~Surrealian
This was great. It was well-written, it flowed, and the interaction between Inuyasha and Kagome was funny, touching, steamy, and tons of other things all at the same time! I loved it!
I'm gonna keep an eye out from more stuff from you!
I just love you're writing! :)
~Surrealian