rate_review Reviews

I'm glad everyone is getting a kick out of Naraku's current situation. Things should get interesting from this point forward.

Awe, Naraku is going to be that girl's pet. How cute. Maybe then he won't pout so much.

I read all the chapters again. I just wish they weren't so short. It is a pretty good story so far though. I just wonder if Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru will fall in love with each other too. That would be so hot.

It is funny how Naraku wants to suddenly be a nice guy with Kikyo and Kagura. I also think it is kind of funny that Kouga is with Jakotsu although I thought Jakotsu only had eyes for Inuyasha. Oh well.

Although I find the plot of this story interesting, I find it very difficult to read and was only able to read a few chapters before I became frustrated with the writing. There are a lot of spelling mistakes and sentence structures that were really hard to understand and alot of words that were missing from sentences. Not to sound rude or anything but did you read over the chapters before you put them up? If not I would suggest reading the story out loud to yourself that way you may hear the way it sounds and if things may be missing from it. I know I go through my stories like that at least a half a dozen times ( though I STILL find mistakes LOL)

Also if english is not your first language then maybe finding someone who can to help beta the story for you.

As for you spelling, goddess above knows I'm not perfect. So when I am unsure of spelling I look it up on dictionary.com ( its my bestestst friend!!) This site is great and very helpful since it also has a thesarus and a multiple of other helpful things.

Now to give an example of what I was speaking about :

'Kagome looked around in cave at the two Inu's brothers on both sides of her. She sighed thinking about the earlier today. It was usually day for them walking down the dirt road when all sudden Naraku showed up wanting fight. He had knocked her and Inuyasha into this cave before throwing Sesshomaru into cave with them before sealing the cave. They had no idea when be able to get out. She hoped it was soon before something bad happen'

This is how it could have been written ( I will capitalize possible improvements)

'Kagome looked around THE cave, THEN AT the two Inu brothers that SAT on both sides of her. She sighed thinking about earlier today. It was ANOTHER USUAL day for them. THEY walked down A dirt road when SUDDENLY Naraku APPEARED. He had knocked her and Inuyasha into this cave before throwing Sesshomaru IN AS WELL. NARAKU QUICKLY SEALED THEM INSIDE. They had no idea when THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO GET OUT. She hoped it was BEFORE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENED.'

Granted there could be a little more finessing, like maybe a few more feelings into it( say ' Kagome looked around the cave nervously.' or maybe instead of nervously maybe hysterically.. you get the point)


Anyway, I hope this has been taken as the constructive criticism it was meant to be. And I sincerely hope it helps to improve your writing.

Ja ne,
Chrys

Your chapters are really short. I've read few chapters and I like the story so far but it's getting annoying 'cause I have to click forward all the time. There's also lots of mistakes with writing. I would prefer a BETA reader.
Keep writing and you'll get better :D

yeah i would like that

Your story is very good and I am thoroughly enjoying it. There is just one thing I would like to mention. I don't know if you proof read before submitting your chapters or not but there are several errors and it tends to detract from the story. Please don't take offense I mean no harm. If you need a beta I would be more than happy to beta for you. Just let me know if you're interested. Other than that your story is wonderful I look forward to the next update.

I think it is funny as hell that Naraku wants Kagura and Kikyo to love him after all the crap he has pulled on them both. It would serve him right if neither woman accepted him.

These are so short, I hope that you plan on writing longer chapters. This is good so far so I will keep reading as long as you keep writing.