rate_review Reviews

Hey I really like this story's opening an I am hoping that you are going to finish it. Or if it is finished on a different site what site and under what name you are using there.
Thanks,
Blackbutterbly

this was great

update!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please update soon it is a good start

I am not really sure about where you are planning on going with this story. The grammar really needs some work. One thing you did was over use the elipsis (...) and have continuous run on sentences by using commas (,) rather than periods (.).

My suggestion would be to write a chapter that is about 4 to 5 pages long and have a beta that would work with you, so you could learn to avoid the biggest mistakes, have a story that draws the reader in, and have an excellent story.

I am interested in seeing where you are going with this, so please keep writing. This is in no way a review meant to be taken negatively. (You could just joke that my English teacher personality is coming out. LOL I also know that my works are no where near perfect, but I will eventually work on them. Someday...)

Keep working on it.

P.S. Spell check and grammar check help, but they are not always right. I have spotted several areas where it has been wrong. Sometimes, it is just fine to use passive voice if you have a reason to. Also, it is better to keep your verbs in the past tense. (Any variet of the past tenses. It is easier to keep the same tense by doing that and not messing yourself up. LOL)