schedule
June 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
It's good but... it's to short.
For you to obtain the response you were, probably still are, hoping to get, this is extremly short.
You started off with a BANG!!, so to speak, which resounded throughout the dialog and inner thoughts of the character and you keep escalating in terms of intensity and intimacy between the couple, so the initial bang is now a veryyyy loud ringing sound in our heads, but then, just like that, you leave us hanging.
You cut it off midway and leave at that.
In my honest opinion, it really does have potencial to become something more but for that to happen, it would need to be longer, much longer, and more detailed; Because if you're going to start with a BANG!!, then you have to finish it off with another BANG!!!.
Good shot at it, though.
For you to obtain the response you were, probably still are, hoping to get, this is extremly short.
You started off with a BANG!!, so to speak, which resounded throughout the dialog and inner thoughts of the character and you keep escalating in terms of intensity and intimacy between the couple, so the initial bang is now a veryyyy loud ringing sound in our heads, but then, just like that, you leave us hanging.
You cut it off midway and leave at that.
In my honest opinion, it really does have potencial to become something more but for that to happen, it would need to be longer, much longer, and more detailed; Because if you're going to start with a BANG!!, then you have to finish it off with another BANG!!!.
Good shot at it, though.
schedule
September 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oh Talon, I find myself enjoying shouta more and more everytime I read it, and I'm loving it because all the shouta you write is damn good, it's inspired me to toy with the idea of writing some myself. I love little Yasha and daddy Miroku, such a good pair. Well, as always I'm left very, very happy with your writing, and though I read this on iyhed, I had to comment here when I saw it again.