errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
September 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This really has potential to be an interesting story but two things hold it back. The first thing: format. It's not formatted correctly. It looks as if it was pasted directly from whatever word processing software you use. This can be fixed easily. Most word processing software has an option to switch the view. Switch it to web-page view. It'll stretch out the text so that it fits easily in a web window. Paste it from there and that should solve your problem. Secondly: you're not using any quotation for your speech. This is a MUST when writing prose (i.e., when writing a story). Example:
"I'm going to the market, dear. Do you want anything?" she asked.
"No, I'm fine. Be careful," he replied.
Each piece of dialog must use quotation and each piece of dialog should be its own paragraph, to avoid confusion. If you get a large enough amount of dialog for one person, there are ways to break it up, but you must be careful when doing so. If done wrong, it'll confuse your readers. The best thing you can do to learn how to write dialog correctly, is to pick up one of your favorite books and see how they do it. Most modern authors have editors that correct their grammar and such before publishing, so, for the most part, the way they use quotation is going to be pretty much correct. Quoting correctly is something of an art, and it does take time to get the hang of it, but it is essential to master the basics, otherwise you're left with befuddled readers who want to read your story, but can't, because they can't follow your dialog.
I want to end this by saying that this is IN NO WAY a flame or a dis on you personally. Just one writer to another, sharing a bit of wisdom I've learned over the years. Take it how you will. Much love and happy writing. -- Noa
"I'm going to the market, dear. Do you want anything?" she asked.
"No, I'm fine. Be careful," he replied.
Each piece of dialog must use quotation and each piece of dialog should be its own paragraph, to avoid confusion. If you get a large enough amount of dialog for one person, there are ways to break it up, but you must be careful when doing so. If done wrong, it'll confuse your readers. The best thing you can do to learn how to write dialog correctly, is to pick up one of your favorite books and see how they do it. Most modern authors have editors that correct their grammar and such before publishing, so, for the most part, the way they use quotation is going to be pretty much correct. Quoting correctly is something of an art, and it does take time to get the hang of it, but it is essential to master the basics, otherwise you're left with befuddled readers who want to read your story, but can't, because they can't follow your dialog.
I want to end this by saying that this is IN NO WAY a flame or a dis on you personally. Just one writer to another, sharing a bit of wisdom I've learned over the years. Take it how you will. Much love and happy writing. -- Noa
schedule
September 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
July 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
July 2, 2008 at 12:00 AM
please continue i want to know what happens the next day!