rate_review Reviews

would love to read more it was getting very good

this is a good story so far. do you have it on any other accounts besides adultfanfiction, hopefully one that has auto notification of updates.

ahh it was sess!!1 you sneek!! im mean that in a good way! :) Good chapter. keep up the good(hot)work!

Personally, I like a mixture of A & B? but that's just me. lol

WOW! your taking this story everywhere. this has the makings of a great and long story. at the end of ch 4 though every thing was underlined, might wont to change that. its was kinda hard to read.sofar its great, i want to hear more on kags and maybe some on sessy.

You must WRITE FASTER!! Why? because this story is good. :)

I managed to read chapter three, and now I really can't wait to read chapter four! I love the fact that you are integrating some Egyptian mythology into it! And I can't help but feel a little sorry for Naraku...Do you have really good plans for him? A thought occured to me about your dilemma....Have you tried contacting the site administrators? They might be able to help you out to figure the problem with the format.

I'm sorry to say it but I couldn't read the second chapter at all.

Have you tried shortening the lines on your word procesor??
If that dosent work go back to your story count how many words
you want in each sentance and then press the "space bar".
That how I fix my stories when they do what your chapter is doing.

I have enjoyed your story very much. It's quite entertaining, not boring, and fast paced. While I have noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors, it's nothing that takes away from the quality of your story. The only chapter I have not gotten to enjoy was chapter 3. I don't know if it's a glitch on the site, the word processor you're using to write your story, or if something happened between saving and uploading, but the layout is a little complicated. Whereas your previous two chapters were straight up and down, as the website posts it, chapter three was more wide. I guess how I'm trying to describe it is, instead of scrolling up and down exclusively, on chapter three, you have to use the d-pad on the keyboard to scroll from side to side. I'm not blaming you in any way, I just thought you should know in case you wanted to try uploading the chapter again to try to fix the error. Your story is so enjoyable, I don't want something like that to take away someone's enjoyment, and not give you a good review, or go and blame you for it.
Again, I think your story is great. I know I'm being rather long-winded, but as an aspiring author myself, I just can't help it sometimes. Teehee!! Please, keep up the great work. If you keep putting up chapters, I'll keep putting up reviews and telling you what I think. Or, as much as I can anyways. Ja ne!